Depression

[Mark92]

How often do you guys exercise? I find that when I get on one of those "low" periods when I feel sluggish, unhappy, and just very..blehhh, a quick 10-15 minute run can be a significant mood booster...I come back, shower and 9/10 times feel better....it's just one of those little things that I (and you) can do to help whenever I'm not feeling my best. There was literally one time, I was at the office, it was 10 in the morning and I had been up for 4 hours already and was feeling shitty...so I ran down the building and walked back up the stairs, did a few pushups where no one can see, it took like 5 or so minutes and made a whole day's worth of difference.

 

Hey Y-B

My work is hard, but I still exercise too. I am surrounded by hills on three sides, not huge, but just enough to get in a lather before I get to the top and back down. And I have 10 acres to run around in. And yeah when the weather is warm and the sun is hidden, I run naked. A sight for many i'm sure. If not covering their eyes from all the whiteness LOL.

And I agree it does shift some cobwebs.

[Mark92]

Hey Y-B

My work is hard, but I still exercise too. I am surrounded by hills on three sides, not huge, but just enough to get in a lather before I get to the top and back down. And I have 10 acres to run around in. And yeah when the weather is warm and the sun is hidden, I run naked. A sight for many i'm sure. If not covering their eyes from all the whiteness LOL.

And I agree it does shift some cobwebs.

 

 

Louis my heart goes out to you.

I've been so close to suicide so often. And if it's thought about. I have the perfect place to do it. And the perfect means. Alone here, shotgun, hunting knife, isolation. So what stops me. Well apart from beuing talked out of it by my friends on here. I think about my animals and my farm. But that was before Stuby. We are together every day. My work is finished in the morning, so the rest of our time together is arranged by his classes and chores he has to do. He knows more about me than anyone else on the planet.

Stay strong Louis. We are all here for you if you need a shoulder or someone to yell at.

 

Dont know how this got messed up but the message is there LOL Sheesh I'm a doof

[Bumblebee]

He knows more about me than anyone else on the planet.

 

 

*coughs rather loudly*

[Mark92]

There are parts of me you wouldnt want to know about or see Bee

[acht-acht]

Hi Sweetums! Excercise is good. I´ll soon be able to go "running" again, if you wanna call it that ... I couldn´t for two years because I was too fat and trying to run or jog totally killed my feet (I have the bone structure made for a skinny person, which I´ve been for most of my life). I´ve lost 20 lbs or so in the last 3 months, and want to loose like 10 more before I go running again. Till then I´ll rather go swimming. It´s perfect for me - when I took up regular swimming again I went and got myself a more swimming-friendly haircut, that motivated me proper!! I really enjoyed swimming when the weather outside was NASTY BITCHY COLD I was alone in the pool with one or two other guys usually. I also try and go everywhere by bike, which is easy because I live in a city that´s not too big.

Since I´m mostly off my meds I stopped sweating as profusely as I did during the medicated years, which makes "soft" excercise easier - meaning I can go by bike when I´m meeting people without arriving a sweaty disgusting mess. Go, sporty me!

[acht-acht]

I'll be the first to admit I am pretty good as a listener. However when it comes to sharing it isn't always as easy. You never know what is going to be the thing that sets off your depression. I am getting to be more and more health conscious and careful about what I do. My father is about to undergo his third surgery for skin cancer because he never wore hats, was always in the sun, loved his tans and all. Funny, but that isn't want sent me into a tailspin this week. Some know I am a big man, and I mean that literally. Deciding I didn't want to die stupidly, I began weight watchers to take it off. So far I've lost 30+ pounds.

 

However meeting a blind date and being told you are old and fat does little to ease your self image. In fact I fell right off the wagon and sat down to eat. One thing about being depressed you don't worry about what you eat. For me that is a problem. It also robbed me of the desire to work, write, or do much of anything for a few days. I'm finally coming out of it again but yeah, small goals and steps are all I am trying.

 

Comic, when I read about your BD I couldn´t help but think: If this guy´s such hot property, such a catch, such a PRINCE that he feels entitled to be insanely rude to people who don´t meet his advanced standards - what´s he doing on a blind date? What, people are not queueing up to go out with this wonderful person? I can´t imagine why ...

Anyways, we could always be younger, thinner, fitter, wittier or richer or whatever ... what we don´t need are people to point out our shortcomings to us all the time. I know I´ve been too overweight for quite some time and my boyfriend wasn´t too happy about it, just like me, but he knew it would be no use to bug me about it all the time. I started losing weight when I was ready to go about it properly, I just have to wait till the moment feels right to me.

