Want to hear me gripe?

[dkstories]

Okay, since I'm going to be off line for a bit, I thought I'd go and find some stories to download for reading while I'm off-line. Since I never started Aladdin's Awakening, that's going to be one of the stories I download.

 

Now, I'm also looking at some other stories, and after the fifth one, I feel this total rise of anger and frustration out of me. I have to wonder how many people fall asleep in EVERY DAMN english course they ever took in life and get some basic things so wrong. It actually irks me to read the first few paragraphs of a story, think 'this might be okay' and then...the characters start talking and it is ONE LONG PARAGRAPH. I get lost after the third line and move on.

 

Part of me wants to say "Hey buddy, you made a great start until your characters started talking." But then I just get caustic when frustrated and stressed out (gee, can you tell I'm moving today? Let's not even talk about the damn U-haul company messing up my truck pick-up location so that I had to walk two and a half miles to the nearest bus stop and then take a bus for one hour, thirty-five minutes to get there.

 

Anyway, I noticed that there were six stories I looked at on Nifty that all had the exact same problem with character dialogue. I mean the rule is so simple, you start a different character speaks, they get a new paragraph. I remember my third grade teacher giving that rule, and marking a paper where I messed up on that myself.

 

Now, I'm not perfect with grammar (some of the more complicated rules kick my ass and I have a habit of ending some sentences with prepositions. A lot of the time while I'm writing a character's conversation or relate their thoughts, I break grammar rules on purpose (for instance, you might notice that Dylan, Henry, and a few younger characters from Dawn say "There's many things I don't like" or something similar when correct grammar should be "There are many things I don't like".

 

Character conversations come in many forms. You can start a paragraph with them, you can put spoken words in the middle of the paragraph, or at the end. Here's an example (using first person from Dylan perspective):

 

"What are you thinking, Dylan?" Paul asked with a concerned tone.

 

Paul's question caught me off guard. I mean, the guy could see I was in the middle of having sex with Jimmy, so he must have known what was going on. It's not like this was the first time he'd walked in on Jimmy and I having sex. "What does it look like we're doing?" I snapped at him slightly angry, but his raised eyebrow made me think, and I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be at a class right now. "Crap, Paul, sorry, I'll be ready in five minutes."

 

"Better make it fifteen and take a shower, you smell like sex." Paul chortled softly before closing the door. Jimmy just let out a sigh of frustration.

 

"Why is it I never get to have you alone these days?" Jimmy groaned aloud as I got out of bed and headed to the shower.

 

***

 

Now, when I see it like this I go crazy trying to keep track of who is talking.

 

"What are you thinking, Dylan?" Paul asked with a concerned tone. Paul's question caught me off guard. I mean, the guy could see I was in the middle of having sex with Jimmy, so he must have known what was going on. It's not like this was the first time he'd walked in on Jimmy and I having sex. "What does it look like we're doing?" I snapped at him slightly angry, but his raised eyebrow made me think, and I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be at a class right now. "Crap, Paul, sorry, I'll be ready in five minutes." "Better make it fifteen and take a shower, you smell like sex." Paul chortled softly before closing the door. Jimmy just let out a sigh of frustration. "Why is it I never get to have you alone these days?" Jimmy groaned aloud as I got out of bed and headed to the shower.

 

***

 

Okay, enough griping and back to work. I really don't want to offend the writers who are actually putting together a decent story and trying hard, but I do get frustrated after the fourth or fifth story I read like that.

[Forloyn]

I whole hartedly agree with you and if you was into fanfiction of the Harry Potter kind I would sugest you only read from fiction alley. they have very stern submishon guidlines. I remember my first fic got rejected by them... of cores I just forwarded the complaints to my editer heh.

 

they still have quite a few tips online on there 'Primer' which by the way is a MUST have resorse for anyone thinking about starting out on writing. okay so it was writen for Harry Potter Fanfiction but it is also a good way to learn how to write in the first place!

 

http://www.lumosdissendium.org/

[miguelsanchez55]

Oh Man,

I'm sure glad I have had an editor for all my stories and he's always giving me hell about one thing or another. I hope my stories haven't falen into that catagory. Please, if it has, let me know.

 

Thanks guys,

Mike :sword:

[Taryn Winterblade]

I really have to agree with DK on this one; bad grammar oft times ruins a good story. Personally, I use MS Word to write all my stories in, and sometimes the grammar check on it doesn't agree with me. However, it has caught a lot of things that I've gotten into the habit of doing.

 

Grammar and sentence structure is very important to get correct, but, at the same time, in character dialogue... it's more believable if some of your characters get it wrong.

 

In the same vein, I just finished reading the book "Exile's Honor", by Mercedes Lackey (exceptional author). The main character, Alberich, is from a country whose language structure is... at the expense of sounding hypocritical... bass ackwards (and they'd say the exact same thing about English). Hence, during most of the story, Alberich comes across as sounding like Yoda when he's speaking in 'Valdemaran'; because, to him, that's how the sentence is supposed to be.

 

But, I digress... bad grammar is just bad