Depression

[Mark92]

Our thoughts are with you Joe whatever your emergency and even when it isnt one

Be strong and stay strong my friend

[JOeKEool]

Thank you mark. Here is My tale.

 

KIND OF A BAD DAY

 

This one has been published.

(Thanks Mark)

[comicfan]

Hi All. Hi Comic. I am sorry you had to deal with all that. Your dad's issues were bad enough. A major put down like that is uncalled for.

I'm glad you're working through it. I know how hard it is when food is the issue but has also been the comfort.

I turn to food for most any reason. I have weight issues as well. Keep going forward.You're doing OK.

 

Hi Mark. That poem for you contains a lot of my heart and soul. I hope you can draw strength from it indefinitely. I give it to you with admiration and gratitude. You are blessed with a deep insight and strength. You are an old soul. I wish only the best for you.

I'm glad you and Comic are close. I feel close to both of you and know you are good for each other. Thanks for looking out for him Comic.

I do feel confident that I am a writer. I have the ability to write. I still feel I receive the ability from a higher source. What I write I can now feel is coming from my own heart.

 

I have to go. I have had a strange day. And now another emergency of sorts. I need all your strength now.

Joe

 

Hi Joe,

 

I hope whatever it is, doesn't turn out to be too bad. My prayers are with you.

 

Wayne

[Y_B]

This is an interesting topic for me. I was diagnosed as being bi-polar around my twenty second birthday, so pretty much straight after university. I've lived with it since then.

 

Sometimes I think i'm bi-polar but I haven't been able to decide if I think it's legit or if I'm just coming up with excuses to justify my occasional abnormalities in behavior or mood, which really should just be me being weird...cuz I'm pretty weird. I don't creep people out though, it's sorta just an internal blehhh kinda thing. I like going to the doctors to do checkups on physical health cuz I know I'll walk out with a gold sticker everytime but I have this fear of putting myself through any kinda legitimate inspection for serious illnesses or mental insanity, cuz sometimes I have moments when I'm fully convinced I'm as dumb as a strawberry, but I don't want someone telling me "you're actually as dumb as a strawberry".

[Anya]

Sometimes I think I must be bi-polar as well XD

[Mark92]

Thank you Mark. Here is my tale:

 

Things have been bad but they could have been worse

I'll try to explain it here in this verse

 

My son's had poor judgement a lot of bad luck

He fell in love twice and twice he's been stuck

 

Stuck with a bleeding broken heart

Stuck with a soul that's coming apart

 

Saturday night after drowning his sorrows

He totaled his car totaled several tomorrows

 

He's doing OK he's gonna get through it

He's kicking himself saying why did I do it

 

I consoled him cajoled him the best that I could

Looked for some way to find something good

 

We made plans to get him a replacement car

Things aren't so bad such as they are

 

My brother called tonight at eleven

He calls every night it's my piece of heaven

 

He's having some problems a pain in his eye

Dizzy and nauseous and doesn't know why

 

We say good night I'm stressed and I'm worried

It seems like time is suddenly hurried

 

It's just about time for me to head out

The phone rings again more bad news no doubt

 

Well it's good old Mike He's calling from jail

His truck is totaled another sad tale

 

At dinner he'd had a glass of wine

That's all it took he's gonna do time

 

I called to see about posting bail

She called me back after calling the jail

 

You can get him out tomorrow at eight

I'll meet you there outside the front gate

 

I paid the bail and proceeded to wait

The time dragged by it was getting late

 

I went home at noon to recharge my phone

Get some coffee and just be alone

 

Long story short we got the man out

My faith in humanity shattered no doubt

 

The rest of the day was spent scrounging a dollar

Your light bill is late we're disconnecting they holler

 

Tomorrow has got to be better it seems

Tonight I'm too stressed there's no sleep there's no dreams

 

There's more to the story but I think that's enough

I'll be OK because damn it I'm tough

 

 

I have no words too say Joe. Just a huge lump in my throat. I cannot send you enough hugs

You should publish that by the way.

I hope things are getting better for you. It happens like that sometimes, like, When does the good stuff start happening? The law of averages says it must be soon. Until then you have the love and thoughts of everyone here Joe. Stay strong my friend.

[Mark92]

Sometimes I think i'm bi-polar but I haven't been able to decide if I think it's legit or if I'm just coming up with excuses to justify my occasional abnormalities in behavior or mood, which really should just be me being weird...cuz I'm pretty weird. I don't creep people out though, it's sorta just an internal blehhh kinda thing. I like going to the doctors to do checkups on physical health cuz I know I'll walk out with a gold sticker everytime but I have this fear of putting myself through any kinda legitimate inspection for serious illnesses or mental insanity, cuz sometimes I have moments when I'm fully convinced I'm as dumb as a strawberry, but I don't want someone telling me "you're actually as dumb as a strawberry".

 

I know what you mean Y_B.

