PrivateTim

Yeah, don't get me started on the NCAA and how they treat minor sports vs football and basketball. Football is played by 22 players (11 at a time), but gets 85 full rides; basketball has 5 players at a time, but 13 full rides. I played DI water polo and swam. Polo has 7 players, but only 4.5 full rides and you need roughly 30 swimmers to fill out all the events, but there are only 9.9 full rides. It will be interesting to see how NIL might effect minor sports.

Being an asshole seems to be Jackson's default mode when he doesn't know how to act. He did acknowledge he was being selfish, but self-awareness doesn't make the selfishness okay. It is hard to believe that Luke and Jack haven't talked about college plans, and I don't mean about future plans for them, just college plans in general. That is what high school seniors do, a lot, is talk about college. They may even visit colleges in the fall, and have visited colleges over the summer. People should have started receiving acceptances and rejections already too. But why Jackson thought he HAD to talk to Luke last night is beyond me and why he skipped school and wanted Luke to skip with him too, when he knows they would repercussions for Luke is another example of how selfish and self-centered Jack is.

Jackson is stupid on so many levels. When Toby mentions he looks happier today, you say 'yeah I talked to Luke, we are cool'. End of drama. He needs to tell Toby to grow up and everyone else to mind their own damn business. If a DI school is interested in an athlete, they don't stop recruiting because he doesn't fill out some paperwork. They'd call Tony first and ask him if Jackson was interested in their school, then Tony would put the heat on Jack to answer the schools. I would gather with a doctor father and a mother in senior management that they are not hurting for money. If Jack wants to swim in college, he can walk on anyplace. If it is a hard school to get into, he can get a special admittance as a swimmer, without getting a scholarship. A DI men's swim program probably has 30-40 such slots, as long as Jack's grades and college board scores are too far below the school's standards. I also don't think Cindy has done anything wrong in the school yet. She is a tough teacher, so what. I had lots of them.

Interesting start to the chapter. One of the things I love about swimming is you feel like you are in your own little cocoon. The water wraps around you and clears your mind. The swimming is pretty close to automatic. You don't even think about your kick turn, you do it on instinct and sometimes surprise yourself that you are headed the opposite direction. Working out is different from a meet. In a meet you focus on the race alone and all you think about is the race, where you are, where your opponents are and what you need to touch that wall first. In practice, your mind wanders all over the place, you think through a lot of things, but to me and those I've talked to, you are too physical to get emotional. The water gives you almost a detachment to think things through. It is interesting that Jack thinks it is all beer and skittles for Charlie and Simon. They might have it swell at swimming, but Jack doesn't know how it is for them at school, at home, out on the town etc. For the end of the chapter, about damn time. I don't get Jack wanting to be all chatty. In fact, I don't get how two high school boys in love haven't drained each other a dozen time already.

I think Jackson and his friends would have spend more time in the woods behind Jack's house when they were younger. Woods and boys go together like peanut butter and jelly. We lived two years back east when I was 10 and 11 and my friends and I knew every inch of the woods behind our houses. We played "Daniel Boone", "Lewis & Clark", searched for pirate treasure and dragons and built a fort and discovered hiding places. Those were glorious days in the woods. It is too bad Luke and Henry didn't keep the shack on the property, it could have been the Love Shack for Jack and Luke.

I think Ally is a word I never use (and feel guilty for even thinking), but so much of what happened in this chapter is her fault for being a moody little witch with a capital B. She's been all about herself and her butt hurt feelings. She's never once considered how tough life might be for this person she supposedly loved. That alone tells you it was not love, because love is about caring more for another than yourself. As to Luke, regardless of what Cindy thinks or wants, Henry isn't going to kick Luke out of the house or cut him off. And Cindy has to go along with whatever Henry says. Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, obey your husbands as you obey the Lord. 23 The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church people. The church is his body and he saved it. 24 Wives should obey their husbands in everything, just as the church people obey Christ. Sorry Cind.

This couple .

Lots of drama this chapter. I thought from the beginning when Luke showed up that it was a bad idea (not that any swim coach would ever let a swimmer swim by himself) for them to "do anything". Even without cameras, anyone could have shown up and busted them. It was an abuse of Tony's trust in Jackson. Jackson should have done an abbreviated workout, then taken Luke someplace so they could talk abd be together. It was completely wrong of Toby to "slip" and say anything. It wasn't his place to out Luke's and Jack's relationship. Jack should have told Ally he couldn't tell her anything, because just like it wasn't Toby's place to out Luke's and Jack's relationship, it isn't Jack's place to out Luke. How many more people are going to "slip up" and cause real issues for Luke in his life. So what if Ally "really loved" Jack. LOTS of people suffer from unrequited love. Get over it buttercup.

