Deeping Lore

[Kavrik]

Kavrik

 

Wow, that was some impressive pictures. If that is what you consider bad art, I'll take it.

 

Me personally, I don't think they ruin my mental image. I picture Kian similar, now quite the same but pretty similar.

 

One question: I got that Kian had a sort of ambivalent sexuality - which I take to be bi-sexual, BUT I haven't read the newest chapter yet, so maybe this is covered, but in the previous chapter you mentioned a female wizard who was very powerful whom Kian loved but whom he didn't pursue because he couldn't have children based on the curse. You also mentioned that of all his partners he only loved Dylan. Seemed a dichotomy there. Now I get that he could have HER as his ideal woman, but Dylan as the only person he had a dalliance who he ever truly loved, but it seems he has two true loves. Did I miss something or is that accurate??

 

I do so love being able to ask the author questions, rather than coast along wondering, this who discussion forum idea is a great way to read books, if the author is willing to respond. [And I know you respond, that wasn't a hint you needed to do more, just a general observation]

 

Andy

 

Hey thank you very much for the compliment on my pictures. I basically am just an amateur artist and when I look online and see what people are doing that aren't even famous by any means using photoshop and stuff; I see things that look just absolutely amazing and realize I'll never have the talent at it. Plus when I draw I'm slow as molasses in January and have trouble doing backgrounds so mostly I just draw faces. Definitely not a true artist that can draw anything and any subject like nothing.

 

Kian's sexuality is really difficult for me to put a pin into and nail down. Bi-sexual really fits him the best but because he's so young and frozen in time, a nice breeze gives him a hard on. So, being that he's easily aroused, it's easy for him to make love to a woman as much as it is to make love to a man. But Kian doesn't have the kind of passion for women that he has for Dylan (for example) and I'd have to say that he probably dreams of Dylan and doesn't dream of Sabrina, even though he's quite capable of pleasing her. I also feel that Kian is easily conflicted and that his emotions can turn on a dime. He can be incredibly loving and submissive and then in the next instant a cold-blooded killer who's just angry at everything. He also has a very selfish streak--when he wants something he takes it no matter how much it hurts to do so. He tries to keep it in check, but, it's part of his fatal flaw of being a thief. Kian steals things point blank and he uses his powers which he's been given to do that. On the other hand, he sometimes does completely selfless things like becoming the first Omega in a thousand years. This is going to become problematic for him even though he feels he can handle it. The thing is, Kian was motivated partially to offer up this sacrifice because he's been dying to get back into Dylan's pants for years now and his former lover has become one of the most respected good knights in the realm. The Valion Knights are noble virtuous loving warriors and Kian is kind of conniving and manipulative. However, he's bit off more than he can chew at this point as things will get extremely interesting.

[Kavrik]

Loading up some more pictures that I have on my hard drive of stuff that I'm describing for possible discussion. Also feel free to post any pics you may have as I like looking at stuff (picture is worth a thousand words amirite?)

 

This is a pic of Henna. You always see thin pixies like Tinkerbell in fantasy so I decided to go with a fat one for contrast.

 

These are the Necrolords that they fight in Chapter 7. Kinda scary in my opinion.

 

This is a pic of the "Mark of Zanda" I described that was on the corpses in the keep. It can't be removed and basically is a homing beacon to the bad guys.

 

These are the Ice Maidens.

 

 

 

I have some maps too that I could upload if anyone is interested in areas of the world. Just let me know what you may want to see and I'll look to getting them posted. I have a lot of ideas that I draw upon when writing and many of them gestate with images first. So, if you think any of what you've read is entertaining, well it probably started with a picture to be honest (and I thought, hey that might be kinda fun). Anyways, thanks for responding.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Cool shots, definitely helpful to see what you are 'seeing' as you write.

 

I have a couple questions -

 

In the response to my last question you laid out Kian's past - orphan, raped, killed master who trained him etc. Is that part of the story or just something you have in your head as the background for him? If it is not anywhere else, you may want to find a way to link that post to the story so if people want some background on Kian, they will have it. In the future, I envision your discussion thread being rather long and people probably won't go back and read all the posts so it might get lost for someone new to the story say in 3 months time.

