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The Drama of Leaving


Mark Arbour

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What is this obsession for some people to make such a big deal about leaving a website, with drama, pulling heartstrings, etc., only to then return just a few weeks later? I think the correct term for that kind of behaviour would be "attention whore", and I guess responding only validates the behaviour. Damn...I ranted about this and self-fulfilled my own irritating prophesy. Some people suck, and not in a good way.

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What is this obsession for some people to make such a big deal about leaving a website, with drama, pulling heartstrings, etc., only to then return just a few weeks later? I think the correct term for that kind of behaviour would be "attention whore", and I guess responding only validates the behaviour. Damn...I ranted about this and self-fulfilled my own irritating prophesy. Some people suck, and not in a good way.

 

Attention whore?

 

Snow_Dog left the site with great "drama, pulling heartstrings, etc.": after his (at the time supposedly) End of the Road post, his blog was singled out and featured prominently in a place of honor above all the others for several days. It gathered 29 emotional replies in direct response, and generated heart-felt entries in other blogs, including VERY SAD, The Culture of GA, and Snowey is OK.

 

Only to then return just a few weeks later.

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The FAQ to another message board (one that is deliberately far more snarky than this place) posts the following guidelines:

 

"Don't post to say you are leaving the board forever. That way you won't look like the tool that you are when you inevitably come back. We delete all goodbye posts, and to spare them the temptation to return, we delete the poster's account as well. Just shut up and leave, you self-pitying drip.

 

Don't post to say only, "Hi! I'm back!" Most of us didn't notice you were gone or don't care that you are back."

 

While there are circumstances that warrant such declarations and announcements, typically, I think these are good guidelines to follow.

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Mark,

 

If you are referring to Snow Dog, in my post to his announcement, I said in part: "I am a firm believer in never say never so as time goes by you may decide to join us again."

 

Given Snow Dog's circumstances at the time, maybe, perhaps and I bet most probably Snow Dog had more on his plate in one sitting then most of us do in the course of a life time. His wife was admitted to a psychiatric facility after attempting suicide. She admitted to having addictions (I believe it was alcohol and pain pills). His son witnessed his wife attempt suicide and stated he NEVER wanted to see his mother again. (I suspect that their son and children will need his/their own therapy given what he witnessed and the pain/anger/angst of living through this tough time.). He had to make a decision about a new job 3000 miles away. Then decide to either leave his wife or stay with her. Also, where do the children go and what do they want to do. Does he stay put and accept another offer locally. (I believe he had one but the one in Virginia was his "dream job of a lifetime" according to him.) Add to that is the issue of his dogs: does he take them with him alone or do they stay in California.

 

Don't you think under those circumstances the last thing he had on his mind was his participation in this Forum or any and not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, no less any light whatsoever, he did what he thought was best at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and circumstances change.

 

Maybe things have gotten a little more bearable for him. But I for one can certainly understand that at this point he feels that he is able to join in again. I also note that he doesn't appear to have any postings that I can recall. I hope that as his and his family lives improves and he feels he is the frame of mind to post that he does so. I for one hope his and his family are doing better. I am sure we all agree on that.

 

The good thing is Snow Dog, whom you seem to be close to, is back. Why does that upset you? Geez, you said you even cancelled office hours, went home and was depressed. I would think you would be doing the Snoopy Happy Dance! I don't say that to 'bitch slap' you but come on, give Snow Dog a break. Be happy for him and happy he is back amongst us.

 

Ok, enough of my ramblings. As one of my good friends reminds me "you make the decisions you do when you do based upon the facts as you know them at the time. There is no saying you can't change your mind as circumstances change." In sum, Your Honor, it appears that has what has occured with Snow Dog. I say, yippee and let's all do the Snoopy Happy Dance and welcome him with open arms. Dare I say, even Hugs:)

 

Michael

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Hey Michael,

 

Thanks for the sentiments, that's really nice of you. Snow Dog left and went off and did his thing, and pops back in once in awhile. When he left, he posted a notice on his blog telling us why, and off he went. He didn't run around posting stuff on everyone else's blog, nor did he turn the whole thing into an extended drama. Some of the rest of us did, but he didn't. I guess the fact that he was an honest and honorable person to begin with made it less of an issue for me.

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Hey Michael,

 

Thanks for the sentiments, that's really nice of you. Snow Dog left and went off and did his thing, and pops back in once in awhile. When he left, he posted a notice on his blog telling us why, and off he went. He didn't run around posting stuff on everyone else's blog, nor did he turn the whole thing into an extended drama. Some of the rest of us did, but he didn't. I guess the fact that he was an honest and honorable person to begin with made it less of an issue for me.

 

Mark,

 

No problem. I didn't think you meant Snow Dog. Honestly, I have infinite amounts of respect and admiration for him. I also feel he wouldn't want us to fret or gush over his return. Thus, I respect him for that too. I feel better knowing that you weren't referring to Snow Dog, particularly since we all do think the world of him. Also, because I know you are close to him and feel close to him. Kinda be upset, on my part, to know the shine was off of your friendship. Glad to hear its not:)

 

In any event, I feel Lurker said it pretty honestly. I hope all in all if someone feels the need to take leave (say a leave of absence) that they feel comfortable to come back. Lurker's rule of thumb, so to speak, helps keep it in perspective.

 

And if Snow Dog is reading this...a shout out to you and I hope life is getting better for you and your family:)

 

Michael

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First of all, I knew Mark wasnt talking about Snowy, Certain phrases revealed to me who it is you were talking about. I will niether support or not support your claims on what you siad Mark.

 

Hope you are doing well Big Kitty (Hehe, Using Snowys thing for you)

 

Jules

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I just love goodbyes, they have all the drama and cheerfulness of hellos without the apprehension of first impressions, besides, last impressions are so much more final. As a result, I get caught up in them, just because it's fun.

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That's it!!! I am leaving until the next time I log on! I hope that you all will miss me for a couple of hours. :lmao:

 

Oh No! (Coming leans back against the railing with a backhand to his forehead)

 

GoBears, I'm going to miss you! :lmao:

 

I love a good drama, but when it's over, it's over.

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