Texting ain't quite brain surgery. But I have to say I really disapprove of Grace getting a cellphone for Luke. I think it is an unnecessary interference into Cindy's parental prerogatives. And how is Luke going to keep having a cellphone a secret? How is he going to charge it surreptitiously? If Grace wanted to be helpful she'd let Luke move into the guest bedroom and finish out the school year at the public high school. There is zippo Cindy could do to interfere with that. Lastly, why in the heck didn't Jackson just start going to church? He could at least have seen Luke for an hour or two each week.

I am not sure on what basis you think they could be out with no problems. There might not be problems in their immediate circle (or might be, we still don't know where Ally lies), but that doesn't mean they wouldn't encounter issues at school, and in the community. I also think Grace was over the top. Technically Luke and Jackson are adults. It is a little late for her to join the parenting game.

I don't think Cindy is all that bad. She is just a mother trying to protect her son. Jackson's reputation as a wild child is well established and most people thought he was an ass the first several chapters. If people wanna read about bad mothers they should dial into a Mark Arbour story and read about Brenda Hayes and Janice Schluter, two mothers from the bowels of hell. But at 18, the boys can ignore her pretty much, especially as long as Luke's father stays in his corner.

I understand the horseback ride is only half over, but I was expecting drama, a buck-off, a runaway horse or the boys getting lost. It seems they are having fun though, making memories... I just wonder when they'll start trying to make babies 😲

I think Grace has seen more seriousness in Jack and some growth and maturity. I think she attributes that to him starting to figure himself out.

They are details that are important to me as a lifelong, competitive swimmer, but largely irrelevant to the main thrust and theme of the story. Your writing and capturing teen angst and drama is wonderful.

I didn’t know how long I could keep up with all these fucking secrets, either. I could see them all coming out and blowing up in my face and sometimes I wished they would. At least then I’d be free of thinking about them and having to be careful. I wasn’t the careful type. When you are a gay/bi male and you can't be out, you learn pretty early on how to compartmentalize, not just feelings, but actions as well. “I know this is a short race from what you’re used to, so you can push yourself, but we have a long year and you’ll have more events added someday soon.” I know the story is 52 chapters in and this chapter is six years old, but as an FYI, this is the exact opposite of what a swim coach would do in real life. In swimming, nothing matters until the Q's (qualifying meets leading to the nationals). In early season meets a coach shoves you into the max number of events, even in events you suck in. They do this for a variety of reasons, for one, it is just more conditioning, but the biggest reason is that competition isn't like swimming against the clock or teammates. The only way to learn how to swim in a competition is to swim in a competition. The more you do, the better you get. There is no substitute for that experience. What Jackson did in maybe swimming too fast in his heat is because he lacks experience. The more heats and events he swims in, the better he is going to get. And unless he was injured, no coach would pull a swimmer from the finals of an event. Just like the only way to learn how to swim in a competition is to swim in a competition, the only way to learn how to swim in a final is to swim in a final. Michael Phelps didn't win races because he was the fastest swimmer, he was the fastest swimmer because he refused to lose.

It is absolutely wrong for anyone to try and force Luke or Tony out of the closet, so to speak. It is none of their damn business and it can have real consequences, bad, nasty ones, in people's lives sometimes. My guess is Ally would not be in Jack's corner, but maybe I am wrong. What I do know is how many friends I have who were outed in high school before they were ready to be, and it was because they told someone they thought they trusted (a girl) and that person just buried them at their school. The whole swimming part is just not a set-up I've ever experienced before. Typically a swimmer enters 4-6 individual events and 1-3 relays.

In the annals of gay teen fiction, Cindy was pretty mild. There were no threats of eternal damnation, Satan's name never came up once, no mention of sinfulness or wickedness, just a mother unhappy about underage drinking. I don't think Cindy was "holding anything over their heads", I think she was saying that since Jackson was "the boy that lived" (sorry JK), that Grace should have been more protective and less indulgent. We did get an insight into maybe why Jackson's parents have been so lenient. Yeah sorry, but that just sounds terribly bigoted to me. Is there a reason to dislike "religious" people just because they are "religious"?

