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[Razor] Ana


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Okay, I know this story isn't on my site yet. It's being edited in order to make it EVEN BETTER, so gimme a week or so, k? But you can still find it in the eFiction place if you're impatient, though it might end up being different from that...

 

I consider this one of my best stories so far, and I'm really enjoying writing it. So, if you just so happen to read it, let me know what YOU think about it so I'll know if it matches up with my thoughts. :D

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  • 1 month later...

I read it last night and I think it's good, the way you're writing about a character with low self-esteem and has these thoughts. It's so true because there are teens who go through that. When there's nowhere else to turn and we feel like there's nobody to help us out, we tend to get lost. And yes, sometimes we get manipulated, affected by the things around us (example: Ana).

 

Keep it up, I'll be waiting for chapter 3.

 

-Boy In Doubt :)

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  • 1 month later...

Hello,

 

I enjoyed the first two chapters to this story. I read them about two weeks ago, I think, and I was going to comment then, but now I've just remembered that I was meaning to comment... haha.. sorry.

 

Anyway, the story is completely different than anything I've read, but I like the character development so much already. I'm actually glad you're writing a story about this making it known that Anorexia or Bulemia aren't Female disorders exclusively. Which is what people tend to think, especially around my community. So I'll be peaking in from time to time to keep up with this story. I like where it's going so far. :)

 

Krista

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Whew, thanks, but this one's a doozy. It's really difficult for me to write it realistically, so I'm being really careful with it. I keep changing the third chapter, can't figure out what I want to do. Thanks a lot for the compliment, though. :) There'll be more before too much longer.

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  • 1 month later...

Yo biznitches! :D

 

Good news! There's a new chapter of Ana out now! Well, not quite, but I sent it in! When it's actually up, I'll put a linky in here, but you know you can always find it by just hopping over to my site and looking. Link-dependent people... tsk tsk tsk. Well, as always, let me know what you thought about it, what you hated about it, and then yeah... I'll write another one eventually. :P Yeah, I'm still on my bye bye trip, but I'm writing sporadically as often as I can. So, have fun.

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I love it... i really do believe that this disorder help add depth to your character....

 

i do have to say though... every time i read, i just keep on screaming at Seth to wake up.... but i guess that is the way ppl with this disorder thinks.... really hope someone will not only notice something is wrong, but find out what is wrong....

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Ok, I officially love this story. I fell in love with it in the first chapter, but now that I have a name to steal and label others with (Happy Pants :) ) I'm in an ultra gay mood :music:

 

Ok, now that I've gotten that part out of the way, I can talk about the story. I can identify with Seth in so many ways it's not even funny. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see a fat cow, and I always have. I've been in and out of the hospital for being under weight, and I've lived on a diet of Ensure and ice cream just to get something in my system because I couldn't will myself to eat. The year I joined GA I was taken to the emergency room by my dad because I got so sick that I fainted. When they weighed me I was 85 pounds, but I saw a big blob of blubber in the mirror. I was secretly on the low carb diet and when i confessed what I was doing, my dad and my doctor freaked out.

I had to go to the office at school and drink my shakes in front of the school nurse or one of the vice principals because they were scared I wouldn't do it if they trusted me on my own. I still skip a meal here and there, but I'm miles away from 85 pounds. Actually, I'm over 125 now, which is pretty normal for my height.

Anyway, now that I've spilled my guts on your forum, I guess what I'm trying to say is good job with this story :)

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Ok, now that I've gotten that part out of the way, I can talk about the story. I can identify with Seth in so many ways it's not even funny. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see a fat cow, and I always have.

 

I think I know how you felt, when it was just starting off. After every meal, I look in the mirror and see my expanded stomach, and am thoroughly disgusted. I know that it's not fat, but it just gets to me that my body looks better when I don't eat. It's ok though, because I eat whenever I'm nervous, which is always. So I have a wonderful cycle of eating and self disgust going on.

 

Anyway, about the story,

 

This motivation less state of paranoia and depression began to get annoying. Someone had managed to suck out all the excitement and fun from life. A dried, dead husk was left for everyone to pick at.

 

Would you like to write a chapter in my life? Or have you secretly been writing my life, and that's how you know how I feel. In all seriousness, though, when I read this, it just hit home. I don't know if you've ever actually felt it before, but it's utterly horrible.

 

Other than that, excellent development, and I certainly didn't expect the story to go that way!

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Good chapter, Jamie!

 

I must say it was much different than the first two, the focus seemed to shift a little. Now there's all this talk of Seth's friends, and of "Andy", previously I was kinda thinking friends and romance wouldn't really be a part of the story. I'm certainly looking forward to reading more.