 

How long do you envision this going? One book? Series? Also, you seem to be giving away things in advance, as in what will happen in coming chapters. can you put them in spoilers? I personally like to read about what will happen, but then I also don't LOL- yes I know what that makes me - impossible. Mike tells me that all the time.

 

I am behind in my reading right now, so I owe you a review or two but give me time and I will be caught up.

[Kavrik]

Cool shots, definitely helpful to see what you are 'seeing' as you write.

 

I have a couple questions -

 

In the response to my last question you laid out Kian's past - orphan, raped, killed master who trained him etc. Is that part of the story or just something you have in your head as the background for him? If it is not anywhere else, you may want to find a way to link that post to the story so if people want some background on Kian, they will have it. In the future, I envision your discussion thread being rather long and people probably won't go back and read all the posts so it might get lost for someone new to the story say in 3 months time.

 

How long do you envision this going? One book? Series? Also, you seem to be giving away things in advance, as in what will happen in coming chapters. can you put them in spoilers? I personally like to read about what will happen, but then I also don't LOL- yes I know what that makes me - impossible. Mike tells me that all the time.

 

I am behind in my reading right now, so I owe you a review or two but give me time and I will be caught up.

 

Hmmm. I need to figure out how to do spoilers. I fail at computer stuff..

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Spoilers are easy

 

Type the word 'spoiler' inside closed brackets [ ] then type your comments then between another set of brackets [ ] type '/spoiler' -- make sure you use the ' / " before the word spoiler. It is the same system for quotes etc.

 

 

Like thus:

 

 

 

Deeping Lore Rocks!!!!

 

 

 

you can use the preview tab to be sure it was done right.

 

Andy

[Kavrik]

Spoilers are easy

 

Type the word 'spoiler' inside closed brackets [ ] then type your comments then between another set of brackets [ ] type '/spoiler' -- make sure you use the ' / " before the word spoiler. It is the same system for quotes etc.

 

 

Like thus:

 

 

 

Deeping Lore Rocks!!!!

 

 

 

you can use the preview tab to be sure it was done right.

 

Andy

 

Thanks so much Andy. You're the best!

[nicoisobel]

Hi Kavrik !

I'd just like to tell you that I love your story !

It's really well written, and once you start reading a chapter you just can't stop until it's finished. I can't wait for the next one !!!!

Thank you for writing this !

 

Nico

[Nephylim]

You're really getting into your stride now. I can't beleive the twists and turns and they are all unexpected and happen really naturally. You are peopling your world with fascinating characters that you are introducing gradually and each one of them gives their part of the story naturally. I loved the last chapter utterly. For a vampire that whole idea of drinking blood out of the mouth of the one you love is totally awesome... talk about erotic

 

Then there is the whole Omega thing which I can see causing huge problems, especialy after what Kian did at the end of the chapter. Can't see D being very happy about that. I think that Kian was right although I don't know if I could have done what he did.

 

A whole new mystery with the seal and very intriguing information about treachery in the church. Hopefully Kian won't feel so obliged to obey the slimy creep now.

 

Like I said this one has enough twists and turns to make your mind tie itself it knots... in a good way.

 

I am liking the story more and more as it goes along.

 

I think you've got into the swing of world building.

 

 

[Sendraguy]

I'm really into this now. Your style is eclectic, Tolkien to True Blood, and the world building works. The effort you go to to develop your characters is surely worth it. I just want to make a few points about language.

Many years ago, when I was a kid I watched Sir Walter Scot's tale of courtly love 'Ivanhoe' starring Robert Taylor. At one point the knight is approached by a minnion who says, 'forsooth, my Lord, what's afoot?' Twelve f**kin' inches! we used to laugh. Now I realise that that wild Hollywood dialogue approximating what C13th England speech was seems now a bit of a laugh. Ironically, if you've seen the BBC's 'Merlin' it uses regular standard English as used on the streets on Britain right now. No-one seems to mind; and not a 'prithee' in sight! I think what matters is to stay consistent with the language you use. I didn't mind 'barmy', in fact I found it quaintly English ( that's a plus!) and I'm all for Kian and Dylan swearing like troopers! I had to ask my partner the other day what a 'mason jar' is ( he's American so he knew!! :-) The thing is, it's your created world so you can have them speaking anyway you like ( the rabbit put me in mind of Johnny Depp) and characters could even have different styles. Now that would make your readers pay attention! LOL . Great work, and highly entertaining!

