Imagine Magazine Question For 3/1

[Comicality]

How old were you when you first fell in love?

I'm not talking about finding someone especially attractive or having them make you nervous...but when you really were convinced that this ONE person had stirred you up in a way that made you feel (At least at that point in your life) that you were actually, truly, in love for the first time.

Now whether that love was returned to you or not, whether it lasted a few years, a few months, or just a couple of weeks...looking at it through your own eyes...when would you say that you experienced real 'love' for another person? I know that there are a lot of people who may write a lot of so-called relationships as 'puppy love', or a crush, or an infatuation, or simple lust...but does the feeling change all that much from the time you're a teenager, to that first college boyfriend, to your adult relationships and beyond. The formula being...attraction, plus shared interests, plus a certain closeness, plus warm tingles and fuzzies...equals love. But how can you pinpoint what love is when you're constantly changing and expanding your perspective on the idea? I mean, is it possible for a fifteen year old to know what love really is? Or is that just something that we tell ourselves while looking at the situation from the outside? And if you're 50 years old and find a partner that you adore with all your heart...what's changed? Dont you still get nervous? Are the tingles not the same? Your ideal partner requirements may have changed or expanded since you were a kid...but at the heart of it all, isn't it the same vibe deep down?

Let us know what you think! When did you first feel as though you were experiencing true 'love' for another person? What was you perspective before that, and how has your outlook changed since then?

Everybody is welcome to jump in and give us your two cents! Anonymous replies are welcome as well! Either here, or you can send them to me at Comicality@shackoutback.net (Be sure to let me know that you want your answer to be anonymous). Cool! Seezya soon!

[Comicality]

When I really sit down and think about it...I've been in love twice in my life. (With a possible third time that really warmed my heart a couple of years ago, hehehe, but that's a story I can't/won't share here. :P) But that's it. It's kind of strange to say that, considering how utterly boy crazy I was growing up, and still am to a certain extent. But love? That was a whole different feeling. I think I had to actually fall in love to know what love was.

My first time? 14 Years old, froshman year of high school. Hands down...I feel completely, madly, helplessly in love. That was with my best friend, Mike. We had never even met before that, but we had classes together, and he was super cute, and we would hang out and laugh until there were tears in our eyes and our bellies ached. We loved movies and comic books, and he got along with all of my friends and I got along with all of his. And we just...we shared everything with each other. That wasn't just a crush. There was trust, and honesty, and a connection that I had never shared with another person before. We became so inseperable that it was just ridiculous. We couldn't live without one another. Hehehe, we even got into fights together! Like Batman and Robin! I'd still fight anybody who dared to get in his face. Are you serious?

The thing is, Mike isn't gay. That's the only missing piece, unfortunately. We had everything except for that ONE little gap of affection for one another. Which...you know...it sucks. Because if Mike had been gay, we'd definitely be married right now. No doubt about it. He's still my best friend to this day. I stood at his wedding. And when his wife told him she was pregnant, the FIRST thing he did was call me up and say, "You're about to be an uncle!" LOL! God bless that boy. He's still got a piece of my heart that I'll never get back. But, whatever...he can have it. He earned it.

We still talk all the time, and it's like we're still 14 whenever we do. His wife is awesome, his kids are beautiful...he was my very first love and always will be. In fact, if you're reading this right now...this entire website is here because Mike and I got an apartment together...and the sexual tension was driving me CRAZY!!! LOL! Writing those first few stories became my outlet. So, if you liked them, you have Mike to thank for that.

There were a few times before that when I 'thought' that I was in love. Especially with this one boy, Brice, and another boy, Gabe...but they were just really cute and fun to be around. Basically, I wanted to kiss them and get them naked. But, honestly, I was just a horny 6th grader who probably wouldn't know what to do with a cute boy if I actually had one at the time. I hadn't gotten that 'advanced' yet.

After that, there was high school where I had a few secret flings, and college when I had a few more. But I always came back to Mike. They didn't compare. And then, as I began to open up more about who I was, and The Shack became a part of my life, I definitely had my share of intense crushes with other Shackers as well. And then, this guy Erick sort of came out of nowhere. And we started talking and giggling...and before long...things just happened. Erick was the first time that I had felt that way about anybody since Mike. And he became my second love. For years. I still consider him my soul mate. Hehehe, it was almost embarrassing how much I gushed over that boy. To the point where I look at the phone bill and I'm like, "Who did talk to for six and a half HOURS???" Then it's like, "Oh...it was Erick. Yeah, that makes sense." Even now when I talk to him or write him a letter...my heart beats just a little bit faster. And I' thankful for that feeling. Some people go their whole lives never knowing that kind of joy. It really is something to cherish. So, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

So that's my personal 'love' story. There were plenty of infatuated 'lust stories' sprinkled over those years, of course. Hehehe, I definitely had my fun when the opportunity presented itself to me. But once you experience love...like, it changes you. And suddenly, you don't want the bullshit and the mind games anymore. Doesn't mean that you can't still have fun from time to time, but you begin to see how empty it is in the long term. That's what Mike and Erick did for me. That was love.

