Deeping Lore

[Kavrik]

Wrap it up? as in wrap up book one or wrap it up entirely and move on to something else??

 

 

Wrap up this particular story arc (ala book one). I'm shooting for 120,000-130,000 words and am about 20,000 off my goal so about four-five more chapters like the one I just posted.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

 

 

Wrap up this particular story arc (ala book one). I'm shooting for 120,000-130,000 words and am about 20,000 off my goal so about four-five more chapters like the one I just posted.

 

 

Don't mind me, I just got a bit paranoid it was about to end for good

 

Andy

[Sync]

This is my first time posting and im not too far into the series myself. Im on ch. 6 i believe.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that it is a great story! So great I made a profile with this site just to say so. I dont like most stories I read but I noticed after 4 chapters no one was having sex and I was still reading, it helped remind me that just because a story has gay themes, doesnt mean the characters have to start screwing on page 1. Huge change from what Im used to reading on Nifty.

 

I will admit I noticed a few things that made me go "Wait, what?". Like many people previously mentioned the change in Kian's personality in chapter 1 from indefferent to needy and zealous. A few grammatical errors that aren't really important. The usual nerdy anal analysis questions like: How did Kian enter the magic portal if hes immune to magic and where has lion boy been in, well, every fight? And how's he stay concious when Bloodbane is constantly leeching his blood (not constantly but he uses that sword for everything, surprised he hasnt used it for a can opener yet and lost a pint of blood in the process), i realise he is unageing but that doean't seem to acount for blood loss (it would explaine why hes always hungry though). And shouldnt the God of Theives realise there is a priest in his order abusing his gifts to ultimately undermine him? (or plot twist, Dolmani is a pompus arrogant ass, but is a double agent in the end?) And it may have been hinted at in the begining or its just me, but is somthing evil posessing Dolmani; there was just one moment where he was actually repressing somthing that was urging him to kill and it was whispering to him. Creepier than usual, even for him.

When you introduced all the characters in the begining I thought, "How am I going to keep track of all 12 over these people." but then you promptly killed most of them off which made it much easier . Just wish Calisto stayed alive a little longer since he felt like the comic relief character. Though his end was rather comical, being trisected and dropped in acid. I dont think any amount of magic will bring you back from that though, he will be missed! Vile bastard >.>

 

Lastly, I DO like your use of words like "mayonaise" and "asshats". They were rather humorous and made the charaters more easy to relate to somehow, but thats just my opinion. The one word I did have a problem with was when Kian lashed out at Dolmani and accused him of "gunning" for him. That just made me stop and think," Are there even guns, which is the root of the word gunning, in this universe?" but i figure you never said there wern't gun so for all I know they could exist and no one encountered in the story uses them yet or somthing.

 

Also, I appreaciate the descriptions you give of everything, especially the temple of chaos (i forget its actual name at the moment), seems creepy as hell,

And your villians, paticularly Dolmani, actually seem like villians. Compared to somthing like Harry Potters Voldemort for instance, that guy was annoying and more of a pest than anything else, when the last book came out and he finally died, I just thought, "Meh, he didn't seem like that big of a threat any way, just a jerk." But with Dolmani, I actually WANT him to die. I was seriously hopeing Dylan would run him through with his sword the first time he disrespected Kian, or at least sock him in the face. heh.

 

Finally, I noticed a previous poster asked why Dylan didn't realise that Kian was an Omega before, the answer is simple, Dylan wasnt a member of the Frost-Wolf-Knight-Justice-League-Pack or whatever (sorry, really don't feel like looking up the actual name right now)

 

Ah, I talk too much, I need to get back to reading your stories (though the only reason I am here is WoW stopped working on my computer and Cataclysm has already lost most of its allure for me. which is actually fortuitous since it led me here)

 

(And yes i began the last couple of paragraphs with Lastly, Also, and then Finally. I go back and add stuff and edit alot. That just happened!)

[Kavrik]

This is my first time posting and im not too far into the series myself. Im on ch. 6 i believe.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that it is a great story! So great I made a profile with this site just to say so. I dont like most stories I read but I noticed after 4 chapters no one was having sex and I was still reading, it helped remind me that just because a story has gay themes, doesnt mean the characters have to start screwing on page 1. Huge change from what Im used to reading on Nifty.