Dave

[mtbear]

Loading up some more pictures that I have on my hard drive of stuff that I'm describing for possible discussion. Also feel free to post any pics you may have as I like looking at stuff (picture is worth a thousand words amirite?)

 

This is a pic of Henna. You always see thin pixies like Tinkerbell in fantasy so I decided to go with a fat one for contrast.

 

These are the Necrolords that they fight in Chapter 7. Kinda scary in my opinion.

 

This is a pic of the "Mark of Zanda" I described that was on the corpses in the keep. It can't be removed and basically is a homing beacon to the bad guys.

 

These are the Ice Maidens.

 

 

 

I have some maps too that I could upload if anyone is interested in areas of the world. Just let me know what you may want to see and I'll look to getting them posted. I have a lot of ideas that I draw upon when writing and many of them gestate with images first. So, if you think any of what you've read is entertaining, well it probably started with a picture to be honest (and I thought, hey that might be kinda fun). Anyways, thanks for responding.

 

I am trying to view the pictures but keep getting a you do not have permission. How do I solve this?. Thanks

[Kavrik]

I am trying to view the pictures but keep getting a you do not have permission. How do I solve this?. Thanks

 

I think that this website has a requirement where you need to make five posts in different forums in order to get full privileges. It's like an anti-spam thing. I never thought about that before I started to post the pics and apologize mtbear.

[Nephylim]

WOW How did I miss the pictures. They are awesome hun. I LOVE Henna. I kind of had the Harefeet pictured like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland

[Kavrik]

WOW How did I miss the pictures. They are awesome hun. I LOVE Henna. I kind of had the Harefeet pictured like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland

 

There are some on the previous page too. I posted what I thought Kian might look like as well as Dylan. I have to wonder if Kian was in Luma's universe of your story "Fallen" if he'd be handsome enough to be part of the seductive vampire's amazing flock.

[Nephylim]

Yeah, I saw them all

 

I'm sure that Luma would be happy to bite Kian. I sure would

[Kavrik]

 

This is a map of the Valion Lands since I'm kind of building their culture and will be introducing more of that in upcoming chapters. Their culture is extremely male chauvinist which should already be apparent from just reading about how they behave and/or think. One thing I'm going to attempt to show through writing about the knights is that they are kind of spoiled children. Because they're so good looking, they've been able to get whatever they want just by having a nice smile so they're not used to people telling them no. But they have good hearts and should have an adorable side to them as well.

 

This is how I picture Sir Ephram Callahan that makes his appearance as one of the valion knights introduced in Chapter 8. He's got that evil look in his eye (he's not evil but he did give Kian those piercings without asking and it's within his personality to kind of take things for granted to some extent just because he's good looking and used to others giving in to what he wants).

 

These are the three Valion Knights in Ice Wolf form. Or, at least how I'd see them.

 

 

Here's an anonymous review I received via email from a fan at Nifty:

 

I am reading the 5th episode and this is an absolutely

fantastic story so far. At the beginning I thought there

was too much name dropping but one does get used to it:

it kinda does its job of building this world, one detail

at a time. The best passages remind me of Clark Ashton

Smith. Like him you come close at times to reveling in

your prose so much that you forget the story and lose

yourself in the description of extravagant scenes. Not

that I am complaining: I appreciate this ornate style of

writing more than the action-packed variety (say, Robert

E. Howard).

I loved his review but am afraid I've never read any Cark Ashton Smith. I'm pretty well read too, just never can have enough books under the belt it seems to understand certain references.

[Kavrik]

Just saving some of my reviews here for posterity.

 

Title: Chapter 7 - Quiet Reviewer: bugeye What a mad universe/world this is. But it is fascinating. This omega thing is scary. Like Ella and Helena.

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 - In the Company of Wolves Reviewer: sendraguy So, so worth waiting for, this is magnificent erotic writing, some of the best I've ever read. You make the unbelievable irresistable; great description and lovely flow. And some of the finest stimulation anywhere around!

 

Author's Response:

Thank you for the compliment Sendraguy!

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 - Nightmares of the Feral Rut Reviewer: bugeye I really liked this flashback chapter.