Can you be too young to fall in love? Hmmm...maybe. I think it takes time and maturity to distinguish between instant gratification or skin deep beauty...and love, trust, faith, and sacrifice. To be dedicated to someone else, and love them for more than what they can do for you or how they make you feel. I think love, like anything else, takes practice. Courage. Experience. But...when you find it, you'll know it. Maybe it'll be at age 15, maybe at age 25, maybe at age 45. Who knows? But you'll know it.

Love is what I write about. When you read my stories...is all of that fake? Does it feel like 'puppy love', or like some fleeting infatuation? That's not how I remember those feelings at all. I just wish I could have married my high school sweetheart. Hehehe! That would have been amazing.

[Page Scrawler]

Hmmm...well, my first crush was Jeremy Sumpter, but I don't consider crushes to be the same as a serious "love". My first romantic relationship only lasted, like, a couple of weeks, I think, but it seemed more built on convenience than actual attraction. I think my first true love was my neighbor, Jessie, who lived down the road from my house. He lived with his adopted parents on a horse farm. He was always very gentle and caring with the horses, and that extended to people, too. Jessie loved snuggling up next to me in a blanket next to the fireplace on a cold day, or sharing a bed during a sleepover. Sometimes, we even shared a shower, though nothing sexual happened between us. Oh, and his arms were built for hugging, you know? Sturdy, strong, but gentle. Jessie was always willing to listen to my problems, and ready with a laugh to cheer me up when I was feeling blue. I loved him as much as two people can love each other without resorting to sex. Our relationship lasted for maybe three years, before two other kids moved into the house across the road from mine, much closer than Jessie's house. I'm not sure what changed, but we stopped seeing each other as frequently as we had in the past. Maybe we outgrew each other, or maybe we just grew more independent. Jessie and I still keep in touch through email and text messages, sometimes the occasional phone call, just to hear another voice.

The second time I fell in love, was with my husband, Morgan. We started dating not long after I joined Gay Authors, and it just felt like we were "tailored" for each other, you know? We're just so alike in temperament and personality, and we like a lot of the same things, so it just felt natural that we would spend our lives together. 

Edited March 5, 2021 by Page Scrawler

[Comicality]

 

Thanks for the answer, Page Scrawler! Very enlightening!  

[D.K. Daniels]

My first crush was either Dominic Scott Kay or Dakota Fanning.  I was still figuring things out. Dominic's chocolate brown eyes won me over. Though the first time someone ever garnered my interest IRL, I must have been 12. I was in 6th class (6th grade thereabouts.) There was a boy who I admired, but he was already in 1st year of secondary. (7th grade.) If I came across him outside of school, I couldn't help but look on, wondering how a human could be so beautiful. I didn't know his name at the time, but I learned his name was Taylor when I started secondary. Now that I think of it, maybe it was infatuation, but my lovesick blues went on for three or so years. We never really spoke, but he was so pretty. I was the quiet type, so I kept to myself. Taylor looked like the actor Nick Romeo Reimann from Vorstadtkrokodile, who I also had a bit of a crush on. My poor 13-year-old heart, lol. My next close crush was a boy called Kelvin. We became good friends in a holiday park.

Here in Ireland, down south, there are mobile home sites, and folks categorize them as holiday homes. My family owned a mobile in Courtown, and we'd spent every summer down there with the beach, amusements, and plenty of restaurants a close walk away. During the summer months, I got to know Kelvin, who had an electric personality and was quite goofy. Everybody knew him on site, but equally, I was pretty popular on the site funnily, but never at home. Naturally, the two most popular kids would have to cross paths, and I ended up really liking him. At first, I thought he'd be annoying since he was a year younger, but it never turned out that way. Our friendship only existed on the holiday site, and when summer was over, we went back to our lives. Just every summer, it was the highlight of my vacation just getting to see him. Kelvin was a pretty scrawny kid when I first met him, but he became hot so damn quickly during the winters. I must have been 15, and him 14. We just became good friends, nothing more. I came out to Kelvin when I was 16, and he said, "I already know." Later that week, I came out to all my family who was with us on vacation. Safe to say, my aunts took delight in embarrassing me in front of cute boys.

