So I'll start by explaining yesterday, which exemplifies why I often lose all faith in people, lol. Liz's ex, Pete, came to stay with us for a couple days. The reason for this is that their mutual friend is the Romanian guy, Adrian, who once hit on me while he was incredibly inebriated in that thick accent of his, proclaiming "Motherf**ker! My parents hate me! I want to f**k you!" Most awkwardly hilarious thing that's ever happened with a guy, just sayin'.

Adrian jumped in front of an eighteen-wheeler recently. Being that they're two of the people that knew him the best and cared about him the most (at least supposedly on Pete's part), it would be natural that Liz would want him around while she's trying to make some sort of peace with the fact that he's gone, forever.

Pete is the ex that broke Liz's windshield and her ribs. This happened a good while back, but it still made me want to hate him immediately. However, Liz asked me to be nice and not kill him and stuff him down the garbage disposal piece by tiny piece, so I decided that I wouldn't. I did, however, consume copious amounts of alcohol because it is the most incredible social lubricant in the world, and makes even people I loathe almost tolerable.

So, whilst we consumed a case of beer (which was sort of disappointing considering as how I couldn't seem to drink fast enough while he talked, lol), he spewed on and on about how much he was still in love with Liz, and wished so bad that he hadn't f**ked it all up, and that he regrets it every day and is certain he'll never feel the same way about anyone else. He even wrote her this long letter that he left for her; he read it to me, and it was all I could do to refrain from running over and deleting it and rewriting it, because Pete is an awful writer. Seriously, how can the sky cry pollinated tears? Pollinated? Did you mean polluted? Because I think perhaps you're so polluted that you got the words mixed up, jackass.

Anyway, so at the time I just really felt sorry for him, because he'd been trying so hard to be really nice to me, and I started to think that maybe he wasn't such a horrid human being after all, so I started being genuinely nice back. Then he starts talking about wanting to kill himself. I spent a couple hours playing therapist, pointing out reasons he should be alive, and pointing out things about he and Liz that he's not perceptive enough to catch. I remained mostly neutral on the issue of he and Liz getting back together, because I was still wary of that. Seriously, who wouldn't be knowing that he smashed her car AND her? Well, after playing therapist, I was a little buzzed and very tired from not sleeping much the night before, so I went to take a nap.

I wake up at about ten that night to Pete, Shannon, Jillian, Dustin, and Nick coming in my door. My initial reaction is one of being invaded; this is my HOME, just who the hell said all of you could barge in here, especially while I'm trying to get some decent sleep? That went away, but then Shannon said something about my job hunting and my reaction was that she was being demeaning about my failure to be gainfully employed yet. Then, I realized she isn't either, and I felt better because it means that it's the pot calling the kettle black. Dustin told me I "look a lot bigger than when I saw you last". Thanks for noticing that I gained back fifteen to twenty pounds, you insensitive bastard. Now I won't eat for two weeks. I then check my text messages and realize that the reason they all showed up is that Pete supposedly tried some method of committing suicide and they all came up here to get him and take him back to H-burg, thankfully. Liz finally gets back, and looks at me weird, then looks at Pete, and then back at me. She wouldn't tell me what she was looking so weirded out about, that is, until they finally all had the courtesy to vacate my f**king house with the crazy bastard in tow.

Liz then informed me that Pete told her a lot of things she thought were very, very fishy. He said that we had been talking about her, suicide, and various shit; true. He then said that I told him he should just go ahead and kill himself; what the f**k?! He also stated that I revealed to him that I didn't intend to ever get a job, pay rent, and intended to mooch off of Liz indefinitely. Okay, what the hell, because Liz has already tried to tell me I don't have to help her with rent and bills but I refuse not to since I'm living here indefinitely with her, even if she did pick this place because it's maintainable if/when I leave. I am seething mad, because it's a great example of what people tend to do to me constantly for whatever reason. They act sweet, caring, and friendly to my face, then mercilessly rip me apart behind my back. Then they show up and pretend to be my friend.

If he ever shows up to my house again, I'm calling the cops and telling them he came after me and I had to stab him to keep him off me. Lie for a lie, bitch, and you DO NOT mess with the best friend I've ever had in my life.

Today was productive. I woke up, and cleaned the entire apartment top to bottom because Liz had been talking about cleaning (even though not much was really dirty). Today she didn't have to go in until four, and she's been working like fifteen hour days. Thus, I figured that if I cleaned everything incredibly thoroughly, like so much so that anything conceivable would only be re-cleaning, then she wouldn't be able to waste her half a day off working her ass off for no good reason, and she would relax. I was semi-right. She got up and was productive, but she did things for herself specifically, like clean her car and wash some of her clothes (which I also would've done if I'd had quarters, lol).

After that, I set out job hunting hardcore. I've applied at several places, and lots in the mall. I'm almost certain I have a job at a cookie store; the lady liked my shiny happy demeanor, and said the only thing is that I'd have to not have my eyebrow ring in while working since it's a kid-friendly place and we live in MS. The Underground seemed interested since I told the guy I really can work however much they want, whenever they want. A lady at the pizza place was so sweet to me. She said she wasn't hiring for a while, that she was sorry, but that I should check with customer service because there was a list of places hiring and the positions they need. I was thrilled at this, and got to go through a big notebook of possible job opportunities after I thanked this woman profusely and hopped over to the customer service desk.

