Otherworld: Station One

[Marco Polo]

Hey everyone, I finally posted a story on eFic. So Otherworld Whatcha think?

[Conner]

Suspenseful opening! No doubt about that. Horror's not my usual cup of tea. It's always a bummer when your favourite character ends up in a meat grinder. But, yeah, more would be good. Let's try and keep the black icky stuff to a minimum, shall we?

[Marco Polo]

Thanks C-man. : ). I've had some help from Neph and she's probably the reason I'm actually posting, without her I wouldnt have the self-confidence. Anyway, Chapter 2 is up enjoy Chapter 2

[Conner]

Yes, I've heard that Neph was good at getting men to do stuff.

 

Oops!

 

Good ending to chapter 2. It was nicely set up as well. The mist thing is working well; it's got that tactile thing goin' on too.

 

I had never met my father and to be totally honest, it could be anyone.

 

So Eli's mom got around did she?

[Nephylim]

Yes, I've heard that Neph was good at getting men to do stuff.

 

 

 

Who have you been talking to? Not that I'm denying it

[Marco Polo]

Yeah, she was a bit of a village bicycle in the day. : ) Thanks for the comments Conner and Neph you sly cat you. When did you get here.

[Marco Polo]

Chapter 3 Is up

[Nephylim]

Yeah, she was a bit of a village bicycle in the day. : ) Thanks for the comments Conner and Neph you sly cat you. When did you get here.

 

 

Are you talking about me !!! It's okay, I knew who you meant... I think I am always around, slinking in the shadows.

 

 

The story is shaping up nicely. The creepy eeriness is just up my street. I am enjoying lurking in the mist purrrrr

[Conner]

Mel's bedroom...

 

It was light purple, like grapes with a white border. There was a fan overhead that I could remember hanging off in suspenders spinning around until I was flung into the wall when we were five.

 

That made a fantastic picture in my head. Of course, had you explained how Eli ended up in that predicament, it would have ruined it all. Mind you, it would have been better if you had had Mel operating the fan's variable speed controller thingy.

 

I'll tell you, the greatest entertainment in the whole world is watching 4 and 5 year olds at their first school "concert" up on a stage doing the Hokey Pokey. It's to die for.

 

There I go again.

 

 

I'm totally curious as to who it is who goes around saving people from dun dun dun dun The Mist. This would make a great TV show like "Supernatural". (I'm not going to mention the two hot dudes on that show or this post will never end. )

 

The unsettling think about this "Mist Saviour" is that he (gender?) had access to both Eli's and Mel's homes and cell numbers. That's creepy in itself.

 

I'm trying to be patient, but when will we get some hint of a budding romance?

[thatboyChase]

Your on a roll dude, fantastic. I might post later one what I think - its kind of late here. Until then!

[Conner]

Aha! The ultimate battle! Good v. Evil. Light v. Dark. My eternal soul is once again in peril. I love drama!

 

As usual the good guys seem under prepared. No surprise there. There's Mel and Eli, scared out of their wits; a semi-concious Alex; and a sexy angel with no swan feather. All the while, it seems the Big Guy wants to sish-kabob the "real" world.

 

You gotta love those odds!

 

Regarding the possible romance, here's me doing patient

Edited August 23, 2009 by Conner

[Marco Polo]

Thanks everyone, glad some people have been enjoying it. Anyway, I'll make a more detailed thank you, when I'm not swamped with work. But here's Chapter 5 So I hope you all like it.

[Conner]

My new hero is Hamon! An angel with attitude. I love it.

 

I hope Eli has made a mental note not to play frisbee with Hamon.

 

So Eli uses sarcasm to respond to Alex's short temper. Not too bright on Eli's part given Alex's boxing skills...ballsy though.

 

So what's with Hamon and his feather shortage? Rather ironic I must say.

 

I liked the way Alex got all noble and chilvalrous in wanting to make sure Mel was alright.

 

Starting with the cliffhangers, are we, dude? Authors are hopeless.

[Marco Polo]

Ok, so I'm just waiting for Neph to finish with Chapter 6, things are starting to develop so thanks for the comments and keep reading, hints of romance are on their way, spread the good word. And the length is increasing so you should be getting more for your time.

 

Conner, you're such a loyal reader thanks for taking the time to review it. : ) and I'm looking forward to Chase's comments if he gets around to it.

 

Anyway, thanks and I'll let you know once the Sixth is up.

 

Love!

 

-Marco

[Nephylim]

Travelling home today so will get to this if not this evening the tomoz for sure. I am quite excited to find out what happens next myself. I have such a soft spot for angels and Hamon is my kind of seraph... at least he will be once he starts kicking ass.

[Marco Polo]

So chapter six is found Here I'm enjoying this so far, which is a first. I usually get to the main chunk and lose interest but this is holding water. Granted it's probably not an amazing piece of writing. Anyway, enjoy.

[Conner]

So chapter six is found Here I'm enjoying this so far, which is a first. I usually get to the main chunk and lose interest but this is holding water. Granted it's probably not an amazing piece of writing. Anyway, enjoy.

 

I haven't read chapter 6 yet, but I couldn't stop myself from commenting on this post. :2hands:

 

So I'm reading a story where the author could poop out on me at any moment due to what seems to be some kind of lingering malaise associated with his own work. Thanks for sharing!

 

You may find a mist heading your way any day now!

