Praying for August
So this summer is going to be entirely too busy! I've been dreading it for months now, and it basically officially started for me Monday and now I'm just desperately hoping I can hold out till August.
I have to take THREE summer courses, a major exams (5 hours long!), do observations and curriculum AND work full-time!
Basically this translates into getting up early every morning, working, going straight to class, not getting home till about 8:30 or 9 at night (and that's for right now while I'm lucky, as the summer goes on it'll be more like 10pm ) and then repeating the whole thing over again all week.
My weekends would seem to be freer, but they're really not. I'll probably have to work some weekends, plus I already have some class/school related activities planned for some of them, and then there's the simple matter of catching up on all the laundry, cleaning, house stuff that I couldn't do all week!
To top it all off I'm being completely overwhelmed socially and I'm getting to the point where I want to just turn my phone off and hide from everyone! Case in point, this week has been grueling and all I wanted to do was spend a quiet weekend to myself doing nothing. Instead yesterday Luke asked me to help him finish up stuff for his house this coming Saturday (which will FINALLY go on the market on Sunday), Scott asked me to consider officially joining our church this Sunday (which he's planning to do and at the very least expects me to attend), and then William calls and tries to convince me that I need to spend the weekend partying with him and another guy in Austin! THEN Scott further decides that he wants to have a get together on Friday night for his sister who's coming to visit AND William decides that prior to going on the trip Saturday we should all go out on Friday night
EUGHHHHH!!
So far I've just told them all regarding all the 'plans' that I just don't know and can't commit myself. And I so don't know what to do. I feel like my 'obligation' is to meet Scott's sister on Friday, help Luke on Saturday, and go to the church thing on Sunday (although I've already decided I'm not quite ready to join myself). That feels like my duty as a good friend, but at the same time the clubbing on Friday and weekend in Austin with William sounds like a lot more fun and we've been discussing this on and off for awhile and it's something I really want to do, plus I've been spending way more time with Scott and Luke so it would be good to do something with William. Then there's the simple matter that I'm just really really physically, emotionally, and mentally tired and I really want to just do the reclusive hermit thing.
What I've tentatively decided is that I won't go to work tomorrow (I can do that ) thus spending quiet time with me. Class is actually cancelled tomorrow night so I'll be able to spend the early evening with Scott and his sister, then I'll meet up with William and we can go clubbing. I'll probably end up going with him to Austin because of the plans that don't include being alone with myself that's the most appealing, something I've really been wanting to do, and something I know I'll regret not doing. I think it'll be okay with Luke because I've helped him ALOT already, he's nearly done, and I *think* he'll understand. I've also sorta let Scott know where I stand so I think he might be okay with me not going to the church thing on Sunday...on the other hand I know I'm also deluding myself...they're both going to be pissed at me and Scott will probably be disappointed/hurt. What the heck am I supposed to do though?? I already give way more time and attention to them than I do to William anyway, and William is just...fun. Like it's so easy, casual, and carefree spending time with him. Of course I know he 'needs' me less, but that's sorta part of the appeal I guess :wacko:
In any case I don't see a way out of this that won't disappoint someone, make me feel like a bad friend, and result in me starting the next week just as exhausted as I am already...but I think the above plan works the best and minimizes the damage, so I'll probably go with that.
BTW, my friend Josh from the last entry...entering rehab. So that's a good thing. I'm hoping it takes.
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