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eon, that is a very helpful video. I had heard of this experiment before but had forgotten; thank you for providing the link to it. I think that really helped me understand the emotional side to the issue of racism. Already I had figured that some people (not all, but some) use their ethnicity as a basis for identity, even if it's unconscious. Every ethnicity has a stereotype, a generalization about the ethnicity group's culture(s) and ways of life. Perhaps, to varying degrees, we unconsciously assimilate our stereotype into our self-conception, along with other ideas that shape our self-value. After watching the first ten minutes of the Elliot divided-class experiment, it hit me (my memory has to be jogged at times, you see): we base a part of our self-conception on how we look, viewed, of course, through cultural lenses. To be told that something that is so dear to you, a core pillar of identity that cannot be changed, is wrong, or bad, or somehow deficient, it rocks you to your core. It's a direct assault on your identity. So now I feel like I can see more of one side of racism, perhaps more readily because of the experiences I've had with my family regarding my sexuality and orientation. To be denied an identity for most of one's life can mess you up, so I can only imagine the horror of looking through your cultural heritage and seeing a distinct pattern of identity denial combined with complete and involuntary servitude. Having families that could be busted up at any time, no warning. Never being able to have that feeling of secure bonding (you can't get close to people if you're afraid that you might not always be around). Of course, not every racist view is the same. It varies across the world in how it manifests. I've spoken with a first generation American of Nigerian descent, and he told me that in his culture African-Americans born in America are looked down upon. I had heard of that view before, but it was eye-opening to encounter it first-hand. I read Glenn C. Loury's discussion on racial identity in the 50s and how some people in his community excluded an African-American young man because his family "was passing" among Caucasian-Americans. So racism in multifaceted, and having discussed those variations among people of African descent and witnessed discrimination among the people of Caucasian descent, I feel the idea of identity being the core issue of racism is bolstered. We can most especially see this in orientation. It is a core principle of identity and globally we are raising the awareness that GLBT people are equal with everyone of every ethnicity and individuality. Even fifty years after the Civil Rights movement in America, we as a society have yet to fully accept the fact that everyone has the right to exist. What do you guys think? Any other views/angles that I may be neglecting or not seeing?

Wow, you guys are really stepping up to the plate on this one. Jamessavik, I was born and half-raised in Natchez, MS. Being from a racist family, I'm wondering now if the "tension" I thought I felt might have been carried over from being around them so much. The longer that I'm away from them the more that I find myself just not like anyone I know. A verified weirdo, if you will. drakeenus, the example you gave struck home because I just finished reading an article on racism. I'll extrapolate in a moment. Zolia Lily, I was not aware of the racism in Australia. Your words helped illuminate a few aspects of racism over here. Everyone: I've done a bit more research and thinking over the topic, and once again, things shifted. Came across the angle of "race" being a foundation for identity, and after reading a bit by Glenn C. Loury, I wonder if "racism" is really more an extension of "cultural bias" or "elitism". "Us v. Them", "insider v. outsider". The difference (minor) being that instead of forming a common identity around something like geography or religion, "racism" uses skin color as a basis for identity. Also, (and this may be going too far, but I feel it is a valid area to consider), I think that using skin color as an identifier misses the point. I'm a writer. I'm a cook. I have a personal spirituality. I play video games. These are all identifiers that cross the superficiality of skin color, yet for some reason some people of all colors continue to build an identity around their skin color. Now, I understand using culture as an identifier (i.e. culture of writers, of athletes, of craftspeople and artisans), and that seems to be a constructive way to build an identity. I really don't understand why we as humans (not all, but some) continue to build identities that we know only end up being used to justify discrimination and hatred. Identity is an important thing, and from personal experience being able to be aware of one's identity is crucial to mental well-being. As people of variant sexualities, I'm pretty sure we have all had instances where we had to deny a part of who we are. Is it possible then that racism and discrimination are symptomatic of the repression of various identities/aspects of identities? In effect, is racism a symptom of an unhealthy social psyche that has its roots in the fact that in our individualistic Western societies we as a social unit are unsure of how to include everyone? In other words, could racism be a reaction to globalization? Sorry if this is starting to get complicated. I think I'm getting to a certain level of understanding though, so now I'm just narrowing down the possibilities.

