Andrew Q Gordon

Ice Queen, Hurricane, all these storm warnings for Jason's mom. Maybe Royce will have a chance, then again, maybe not. It's a tough call. But glad you're like the story.

Haha Mike, thanks so much - though I think this might be their family and friends as well. I have seen any Weiner pictures or topless flexing with one arm lately so I think we got rid of a few of them

Lugh - JUST DO IT - I bet it would be quite popular Antya - Just wait, if you visit, you'll see - **Shakes head in amazement** Thanks Vic, I suppose we will I can't tell you how MUCH I am looking forward to the day I walk into our house with our daughter. All the stuff I know is coming - no sleep, work etc, I just don't care

In theory I live in a 'college town' but given we are 'inside the beltway' - code for close to DC - I hardly think this qualifies as a college town. I mean it's really just a very close in suburb of DC. But I've never seen so many freaks in my life: First there's Mr. Wizard - he frequents the Starbucks near campus - he sets his drink on the counter, waves his hand over his drink twice, takes a drink, sets it down and does it again. He does it everytime before he drinks. Then there is Bird Lady - she is this tall thin woman who plods as she walks and reminds of us crane. She walks in all weather, conducting an imaginary symphony as she walks. I'm not sure she even wears earphones or has a music player with her. We also have this dude that I think lives in the Starbucks and the shopping center around it. He is there almost all day everyday. After school hours he brings his daughter and she runs around the store. Basically the employees are her friends. It's kinda sad really but smiling dad seems to think its all good. They eat dinner in the store sometimes - I mean they get pizza and bring it in - what's so freaky is they are raising her in the store. I've seen mom do homework with her in the store. Just weird. Last night at the diner near the house, we saw some woman in a pirate shirt and lederhosen She was reading the menu and commenting on how good things sounded. As if diner fare was 5 star cuisine. We have crazy neighbors too - there is this really nice house on the corner of our street. In our neighborhood, the corner lots were meant for large impressive homes, set at an angle to the street. This one is particularly nice. It's been empty for 15 years at least. The owners live else where in the neighborhood in a much smaller house. :wacko: The most common story I've heard is that it was the wife's parent's house and they are saving it for when their 50 something son gets married - The big oaf lives at home and I suspect is a hermit who never goes out. We see him and the dad - who's like 100 when they come over now and then to check on the house. Then there are the 'run walkers' this is a couple who pretend to jog while they are walking - meaning the put their arms up and act like they are jogging but they are still walking - and not that fast either. But not much beats our neighbors. He is late forties and still sporting a very stylish Prince Valiant hair cut. What's worse is he does next to no work on the house - which is falling down around them. He once commented when we hired someone to do some yard work he couldn't see 'paying someone to do something he could do himself.' I was about to say - yeah you gotta do it yourself if you don't pay someone, but Mike stopped me. He also has this idea that Members Only Jackets are still acceptable and that Jorts - [jean shorts] are a staple of modern living. I so wonder what the neighbors think of us

That was really sad on so many levels - his just taking it cause he 'deserved' it, his parents inability to be affectionate to each other or him, and perhaps most that he felt he was only lovable when he was an infant. Maybe that is the last time his family truly expressed genuine affection for him. Hopefully things will pick up for him, but somehow I doubt it will happen anytime soon.

Haha, you bet - happy to let you be wrong. As for a real book - well there are a couple reasons why it can't/won't be - too long for publication [in paper at least] and once you post it on line no one wants to publish it because it's been out there for free. BUT This was also my first attempt at something so I was planning to rework a few things and then try to get it published as a slightly different - and hopefully better story. Thanks again for letting me know how you like it - always makes my day hearing things like this. -- Andy

That was an auspicious start to the year - no doubt. Seem to hew true to the norm, the insecure bullies always look for someone to pick on. Usually it's the ones who keep to themselves because they have no one to watch their back. Okay, problem - you need to break up your dialogue into separate paragraphs. The part where Kade speaks to Ritchie needs to chopped. Separate each person's actions and dialogue from the others. It didn't flow as well as it would if you hadn't lumped them all together. Other wise well done - the end - where Kade asks is that it? seemed so sad and yet so right - sorta sets up an interesting dynamic between the two.

Your writing does not suck - for having no beta and no editor it's really very good. This is an ominous start in some ways. You give a touch of hope that amidst his sense of worthlessness he can find what he wants, a friend, a lover, etc. But the dark self despair leaves us sure he won't. I have some other comments - if you want them, shoot me a PM and I send em. I don't find it useful to the author to suggest things in a story that is already written so IF you want to hear them let me know, otherwise, I'll just keep to leaving my comments here. Andy

Well all things end, at least all stories have to end - I'm not saying jason and peter will end - as for emotions? IDK, - terrible answer I know, but really I just write it as I feel it - another terrible answer but I just don't know how else to answer. I am glad you enjoyed it - you did enjoy it right? - And thanks for taking the time to read and to let me know how you feel about it. Andy

Well, you do know that this is Uriel's story mostly. But in my head - Uriel and Gabriel are tight, Raphael is kinda a prick but not too much and Michael is the boss. So not sure how much into the back story I'm gonna get but things have a way of morphing into more when I least expect it. If you have other questions, shoot me a message on the forum, I think there is a link at the bottom of the story. Otherwise go to forums and look for mine under promising authors. -- Andy

