[Jian Sierra] Frustration

[jian_sierra]

I'm here

Do you see me?

 

What should I do

To get your attention?

 

Do you know

How much it hurts

When you don't seem to notice me?

 

I waited

I'm waiting

I will wait

But for how long?

And for what?

A minute of your time?

 

**********

I don't want to be seen right now

And yet you see me

Why do you torture me so?

 

I just want to be left alone

To be by myself

Alone

 

Why can't you understand

How I feel?

 

I need space

I need freedom

I need time

To be alone

 

I don't need you

Right now

 

Why can't you just give me

What I need?

[MikeL]

Kind of a sad, uncertain feeling to this poem, John. But it is very well done. The contradiction between wanting attention and wanting to be alone is a good exposition of Frustration.

[Nephylim]

Kind The contradiction between wanting attention and wanting to be alone is a good exposition of Frustration.

 

 

My thoughts exactly. I loved that poem Jian. You really need to write more. Poetry is an awesome way to work our negative feelings.

[AnytaSunday]

I have to agree with MikeL. It is sad.

 

But I love the emotion. It's a conflict of feelings. Feelings can be so fickle and so, so unexplainable. Contradictions resulting from them all the freaking time. The frustration comes through clearly in this poem. I like the style and wording too. Just how simply it's written--although the content and emotion is far, far from it.

 

Why can't you just give me

What I need?

 

I love that last line, it fits both parts of your poem so well, sort of joins them up together.

 

Excellent.

[phana14]

More and more, jian, you guys and gals on the poetry side of the street (and many of you are *cross-walkers*), are taking up more and more of my time. But that's GOOD!

 

Unless my memory is failing-just hush-I believe that MikeL first caught my attention here in rimeyland. Since then I've opened my mind a little as far as what I was taught to believe is "poetry". I'm seeing that it can be anything and everything that one feels!

 

That goes for the poet AND the reader. It doesn't have to have every other line rhyme. I'm learning, so thanks to everyone for that.

 

And jian, when I got to the end of "Frustration", before I could post, that doggone MikeL stole my very own words!

 

PS-Songs, like the ones Nephy adds to some of her stories, I have now learned are poetry also.

 

And jian? Hang in there bud! You're doing great!

 

Wait! I just looked at MikeL's post again. NO WAY could I have said that in such an intelligent way as he did. p

Edited August 19, 2010 by phana14

[MikeL]

More and more, jian, you guys and gals on the poetry side of the street (and many of you are *cross-walkers*), are taking up more and more of my time. But that's GOOD!

 

Unless my memory is failing-just hush-I believe that MikeL first caught my attention here in rimeyland. Since then I've opened my mind a little as far as what I was taught to believe is "poetry". I'm seeing that it can be anything and everything that one feels!

 

That goes for the poet AND the reader. It doesn't have to have every other line rhyme. I'm learning, so thanks to everyone for that.

 

And jian, when I got to the end of "Frustration", before I could post, that doggone MikeL stole my very own words!

 

PS-Songs, like the ones Nephy adds to some of her stories, I have now learned are poetry also.

 

And jian? Hang in there bud! You're doing great!

 

Wait! I just looked at MikeL's post again. NO WAY could I have said that in such an intelligent way as he did. p

You are absolutely right, Phana. Poetry does not require rhyming lines. (I'm a little "old school" myself and am having lots of fun figuring out words that rhyme and testing various rhyme schemes. I haven't tried free verse yet.)

 

John has given us a very good example of a free verse poem in Frustration. It's the idea or message we get from a poem that really counts. And, unlike we learned in school, not everyone gets the same message from a given poem. If we would all throw away those old rules we learned about poetry and just read for enjoyment, and possibly for a message, we would enjoy poetry more. The only rule I would suggest is to read each poem at least twice. It amazes me that I always find things on second reading that I missed the first time.

 

The only other thing I would like to see is many more people trying their hand at poetry. Writing poetry is relaxing and a great form of expression.

[jian_sierra]

More and more, jian, you guys and gals on the poetry side of the street (and many of you are *cross-walkers*), are taking up more and more of my time. But that's GOOD!

 

Unless my memory is failing-just hush-I believe that MikeL first caught my attention here in rimeyland. Since then I've opened my mind a little as far as what I was taught to believe is "poetry". I'm seeing that it can be anything and everything that one feels!

 

That goes for the poet AND the reader. It doesn't have to have every other line rhyme. I'm learning, so thanks to everyone for that.

 

And jian, when I got to the end of "Frustration", before I could post, that doggone MikeL stole my very own words!

 

PS-Songs, like the ones Nephy adds to some of her stories, I have now learned are poetry also.

 

And jian? Hang in there bud! You're doing great!

 

Wait! I just looked at MikeL's post again. NO WAY could I have said that in such an intelligent way as he did. p

 

I don't usually reply to a post regarding poetry because really I wouldn't know what to say. I am currently learning that people don't always interpret a poem the same way.

 

The reason I chose to reply to this one is because of what you said regarding poetry being anything and everything that one feels. I am new to this poetry writing thing, I did try to write poetry back when I was still in school (not that long ago but safe to say that many years passed) and I came to the conclusion that what I wrote was crap. As I contemplate on it now, it was because I was trying to fit the words - I was told that poems should rhyme so I make them rhyme even though they don't make sense or even if they do, they come across as being 'trying hard.' What I should have focused on should have been emotions. Right now, I let my emotions do the talking and am surprised that I can produce passable poems.

 

I ranted back there but I just thought I'd share my experience regarding poetry.

[phana14]

jian

 

That was not a rant. That was one complete sentence.

 

@ MikeL

 

So what's it going to be? Out me? hehehe