The Capacity of the Heart

[Luc]

The Capacity of the Heart

 

What is the capacity of the heart?

I think of those I

[Bondwriter]

I like the idea and organization (I think/ I wonder/ I weigh the possibilities. / I consider). I like the pace and the use of free verse

(Of those who have filled my heart

And warmed my body

And illuminated my soul.

Friends who were lovers,

Lovers who were friends)

 

My ginsbergian leanings would have it going more like:

Of those who have filled my heart and warmed my body and illuminated my soul.

Friends who were lovers, lovers who were friends

 

I like the imagery of the vessel, and the way the question is asked.

 

The last two verses: I see the temptation to repeat the question, which is also in the poem's title, but wouldn't "How do you measure infinity?" standing on its own be more effective? Plus you did give an answer above:

"Surely my heart would have burst

and my blood would have spilled

From it like wine from a broken cask

If a heart had limitations?"

(BTW, why the question mark here?)

 

These, once again, are just comments on a poem, and only my opinion, and should be taken as such.

[Ginge_4]

I like the poem, got a little confused if you were actually asking a question or making a statement for example "With ever-expanding boundaries that can never be reached?" maybe an exclaimation mark would be better as to me this isn't a question it is a thought to ponder on

 

All in all i like the poem and Bondwriter made some very good points also

[Luc]

I really love constructive comments. Thank you SO much!

 

I have removed that question mark you mentioned, Bondwriter. It really isn't a question. I heard it as one in my head, but you are right.

 

I am leaving the question mark after "Or is it infinite in its capacity With ever-expanding boundaries

that can never be reached?" because to me it is a question. Though yes, it is a point to ponder. Will have to get some people who are much better at punctuation than I am to step in on this one and say whether a point to ponder that sounds like a question should have a question mark. I'm really not sure. My instinct is yes, but my instinct has been known to fail me--once or a million times.

 

My ginsbergian leanings would have it going more like:

Of those who have filled my heart and warmed my body and illuminated my soul.

Friends who were lovers, lovers who were friends

You know, Bondwriter, my natural inclination is to have long lines and I fight that. I fought it when I broke up the lines you mentioned. I looked at it written both ways, though. I left them short and separate because in my head it felt like I was "listing' people and I thought it looked more like it felt when I broke it up. Any other opinions on that? Breaking lines is something I tend to give a lot of th ought to and am always looking for feedback on whether my line breaks are giving the feeling I intend.

 

 

I am thinking you may also be right about the last lines. Does anyone else think that I should leave out "What is the capacity of the heart?" at the end and let "How do you measure infinity?" stand on its own?

 

 

You know, I think people are often a little reluctant to give constructive feedback on poetry. I think it's great. Thanks!

[Bondwriter]

I fought it when I broke up the lines you mentioned. I looked at it written both ways, though. I left them short and separate because in my head it felt like I was "listing' people and I thought it looked more like it felt when I broke it up. Any other opinions on that? Breaking lines is something I tend to give a lot of th ought to and am always looking for feedback on whether my line breaks are giving the feeling I intend.

You're quite free to break your lines as you please.

 

Of those who

have filled my heart and

warmed my body and

illuminated my soul.

Friends who were

lovers, lovers who were

friends

 

gives yet another feel. A way to go could be to have different versions of your poem, let them rest for two weeks or more, then go back and have a look and reread the newest ones first and see if they still convey what you imagined. And which one you like best.

[AFriendlyFace]

Well I love it!

 

It was extremely beautiful and very sweet.

 

I have high expectations when I read your work, yet you never fail to delight!

 

Well done,

Kevin

 

BTW: of the three possibilities we've seen I definitely prefer the way you broke the lines up the best.

Edited June 5, 2008 by AFriendlyFace