The first time I was in love, I happened to be with a boy from New Zealand. Long-distance is hard, but we made it work. It was the first time I called anything official. I was about 15-17 at the time. His name ended up being Taylor too, which I found ironic given my first crush was called Taylor. Though now, I have the man of my dreams, so you could say, this is my real first love as I had a crush on two, and one I never met; though that's my tidbit.

Shout out to a young Jimmy Bennett before everything went haywire.

Edited March 10, 2021 by D.K. Daniels

[Page Scrawler]

2 hours ago, D.K. Daniels said:

My first crush was

Dominic Scott Kay, Nick Reimann, Dakota...Goyo, maybe?  You have a discerning eye. 

[D.K. Daniels]

5 hours ago, Page Scrawler said:

Dominic Scott Kay, Nick Reimann, Dakota...Goyo, maybe?  You have a discerning eye. 

Ah Dakota Goyo was cute, he's three years younger, but he was not really my type growing up. I liked Colin Ford, Josh Hutcherson and the likes. I was embarrassed to say I liked Justin Bieber when I was 12, but hey... it happens to the best of us. Though I haven't met a gay guy or straight girl who has ever not liked Jeremy Sumpter lol. So, you were onto something too.

[Page Scrawler]

41 minutes ago, D.K. Daniels said:

he was not really my type growing up.

LOL! Sorry. When you said "Dakota Fanning", I thought maybe it was a case of auto-incorrect. I missed the bit where you said you were "figuring things out".  😂

Edited March 10, 2021 by Page Scrawler

[Comicality]

 

Wow...you guys are bringing back some very good fantasy memories from my 'tween-hood'! LOL!

[D.K. Daniels]

3 hours ago, Page Scrawler said:

LOL! Sorry. When you said "Dakota Fanning", I thought maybe it was a case of auto-incorrect. I missed the bit where you said you were "figuring things out".  😂

Yeah Dakota Fanning; I‘m still a big fan of her current work. She was phenomenal in the Alienist. To bad Netflix always cancel the good stuff after a season or two.

[Comicality]

Great answer, DK! Thanks! 

[Arch Hunter]

I had tons of minor crushes but obviously I've never done anything about them. 

That is, until I moved to a new school when I was 16 and I met Tomek. For a few months, I wouldn't even pay attention to him. Just another dude. Then just one day, he entered the class and I was like, dayumm! He was beautiful. Or maybe not... you could say he was average but I saw something in his eyes that convinced me I wanted to be friends with him. A week later, there was a party and I insisted to spend every minute of it next to him. The party was over at midnight but we stayed and talked until like 4 am. We talked about life but he mostly complained about growing apart from his former best friend. 

We became best friends shortly after. Inseparable. We made music together, we hitchhiked, we drank. We liked the same music, the same jokes and we became so close as to hold each other's hands when talking about our feelings. But... yup, you guessed it, he was 100% straight. I was deeply, DEEPLY in love. He told me he loved me too but just as a friend. So frustrating. When I came out to him he made it very cleat that we can't be anything more than friends. I had several bromance episodes with him and it took me years to get over him completely. Thankfully, now we're just friends and he knew my every boyfriend lol. 

So yeah, I was lucky to fall in love with actual gay people later in my life but this one was the most intense... I've been planning to turn it into a story for years but now I know it won't happen. It was too real. 

[Comicality]

On 3/15/2021 at 3:29 PM, Arch Hunter said:

I had tons of minor crushes but obviously I've never done anything about them. 

That is, until I moved to a new school when I was 16 and I met Tomek. For a few months, I wouldn't even pay attention to him. Just another dude. Then just one day, he entered the class and I was like, dayumm! He was beautiful. Or maybe not... you could say he was average but I saw something in his eyes that convinced me I wanted to be friends with him. A week later, there was a party and I insisted to spend every minute of it next to him. The party was over at midnight but we stayed and talked until like 4 am. We talked about life but he mostly complained about growing apart from his former best friend. 

We became best friends shortly after. Inseparable. We made music together, we hitchhiked, we drank. We liked the same music, the same jokes and we became so close as to hold each other's hands when talking about our feelings. But... yup, you guessed it, he was 100% straight. I was deeply, DEEPLY in love. He told me he loved me too but just as a friend. So frustrating. When I came out to him he made it very cleat that we can't be anything more than friends. I had several bromance episodes with him and it took me years to get over him completely. Thankfully, now we're just friends and he knew my every boyfriend lol. 

So yeah, I was lucky to fall in love with actual gay people later in my life but this one was the most intense... I've been planning to turn it into a story for years but now I know it won't happen. It was too real. 

 

Beautifully said! Thanks Arch Hunter! It'll make a great story someday!