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I'M the f**ked up one here! B*tch, know your place!



. . . sorry. When I get angry I get all . . . ghetto. Sorry. And let me back up.


My friend Jonathan (the one who recently broke up with his boyfriend, moved out of his parents place and into mine and whose cousin recently died) is going a little nutty. Nutty meaning depressed. And stressed. And, well . . . let me explain something about Jonathan. Now this might not be very nice to say, but I don't count him as a friend. More someone I hang with to not be lonely. But I know he counts me as one. So now he needs serious help and I don't want to be the one to give it to him. There are a few things about him that bother me:


1. He's weak. I mean like really weak. If he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. It's all instant gratification with him. He's such a f**king child.


2. He thinks he knows me. He thinks he understands me. And nothing bothers me more then people who think they get me and so obviously don't.


There are more complaints but I just don't feel like typing anymore. Sooo yes, I'm a terrible person. Oh well.


And he'll probably need to be hospitalized. Why you ask? Cause he's threatened to kill himself. And my first thought was god please kill yourself and save us all some trouble. Now I'll admit at the time I was really pissed at him, but I'll say it again. I'm a terrible person. Ok. I get it. Oh, and take it from someone who HAS been hospitalized before, it's not fun. Did I mention he's my roommate?

To sum up, I'm being forced to take care of someone who isn't really mentally stable right now. Because, ya know, I'm the f**king posterchild for mental stability.



Ugh. Anyway. I decided to go to a community college for the spring semester. Because, as it turns out, there are not many jobs for a dancer when the economy is in the shit. Although, I have so much AP credit that after about a year at PCC I could transfer to Berkeley as a junior. How awesome would that be?



I'm trying to remember what I've talked about before. I know I talked about the FOX pilot, I know I've talked about the road trip, I think I've talked about rehab. Well I'm not sure. Ehh, I'm too tired to explain now. Later.



And the model is over and done with. He started to bug me.



Met a new boy. Taller. 23. Straight black hair. Hazel eyes. Smart. HIV+. We'll see.



And http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH1xtMe2tcs


Current song in my head: Feedback - Janet Jackson.



Thats it for me. I need at least 3 hours of sleep to function. Later.


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I think your friend, Jonathan, might actually be "calling for help" at this point.


Moving in with you and out of his parents might have been his way of dealing with the loss of his boyfriend and cousin. But I think his choosing you to move in with was based on a subconscious decision on his part that you are the kind of friend strong enough to help him through this--he probably thinks highly of you, more than you know or he is willing to admit to openly--and implicitly trusts you to do what is necessary without himself realizing that.


Keep an eye on things around the house...just to make sure he's okay. You may have to put him in the hospital--maybe that's what he's counting on, maybe not--talk to him about what's bugging him, he probably needs that most of all. Just ask him one day, "What's been bugging you so much lately?" and leave it at that...let him figure out how to answer the open question, there's obviously something resting on his shoulders. Sometimes a friend has to force a friend to open up...and sometimes it's only a question away. The other option is to hook him up with someone... :huh: ...being surrounded by friends can still be lonely without having someone special...

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Reminds me of the Song from the Fray "How to save a life"


It might be hard, but he most likely does care about you and feel somehow you can be there for him. Being alone in the world is hard.


Talk with him, not to him, truthfully: no holding back, no restraint, and no fear. Get an idea what's really bugging him and make sure he knows that you have issues too. Hiding behind fear of the unknown is dangerous, lashing out unexpected to a mentally unstable person is much more dangerous to both of you. Before you get to that level of issues, try to to resolve it with honesty.


Good luck on college, I got in full of AP Credits making me a Sophomore at entrance in my 1st year. It's cool, but you have to deal with a lot of guys who are older than you and you have a lot to prove to be their peer.

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