 

Author's Response:

Thanks Bug. I was a little concerned by it because I've read in writer blogs at how the flashback is completely dreaded in fiction and can often be the "death knell" of a manuscript. But I felt that if I made it an entire chapter and then approached it so that it told its own story and revealed more of Kian's youth and how he got his abilities, that it might be okay. Anyways, I'm happy to know that at least one reader thought it worked.

 

 

Title: Chapter 5 - Omega Reviewer: bugeye The story really comes together in this chapter, as a reader I am fully engaged now. Great chapter and amazing story.

 

Title: Chapter 4--The Boy in the Dark Reviewer: bugeye Kian's devotion to is god has certainly been tested here, so I was glad of the visitation of his "son" and the words of guidance. Seems the unexpected is to be always expected in this world. Dark and deadly and viciously mean as the action is, this is still a quest isn't it. A fight for a better world?

 

Title: Chapter 3-Betrayal Reviewer: bugeye Calisto was hand picked by Dolmani, so of course he would be in on the betrayal of Kian at the end of this chapter. It was strange to meet so many nasty villians and then see them cut down one by one so fast. I like Chisato and Tenander, hope they continue in the story. Kian is very vulnerable to be seen as the assassin. Is he a lesser evil or good hidden in a mask? Cause man everyone else seens to be a self made horror. A very hell of a world you are making. Also, I read at a slow pace, but I am reading.

 

Author's Response:

Hehe thanks for the review Bug. The villains got cut down pretty fast because of the dangerous area they were in and few are skilled enough to get through that kind of thing alive. However, in a fantasy world where magic is so prevalent (this one drips with magic from the edges), are villains truly gone when they die? I'll just leave it at that

 

Title: Chapter 7 - Quiet Reviewer: Nephylim Stunning as always. I love it. One thing that occurs is that sometimes in the middle for formal sections you use very informal words. "Kian didn't answer him immediately; this was all stuff he already suspected" - Isn't this a bit too important to be 'stuff'? and ' that's just barmy' Is taking down the queen of the demons... barmy?Apart from that I really realy can't criticise anything. I am so gripped by this story. This chapter had a far better flow than any of the others so far. I love the whole thing between Kian and D.I still don't dislike Kian for his cold heartedness. In fact I think he did absolutely the right thing at the end. Very very nice.

 

Author's Response:

This is extremely good input Nephy and I appreciate it. I was wondering how the flow went with all of the emotions that are swirling in Kian's mind with the bond that has been created between them. I mean, for me to think about it, the whole thing really is super complex and he's extremely involved now more so than he has ever been with another human being on so many levels aside from just physical. And I see your point about the levels in language I'm using. Sometimes, I think with these characters I descend into silliness.

 

Title: Chapter 5 - Omega Reviewer: sendraguy There's nothing wrong with the gutter!! The teleport(ation) was a great idea and way out of the impasse. For one horrible moment I thought you had Kian marked out as a family man. Thank f*** Dylan showed up! Very engaging, very well done.

 

Author's Response:

Dylan is such a complete alpha male stud with a good heart (and what I mean is that Kian really isn't all that good or noble at all). Kian is the kind of person that always takes the easiest way out of a situation that benefits himself the most. I tried to foreshadow that I was going to bring in Dylan in an earlier chapter (his role is going to be extremely important in the overall story).

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: sendraguy Well done! Loved the scatophagy of Dolmani's spunk coated snack and Calisto's worthy end. As a scholar of Latin myself Nemo me impune lacessit could be the priest's motto, ironically signalling his eventual fate. I too struggle with a few 'modern' words, though I assume some to be regular in US usage and so not appear anachronistic. Final stages were truly moving.

 

Title: Chapter 3-Betrayal Reviewer: sendraguy Really engrossing. Even the 'shopping list' of characters at the outset is made compelling by your powers of invention and description. I'm gagging for some gay sex but I'm sure that's on its way......

 

Author's Response:

LOL it is. Chapter five is where my mind slumps into the gutter so if you see it there, please don't step on it

 

Title: Chapter 2 - Kian's Plan Reviewer: sendraguy I must say this is an enjoyable read! You must have a glossarial mind to hold the terms, names and references. I love Dolmani. What a metaphor for priests! He's like Cardinals Wolsey and Richlieu crossed with inquisitors Bernado Gui and Torquemada! Fab. Can't wait till he gets his mits on the boy.