 

Take care,

Kevin

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It's a nice start. The most unsettling aspect is this influence of someone Seth only knows from a website. He's so vulnerable he lets this mysterious Ana take over his life with her health-hazardous advice. Curious to know how Seth can reconcile Ana's dubious philosophy with his real-life's friends' advice and feelings. Oh, this is very well told/ written, by the way.

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I'm really excited about the response to this chapter. Thanks so much for all the comments on it! The focus has shifted a little. I felt a need for there to be a range of characters in the story so that Seth has constant stimulation for his thoughts and feelings to change. I don't really like the idea of a static main character; it'd get extraordinarily boring fast. As far as echoing the thoughts of real people, I think everyone has thoughts like these sometimes, though not always to the same extent. Everyone's self-conscious to an extent, and sometimes it becomes a problem. It always surprises me to see the similarities between people's thoughts when they seem so outwardly different.

 

Thanks again for the comments, they make me want to write more. Make sure to let me know what you didn't like or didn't feel was realistic so I can improve. ~huggles~

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Thanks again for the comments, they make me want to write more. Make sure to let me know what you didn't like or didn't feel was realistic so I can improve. ~huggles~

The it's-nice-to-get-good-feedback-but please-tell-me-what's-wrong syndrome at work... ;) (I've a few online artist friends who just LOVE things like "Isn't the hand out of proportion?" or "The perspective on the tiles in the background is wrong." told to them. Much better than "Hey your drawing is so good! How do artists make characters come to life like this? It's amazing!")

 

Your comment and your blog made me want to go have a read again to find something to "criticize constructively". I stopped at chapter 1. I couldn't find any flaw in the writing. The choice and sequence of events is interesting, the first-person narrative works well. I might have more to say once the story is complete. As for the realism of the story, you had others testify, and maybe new readers could enlighten you better on this. From my end it seems quite plausible.

 

But don't worry, I'll wait in the shadow with a big sledgehammer to pound on you if there's anything wrong with the next installment. :)

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And now, the next chapter...

 

 

"And then he died."

 

HAHA! What a twist!!! Didn't see that coming, did you!??! BWAHA! :P

 

Thanks Bondwriter. :) I'm just making sure you people aren't simply trying to lure me in with false praise and whatnot.... cause then I'd have to shank a ho. :P ~hugs~ Well, it's 12:14 PM at the moment, and I haven't slept since yesterday. It's a long story, and it involves WoW and me being a complete f**king nerd. Someone ninja'ed my f**king gear and I had to make them run that instance until it dropped again... and now I'm beat, but I have my damn gear!!!!!

 

And thank you very much, Slasher. :) The compliment is very much appreciated. Now, everyone, pet my ego some more!!!! :P

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And now, the next chapter...

"And then he died."

Well, this asks for a few comments; obviously this new chapter displays a quality: brevity. It goes straight to the point, doesn't linger in annoying psychology and is focused on action.

Sadly enough, there's also the flip side of this quality: it's too short. Though starting with a conjunction and then going into a very straightforward noun/ verb construction are clever (notice the use of the verb "to die" and none of the longer circumlocutions or synonyms as "pass away", "met his maker", etc.) you are at risk of leaving readers with lots of questions unanswered. Maybe you could rewrite the preceding chapters in the same format, so your four chapters end up having some unity.

 

1. He went on a diet following an online anorexic girl's advice. Or was she?

2. Dieting/ becoming an anorectic was hard but thanks to the online manipulation, he held on.

3. He went to a party where he had drugs and sex.

4. And then he died.

 

I didn't bother using the first name Seth since we don't really need lots of characterization. I wonder if you would get as much enthusiasm over this rewritten story. A lot of students would be grateful if we rewrote accordingly Paradise Lost or Moby Dick, though.

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Lmao, that' such a wonderful summary. :) I'll try to make the next chapter live up to these high standards, but it's gonna be tough! I'll have to really buckle down and write. :P

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  • 1 month later...

Back in action officially, and about two pages into the next chapter. I intend to start spitting them out as fast as I can (which will probably be slow). :)

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Back in action officially, and about two pages into the next chapter. I intend to start spitting them out as fast as I can (which will probably be slow). :)

 

Fantastic news, Jamie! :2thumbs:

 

Slow, medium, fast...it don't matter! You're back in the saddle. :music:

 

Conner

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The chanting will resume! When I saw the post, I thought you'd announce it was up. I'm all disappointed now...

 

 

I did that on purpose, hehe. :P 3.5 pages now... we're getting there. :) Conner... be prepared, because I'm just not satisfied with this one for some reason.

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Conner's got it now... it's all on him. ~cackles maniacally~ Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the pressure!!!!!!!!! I'm going to toddle away to ponder anthology possibilities. :D

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