[Rilbur] Redemption

[Rilbur]

Hey guys! Now that I've started posting Redemption in e-fiction, I decided it might be a good idea to follow everyone else and have a thread in the forums here for you guys to feel free to discuss it in.

 

Say whatever you want; so long as it isn't rampant flaming I'll probably enjoy whatever you say. Compliments give me a good warm feeling, but an honest critique that helps me work out flaws gives me a chance to gather even more compliments... So talk!

[KJames]

Wow! Rilbur, I've been reading Guardians, and am anticipating the next, but Redemption is just mind blowing! It's full of action and rapid-fire plot twists that have me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter.

[Rilbur]

Well, the wait is going to be longer than either of us likes; Roland can be a bit... slow... posting chapters at times. Hence why I had him do three at once when I started Redemption, and will probably keep that habit up at least until some of the story lines come together (at which point I'm going to have... problems... with chapterization anyway; I haven't decided how to handle that).

[Rilbur]

Hey guys, chapter 10 is out and I decided a small note was in order.

 

While I did my best to avoid it, there may be a certain degree of stylistic or thematic shift in this chapter compared to previous chapters. When I originally started to put Redemption together for publishing, there were 9 chapters (lots of buffer) completed. Due to various interfering factors, I spent literally months between finishing chapter 9 and working on chapter 10, so a certain degree of shift was almost inevitable. I tried to minimize and avoid it -- let me know how well I succeeded, if you would be so kind! Because of the way the story is written (three separate, yet related stories that will move towards a 'merge' as time passes) the shift may be most noticeable if you read chapters 1, 4, 7, and then 10 rather than straight through all the chapters.

 

Of course, you wouldn't have any reason to do that unless you wanted to look for the shift, so I doubt I'll get any feedback from theat perspective

[JDW]

Enjoying it so far

 

JD

[JamesSavik]

Oops. Sorry- posted by mistake.

[Rilbur]

Oops. Sorry- posted by mistake.

 

Well, you could always go read the story and then come back and post something real

 

JDW, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you enjoy where it goes from here!

[David McLeod]

Finally had a chance to start reading "Redemption," but had to stop after two-and-a-half chapters to let my heart rate slow and my blood pressure drop. I've not read anything as intense in a long time. I haven't been as angry in a long time. If the hallmark of a great writer is to be able to stir his or her readers' emotions, Rilbur has earned a crown.

Edited March 27, 2010 by David McLeod

[Rilbur]

I've posted Chapter 12; please let me know if some of the formatting looks wrong, or chunks of the story missing. I had severe issues with the e-fiction software while putting this up.

[Terry P]

I've really enjoyed Redemption so far and am "patiently" (or not) waiting for the story to continue.

 

Guardians was great, and I'm glad you focussed on it.

 

Any idea when you'll be posting further chapters of Redemption?

 

Terry

[Rilbur]

At the moment, I'm focusing on my rewrite of Trillion Dollar Family, and I suspect I'm about 2/3s of the way through the story has a whole. After that's done, Redemption is up next. However, I don't plan to release anything on GayAuthors until after the new E-Fiction system goes up. I'm not interested in putting something up, then repeating it for the new system.

 

That said, one of the reasons I'm focusing on TFD is because I'm hoping to help 'inaugurate' the new system by making that one of the first stories to be published using it.

[Rilbur]

Warning: This will be ugly. I'm moving the reviews out to 'safe' haven.

 

Title: Prologue and Foreword Reviewer: David McLeod

 

An adroit mix of traditional religion and fantasy. The familiar anchors the story, enabling the reader to conceptualize and visualize the unfamiliar. A great deal of information is presented, interwoven in dialogue, furthering that vision. A grand beginning. Finally, "For those few with the senses to feel it, the entire planet shook with the force of that conflict." Now that's the way to hook a reader!

Date: 03/27/2010 11:42 AM

[Respond]

Title: Prologue and Foreword Reviewer: Conner

Good grief! It's only the prologue and I'm sucked in already.

 

Author's Response:

 

Well, that's what prologues are meant to do!

Date: 07/14/2009 11:46 PM

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: David McLeod

 

Stand-alone, this is a powerful chapter. Rilbur can take our emotions, wring them out, pump them up in his own way, and then stuff them back inside us with more intensity than most. Coupled with the rest of the story, it's a deep and meaningful chapter, that bears the impress of mystery. Billy and Jer? Saw it coming...and then completely lost it in the immediacy of the scenes on the playgroiund and in the principal's office...so that when it happened at the end of the chapter it was beautiful and fresh.

Date: 04/23/2010 08:54 AM

[Respond]

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Conner

The dialogue was totally excellent.

Just as an aside, I think the pricipal and his assistant are doing the nasty.

 

Author's Response:

 

No, they just like to have fun.

Date: 07/15/2009 12:34 AM

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Conner

A little confusing...but a fascinating plot.

 

Author's Response:

 

Confusing... I tried to avoid that, but there is so much backstory in there it could be a story in it's own right!

Date: 07/15/2009 01:14 AM

Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Your real art is in characterisations. You build such real characters and then make us care for them before you torture yourself. A man after my own heart... with a knife The dialogue is inspired, the characters sweet and the plot twisted. What more can I say

Date: 09/09/2009 02:04 AM

[Respond]

Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Fastreader

Now this is getting interesting as all this starts to blend together...

 

Author's Response:

 

It's only starting to blend together... I hope you enjoy what's coming!

Date: 09/21/2009 04:02 PM

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

You know how much I love this story. It can be a little disconcerting at times having two stories about the same world/structure/people... you know what I mean going on at the same time but with a different timeline, with Redemptions referring to things that haven't yet happened in Guardians... but that is all part of the richness. You feel as if you know these people and you so care about what is going to happen to them, even if you kind of know.

 

The stories about Eddie and Billy in particular have me on the edge of my seat with my cheeks turning purple from holding my breath. Awesome as ever.

Date: 01/28/2010 09:42 AM

[Respond]

Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

you know how much I love this story and this part was probably the most powerful of all. It's simply awesome. The ending is a real kick in the balls. Anyone who doesn't get moved by this seriously needs to visit the doctor for a heart examinination... ie to find one.

Date: 03/23/2010 08:54 AM

[Respond]

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Good for her is what I have to say for Hector's mother. Alright she's not perfect... but she's sure as hell better than his father.

 

Poor Eddie. I hope he isn't going to be here for long. This whole strand of the story has be chilled to my bones.

Date: 04/05/2010 04:21 PM

[Respond]

Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Nice work. This chapter has everything. It was dark and spooky but with lighter moments. it moved the story on and it paused to let us get our bearings. I loved the whole feeling of it.

Date: 05/10/2010 03:15 PM

[Respond]

Edited December 17, 2010 by Rilbur