 

Title: Chapter 5 - Omega Reviewer: Nephylim An awesome chapter, really awesome. The sex scene is well in keeping with my own love of the twisted.I am so glad they left the stupid priest behind but I have to admit that I am somewhat concerned about Kian getting f**ked to death.

 

Author's Response:

Thanks for the compliment. And yes, being an Omega is extremely dangerous. In thinking of the concept of the Omega coming from the Goddess of Love in this world, I really modeled her after the Greek Goddess Aphrodite. Meaning that she was oftentimes deceitful and the good often came with the very bad. Well this "gift" to the God of War's servants is meant to teach them of the terrible price to loving something and then being responsible for that loved one's death. So really, it's a blessing and a curse at the same time. Kian is going to have to be extremely careful with where he goes and Dylan is also going to have to be protective of him. However, it showed just how much Kian loved Dylan by willing to become an Omega. Overall, I really liked how the chapter turned out and hope others do as well (despite typos--I try to proofread and edit but it's just me and sometimes my eyes don't catch em).

 

Title: Chapter 4--The Boy in the Dark Reviewer: Cloudwalker What a fantastic world you continue to build Kavrik. Your story positively DRIPS with LORE. I love how you infuse history in small bites throughout the narrative. I also find refreshing how unique all of this seems to be.

 

I must admit I can't stand Dolmani. He just makes me sad and disgusted and I can't wait for him to be killed. I wish he had been the one to try and cross the acid pit. I understand he's a pivotal character and he can't die so soon but he's just really unlikeable. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. He's not even cunning. He's just mean.

 

So constructive feedback. I was jarred out of your reality in only two places. 1) When Kian used "Asshats". That's too familiar. Sure it's possible they could have developed the same verbage in that world... but that would be stretching things needlessly. 2) Mayonaise. Again, too familiar. Makes you step out of your masterfully crafted world for a minute, which is a shame.

 

But those things aside, I think it's coming along wonderfully and I can't wait for the next chapter!

 

Cheers.

 

Author's Response:

Thanks again Cloudwalker. I'll try to avoid terms like asshats and mayonnaise. I'm working on the next chapter and hope to get it up soon but I'm a slow writer sometimes and get distracted easily.

 

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: MIKEY Oh, D&D with sex. I love it. But seriously, you have created a wonderful world, and your characters are so detailed that you can close your eyes and see them. Although Kian's profession is evil, you give his spirit a gentleness which reminds me of Donaldson's Thomas Covenant.

 

Have you finished the story? Or are you writing on the go? Either way it is intense and captivating. Definitly a GREAT read.

 

Author's Response:

I'm writing on the go. hehe. I've got a loose outline of the direction I want to take and oh my, there's gonna be some sex in either chapter five or six

 

 

Title: Chapter 4--The Boy in the Dark Reviewer: Nephylim oHHH I love Kian. This is a detailed and delicate stoy. THe last chapter wasa clumsy with the inrodution of all the chaoters. This one is full of action and the information imparted and natural. Lyrics at the end are haunting. Bring on the library

 

Author's Response:

It's good to know about whether the character intros I tried at the beginning of Chapter 3 worked or not and they obviously are problematic. Next time I write a story where I want to introduce say, more than two new characters, I'm going to just try to work them into the dialogue and limit description or hint at them in an earlier chapter to get the information out there for the reader.

 

Title: Chapter 2 - Kian's Plan Reviewer: bugeye Dolmani makes my stomach churn, what a monster.

 

Author's Response:

Before writing the story, I decided that I wanted to see how repulsive arrogance could come across in writing. That's really what I focused on in developing the priest and am pleased that it's coming across on the page.

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: Cloudwalker I just read chapter one. I must say, this was quite literally startling to find on Nifty. It's far and away beyond the usual caliber for stories that I find there. Don't get me wrong there are a lot of good stories there, but this is one of the few that really soars above the rest. So much so that I tracked down the source to give you the review that you deserve.

 

So first the good stuff. You've got a good grip on world building. The development of a church of thieves. The authenticity of the names and titles of cities as well as people. The mythologies are layering in nicely and even the way you layered in the sex was classy but extremely evocative.

