Damaged

[Krista]

Damaged

 

You are irreplaceable to me,

To say goodbye, I

[SRevol]

It seems like you wrote this for me , hehe, it

[Krista]

It seems like you wrote this for me , hehe, it

[Procyon]

Poor you -- did this happen recently? I hope things have gotten better since. I'm sure this poem applies to a lot of people here -- and everywhere...

[AFriendlyFace]

I believe that people can heal the damage, with or without the other person's assistance. I may be wrong though, or - more likely - perhaps it depends on the particular person and the specific damage involved. In any case, this poem definitely does a good job in expressing the feelings that occur when the damage is fresh, or even when the damage is more scabbed over but still unhealed.

 

Oddly enough, if I were going to change anything about this piece it would be to move the first stanza to the very end and move the third stanza to the very beginning.

 

I think I feel that way because to me the unparallel nature of the last line of the first stanza with respect to the last line of every other stanza would make a stronger impact as the last line of the poem. It would sort of sum things up and deliver that final punch.

 

I also like the third stanza, but something about it's current placement feels a little off, like it decreases a bit in intensity instead of building to that powerful finish. It also actually seems fairly introductory to me. So all in all I'd personally prefer it at the beginning instead.

 

Of course, poetry is a deeply personal thing, and this is an excellent piece, and if it communicates your feelings as is, then it should definitely be left alone

 

Great job, Krista!

 

Thanks for sharing this with us,

 

-Kevin

Edited March 21, 2009 by AFriendlyFace

[SRevol]

Ten years ago, hehe, but he left me crushed, i saw him again and he is so awesome, like the first time, u_u

[AFriendlyFace]

Ten years ago, hehe, but he left me crushed, i saw him again and he is so awesome, like the first time, u_u

I'm sorry

 

I'm still confident that you'll recover though. Especially with therapeutic words like those in this poem!