I saw him for the last time last night. I didn't get off work until 11:20, but I still headed over. My friends all said I didn't have an obligation to go, but I said I had to. I rushed from my classes earlier in the day to go buy his birthday presents, and I also made this picture frame of him and me with little inside jokes on it. I drove all the way over there with my friend, and I am so glad she came with me. When I got there, I felt so uncomfortable. I didn't know anyone else, he did a mass introduction and then left us to go talk to these two guys that he hadn't talked to in a while. We tried making small talk, but it just did not work. The whole time I was there it was just so awkward. I must have said two words to him. When I was leaving he said that he wished we could have hung out more but I work so much. He didn't even try ONCE to hang out. I had so much time off lately, it was such bullshit.

I was so upset on the drive home. It was such a stupid move to actually show up. Apparently that's how much our friendship was, just a side note. A little post-it really, easily removed. Pretty hot. I was still clinging to a small amount of hope that we wouldn't leave things like they've been, that we'd be friends again. I think Meredith said it best:

In the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today.