Alright, I'm following the angles you guys have provided, and I agree that they are most definitely factors. Ethnicity discriminates against ethnicity, and the cycle is repeated needlessly. You guys sound right. I still feel like there is a piece missing though. I follow the "logic" part of the racial thinking, it's the "emotional" part that puzzles me. The outright hatred I've seen and read about. Perhaps it's because I'm more of a thinker than a feeler, but it just seems... well... Immature is the first word that pops to mind. I don't mean to be offensive with that, it just seems that if one can reason out the "Which ethnicity should I hire?" or something similar, one should be able to reason further to the point where "Um... this person is a person. They are qualified." But then... with the "reverse discrimination", it seems that the system has been reversed, and that the Civil Rights movement has been perverted. "Justice, equality for ALL" still has yet to be realized, it seems. (Much for me to think on with that point). eon, I think you are right with your psychological/sociological mythos theory. I think that explains the cultural context of racism. The question still goes back to the "logicking" part of thinking... If one can realize the underlying structure, does the onus not become to repair wherever, whatever is possible? Or am I beginning to make a judgment at that point? And while most people might have difficulty understanding what it would be like to be discriminated against, I do believe that a good portion of us are capable of empathy, of putting ourselves in another person's shoes. Will we completely understand? Possibly not, but I think that empathy is a fact of human existence. The question simply is, are we aware of ourselves enough to exercise our empathy and extend it to others? Rilbur, I've attended public schools in AR and I homeschooled for two years with a racist family. I don't really ever recall any "racial tensions" at my schools, but then, the majority were white. I think in my graduating class of almost 600, we may have had 15 African-Americans. As a class we never addressed racism, but I remember being in elementary schools and being taught that a person is a person, regardless of color. That lesson stuck with me, so I've naively thought that everyone thought like me. I've been talking to my friends recently, though, and I've been finding that they all have at least some racist prejudices (very disturbing for me... Raises the question about what type of friends I have, but that's a different topic). I always just assumed that racists were in the generation before mine, and that my gen is soo progressive... Lol... Reality is a six-armed goddess with a wicked backhand, I suppose. Jamessavik, I have read before that you are in the South, MS I believe, so I feel that you know how bad it is there. Last year I spent time down there, and the tension was so great that it seemed like an unwritten rule that you didn't look anyone in the eyes. I felt so sad because I'm normally a very pleasant person and enjoy making people smile. At times I almost felt like people wouldn't really open up to me because a) I lack a mississippi accent now and b: I look white. Do you have any thoughts/observations on similar phenomena? drakeenus, what you say makes sense, and I have heard similar stories from other people. The logic seems so distasteful to me, and while the "business" aspect seems reasonable, I have to question how much of the problem would be solved if employers would simply take a chance. I recognize that there will always be troublemakers, it's part of human nature to cause drama at times. The question for me though is "how much do people use 'business sense' to justify sweeping difficult decisions under the rug?'" Seems to me that one would want to hire someone who could do the job. Meritocracy. However... I know that the real world doesn't always conform to ideals. (Sadness) You guys have given me some helpful views. drakeenus, I may be approaching this from the wrong angle, or perhaps I didn't clarify (mostly cause I'm still figuring out what I really want to ask). At this point, the question for me has morphed to "If we all agree that racism is bad, why does it persist?".

Can you give some specific examples of such things that Caucasians don't have to worry about? And please understand, I'm coming from a place of trying to grasp this ... thing... concept... whatever it is. It took talking to my friend to realize just how little consideration I have given this topic, and now I'm wanting to understand it, to see things from different perspectives. Any and all views and insights are welcome and actively sought. Thank you in advance for your time. This is quickly becoming a rather deep subject in my day to day life.