 

Did you stop there, though? No, Marco, you didn't. You then proceeded to admit to your readers that this is "probably not an amazing piece of writing." That was like listening to your dinner host say, "The wine I'm serving is swill. Do try your best to keep it down."

 

I hope your editor makes you write out 100 times, "I will not post dumb things, at least not in my own thread."

[Marco Polo]

Granted the way it was said perhaps wasn't as carefully constructed as it should have been. What I meant was, that when I write I can never seem to make it past the first two chapters. I'm enjoying this far too much to want to stop so there's no real concern there.

 

As for quality. Well I've read the stuff on here and I don't really think I'm that great compared to other stories on here. But that's more a matter of my own self-esteem probably.

[Kalen]

I like it! Very intriguing set up, I like the whole Twilight Zone feel of it. The story has a very cinematic quality to it, I could see it translate well in other mediums. I don't even mind that its taking so long to get things going between Alex and Eli, to be honest, I kind of enjoy that their sexuality and burgeoning attraction is almost an afterthought. It's refreshing in a way. The focus of the story is the world you've created and the plot, that the two characters that seem headed towards a relationship both happen to be male isn't the point at all, nor should it be. Some people don't struggle as much as others with their sexuality, so there's no reason it always has to be an epic battle in our stories either.

 

And please, don't worry about your writing. You're a great writer. World building and characterization and plot development are far more important than things like word choice and sentence structure, IMO, because they're things that can't be taught. And you clearly have all of those in spades here. I'm particularly intrigued by the use of different feathers in using magic here, I love that. And little things like the building mystery of why Eli can't hear at times, and Hamon's refusal to explain that....you said this is one of your first stories, right? Very very few beginning writers even think to add little details like that in, let alone know how to lace subtle mysteries into an ongoing storyline. That you're already doing it naturally says more than anything. It sounds to me what you're worried about is your prose, and there's absolutely no reason to be. The lack of confidence you're talking about is simply an unfamiliarity with your own style. All writers have their own unique voices and writing styles, and they don't come out the first time you sit down to write, you grow into it the more and more you write. The words come more smoothly and easily, your pacing gets tighter and your sentences flow more naturally....for as long as you continue to write. You're not a bad writer, far from in fact. You're a nineteen year old writer who's very early on in his process. I wish I wrote this well at age nineteen. My prose wasn't just purple, it was violet and lavender and every other shade of purple you can think of, because clearly, I needed all of them to describe the 'gently swirling, softly scintillating flickers of mist, glowing with a pearly silver luminescence'...ick. I vomit at the mere memory. And I still can't let myself reread my stuff before its done, because then I'll go nope, its crap, gotta start over, this sucks, what was I thinking, lol. Yeah, no. Trust me. Being neurotic about your own writing is pretty much the norm. Welcome to the club dude. Get out while you still can.

 

Honestly, the most important thing is to just make sure you finish the story. Everything else takes care of itself. Second guessing yourself and psyching yourself out of finishing stuff is in my opinion, THE biggest obstacle any writer faces. I only wish I hadn't wasted years jumping from one story start to the next before I got the hang of seeing projects through to the end, because its all just procrastination and self-sabotage. There is no problem with a story that some good edits and a second or third draft can't fix, as long as that story is finished. On the other hand, only so much you can do with half a story.

 

So in conclusion: no second guessing your writing! Self deprecation is for the dogs! And keep writing! We demand more!

 

 

[Marco Polo]

Thank you. And you are right. I'm not really used to people seeing my work, and I'm enjoying this. I guess I shouldn't compare myself to other writers, and just aim to write more and more. That way I'll get better. Thanks I wont de-value myself either.

 

As for the cinematic quality. I like the idea of screenwriting and I love film so that probably translates into it as well. As well as my own tendencies to want to visualize everything as sharply as possible.

 

Once more. Thank you. To everyone really.

[Conner]

An angel who only has basic first aid. For some strange reason, that totally broke me up. I suppose angels are expected to be much more conversant with the healing arts. Mind you, that didn't seem to hinder him from putting a feather directly into Mel's chest cavity. :wacko:

 

An 8-foot black blob-like creature? :wacko: Hey! We've all seen Hellboy. Get with the program! :2hands:

 

I don't imagine Hamon's going to show up just about now with one of his frisbees.

[Marco Polo]

Chapter 7is up. Hope it resolves the 'blob issue'

[Conner]

There was a lot of action in that chapter! A lot of interesting developments too.

 

Mel's become Dr. Florence Nightengale with a Terminator attitude, much to Hamon's shock. For an angel, he's quite the doubting Thomas.

 

So Eli's mom won't be nominated for any Mother awards too soon, what with the drinking and porn.

 

Eli had a sister? Some suppressed memories there.

 

Hamon has a plan. It's about time!

[Marco Polo]

Hey everyone. Just letting you know chapter 8 will be up soon. After that I have some serious cramming for assessments coming up so it might be a couple of days to a week or so till 9 is ready.

 

Sorry and keep enjoying Otherworld.

 

 

 

 

PS: I've been thinking I might put a list of the songs that I've listened to that help me visualize/write/set the scenes. If I do I encourage readers to go back and read the parts with the songs and hopefully I can convey the feelings I had when writing it.

 

Much love. :)

[thatboyChase]

Wow, seven chapters in and its intense. Looking forward for more.