Jet

4 year college (for 6 years...the extended plan). Swimming in the ocean or swimming in a pool?

So many men, so little time in bed

Since long distance, I would upgrade to Biz class for more room. Nothing worse than being cramped in coach, usually in the middle between the overweight, stinky guy and the whiny girl who won't shut up. Watch a reality show on TV or read a gay-themed story on the internet?

Yes I do like VOIP and I use Skype to talk to my BF 600 miles away. The person below me is in a long-distance relationship.

One of the greatest parts of reading a story is when the author throws in an unexpected twist, totally catching you, the reader, off guard. It is very exciting when that happens. I'm sure we all have notions of how we think a story will unfold, and I'm sure a lot of that is us living vicariously through the story, or a result of our own personal experiences. I wouldn't ever mention to an author how I think their story should go, after all it is their story to tell, not mine. As the audience, I play a very important part role in the story. because without me (or any other readers) there would be no purpose to write the story (unless you just like writing stuff for the hell of it...a possibility I guess). The best thing I can do as a reader is tell the author how much I enjoyed (or didn't enjoy the story). Feedback is good, but the author wants to write his/her story, not YOURS! But imagine if you did tell an author how her or his story should go and then in a couple of weeks you are reading it and lo and behold, the story line proceeds just as you suggested. Wouldn't that be boring? Why would you want to read that? That's like hearing what happens in a movie before you see it. All I can say is that I'm very appreciative of the contributions made by the authors on Gay Authors and encourage them to write more, but tell stories of their own choosing and at a pace they are comfortable with. Afterall, these stories are coming to us free of charge, and for that we should all be greatful! Enjoy! Jet

Your fear must come from all the bad stories you have been fed about gay people, not to mention your therapist telling you to sleep with as many people as you can. That would scare me too because that is not who I am or what I am all about. That's like trying to teach someone to swim by throwing them in the pool and letting them thrash about. Trust me when I say that was bad advice. Matthew, you have met gay people before and you just didn't know it because we are everywhere, and I mean everywhere. When I was trying to accept my own homosexuality, I felt like I was the only queer on earth. This was before the Internet, so I didn't have web sites to read and chat rooms to talk to other gay people. What I learned was that a lot of people who I had assumed to be straight were not and that sometimes you just couldn't tell the straight people from the gay people (my gaydar is more finely tuned now ). There is nothing to be intimidated about because we are just human beings like everyone else, the only difference is we are attracted to the same sex. I can understand you feeling like you do, because when I first came out (and I was older than you), I was taken to a gay bar by my first boyfriend, voluntarily because I wanted to go out dancing. I was always under the impression that as soon as I walked in the door they were going to drag me into the back room and rip my clothes off and have their way with me. Well, it never happened (darn it). I found most gay bars to be more civil than straight bars and the people there very fun to be around, probably because we all had something in common, we were all gay and could be comfortable being around each because we didn't have to worry about what other people thought. I'm not saying go out to a gay bar (unless you want to), but what I am trying to say is that you don't have to be afraid of gay people. I think it was good advice for you to go to a gay-only group so you could meet people and see for yourself that we are not freaks, but normal people. If you don't have the guts to go alone, is there someone else you can go with? Do you have any gay friends? Is there a gay youth group in your community? That is an excellent resource for someone like you to get together with people that you could share what is going on in your life and in your head. It would allow you to see you are not alone in your feelings. What you don't need right now is another therapist. What you need is some good friends to talk to and who will give you support and get you through this part of your life. You need to talk to people who have been through what you are going thru and also some that are going thru it right now. You are not alone in this. All of us that are gay have had to go thru the process of accepting our homosexuality and dealing with the conflicts in our head. It was very difficult for some of us, maybe most of us (I didn't finally accept it until I was in my late 20's), and the fact there are people out there saying we are evil doesn't make it any easier. But most of us got thru it, and for me personally, when I did, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and for the first time, felt comfortable with who I was, the rest of the world be damned. Why don't you ask them to be sure? No matter how they feel about you, YOU NEED TO LIVE LIFE FOR YOURSELF, NOT TO PLEASE THEM!!!! I would bet that you haven't really experienced love...to me that is the greatest thing about life. I can't explain in words, you just have to experience it to understand it, and once you do, it changes your life and your perspective on things. If you end your life without experiencing love, then you will miss probably the greatest part about living. So, Matthew, going back to your original question, 'is suicide intrinsically wrong', who cares? Some will say yes, some will say no. Which answer is right? Here is another question...is homosexuality wrong? Some will say yes, some will say no? Which answer is right? Who cares? I am gay, I have no problem with that, and I don't really care whether anyone else is OK with that or not because I live my lifefor myself, not for them. I am not going to let those bastards ruin my life and just to spite them all I am going to live a long and happy life. Happy because I can accept people as they are and happy because I have met the love of my life and intend on growing old with him, and happy because I figured it all out before I died! Matthew, I hope you will change how you feel about life and will come along with us on this great adventure! Jet

You've only been dating a couple of weeks. Give him the benefit of the doubt and enjoy yourself. Enjoy the dating, the sex, the companionship, whatever. You are only 21, he is only 19, you both have a long life ahead (hopefully) and it may or may not be a life together. If nothing else, you will probably learn some things about relationships, other people, and yourself, all of which you can use in your future relationships. If for some reason he rubs you the wrong way or you don't feel you can trust him, then move along and don't put yourself thru needless anxiety and stress. Above everything else, enjoy yourself! Dating and relationships are supposed to have a fun element to them. If there is no fun there, why bother? Enjoy! Jet

Well said, Michael!