 

I will admit I noticed a few things that made me go "Wait, what?". Like many people previously mentioned the change in Kian's personality in chapter 1 from indefferent to needy and zealous. A few grammatical errors that aren't really important. The usual nerdy anal analysis questions like: How did Kian enter the magic portal if hes immune to magic and where has lion boy been in, well, every fight? And how's he stay concious when Bloodbane is constantly leeching his blood (not constantly but he uses that sword for everything, surprised he hasnt used it for a can opener yet and lost a pint of blood in the process), i realise he is unageing but that doean't seem to acount for blood loss (it would explaine why hes always hungry though). And shouldnt the God of Theives realise there is a priest in his order abusing his gifts to ultimately undermine him? (or plot twist, Dolmani is a pompus arrogant ass, but is a double agent in the end?) And it may have been hinted at in the begining or its just me, but is somthing evil posessing Dolmani; there was just one moment where he was actually repressing somthing that was urging him to kill and it was whispering to him. Creepier than usual, even for him.

When you introduced all the characters in the begining I thought, "How am I going to keep track of all 12 over these people." but then you promptly killed most of them off which made it much easier . Just wish Calisto stayed alive a little longer since he felt like the comic relief character. Though his end was rather comical, being trisected and dropped in acid. I dont think any amount of magic will bring you back from that though, he will be missed! Vile bastard >.>

 

Lastly, I DO like your use of words like "mayonaise" and "asshats". They were rather humorous and made the charaters more easy to relate to somehow, but thats just my opinion. The one word I did have a problem with was when Kian lashed out at Dolmani and accused him of "gunning" for him. That just made me stop and think," Are there even guns, which is the root of the word gunning, in this universe?" but i figure you never said there wern't gun so for all I know they could exist and no one encountered in the story uses them yet or somthing.

 

Also, I appreaciate the descriptions you give of everything, especially the temple of chaos (i forget its actual name at the moment), seems creepy as hell,

And your villians, paticularly Dolmani, actually seem like villians. Compared to somthing like Harry Potters Voldemort for instance, that guy was annoying and more of a pest than anything else, when the last book came out and he finally died, I just thought, "Meh, he didn't seem like that big of a threat any way, just a jerk." But with Dolmani, I actually WANT him to die. I was seriously hopeing Dylan would run him through with his sword the first time he disrespected Kian, or at least sock him in the face. heh.

 

Finally, I noticed a previous poster asked why Dylan didn't realise that Kian was an Omega before, the answer is simple, Dylan wasnt a member of the Frost-Wolf-Knight-Justice-League-Pack or whatever (sorry, really don't feel like looking up the actual name right now)

 

Ah, I talk too much, I need to get back to reading your stories (though the only reason I am here is WoW stopped working on my computer and Cataclysm has already lost most of its allure for me. which is actually fortuitous since it led me here)

 

(And yes i began the last couple of paragraphs with Lastly, Also, and then Finally. I go back and add stuff and edit alot. That just happened!)

 

Thank you very much for your feedback, Sync. I really appreciate it

[Kavrik]

Chapter Eleven has been added.

 

 

Unrelated ... this emoticon reminds me of Andy who can crank out twenty quality pages of writing faster than Dell computer support can transfer me to Timbuktu. XOXO

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Chapter Eleven has been added.

 

 

Unrelated ... this emoticon reminds me of Andy who can crank out twenty quality pages of writing faster than Dell computer support can transfer me to Timbuktu. XOXO

 

Me?

 

Okay I get the hat, but I don't write fast, I had a lot written before I started posting

[Kavrik]

Thinking on a comment or two that I've gotten about how evil things are described in my chapters... I'm going to give a shout out to an artist called H.R. Giger to whom I've obviously been influenced as to how evil things should look. I also am going to confess that I own two of his coffee table type books (Necronomicon & Biomechanics). Maybe it's all become kinda stereotype / cliche but I think that bones & blood used in decorating evil temples seems to be the interior design chic thing to do (borrowing a word from Nephy's new story with the model and his chic clothing line). There are a lot of stereotypes used in fantasy fiction...so much so that there are pages of people whining on what you should never do in a fantasy novel. The list of these is 1) blond protagonists... I was like, I don't care. I like blonds so my protagonist is going to be blond. 2) Powerful magic items that glow. Well I don't care about this either...I happen to like glowing magic items. 3) Dragons. Well... I don't care about this either. I think dragons are cool and just because everyone has used one in a fantasy novel shouldn't prevent me from using one either. 4) Poetry / songs in fantasy. Blah blah...yeah I use that too. Anyways, I hope that the "evil" is working even if it does look like all the materials were bought at "Evil R Us" which is right next to the "Back in Black" clothing store.

 

I leave you with this image, my besties...for it is classic scariness to which I can only aspire:

 

 

You know you are jealous of this book cover...admit it. Sheeesh. /tough crowd

 

 

[Kavrik]

Added Chapter 12 to this ongoing saga.

 

As a side note...all this talk of black goo makes me wonder if I need to change the oil in my car.

[jayhalleaux]

what happened to this story? thought it was great.