Since I 'did' that by 'liking' The One I want I can fix it easy enough - if you want that is - I would never dream of annoying the Dark one's protege. [That and you might stop bribing me with chocolate bars ]

Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. I think I kinda cheated calling them 'angels' but I think my psuedo-agnostic streak allowed me to insinuate that there are no 'real' angels and that angels are in fact aliens. But not to get started on the longer story - once I finish Purpose --- thanks again for the comments -- Andy

Okay, I'm inviting myself to Christmas at Peter's. I don't reckon Jason could EVER be Hyden--he feels geniune and caring and I just couldn't see it. And BEST THING in the chappy--the I love you! Aww. Sweet As! There were actually two twin beds. But I see your point. -- If you find their house, let me know I wanna go too

That is such a lovely line. The money issues still make me tense everytime I read this. I remember first reading it and thinking how distruptive and damaging money issues can be in relationships. How it gives one power over the other, or if not, it can seem that way anyway. I grew up with my parents having similar struggles and I do believe it was one of the reasons things didn't work out. Anyway, it makes me senstive and worried to read about these two boys with this issue itching at the surface of their relationship. I love the witty lines, btw! hehe, they may have issues, but damn if they're not sexy. Yeah well the whole different classes so to speak is hard for them to deal, each in their own way. For Peter it's don't let it be a hang up, for Jason it's try to be better at seeing Pete's side. Glad you liked the witty lines. I tried to make it a tad funny where I could

Haha, I'm surprised you didn't point out all the flaws that we corrected in later chapters No all the places, Harvest Moon, Java Shack, Graydon, they only exist in Andyland - any similarity to real places is entirely coincidental. And yeah, when I was writing this, I thought they were a cute couple too

Trebs Thank you, I had fun writing it. I think I learned a whole lot finishing it with help from folks on here - which was my reason for coming to learn from everyone. Glad folks liked it. Andy

Thanks for the comments, I particularly liked the symbolism of the 'worship' icon - I assume that was for Uriel and his brothers As for the feathers and what not - again, I don't think this is giving away too much - they have control over their bodies. In my head, they rarely if ever used them BUT they've been calling themselves 'angels' forever. Alex has been 'Uriel' for 3500 years. It was their disguise for whenever they needed to use their powers - It might be a lame concept the more I flesh it out but that was the idea - that they can create or remove them at will - just as Alex could grow a tail or sprout fur. At least that is my thinking for now. As Alex said, his name is unpronounceable in English or other earth languages, so they just called themselves angels. Arch Angel designates greater power. Have to see how it plays out when it's written I suppose Thanks again, and yeah, well space traveling aliens wouldn't do much for the creationists either.

I'd say several chapters - it allows you to break up thinks and leave us on several cliffs with the same 'scene' Seriously, I think uber long chapters are a problem, there is no natural break. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Thanks John. I have to agree this was one of my two favorites. IDK, just something about this one, it was just 'there' for me. The other - and hopefully this isn't too much of a suck up - is Lugh's My Mystic Knight. Was a lot in a little space [yeah I know it was a billion words but still. Too bad he never finished it

I've decided, being 14 weeks away, I don't want kids anymore - I can't believe I thought this was a good idea - Okay, so I am already talking to Mike about baby #2 and hoping like crazy we don't get twins. BUT I agree with Krista, I would like two so they have each other. But after what the first one cost - I am not sure we will have the money for baby number two anytime soon. But I am going to see if we can't swing starting it next June so that they will be about 18 months apart. Otherwise, I'll be working til 80 just to see them get out of college.

I agree with Krista, Lover is definite NO!. Make's it sound like he a sex partner and nothing more. Generally I say other half or husband interchangeably. We plan to get married this summer, but after 16+ years I think we can use husband even without the formal document. I don't think Partner is too formal, it doesn't bother me and a lot of people use that term - most of them either gay or gay friendly people. My one problem with it is that most people know I am a lawyer and when they hear partner, they assume law partner, so I tend to avoid it.

I nearly pissed myself with this - too funny. I have no intentions of it, but I don't think everyone wants to read 30 odd chapters of Peter and Jason being happy, have silly little spats or studying etc. I don't think it would be an engaging tale. So the options are, break them up OR not write a sequel. I think i'll look for something a tad more engaging

Hmm, I'm not much on mystery's so I think I'd like to see you do one of those - cause I'm sure I'll love it and you'll give me a new appreciation for it Does this mean you've found a new beta reader?

Woo hoo 1000!!!! Well KC you're the lucky prize winner - as mentioned at the beginning of the thread you get the fabulous prize of --- nothing No actually, I said i would use whomever's post I responded to for my 1000th I would write them in as a character in Lucky chapter 13 of Purpose - so you win. Now you gotta let me know what name you want - you don't have to tell anyone but me or you can post it here and everyone will know Thanks to everyone who played along, I thought it was pretty cool so maybe we'll do it again - Jian needs to get to 500 so he can change his member title so maybe we can all play over there next

I almost hit 'Add Review' after that but figured you'd stop talking to me I would second Anyta's perspective comment as it did confuse me -that said - you had me laughing - which is rare so kudos for that Oh yeah, sorry for hitting like - but I want to know if and when you respond to my irreverant reviews