Drew Payne

My believes are complicated. I'm basically an agnostic. That's what I tell people, and then have to explain what it is (!!). I have huge problems with organised Christianity (The different denominations, and don't get me started on the mega-churches), I hate the corruption, dishonesty and the way they use people. That said, I know a lot of wonderful people with a faith and wonderful people with no faith. I am far more interested in the person than what religion they do or don't follow. I am fascinated that you're married to another Michael, Michael and Michael are husbands. It is things like that fascinate me, especially as a writer. And I also think same-sex marriage is great because if finally gives LGBT people the same choices as straights.

But we don't disagree. Hope is what I wanted at the end of this story. I didn't want a suddenly tacked on happy ending but I did want to show that there is a way out of this awful situation, but it isn't any easy route. This isn't a happy read because of the journey the narrator has to take in it, he has to face some awful things and face up to being a victim (which is not a good place to be). I intended it to be like this because I wanted to write about the damage caused.

@MichaelS36, it does me good to hear stories like yours, people who reject religious homophobia before it harms them. It also does me good to hear about people who balance their religion and sexuality without any guilt or shame. I met my husband 21 years ago and it was wonderful, he changed my life and he encourages me to write. I would say I hope you enjoy His Story but it's not a happy story. Happy reading

And that makes me so sad. Some things haven't changed in forty years. People shouldn't be barred from their religion just because of their sexuality, and certainly shouldn't be abused because of it.

@Parker Owens and @northie, thank you doesn't seem enough for giving this me this wonderful honour, opportunity and review. I wrote this story originally in the early 1990s. The media had seemed to just realised the horrors of the ex-gay movement. But so many people's response was, "this is terrible but once you leave it behind and come out then everything will be all right." I knew this wasn't true. So I wrote this story to show how the damage does not end just because we have escaped the abuse. This is one of the most personal of stories I have written. Though I am not Christian (the narrator here), we do share so many thing in common. I have rewritten and rewritten this story over years, such is the writer in me, but always I wanted to keep the damnation and beginning of salvation in this story. For years I didn't know what to do with this story, people who read it liked it but publishers and magazine editors I sent it to hated it. It was frustrating. I am so glad to have found GA, it is now the home to this story and will be to other ones I want to tell. I also owe a big thank you to @rec who proofread this story for me.

I originally wrote this story thirty years, it reflects the place I was in at that time, I really didn't know where I was going. Hence the characters chasing things that aren't real. I'm glad you liked it. I don't know where the characters are going either, I could never write a sequel to this one.

Thank you so much, that means so much. I've been criticised, in the past, for not always writing happy endings. I was once told that happy endings are the way that an author "rewards" their characters and readers. But a happy ending only works if the story leads to it, otherwise it so contrived. The stories I write about don't always lead to happy endings, like this one. With the screwed-up relationships here I couldn't finish with a happy ending, it would have been so false. I want to write about real relationships, about real people dealing with real situations, often unusual and/or traumatic situations. Before I started publishing here, I felt so frustrated with my writing, I couldn't find anywhere that wanted it. I had sent stories off to magazines and websites and publishers and I'd always get the same replies, my writing wasn't what they were looking for. So many of the publishers who publish gay fiction only seem to want romantic fiction now. I just can't write it because it all seems so wrong to me, writing about how couples live their lives together is far more interesting to me. If you're enjoying this collection please check out my other writing here, many of my favourite themes appear in them too.

I love writing about messy relationships because that's what we get in life. Nick was used by Lisa, to "test" Ethan, and then Ethan tried to use him for a shag. The cliched ending would either be Nick to turn down Ethan and feel very self-righteous about it, or to shag Ethan and then feel guilty about it the next day. But Nick was already feeling confused about kissing Ethan and the way the Lisa used him, so the only ending was for him was to turn down Ethan and then feel screwed up and confused by it all. It had to be a messy ending for a messy story. I am fascinated by human relationships but they are messy and awkward and confusing. I can't write about neat and tidy relationships, they are not real. Thanks for your comments, they help me so much. A lot of the stories in this collection are older stories of mine, though I have re-written them or added to them, I do worry about whether they work or not.