That phrase reminds me of a time when I was at the beach with a friend of mine. A man strolling down the beach comes up and asks, "Is this the gay beach?". We just smiled and replied, "It is now!". We all had a good laugh. Anyhow, my first crush I remember was a boy in school. It was something about the way he acted that set him apart from everyone else (in my eyes anyway). Jet

Lots of good replies on this topic. I know a couple of people said just ask him. Well, that is not always easy to do because it can be awkward especially if you yourself are not totally out because you are in effect outing yourself when you ask (why would you ask if you weren't gay unless asking for someone else). The best thing to do is continue the conversations and get to know him better. I did like the idea of trying to drop some hints that you are gay to see if that sparks any interest. Like many have said here, you can't always tell by fashion these days. But if you listen to what the man says, you may pick up some hints. It could be something like what he did, a place he went, a movie, book, or whatever. Or it could be a phrase or words he used. Very subtle, but it could be a clue. Use the one you both have in common: the class. I'm not sure what the class is, but you can use that subject to get into a good conversation. Perhaps you could even get together for a study session for a test or something like that. If he is indeed gay, and is closeted, you will have to build trust with him before he will 'out' himself to you. If nothing else, enjoy the challenge! I'm sure it won't be the last time you have to do this (unless he is a big screaming queen and you two run off, get married, and live happily ever after...The End). Jet

If you were together for 5 years and parted on excellent terms, I can understand why you would miss him. Something like that is very hard to achieve. It sounds like you had something special and you haven't met anyone since that can make you feel the same way. Its a shame you two had to part ways, but I totally understand the circumstances.

Bao, I had posted previously on this topic (Sept 6 I believe). My BF and I have been together for 5 years. Jet

I grew up in the South (Tennessee) where everybody waves at everybody...if you are out in your yard, people walking by wave or say hello...walking down the sidewalk, people smile and say hello, meet another car on a rural road, and both drivers wave at each other. Go to the store, and the clerk was genuinely friendly. I always thought it was a Southern thing (and that does have a lot to do with it). The pace is slower, values seem a bit more down to earth, and people seem to value conversation with strangers more. Now that I live in Florida which is a big melting pot of people from everywhere, I don't see the courtesy or friendliness as much. I walk my dog and see people on the sidewalk and they will pass like you are not even there. Everyone is in such a big rush all the time, to do what I don't know. People don't seem to value other people as much. It is more like other people are an inconvenience and a waste of their time. Perhaps it is because the area is so diverse that people are uncomfortable around people who aren't just like them and don't know how to interact with people who are "different" from them. I find that humor is a good way to break the ice when around strangers. A lot of people have mentioned the elevator. When I ride in the elevator such as in a hotel or office building, I try to stand near the buttons and I'll ask people what floor they want as they enter (as a courtesy and it gives me something to do). Then when we get to a floor and the door opens, I'll say something like "4th floor, ladies undergarments" or "6th floor, whips, chains, and leather accessories". That usually gets a chuckle out of most people. Some people will even thank me for being their tour guide. Jet

I have too much respect for my BF to ever hit him and that wouldn't solve anything anyhow, only make things worse. Besides, I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that. He feels the same way about me. People that supposedly love each other don't go pounding on each other. Our disagreements usually start out as the silent treatment (that is the first sign something is wrong), followed by a vebal confrontation ("what the heck is your problem?" ), followed by an energetic verbal exchange, finally to evolve into the heartfelt discussion that should have begun in the first place. That is kind of the model we follow in our relationship (not intentionally, it just happens). But let us not dwell on the negative, we have a lot of good times together and enjoy each others company even for something as simple as cooking dinner and dining on the patio. In fact we enjoy the time we can get alone away from everything and everyone else where we can enjoy each other without interruption. My biggest bit of advice to others would be to accept your mate/partner/significant other as the person they are (remember they are also accepting you as you are with your flaws and baggage) and focus on their positives and look past their negatives (we ALL have both). If the negatives are too big to overlook or accept, then that is probably not the person for you (and that may not necessarily be THEIR fault, it may be YOURS)...accept that and move along. There must be mutual respect, admiration, and love in your relationship, not to mention lots of communication (and my relationship could stand more of that). Love and enjoy each other and enjoy living life together! Life is too short not to! Jet

My BF and I just celebrated our 5th year as a couple (August 17, 2005) and we hope for many more together. And 5 gay years is like 15 straight years (I'm not sure of the exact conversion rate). As someone else posted, it hasn't always been "happily ever after", but a lot of the stuff we "discuss loudly" is really silly when you look at it after the fact. I guess that is how we humans are, for better or for worse. Regardless, we really are happy we have each other. I used to have a website dedicated to gay couples (men and women) and I used to post peoples pics and how long they had been together. I had one couple on there that had been together for over 30 years. My BF has clients that have been together for over 40 years. Jet