 

My one caution is to be careful with your descriptions of Kian. At our first meeting with the incredibly sexy figure in anonymous armor, he's presented as fully six foot tall, imposing, muscular, powerful. This is great! However, as we go on in the story he almost seems to shrink. When he's in the office and the chair almost looks to big for his slight frame. What happened to six foot tall, muscular and powerful? Likewise, at the beginning of chapter 2 where I think you call him "delicate Kian"? That's really confusing. In my minds eye he's gone from fully six foot tall to about 5'6". From muscled like Hugh Jackman, to more like Tiger Woods.

 

Despite the confusion of that particular aspect. This is one of the most intriguing stories I've read in a long time period. I'd buy this book in a heartbeat. Likely everyone that follows as well.

 

Keep it up!

 

Author's Response:

Wow thanks Cloudwalker. I'll try to get chapter two up asap on Nifty. I appreciate the feedback.

 

 

Title: Chapter 3-Betrayal Reviewer: Nephylim That was a fabulous chapter. I am acutally liking Kian morea as I see him action. He might be a murderous bastard but he is sweet and graceful while he does it. The insults he has been subected to in this chapter and unbearable for most> however, I am totally interested in the stories about Atlantean men and sex And what the hell is going on at the end? I thought that Calisto was a good guy. Wow... I loved the blood btw

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 - Kian's Plan Reviewer: Nephylim Wow. I LOVE what the sword does. No wonder it's called Bloodbane. That was fabulous touch. I still like Kian... a lot He seems so sweet and innocent despite what he does. This is continuing to be a wonderful story and I am excited about the next chapter. Thank you for such an interesting and charming story

 

Author's Response:

I'm just really happy that people seem to be enjoying reading it. I intend on introducing a lot of new characters in the next chapter and see how that works out. I've been sitting at work today since there isn't much to do being the day before Thanksgiving here in the states and thinking about what kinds of personalities I'd like to add. Anyways, I appreciate your comment Nephy. I was really surprised at how much having a reader out there actually interested in a story makes me want to write another chapter.

 

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: shatterheart To say you never had wrote Fantasy, you have just created a perfect looking glass to see this world of yours. Fantasic.

 

Author's Response:

Thank you very much for the compliment. I just uploaded Chapter 2 so it should be available whenever the queue validation thingy processes.

 

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: bugeye I like fantasy and I like your first chapter. Thanks.

 

 

Title: Chapter 1-The Atlantean Boy Reviewer: Nephylim That was a beautiful start but a chilling end... if you see what I mean I am liking this very much and it has a lot of potential. There are many ways the story could go and I like your style of telling it giving a lot of information without seeming to preach. I like Kian the Hunter and I am rooting for him in overcoming the evil priest.

 

Author's Response:

Thank you Nephy. Kian's a murdering bastard so only time will tell if any of these characters are actually likeable.

 

 

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Okay so here's the deal, Kavrik needs to get out of Peer Review and into the main section. He needs to get his reputation over 100 to do that. So to that end I am going to suggest that if you read and like Deeping Lore - and I know there are many who do - we help put him over the century mark.

 

For those who do not know how this works, each of us gets the ability to give 5 (+) and 5 (-) a day [i am only encouraging you give him (+) btw ]. At the end of each chapter in his story you can give either a (+) or a (-). The more he gets the sooner he gets out of Peer Review. SO as I said, if you read and like it - as I do - then I encourage you all to go to the story and help get his status elevated. Oh here is a link if you need it. Deeping Lore Link

 

Last and perhaps most important - The opinion expressed in this post are mine and mine alone, Kavrik has nothing to do with the post, never asked me to do it, doesn't know I am doing it, hasn't approved it. So do not take this as a shady attempt by him to boost his standing

 

Andy

 

Update: Story appears gone ergo, ignore this post.

 

Update on the update - musta been me, it is still there so don't ignore the post

Edited December 19, 2010 by Quonus10

[Kavrik]

Okay so here's the deal, Kavrik needs to get out of Peer Review and into the main section. He needs to get his reputation over 100 to do that. So to that end I am going to suggest that if you read and like Deeping Lore - and I know there are many who do - we help put him over the century mark.