Just like when I stopped smoking. I had tried to stop smoking at least 10 times before, tried to "discipline" myself, to be "strong", and it never worked. Then I just thought, fuck this, one day I´ll be ready and I´ll just stop. Which is what happened. One night, before I went to sleep, I had a last smoke and thought: tomorrow´s the day. And the next day I just didn´t light up again. I had a pack of smokes on my nightstand for another two weeks and just didn´t touch them. After a week I asked my boyfriend: Did you notice something´s different about me? And he: No, what? LOL. Because I wasn´t all crabby and miserable like when I had tried to stop smoking before. He stopped smoking too after he saw I could do it.

 

But - we have to make changes because it feels right to US, not to please other people.

 

You´re on the right way. And it doesn´t matter when you fall off the wagon. Who doesn´t stumble? You´ll get up again.

[Mark92]

Hi Clara

I am sure I read somewhere that swimming is actually the best exercise you can do, as it exercises the whole body. So your doing the right thing. And a huge WTG you. Thats amazing I cant swim, Stuby says one of my two ponds is deep enough to swim in so he'll teach me one day LOL. Like I can see him getting in icy cold fresh spring water Pigs Fly????? they will when he does that LOL

Well done Clara keep it up

[Mark92]

All that too Comic is so true Clara.

If I dont take it at my pace I will just scare myself and then it will take longer. Dont push dont shove. I will do things when I am ready. And that is why I have grown so much in one year not just physically but mentally too.

When I joined GA almost a year ago now. I had already made some small changes to my life. I was a scared, pathetically shy, little boy. I was alone, still getting over a huge illness and I had a farm to run and animals to look after. I had to grow up and grow up fast. And now I'm a man. I have a successful pig farm. And most importantly more than life itself. I have a boyfriend, something I had never even dreamed of.

Hugs to all

[Bumblebee]

so this is my kinda advice for cheering myself up sometimes, so I found a pic that describes it perfectly without me sounding like a total dick.

 

 

 

[Anya]

so this is my kinda advice for cheering myself up sometimes, so I found a pic that describes it perfectly without me sounding like a total dick.

 

 

 

 

Lol...that's kinda true.

Edited March 14, 2012 by Anya

[Y_B]

But - we have to make changes because it feels right to US, not to please other people.

 

Yeah I've been pretty guilty of that...trying to change myself in whatever ways I thought would make people like me rather than for my own sake. But then again, those things don't have to be mutually exclusive either. You can often knock both out at the same time. And in a way, trying to please others can be a great motivator, especially with things like losing weight. If it gets the job done, the rest doesn't matter, and even if you end up not pleasing others, you'll live with the benefits. The only thing that isn't right imo is when you start to "fix" things about yourself that never needed fixing in the first place and the only reason was to satisfy someone else, then that's not a good idea.

[Y_B]

My mom's kinda getting annoyed with me lately and it's largely my fault cuz I'm having some heavy mood swings and taking it out on the family when I shouldn't be lol. Just yesterday she asked me something casually and I threw it back in her face cuz I thought it was an annoying question so she chewed me the eff out and said that just cuz something's bothering me doesn't make it okay for me to be an ass. So then that just made me feel guilty for the rest of the night. I love my mom to death, I hate it when I do stuff like that, cuz she's right. Everyone has problems and things that frustrate em. Being depressed or unhappy is not a justifiable reason to act out or think it's ok to do whatever you want. Other people can only put up with so much, and it's not a matter of not being understanding, but that it's just not anyone else's responsibility and they certainly shouldn't suffer from it. When I sulk at the dinner table, my dad use to only ask me once what's up. If I say "nothing...", then his only response would be "then you can take that face somewhere else".

[Mark92]

Hey Y_B

 

I do agree with you, about not taking it out on others. I guess that's where Stuby got Agaith from. He could hide behind the mask, and keep his depression to himself rather than showing any emotions.

He does it very well too. I can see through it, I instantly know when he tries. But the mask is slowly slipping and we all get to see, what I see.

I also think a lot of us have our own masks. Before when I needed to sulk or cry or just a need to do something other than lash back. Then I would run, as fast as I could to my den in the woods. I would stay there all night sometimes. It was and still is my sanctuary. I still need it now, but less and less for my mood and more just to think. Hugs to all

[JOeKEool]

Hi All. So good to see everyone here.