I saw a shrink once, for about ten minutes before I kicked him of my land. He was a snotty nosed prick who took one look at me and said I should be in care. I bet he wasnt as experienced as I am and was with farming. And that's from the ripe old age of twelve. I growl when I think about him. Hugs all

[Westie]

I've just stumbled onto this thread, and having read over a few posts I want to share a few thoughts. I might ramble on a little, and for that I apologise

 

First I want to talk about acceptance. Knowing that you have an illness makes dealing with it 100% easier, and so the people on here who have accepted their situation (Mark92 is a great example) have done singularly the hardest and the most beneficial leg of their journey. Accepting that there is something not "right" is hard in itself and can be almost as traumatic as the initial problem. I mention this as "acceptance" because you can't expect anything from anyone else that you cannot give to yourself. And unfortunately, too many people in this world are dismissive of "depression" and related illnesses.

 

Where I work, "stress", "depression" - these are considered a "malady of the idle". It is seen as a weakness. Too many people share this view. They do not know the sheer act of strength it can be for a depressed person simply to get out of the bed in the morning (or indeed to do anything).

 

Before I met Pája, I was alone. I felt completely isolated from the world. I had few friends, and every single friend I did have was a work colleague. Having nothing in my private life, I threw myself into my work. I worked 18 hour days, sometimes sleeping on the sofa in my office, changing my shirt in the morning and starting again. When i DID go home, the first thing I did wasn't to check the mail or put on the kettle. I poured a whisky. No half measures. Mine is a large treble.

 

In the little free time I allowed myself, I read (obsessively) stories on awesomedude, nifty and eventually GA. That all ended (quite abruptly) when I met pája.

 

People now tell me about my "depressive phase" and how worried they were, but although I know i was going down a difficult road, i wouldn't dream of comparing this period in my life to a real "depression" that I have read on here.

 

Actually i think my problem would have lead, if not for my pája, to alcoholism in a few years time. I don't like the guy I was turning into. Me and Pája have a name for him... "Worky Marky" (my first name is Mark) - he's no fun. He doesn't have friends. he is nasty and hard and cruel.

 

I don't want to become that person again. I want to change and make myself a better man.

 

Anyway, sorry to ramble.... what i really wanted to do here is support all those brave enough to stand up and be counted and recognize themselves. Accept it; because then the healing begins.

 

West

[Mark92]

I dont think it is rambling Mark I doubt if anyone does. You're releasing some of your memories. And that is a good thing. I believe the more we tell our story the less of a hang-up or issue it becomes.

I can talk about my past so much easier now. Just because I keep re-telling it.

And I am working on my smaller problems while still edging towards the bigger ones.

I'm also on a forced holiday, I have an infection in my big toe and cant get my shoes on. LOL I'm so bored. aagghhhh!!!

One of my big fears is raised voices. My mum's scream used to cut right through me. And recently I have had the raised voices of Lukey or Baz having a strop, they dont count. Somehow it doesnt bother me. So is it those I let in? There is only one other that is that close. When he's losing a game of something he loses his temper. I cringe I cant help it. It's like an inbuilt reaction.

I know it's not aimed at me, but my brain is focused on the other screams and shouts that were aimed at me. Seperating the good from the bad is difficult. It's like my brain is trained to think bad.

Something else to get over Oh Hum lol.

Huge hugs all

[hh5]

Its nice that it happen for you in your case ... but it may not be always the case for another ... there might be similar case for some one ... the outcome is not guaranteed ... the question is the choice to try and roll the dice ... but remember house always wins

 

well perhaps u can add your testament to the "it does get better"

 

all in all a good share for those that identify with it ... i can say at least two IT geeks can identify ... but it may not be the case they have drank to addiction ... but can have other kinds

[Y_B]

 

Is this being made into a movie as we speak? When's it coming out and will there be a steamy sex scene between you and Paya? btw "worky marky" is totally a porn star name

[Mikelaing74]

I know what you mean Y_B.

I saw a shrink once, for about ten minutes before I kicked him of my land. He was a snotty nosed prick who took one look at me and said I should be in care. I bet he wasnt as experienced as I am and was with farming. And that's from the ripe old age of twelve. I growl when I think about him. Hugs all

 

I can identify with that. I never saw a shrink as a child, but the one I saw when I was diagnosed as being bi-polar was about as useful as a chocolate teapot ! All he wanted to do was prescribe drugs and not listen to me when the failed to improve anything. At one point they just made me worse until I'd had enough and just stopped taking them. After that the sessions went more smoothly, just telling him what he wanted to hear.

[Westie]

Is this being made into a movie as we speak? When's it coming out and will there be a steamy sex scene between you and Paya? btw "worky marky" is totally a porn star name

 

Im being played by Chase Crawford, though the steamy scenes are being doubled by Brent Corrigan. Paya has yet to be cast, because there are no current movie stars hot enough to play him

[Mark92]

Trust you Y_B LOL

 

These people seam to get a god complex at times I think Mike. And I am sure there are good ones about.