I think people, starting with Lily, were a little too quick to detect anything between Jackson and Luke. I mean Luke has only been at the school for a week and the only real major interaction with the whole group was at the lunch table and that was mostly one day, the first one. That seems quick to pick up on anything between Jack and Luke, and there really isn't mush there, I also think Luke needs to explain to Jack (and us) what he thinks is at stake if he is outed? Does he fear being kicked out of his house and cutoff by his parents? We haven't really seen that much of Cindy, other than she is protective, maybe overly so, of Luke, but is that because she already knows Luke is gay? Lastly, I wish we knew where this town is and where the college is that Jackson plans to go to. But when I was getting ready for college, I applied to about five different schools and I am pretty sure I didn't start getting acceptance letters until the late fall, maybe early winter. But of the people I knew going to college (which was about 95% of my high school) everyone applied to multiple schools. There was your "reach" school (Harvard, Stanford, etc), your desired school (Cal, Michigan, etc) and your fallback school (Cal State Fresno, San Diego State, etc). Some knew they were going to community college their first two years and so none of them stressed over acceptance letters like everyone else did.

Whether or not Jackson is actually gay or not remains to be seen, but at this point in the story I don't think he even remotely considers himself gay. Luke has stirred some feelings in him that appear to be brand new, although we don't know if he'd even done any experimentation with Derek or Toby, or someone else before. That certainly wouldn't be unusual for teen boys as they get hormonal, huge numbers do, but the vast majority do identify as straight, despite the wandering. The swim team is sure different from any swim team I was ever on. There was never a set limit on how many guys were in a team. In a bigger team they might divide into upper and lower groups based on times and abilities, but the groups were always flexible, not rigid numbers. It should be interesting. Lastly, is there any chance Jackson won't drink at Toby's party? Won't make an ass of himself? That too should be interesting.

Nose clip? No one wears a nose clip unless you are in an SNL comedy skit. As to shaving down, you never shave down until you get to a qualifying meet that leads to a final. I do get a slightly creepy vibe from the Garrison's too, but since Krista isn't Mark Arbour I am sure nothing will come of it 😁

High school girlfriends are scary things. They are completely paranoid, insanely possessive, insanely clingy and hell on wheels when scorned. Mean Girls doesn't even start to cover it when they sense a threat. Jackson needs to be at a high school party and mack on some other girl in front of Ally so she won't concentrate on Luke. I played this game really well in high school.

Losing the scholarship doesn't mean he loses his university admission or that he can't be on the team, it merely means he needs to find a different way to finance his education. The better DI swim programs have 30-35 swimmers on their roster and there are only 9.9 scholarships allowed by the NCAA. That means there are very few DI college swimmer on full ride scholarships. It is an ego blow, but should not be a major derailment.

If I was Jackson I'd create a fake gmail account and send Welker an email that Jackson was seeing his daughter to get Allison off his back. She is a pain, better to cut her off at the knees now before Jack gets weak, tells her he likes Luke and then she outs Luke to the whole school. Surely Jack must realize the consequences of Luke being outed before the end of the school year. I don't think Henry would let Cindy kick Luke out of the house, but it remains a possibility.

For 65,000 to 70,000 words, Jackson is the dumbest mudderfudger I've ever seen in my life and then he busts out with this: “I can’t be gay,” he said falling silent. “I can’t be.” “Just be Luke,” I said reaching out for him. “Be Luke and I’ll be Jackson.” Yes! Why can't it be that simple? Why does everyone need labels so badly? In two of my favorite stories, It Started With Brian and Crosscurrents, both based on true events, men who are not gay, allow themselves to fall in love with and be with a gay man. Apropos of nothing specific in this story, but some hints of maybe, but are staples of gay fiction, here are my three biggest pet peeves. 1) Christians (church people) are virulently anti-gay, sometimes violently so - I've been a Christian and church goer my whole life and still attend church with my partner to whom I am legally married. We are intimately involved in the church and welcomed. 2) Two boys in love are incapable of hiding their love for each other and everyone will know - No one in middle school or high school ever suspected I was anything but the straightest boy in the school and the same went for the many boys I'd been with and shared feelings with. 3) A gay/bi boy can't shower with other naked boys 'cuz he'll pop wood - I started playing skin flute with neighbor boys and a cousin when I was 12 and none of us ever popped wood in the showers despite the fact that we looked.

OMG Stanfurd isn't even a full university, it is right there IN THEIR NAME, Leland Stanfurd, JUNIOR UNIVERSITY 🤣