 

Mark, OK , I posted my erotic poem. Blackmail comes back to you. (to me)

 

Everybody, please read . I need your honest opinion. i don't know if this genre is right for me.

 

I like the "New You" Keep the pic up, please.

 

"Uncle Wayne"- He is a stud isn't he. I like the new pic.

 

Y_B- I agree . Exercise is a great healer. I like to swim. I don't because of weight issues, but I got brave and took the kids a few weeks ago and fully enjoyed it. Hope I can get back to a regimen.

 

LouisH- I am so sorry. I have had to deal with a few suicides of close friends, but never a lover. My heart aches for you. Communication is key. When I get locked into a deep depressed state, I don't ever tell how I am feeling. I pretend all is fine. I spent most of my life just pretending to live. Inside I was crying for relief. My wife learned to "see" the mood change,but she never really understood what I felt or had any compassion for me. She had the typical"just kick yourself and get over it" response. I like to think I would talk before I did anything drastic, but I have been real close and didn't say anything. It gets scary sometimes. Now I have all of you here at GA. Man, what a blessing.!!!

 

I know what Mark says about Stuart hits home with me. I think Stu and I are alike in many ways. I see it in Stu's profile and in his writing.HUGS Stu!!!

 

Mark- I loved to run around naked when I was your age. Not so much now. Not a pretty sight.

 

Bee-I don't think Mark keeps too much from you. We all have our secrets.More HUGS Bee!!!

 

HI Clara. I am still gonna get that link for you. (The WayBack was still up last I looked.) Try again?-I am glad you can enjoy swimming. Like Mark said, it is the best sport. And biking has to be # 2. Both are favorites of mine, but seldom enjoyed.I like that you gave up smoking,too. I did that about 10 years ago. I had an unwanted push tho'. I was in the hospital with a broken hip and had no way to smoke. The doctor stressed how much faster I would heal if I gave them up. I am proud of that feat. Who can afford them now? And losing weight. That is so hard to do. You GO Girl!!!!

 

Mark-I hope you learn to swim. For me, it is almost a spiritual feeling when I first hit the water. I am a Scorpio,water sign I think. I had a bad experience when I was 6 or so at swimming lessons. I had been out sick for one or two lessons. When I went back they said jump in the 10 foot end. Well, I always did what I was told. They fished me out with a long pole. I sank like a rock and swallowed half the pool. It was only 6 or 8 years ago that I forced myself to conquer my fear of deep water and then taught myself to swim. My greatest feeling of accomplishment was swimming in a nearby lake that is said to be 400 feet deep. I was right at home.

 

 

 

Y_B-I think motivation is good if you take it with the right spirit or attitude. Whether it comes from within or from a need to please. I found, after my divorce I had a ton of energy to improve myself. Then,I reallized I had a negative,"I'll show you" attitude. I wasn't getting anywhere. But I now am inspired to improve for the sake of my grandkids and my son and my friends etc and it's all positive and good.

I don't know if it could be reverse motivation or what, but I think in recent years my fear of facing the reallity of my gay side caused me to let /or make? myself get fat and "ugly" as a defence. I found I could not deal with any perceived advances and hid behind the facade.

 

I think we all want to take our frustrations out on others. Or at least just vent them. It usually ends the way you found. Not appreciated. That's what this forum is best at. Just say what needs to be said and no one will jump on you for it. Writing in a journal would be similar.Tho' I have never done it. Just a way to ge t thoughts and feelings out. Writing for me has become a need and a sport. It gives me a way to open the emotional walls and vent a lot of negativity and a way to just express the good side of me and the love and caring that has been hidden for so long.HUGS!!! Y_B

 

 

Mark-You and Stu are a success story that is an inspiration to us all. You are doing things right. Stay strong and keep going.GROUP HUG!!!

 

Love to all. Thanks for sharing.

[Mark92]

I think we are all "getting" each other now. And we all seem to have different ways of dealing with things.

 

Thank you Joe for all you said, and hugs are always welcomed

 

I hope everyone is feeling a little better today?

 

Hugs all round

[Zolia Lily]

Supposed to be finding a place to live with 2 friends. One i actually want to live with. The other i asked to join us out of a misplaced sense of duty. She's been a friend for years and is so lost i felt like i should help out.... She's basically been homeless for half a year and can't get her act into gear. But she's making my life a misery and i am so frustrated. I can't exactly tell her that she's annoyed me so much that i don't think we have a friendship left and i really don't want to be around her anymore. There's no nice way to say it. I don't know what to do. It's making me miserable and frustrated and i don't want to live with her anymore, but i can't exactly take it back now.... but if i'm this angry now, then living together is NOT going to be wise either.

