-------Swear to god, someone told that to me the other day. I just kinda looked at him, a questioning look on my face, confused and surprised and offended. I guess I just don't consider myself "mentally ill." It sounds so, wrong. But I suppose it's true, bipolar disorder is mentally ill, though it's a mood disorder. It's most notable when people meet me for the first time. I've seen it many times. Hard to maintain relationships too. People are kept at a safe distance.

-------So Friday night was...interesting. Some friends and I went to another friends house to smoke hookah and cigars, and use his hot tub. 'Course I bought the tobacco cause I actually have an ID. So it was the five of us: me, my best friend Rafael, my semi/kinda boyfriend Michael and Eli (the annoying idiot), all of us at an old friend Konrad's house.

It was mostly Rafa, Michael and I who smoked hookah cause we could actually handle smoking. But Eli and Konrad were into the cigars. But we all talked about several things like movies and hot girls/guys. Michael and I have always been open about being gay and our yet-to-be-defined relationship so they were used to our more...physical affection for each other. Which, at the moment, were simple kisses, looks and grazing touches.

-------Then we were ready to get into Konrad's hot tub. So we changed into swimming clothes and got in. The water was really hot and the night air sooo cold. We brought the hookah to the side of the tub and conversation quickly turned to sex. Eli and Konrad admitted to being virgins. Now I've never been shy about my body or sex life so I have no problems with giving the more...private(?) details. It was kinda funny though. Three straight, horny half-naked teens asking two gay horny half-naked teens about their sex life.

--------For example, when Michael was off going to the bathroom in the bushes, Rafael made some comment said something about f**king him hard. This is how it went:

rafa: "...f**K him hard. hahahaha!"

me: "there's so many things I could say to that right now that would f**K you up..."

rafa: "what? say it, say it!"

me: "you really want to know?"

rafa: "yeah! say it!"

me: "then I would say its not really him getting f**ked."

:silence:

rafa: "hah....uhh, hmm...so, umm...do you like, give it or uhh, take it?"

me: "you really want to know?"

rafa: "uhh..."

me: "well if you really want to know...Im pretty versatile. I like anything. But michael is a top so I tend to bottom. Can you figure out those sexual positions?"

rafa: "...yeah, I'm not that dumb."

me: "well congrats! you've been schooled in the ways of gay sex!"

rafa: "woohoo." :sarcasm:

-------So yeah. Through such frank honesty I learned that everyone had jacked off at least once and Rafa 3 times. Approximate penis sizes, rumors of sexuality, porn sites, fantasies and the like. I felt Michael up a bit under the water which was fun. Most of the time I sat in his lap or against him. So obviously everyone was pretty horny and couldn't really get out of the hot tub for a while. But after the sex talk there was holding hands while jumping in the pool (please keep in mind that we were in the hot tub for a while, that it was 50 degrees outside, at 11pm and then we jumped in the pool) twice.

We then all got sudden cravings for In-N-Out, but not before going out and picking up another friend Mary Lou, who had to lay across the three of us in the backseat to fit. Her head was first in my crotch, but I think she was glad it was me and not any of the straight guys.

-------So saturday was a party at Michaels. Jake (in the closet to everyone) got drunk and jumped in the pool naked. Rafael was letting his vibrating phone rest against his crotch. I was making out with Michael in the living room. There was a few other people there but they arent important. Muhammad and Logan were drinking in the kitchen. After that we all smoked pot and watched Fear and Loathing. Purely coincidental that it was on TV but my idea to watch it. Very trippy.

Michaels parents let me sleep in his room. They know all about our relationship and dont really mind us having sex, they just want us to be safe. Everyone else passes out around the house. The rest of Sunday is lounging around. We all had a bit of a hangover so we just hung out. Drove everyone home at around 6pm and got back to my house by 630.

-------Worked a bit on a few stories of mine and did some Lit homework. Then went out to Pinkberry, a most awesome frozen yogurt place, with Taylor and Sevi. Nearly spilled some in Taylor's car but luckily didn't. Unknowingly took a detour to miley Cyrus's house. Sevi's in love with her and knows where she lives. He screamed out the car, "I wanna f**K you up the ass!" and we drove away.

Overall, a fairly normal weekend.