Now, I am scheming. Bigtime. I looked at two jobs in specific that I would KILL for, but I don't exactly meet what they want as far as experience goes. The one I really, really want is at Sleep Number, the place that sells beds, as a sales rep. They say that I should have a year or two of sales experience with big ticket (over 100 bucks) items, and any other qualifications would be a serious plus, like managerial or retail experience. To apply, all I need do is e-mail a copy of my resume to the owner. Tomorrow I will be calling in favors from all of the business owners/managers/professionals I know. I am certain that a few at least would help me bend the truth a little to make it sound more tailored to what Sleep Number is looking for in a sales rep. The others will at least be very convincing references; who doesn't find doctors or lawyers or managers of theatres or business owners a bit convincing? My first boss would gladly make it sound like I was at least a shift manager and handled a lot of responsibility, even if only in foodservice. Liz, who manages a restaurant, would gladly tell them what a hard worker I am (which is true). My mother I'm sure I could convince to make it sound like I handled customers for insurance, which I think counts as a big ticket item; I couldn't convince them I was ever an agent and it would be stupid to try, but I could make it sound like I was the person who pre-handled them, helping them decide what kind of insurance exactly they needed and was best for their situation. My friend Robin could vouch for some managerial experience since we ran a successful and popular website together, and make it sound like we gave tips on and assisted people on a personal level with bettering their writing skills. I might could talk my friend Bennie, who manages a FedEx, to help me out in some way, at least be a character reference. Long story short, NO, I'm NOT actually qualified in the way they want me to be, but damn it, I WOULD SELL BEDS, lol. That's really not that hard, especially when a big part of my clientele will likely be middle-aged to older women draggin' in their hubbies; women, especially lil old ladies, tend to really like me. I was also a psych major, so I have a good deal of experience and education dealing with people and figuring them out on a personal level, which I think is a huge plus for a sales position. I really want this job; it comes with health/dental/life insurance, a 401k plan, discounted merchandise (hey, my family and friends might need a bed sometime), and salary PLUS commissions. I really will do whatever it takes to fudge up a passable resume and do my damndest to charm the hell out of whoever interviews me.

Another job along the same lines is an assistant manager position at Buckle. They want someone with managerial experience, which is where Debbie would really come in handy, because she would totally claim me as a shift manager or something like that. It's also the type of job where it's not a cold throw-in thing; I'd work with the full manager, learn what they expect, help direct and maximize sales, and all that jazz. It also comes with benefits, and I do like the sound of a 40% discount on all merchandise. Yeah I know, right, it's like friggin' half off, lol. My only real worry with this job is that I'm not skinny, pretty, and fashionable enough. I would so work my ass off for it, though, lol.

I'm convinced that if I play this just right, and get the right people to back me up, I can pull it off. I know that with the sales rep job, I could learn very quickly and do well enough that they wouldn't fire me immediately at least. The assistant manager position at Buckle is trickier, but the way they worded what they were looking for and job expectations, I'm sure that I could learn fast enough to look like I'm just adjusting to working as an assistant manager in retail as opposed to foodservice, especially if the full manager is going to be helping me learn what they expect my responsibilities to be specifically.

I need this break so bad. I would be okay working at the cookie place, and if these two don't go through at all, then it'll be okay. But guys, I would feel so much better about life knowing I had a truly decent job as opposed to a really low-level foodservice job. I would have insurance, and not have to worry about the next time I get bronchitis or when I go get my meds having to cough up 110 bucks. With a 401k, I would feel more secure. With salary, I would know I would make money, and with commissions, I'd be constantly motivated to do my best at my job and sell every mofo that walks in a bed. I could pay rent, pay off my credit card, pay off my computer, all that. I could actually get my mom something decent the next time her birthday or Mother's Day rolls around instead of calling and being like "I love you, but I'm a destitute dropout failure who can't afford to even get you Wal-Mart jewelry". And the really big one... I could get a car.

Wish me luck, please, and if you have ANY ideas or advice, PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me. I could use all the help I can get with this, and I'd be forever grateful regardless of outcome.

I was reading this silly book of quotes, but I picked out some that I actually kinda like. Feel free to stop reading here, because from here on I'm just listing the quotes, and I know this was a crazy long entry already.

People don't just go to work to acquire, they go to work to become. -Dan Zadra

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is. It is her shadow. -Ambrose Bierce

Give me a place to stand, and I will move the earth. -Archimedes

When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity. -John F. Kennedy

I do not know the secret of success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. -Bill Cosby

Knowing others is wisdom; knowing yourself is enlightenment; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. -Lao-Tzu

The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person. -Vi Putnam

One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. -Henry Brooks Adams

When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you rejoice. -Ancient saying from India

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

We have not inherited the earth from our fathers, we are borrowing it from our children. -Native American proverb (it reminded me of Liz, hehe)

Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. -Alexis Carrel

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of Heaven and Earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -Mother Theresa

No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently. -Agnus De Mille

When you do right, people will look at you and say 'atta boy. When you do wrong, people will look at you and say ah shit. Always remember it takes at least three 'atta boys to make up for one ah shit. -Only good piece of advice my sperm-donor ever gave me

Might as well just let the wind blow. -My Pepaw's words to my mother while my dad ranted about something stupid