 

I am in a pickle and it's really. really. really getting me down

[Mark92]

Lily I dont really know what to say

 

All I can do is give my opinion. If I was in this situation what would I do? Well firstly I would decide if the other person is informed about it? What is their opinion? They will be living there too. I would forsee an atmosphere, where being in the same space at the same time would not be comfortable for me or the third person. And over time resentment would set in and maybe worse.

So if it was me I would talk to the third person privately. make some time to share their feelings about it. And if a solution wasnt found then I would have no choice but to speak to the person concerned. They must be having similar feelings.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world with this one Lily It is not going to be easy, whatever you decide to do.

[Zolia Lily]

Thanks Marky. Just don't know how to go about this. I'm such a coward

Will let you know how i get on...

[Mark92]

Whenever you are ready Lily

 

Hey all hugs all round too

[paya]

Supposed to be finding a place to live with 2 friends. One i actually want to live with. The other i asked to join us out of a misplaced sense of duty. She's been a friend for years and is so lost i felt like i should help out.... She's basically been homeless for half a year and can't get her act into gear. But she's making my life a misery and i am so frustrated. I can't exactly tell her that she's annoyed me so much that i don't think we have a friendship left and i really don't want to be around her anymore. There's no nice way to say it. I don't know what to do. It's making me miserable and frustrated and i don't want to live with her anymore, but i can't exactly take it back now.... but if i'm this angry now, then living together is NOT going to be wise either.

 

I am in a pickle and it's really. really. really getting me down

 

I'm sorry Lily but you should tell her you reconsidered. I know it will make you feel bad about yourself - but as I see it, this will be only for a limited, short period of time, while if you do start living with her, then you will be miserable constantly. Of course there is the other option - to tell her what bugs you about her and make her change her ways. But that is not usually successful and it doesn't help to a harmonic living either. This might sound harsh but for your own good, do what you need to do - live to be happy. Living in stress or unhappiness is not worth it and doesn't help to anything.

Edited March 17, 2012 by paya

[Zolia Lily]

Well - we found a house. We are getting everything signed and paid for and it's all feeling good. Amazing how much anger and misery disappears when the frustrating situation resolves itself. That said - i'm going to have to be careful living with friends. I think being honest up front is good. Me and said girl had angry words the other day, and i think it actually helped. Now we all making sure we say what needs to be said and it feels amazing. Being afraid of hurting other people sometimes hurts you more.

Still learning things every day

[Mark92]

So pleased things are better and hopefully now improve Lily

 

I've had a shake to my confidence too. And things are not good right now.

But and I repeat BUT I will pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again, and yeah I know thats lines to a song. And yeah ashamed I know it But it fits lol

Hope everyone is doing good? hugs all round

[Zolia Lily]

oh - LOVE your new pic, Marky - so peaceful and GREEN! Us from Australia know what drought is. And this mild interlude between rain showers here in the southeast of England is not it. HA ha ha

If you need to vent, Marky, i'm always there Work is quiet atm so i can check emails a bit. Not GA, but emails, lol. Will help in any way i can.

[acht-acht]

Good for you, Lily! Angry words or a nice screaming match can be good things. I´m working up to having one or the other with my boyfriend soon - we´re not happy atm! And I´m definitely experiencing a crisis of confidence right now. But strangely, I still got a lot of work (good) done today, after only 3 hours of sleep the night before. Go figure.

 

What happened, Marky? I hope the blow to your confidence isn´t the reason for your new pic ... that you´re hiding behind a landscape becaus you want to be INVISIBLE now - I got used to seeing your face around here.

[Mark92]

Hey Guy's I dont really want to come here anymore. But Stuby says its important to keep in touch with everyone. So to please him i'm here. The picture is one of Yorkshire Lily. I found it on the web, it isnt one I have taken. I wont be taking any more thats for sure.

I dont know if anyone believes the story I posted for Baz. I dont really care.

I know Stuby believes in me, isnt that all that matters?

What Baz did hurt, and it hurt deeply. I dont want to be seen anymore. If it wasnt for Stuby I wouldnt be here. and thats not GA. I mean on the planet.

So I'm sorry if I'm not around. I hope this post and Baz's apology explains why. Keep well folks and chin up