Andrew Q Gordon

Those two are the worst at keeping things secret. So let's see, we need to change Nicole to yes, add Anna to the list of who knows oh yeah and like half the Town that was int he ice cream shop - yeah secret no more. Let's just see if this affects things - funny that no one seems to think that Ryan might be next - I mean who better to represent the 'pen' than him? So not cool if he dies.

So we have a who done it with a list of suspects. We can scratch Yuki, Michael and Ryan form the list. Victoria is still suspect, but that seems rather obvious. SO this is one of those, she obvious so you wouldn't do it, but if no one thinks the obvious did it, have the obvious one do it isn't so obvious? Which is a convoluted way of saying good job Now let's see who knows about Ryan and Michael - Yuki for sure, Nicole probably - Victoria for sure, Dad - maybe but probably. Hmmm not much of a secret it is? Then again Ryan wasn't very discrete in asking when someone was around. Ah young love, so easy to get wrapped up you make a mistake

I have to second Anyta's what about the Murderer comment but then again, it seems the only one who is killed is someone who gets a text message. SO I guess that would be one reason why. Then again, Michael had a plan, he needed to get Ryan alone and well this was his best shot so I think it's a good mix. It was clear from how you wrote this that Michael was interested in Ryan, and it was clear Ryan who had zero experience had no idea what to make of it. So it was right that Michael made the first move. Really like how this is going Mark. Great job.

Some points I wanted to say good job with - Characters - so were in chapter two and we've already gotten a feel for your main character - his love interest, mom, sister, dad to a degree and the vodoo chick. None of them feel plastic or what not so that's a great step. I like that Michael and Ryan didn't 'share a look and fall passionately into each other's arms.' Most stories fall into that trap - you've avoid it. Finally you do a good job of what my good friend Anyta says to do - get in late and out early. You don't bore us with endless details to start the scene or end it. That's great stuff

Are we allowed to change topics whenever we want on here?

Make me wish I lived in Fylingdales Moor Cute, but is it accurate? I mean the naked knees bent running about

Bob, if that was you at 19 I can see you breaking more than a few hearts. And Sid, bout time why'd you wait so long?

Lucky me being home when this posted Wow, that was some serious new stuff - Aure has a child and Bryce is basically the momma hehe - Oh yeah nice bit about Bryce's background, just enough without going into too much detail. Karadur is going to give the birds and the bees talk to the boys? But what the F is wrong with Alan?? So confuzzled - where's 27 damn it??

So basically Puck is turning into one of Rix's people. Oh and what the hell was in the water Momma Hanover was drinking? Kismet - Gay bonded to a Prince, Puck - Gay - about to be bound to another Prince. Amberly - bi but one wonders if that's not just because Brianna is so 'hard' she told him he had to be bi and not gay Question, and this might be something we talk about elsewhere. This Center - who runs it? Is there some intergalactic organization that has power over others? I mean they're planning to basically kill Puck with Brain biopsy, not allowing him to speak to his family etc. So is the Center a human facility or galactic one? Nice chapter by the way - too bad I have to wait for the rest

Of people who think I'm daft in the head. I think the admins have it.

Mark, Nice start, kinda agree with Anyta on the headings, but I think it adds a 'feel' to your story - so I'd say keep em as long as they don't get clumsy. Oh and you better get the book she recommended or she's gonna buy it for you and show up at your door step As for the story, some stories I read, when try to visualize the setting, I go huh? with this I had a firm image in my head of everything. So Mark errr. . . I mean Ryan wants to be a novelist? Write what you know eh? Nice story, look forward to reading the rest. I have a couple other comments, but those would be in private if you want them, PM if you do. Nothing bad, but I don't want to suggest things on here and put you on the defensive when they are more questions than criticism. Andy

Really? I can't get 1st person right, I always screw up the tense. 3rd person seems SO much easier to me, but everyone says I'm daft in the head. Guess I'll add you to that list

Whatever, you do know I can delete or edit any post I don't approve of in my forum don't you? This one comes close because it is so false. Me the mastermind? pfft. you jest. It would have stunk without you, end of discussion.

Haha love the 'fine print' And of course you'd never tell, you're a professional. You've known stuff well before anyone but Antya and never said boo

I'm not very good at welcoming folks but when I remember I try so Welcome!! And hope you enjoy your time. Andy

Dude you've written all that and all we get to see is a measy four stories? Stingy kids. Um are they posted on line or somewhere?

Typing to myself on here I know, but chapter 11 is up. No more links, no one reads this anyway

To be honest, I toyed with him actually doing it, but I figured it was too 'soon' for him. I think the longer you're 'out' the more jaded you become and the more apt you are to just give in. But at the beginning your too caught up in the hope that everything is perfect and will work out. So I thought that was the more real way to play this chapter. Thanks for the thumbs up

Well as a soon to be dad, I figure I gotta represent my kind That and I guess I've known lotsa dads who were okay with it. But the other part was I don't think the dad would be so into the ex-gay classes and I always had that in my mind as part of the story - so that's how it went

That's awesome news!!! Great to 'see' you so happy. A happy Dark is a good Dark??? Um well IDK I can go that far but

Do people even wear waistcoats anymore??

You and your "I'm on top" Me think you doth protest too much. Not that I know nothing.

That little ending was twisted - yeah right, leave your paperwork and we'll give you access - sure. And Bobby fell for it. how many chapters? Are they all this short? And will it take us to the end of It Was A Holy Day?

well there's nothing per say wrong with it, but usually if you are on scholarship they don't like you doing anything stupid that might get you injured. So while I'm sure he could have played, the coach was just being a hard ass.

you so crazy. 'The Look' was something my mother perfected. She always knew when to use it and we always knew we were in deep do do when we got it. You need to practice getting your own 'Look' and let bubs know what it means and why he doesn't want to see it.