I'm in English Composition II this semester, and the professor has assigned a book, "We are the People: Voices from the other side of American History". I've been slowly reading through it, but I have to admit, it's very difficult for me emotionally. I always "knew" that minorities have been treated badly, but to be face to face with how other people went through the difficulties inflicted them by the American "settlers"... It's very unsettling, to say the least. The subject of racism has also been coming up a lot in my day to day, and it's another thing weighing on my mind and emotions. I don't understand it, at all, and a friend of mine says that until I've been racially discriminated against, I'll never "get it". Both of the above issues really strike me raw. For my friend to say I'll "never get it" because people perceive me to be white just seems to be a cop out, a cheap way of being an angst-ridden person who doesn't really want to change anything. And besides... isn't it a little conceited to split oneself off from others, saying that others "will never get it"? And as for the way that Native Americans were treated by settlers... That's something that just literally makes me sick. Ripping families apart, yanking land, herding the Cherokee across the country... These are things that we as a society do not openly discuss, and now that I'm presented with another view, I have to admit I'm rather pissed off that we are not discussing them. Why are these things just swept under the rug rather than dragged out and dissected on the coffee table? Also... What are you guys' views on racism in your respective countries? Is it still happening? Is it politely ignored? What's going on nowadays? I ask because it's kinda rocking my world violently that there is still discrimination based on ethnicity (I stay wrapped up in science, so we tend to be waaaaay out of the loop). Any opinions/insights would be really helpful. I don't know why this issue is so important to me at the moment, but it really strikes close for some reason.

Wow...The execution of this story was amazing, Comicality. I especially liked the imagery and metaphor of Mike being in the closet. That was a clever way to make a statement about what it's like. The way that secrets we feel honor bound to keep can create distance in the relationships between people. Good job!

When I start losing steam and things start slipping into a sort of depressive funk, I turn on some Lady Gaga and dance. I make cookies or cook something, catch up on chores that need to be done. When the thoughts start crowding out my mind, I find a way to just mentally scream... I dunno how to explain it, other than just grab a notebook and just write it out, write what is bothering me, why it bothers me, how I feel. I think, when things get to the imploding point, it's your unconscious trying to tell you that you need to fill it with something positive. Good, upbeat music. Making progress on a project. Moving forward with life... There are so many possibilities that ultimately it just comes down to "do something". Cease thinking, just BE. I don't know how much that will help, but I hope somehow it does.

It really is a matter of perspective and actual health risks. I've been chubby before, then I lost a lot of weight through borderline anorexia, and after battling with my metabolism for a while I've finally gotten things back under control. I'm "slender", according to my friends, but i also have days where the body dysmorphia kicks in and I think I'm fat or I pick out one part of my body and obsess over it. I blame the ideals of beauty portrayed in the media along with the "eager to please" syndrome my mother unconsciously taught me, but just because I can place blame doesn't mean that I'm not responsible. I walk, a lot. I work out when I get the chance. I drink water and stay away from soda. I eat food that I make from scratch, and eschew fast food. Yes, it's a pain in the ass sometimes, and there are times when i by a box of chocolates and gorge (I call it a reward lol). It basically comes to to a few things: -Eat wholesome, healthy food -Keep sugar to a minimum -Drink at least a half a gallon of water a day -Stay active as much as possible. And it really is a matter of self-discipline. I know for myself that it's easy for me to gain weight. Flip side is that it's also easy to lose weight. It does irritate me though... I dislike admitting this... But I do tend to have a prejudice against chubby guys. I'm not rude to them, no, but they tend to get skipped over when I'm scanning a room for cute men. *shrugs* Is it "right"? Probably not. I definitely ain't meaning to be rude or anything. Just pointing out that some prejudices are difficult to change, on every side of the issue.

Coming out is an extremely personal decision. What works for one person might not work for another. The best advice is to slowly warm people up to the idea. Maybe talk about a friend who recently came out (make one up if you have to) and gauge your family's reactions. As for real friends and coming out to them... If they freak out, they were never your friends to begin with. Thankfully, in most places being gay isn't looked down upon as much as it used to be. Just use your head, be smart, and be prepared for any heartache that may come with it. I'm sure you're a strong person though.

I hate saying goodbye. That's why I dislike the end of a good story, movie, or video game. If it says "the end", that means that I have to go back to the real world, there is no more fantasy to explore, no more letting go of the day-to-day. As a writer though, I think "the end" is a wonderful thing. There are times where what needed to be said was said, the characters have to go on with their lives, unobserved, and other characters speak up, ready to tell their story.

