Redneck jokes

[Dark Princess]

Hey all this thread is devoted to my love for rednecks.

 

Please leave all your funniest redneck jokes and make us laugh.

 

mine is:

 

Rednecks Magic Elevator

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

 

The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

 

"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

 

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

 

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

 

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

 

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

 

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"

[blake_logan]

I don't usually tell redneck jokes because they might embarrass many of my relatives....but

 

Jeff Foxworthy used to have a stand-up routine where all the jokes started with the phrase "You might be a redneck if..." and ended with an amusing punchline.

 

At lunch one day, a coworker was trying to share part of the previous night's routine and recited the punchline "the directions to your house include the phrase 'take the next dirt road'".

 

I had to tell him that the directions to my house included the phrase '...take the next dirt road. When you get to the 'road ends' sign, keep driving for 200 yards to the blue house on the left."

[TalonRider]

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

 

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

 

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.