 

For those who do not know how this works, each of us gets the ability to give 5 (+) and 5 (-) a day [i am only encouraging you give him (+) btw ]. At the end of each chapter in his story you can give either a (+) or a (-). The more he gets the sooner he gets out of Peer Review. SO as I said, if you read and like it - as I do - then I encourage you all to go to the story and help get his status elevated. Oh here is a link if you need it. Deeping Lore Link

 

Last and perhaps most important - The opinion expressed in this post are mine and mine alone, Kavrik has nothing to do with the post, never asked me to do it, doesn't know I am doing it, hasn't approved it. So do not take this as a shady attempt by him to boost his standing

 

Andy

 

Update: Story appears gone ergo, ignore this post.

 

http://www.gayauthor...rik/deepinglore This is the new link for the stories thingy. Plus chapter nine will be up soon. BTW your link worked for me so it may have been just an issue with the site Andy. But the story isn't gone.

[Kavrik]

Chapter 9 is up.

 

Now I need another excuse to get private messages for Andy. /Goes to work thinking about how to do just that <=== my angel face

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Okaya bit behind in my reading and comments - I left you a review on the site but felt these comments were better left here on your discussion topic. I am up to chapter six right now but I had to go back and read four to fully understand five and six so these comments are on those chapters.

 

 

I didn't realize the images Kian saw with his 'son' were going to take place so soon - or did they? Meaning how far in the future was what he witnesses in the dark room? Clearly some of what was shown to him was in the present but it seemed a bit garbled. Was his wizard friend dead? or was that in the future? I guess it confused me given the events in five.

 

Okay, this me and my personal preferences. I know I shouldn't be saying this but - I guess I was a tad disappointed that the ONLY way an Omega could be born was for him to get boned by a Valion knight. More over, how is it that Dylan didn't realize Kian was an Omega, the Omega when they were lovers before?? And how is it that he suddenly became one after centuries of living? Oh yeah, being a prude, did Dylan REALLY need to piss on Kian to seal the deal?? I mean eewww.

 

Last, the dream of his childhood training was well done -it helps to see what he went through and how he basically betrayed his mentor and savior. It is another piece of his life that defines his character [or lack thereof]

 

The vivid imagery and detailed description of the world and its customs is simply amazing. This is really great stuff.

 

Andy

[Kavrik]

There are times that my mind sinks into hopeless depravity. I have no excuse other than, yes... I really did go there. At least, Andy, I managed to avoid both a Serbian Film and Human Centipede (from Cannes). Bonus... Yes?

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Since I can't respond to your response to my review I will do it here -

 

When I said your Chapters were long, I didn't mean wordy, I just meant LONG. Chapter 7 could and probably should have been 7, 8 & 9. 7 could have ended when they decided to go find a way home. Chapter 8 could have ended with them entering the Fortress and 9 would end where the chapter ended. I find it hard to read the whole chapter at one sitting so maybe it is just me but 7 & 8 chapters are considered long in my opinion. So if you have a big long chapter like that coming up, just make it two or three chapters and post them all at once if you like or one a day for three days. Or just tell me to go piss off and do it how you bloody well like

 

Hopefully I will catch up before you start posting too much more and really dust me.

 

Andy

[Kavrik]

Since I can't respond to your response to my review I will do it here -

 

When I said your Chapters were long, I didn't mean wordy, I just meant LONG. Chapter 7 could and probably should have been 7, 8 & 9. 7 could have ended when they decided to go find a way home. Chapter 8 could have ended with them entering the Fortress and 9 would end where the chapter ended. I find it hard to read the whole chapter at one sitting so maybe it is just me but 7 & 8 chapters are considered long in my opinion. So if you have a big long chapter like that coming up, just make it two or three chapters and post them all at once if you like or one a day for three days. Or just tell me to go piss off and do it how you bloody well like

 

Hopefully I will catch up before you start posting too much more and really dust me.

 

Andy

 

hehe I would never tell you to piss off Andy. You're correct though, I could break them up into smaller chunks which I may do someday. I haven't written anything in a while since I suddenly got writer's block and have just been posting stuff on forums. I'll get around to typing again maybe after Cataclysm (World of Warcraft expansion) doesn't seem so shiny anymore.

[Kavrik]

Added a chapter 10. Should be a quick read as I'm focusing on making the chapters shorter. Also gonna try to wrap this story up in just a few more chapters like this.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Added a chapter 10. Should be a quick read as I'm focusing on making the chapters shorter. Also gonna try to wrap this story up in just a few more chapters like this.

 

Wrap it up? as in wrap up book one or wrap it up entirely and move on to something else??