Oh my god... I think I just fell in love... lol. Seriously though, I agree one hundred percent. I just started college last fall after taking four years to get "Real world Experience", and in my basic classes I am still ahead of people who are fresh out of high school. In English I can write circles around classmates, I know what "phenomenon" and "propensity" mean, and in my history class I was asking questions that astounded the instructor. That's not to brag, at all. I don't consider myself smart nor intelligent. I just read a lot, I use the internet to find information, and I know a little bit about logic. From my point of view, I don't understand why other people have difficulty using a dictionary or even friggin' context clues (that's how I have such a large vocabulary). The only thing I can figure out is that people are lazy, instructors are too busy wigging out about the NCLB (damn you to hell, Bush administration), and students like me are rarer than a dodo bird at the South Pole. I think the problem is that education was hijacked by the corporate/business model. "Teach students x,y,z so that they will be good workers". Yeah... Doesn't work like that. A student needs to understand the concepts and the practical end of theory. I have friends in psychology who are oblivious to the fact that their field of study allows them access to all kinds of information that would make navigating society much easier, and would help them achieve almost anything they want to do (the use of the unconscious, social mechanisms, general mentalities...etc etc). Student's don't realize that they have access to information that is nothing short of magical. But then... Maybe it really is a matter of inborn intelligence... I really hope not though. I've always believed that anyone can learn, if they just put their back into it. And yes... college is worth it, if you put in the effort.

I would take that! I love the heat. It's been in the 20s here in AR, snowed yesterday, and I'm hating it. Give me heat and sun any day. I'd love to be out lounging in the hot sun, sipping iced tea and waiting to hear the cicadas at night... ...I miss Mississippi at times...

Growing up has been an interesting experience for me. I have to say that I enjoy the wisdom (however little) that I gain with each grey hair and passing year. The flip side (and there is always at least three with me) is that I feel I'm still a kid. I mean, I'm only twenty-three, and I feel like I've fallen outside the concept of age a lot of the time. There have been people who have told me to "grow down" or that I'm an "old soul", and while I think I understand what they're saying, I have to admit that for the most part I'm confused by things like that. How can one grow down when there is no mental frame of reference for one's concept of personal age? Then again, I do tend to overanalyze things at times, so maybe I'm overthinking the concept of age. Lol. But if you don't have a concept of age for yourself, it's difficult to feel like an "adult" or a "kid". you just are what you are.

Hmmm... It depends on the person. I've cheated before, and since then I've realized that cheating is the best and most painful way to figure out if you really love the other person. No, I do not recommend cheating. Quite the opposite, really. But I do think that cheating reveals more of the truth than what we like to accept.

Lol That's proper Spanish, Nephylim. It's actually interesting that you chose Spanish, because the way that Romance languages are set up, it's possible to imply respect depending on how your conjugate your verbs. By using the formal "you" verbs, a person insinuates a certain degree of distance or respect (for example, if you don't really know someone, you use the formal "you", just in case there is anyone who doesn't speak Spanish, French, etc...). The reason I find it interesting is because I like the respect that's built into the grammar. For people like me, to be able to signal that need/desire for distance is important, and I think that's one reason I like virtual presence. It's another degree of distance from people. I also find that it's easier to be honest with strangers. Perhaps it's because there is less to lose if they reject, while with friends/family/lovers there is more emotional investment and hence a greater need to retain that connection? Anyone else have thoughts on this phenomenon?

Well, it's definitely nice to know I'm not a weirdo for developing feelings for someone online. Thanks for all the perspective, it really has helped me put a few pieces down in their proper places, and I'll be careful. Lol. Been hurt enough times that I know to take it slow, enjoy the ride and whatnot. I figure in the next few weeks or so I'll be meeting up with him again, this time maybe have a proper date and all... Lord knows that some physical proximity would definitely answer a few more questions. And just so ya know... You guys are pretty neat people.

So I've been really getting into the Internet recently, chatting with people and making friends through forums and websites. Over the past few days, I've come to realize that I feel more comfortable interacting with people over the web than in real life, and it kinda worries me, though I'm not sure why. I already knew I am an introvert, that I don't feel the need to socialize very often, and I made peace with that a while back. But I've been chatting with someone that I really find to be interesting, and even though we've only met once in real life, we chat for several hours every night. It's become a habit, I guess you could say, but one that gives me a bit of comfort. My question really is this: Has anyone else developed feelings for another person over the web, and if so, what are your thoughts on the phenomenon? Is it good? Bad? Just another aspect of reality? I ask because, at the end of the day, I'm not sure how I should feel about the fact that I'm falling for someone I really don't know.