When you live in the middle of nowhere totally cut off from most things. It's more a case of you get what you're given.

 

I am happy enough for now. I'm not saying I dont have downers. But they are not as down as they used to be. Stuby keeps up my spirits Bless him

 

Hugs all

[JOeKEool]

Mark and Comic and All Thanks for being there for me. It all turned out better than it could have. I had a good day today and yesterday. Made all the better for comparing to a bad day. Also, it's a plus to have a bad day because I care about others. It wasn't me imploding or some such personaly. My son is doing well. He has had good financial and career news today. Mike, I still worry about. I think he is drinking regularly and he can not drink at all. He just can't control it. He had a pregnant woman in the truck and she and baby are OK. She won't let up how he screwed up.

Mark I guess I should publish that poem. It won't fit anywhere. I will have to start a new story page for it.

Mark Take care of that toe. A good time to polish some toys,eh?

 

 

Y_B and Anya and Mike I think I am bi-polar. I have not been diagnosed. I fit the profile of what I always called manic-depressive. I think they are names for the same thing. I find talking here helps more than anything. And I get it out by writing. I hope you find this thread and the GA site as beneficial as I have.

I have not had good luck with shrinks or with meds. I will do without both. Mark is my shrink now. Send me a bill, Mark.

 

Y_B and Westie A Corrigan movie? I want a torrent link. Or a part in the movie.

 

I had a long post typed up and hit Alt or something and erased everything.

I was using notepad because it has happened before. I got brave and quit . I am using notepad now. Does anyone else do that? Lose a post on occasion?

Anyway you guys don't have to read a mile long "book" that I had going.

Thanks to all just for sharing.

[Mark92]

LOL Joe if I have helped then its free. OR maybe I should charge........ but then what for? Only kidding LOL.

I'm glad things arnt as bad as they seemed or at least improved.

I dont use notepad I type directly into the post. Or if I am posting a poem or story I use a word document.

A nurse is visiting me this afternoon to look at the toe. I'm a little scared because I am hyper ticklish on my feet and I kick out. I dont want to know the girl into next week lol.

My being touched issue doesnt really count with my feet. But then being so ticklish I cant stand it either.

 

Huggles all

[paya]

Y_B and Westie A Corrigan movie? I want a torrent link. Or a part in the movie.

 

Just a minor correction. Westie is not having ANY film with Yang unless I'm there too!

[Mark92]

Just a minor correction. Westie is not having ANY film with Yang unless I'm there too!

 

LMAO Can me and Stuby be in it too??? Please Pretty please???? Pretty Pretty Pretty Please ??????

[paya]

LMAO Can me and Stuby be in it too??? Please Pretty please???? Pretty Pretty Pretty Please ??????

 

Well I think we're derailing the thread but it's your own... Well you need to come and ask in person, then you might get an answer.

[Y_B]

Mark, idk, I luv ya but Paya and Westie got here first.....and I can't take more than 2 at a time ...maybe if P&W are both really really small

[JOeKEool]

Hey you guys make the movie. I'll take Mr. Corrigan and find some way to entertain him.

[Mark92]

Hahahaha yeah it's getting a bit off topic. Lets all blame Y-B

 

My mums old friend Kate came up to the house this morning. She wouldnt come inside, well, because although she was mums one and only friend. She didnt really like her as a person. Anyways I gave her a hug. I have known her all my life and that was the first hug from her. It felt weird in so many ways. But good nevertheless. She cried too so it obviously meant something to her.

When she had gone, I felt like "Thats another too tick off my list of things I must do"

The toe seems to be improving, although I still cant wear my boots or shoes. But it has a dressing on so at least I can wear my self knitted slippers lol.

Hugs to all

[Zolia Lily]

What did i miss? What happened to your toe???

I'm a very tactile person- i hug loads. Nothing better

I'm glad you have friends who can just drop by (even though i wish she'd been able to do more for you) -

When i'm next in the neighbourhood ....

[Mark92]

She brings me my mail

She blames herself for not doing more. But if she had, then Kate's visits would have stopped altogether and I would have been punished more for her interfering. Thats what mum would call it.

And the toe? I was cutting my nails and stabbed the scissors down the side of my nail. So quickly infected but getting better.

I know missus woman I owe you an email too

 

Hugs to everyone

[Zolia Lily]

Owchies....

And no worries I'm just trying to edit and write today. It's 4pm and so far i've been unsuccessful at both. Having a day where i'm angry at my friends, so i decided to stay home and now they're all like "why aren't you coming?". Um, because you've all really managed to piss me off? I'm normally really laid back, so it's not an easy feat. THAT"S how angry they've made me. Grrr.

Maybe i should learn to talk to them about it so we don't go to pretending like nothing's wrong and then have the same trouble a few weeks down the track again.

 

I just need some sunlight