Weed... It isn't dangerous, I know, but it's still something I'm working on getting under control. It's all about the ability to just feel okay, happy, for a bit. It kills my dreaming and creativity though... not to mention sucks all the motivation out of me...

That's a tough one to call. I'd say just keep in contact with her (assuming you want to) and see what happens.

I voted for "other".... All of the options are nice to think about, but none really resonate with me. I don't expect to meet a "Mr. Right" in my lifetime (popped that bubble last year), and I'm not driven by money or a need for family/friends (damn being an INTJ loner lol). At this point in my life, I want to just see what I'm capable of doing. There are many things that catch my interest, but as for settling down for JUST one thing.... I can't do it. It seems stifling to put myself into a rigid outline, and I need wriggle room in life. Reading the posts from the Elders makes me think about how much can happen in life, so that to try to predict or contain or direct our steps seems hopelessly deluded. I mean, the idea of being secure (in whichever form) is nice, but ideas are not necessarily truth. This poll was very difficult to answer, from my view. Definite answers are few and far between, and our opinions are ultimately subjective, but... It's nice to know that it is possible to have an opinion. To be able to hold fast to something is always nice, provided that we don't get too attached, since attachment causes suffering. Heh... Now that I've wandered through philosophical terrain...

Wow, after reading everyone's posts, it's nice to know that feeling jittery about a date, or even being downright paranoid about it, is a common occurrence. I thought I was just being a chicken s*** but now I see that the vast majority of us have nervousness about dates and getting to know other people. I'm reminded of realizing in my English class that everyone was nervous about standing up in front of the class and speaking. Once I realized that everyone was on edge, for some reason it made me relax. Maybe it's just the solidarity in knowing that you're not alone; that can be a big help and ice breaker, if both people realize that they are feeling awkward on a date. And now I'm thinking... We tend to project our thoughts, conscious and not, onto other people. When we can start calling ourselves out on what we're doing, it tends to make it easier to laugh and joke with the other person, and nine times out of ten that playfulness ends up attracting the other person. When we smile, it loosens up everyone and helps make socializing easier. I'm speaking from experience on that one, and I'm also acknowledging that there is always that nervousness, that slight fear of rejection. But the more that you face down the fear, the easier it becomes, until one day you find yourself singing your favorite song in the grocery store or dancing in the halls of your college. It's at this point that you start attracting people, both as friends an otherwise. So... after that birdwalk, I guess what I'm saying is... Be easy on yourself. Acknowledge any fear, and rush at it headlong. Make it into a joke, play with it, find out that it isn't as scary as it seems (isn't that how most monsters are?).

This is one of those things, I think, that really just lets you see what is important to people. Obviously, some people prefer intelligence. Some prefer using their fingers to get them in trouble. Some just prefer to collect the data after the auto pileups on the highways. Why can't we all just get along?

Hmm... I came out at fifteen and was kicked out of my home for about half an hour before my mom came flying down the road, hissing at me to get into the vehicle. After spending the next few years dealing with religious bigotry, I eventually got out on my own for a while before I had a breakdown and moved back in with my parents (yeah, stupid, I know). Really, it's just been the last few months that I've started being okay with who I am as a person. It took me a while to realize that I could just be me; stereotypes do not have to be filled in order to be "truly gay" (as my family liked to imply... "Your room is a mess. Gay guys are fastidiously clean. You can't be gay"). In fact, I've had a lot of fun over the last few months just doing what feels right to me, if it means wearing a particular color that makes me happy or going for a walk alone through town. I think that a lot of the social pressure isn't entirely focused on LGBT, per se, but more on people who don't fit stereotypes. I know it sounds weird, but as I become more comfortable with who I am as a person, the more aware I become that several people are still uncomfortable with themselves, regardless of orientation. It makes me wonder if there is a conspiracy against differences lol.

So I'm now a Virgo... Meh. I dunno. Ever since taking the MBTI and finding out I'm a clear INTJ, astrology has just lost all of its fun.