I liked your comment because I like all comments on my stories (all bar one) as a thank you for taking the time to comment. But I wanted to put a Sad emoji on your comment. I am so sorry to hear it. I wrote this story based on some of my own experience. I came out to my parents when I was twenty-one and they never discussed my sexuality with me afterwards. They only really acknowledged my sexuality when they first met my husband, over ten years later. My parents were Northern English, what they didn't understand something they just quietly ignored it. They had never thought, for a moment, they would have a gay son, so when they did they did what they always did, they quietly ignored it. I didn't know what to do either, they were my parents and I really didn't know how to confront them, though my political views and lifestyle (working as a nurse) was challenging them enough. They only really accepted my sexuality when they met Martin for the first time because then they had a social context for it. They treated him like a son-in-law, the way they treated my sister's husband and my brother's wife. I'd never condemn someone for not coming out to their parents. We have such complicated relationships with our parents, not wanting to jeopardise that I can understand. We can dump a bigoted or unsupportive friend or colleague, doing that with our parents is often not possible, for whatever reason. As a writer, I'm fascinated by parent/adult child relationships; as a human being, I had a very complicated relationship with my parents. I'm not making any assumptions, but you converted from Judaism to Christianity, how fascinating! I grew up Anglican, was an Evangelical Christian in my teens and am now an Agnostic. I find religious/faith journeys fascinating. What I find scary is people whose faith/religious views never change throughout their lives. Thank you for your comment, it does me so much good to hear people can relate to my writing.

I don't like tidy endings. Life doesn't have tidy endings, it has messy and unfinished endings. I want to write about life. With this story I wanted to write about the effects of survivor’s guilt, how it isn't logical but how destructive it. This story was based on a news report I saw, many years ago. It was about a family massacre, on Christmas Eve. My mind turned to the people who survived and the people who were not there, how did it affect them? I have seen so many stories from the Point-of-View of a mass shooter, yet I haven't seen any about how people live their lives after they have been involved in a mass shooting. Thanks for your comment, hearing from people who read my stories does me such much good.

Thursday 14th June 1990 Helen Helen carefully laid out the finished food upon the two plates which she then placed on the middle shelf of the oven, feeling the heat prickling the skin on her face. Before closing the oven door, she stared at the food there. The spiced chicken, the blanched green beans, the lightly boiled sweetcorn cobs, the crisp baked potatoes and the cheese and garlic sauce. She had felt a moment of pride, well, satisfaction at a job well done when she had finishe

I think it’s much more, daddy shot himself in the foot with all those texts and emails. Don't just be a bigot, but write it all down so someone else can use it against you. Simon obviously takes after his mother were intelligence is concerned. Aunt Kate was great fun to write, I'm now disappointed that she appears in only one chapter. But I am thinking about something else she could appear in, not connected with Simon's story. Of course Simon would ring and tell Jeff his good news, they're best friends. I am so glad you're enjoying this story.

@Gary L, thank you so much, this is a wonderful completement. You see, I was raised by my mother and father, they never divorced, they were only separated when my mother died. But. I have a lot of friends whose parents divorced, friends who are divorced/separated, and friends who are raising blended families. I've listened to them and their experiences, and that's what I used when I created this family. I gave Simon a mother and a step-mother for two reasons. One to reflect our modern world, and two to increase his awareness of homophobia. At the beginning of this story he's in the closet about his sexuality and his home life.

These are really good explanations, and do a far better job than me. The Rumpole books showed me the law wasn't the career for me

They are both lawyers but work very differently with the English legal system. A barrister represents the defence or prosecution in courtroom trial. They question the witnesses and argue the case. They are "instructed" by a solicitor, or employed by a solicitor, to represent their client, if they are appearing for the defence. If they are appearing for the prosecution then they are instructed by the Crown Prosecution Service. Solicitors do not appear in crown, well not usually and not in Crown Courts. They are the people you directly employ for legal advice or legal representation. If you're arrested then a solicitor will advise you of your legal rights and will sit in with you during the police interviews. They will make sure the police don't abuse your legal rights or try and pull a fast one. But they are the ones who provide legal advice, directly to the public, on a whole range of different things. Not all solicitors work in criminal law. When we bought our house we employed a solicitor to sort out all the legal side of it, which there was a lot. The English legal system is complicated. In this chapter, Niki mentions a character called Horace Rumpole, he's the fictional character created by John Mortimer. Rumpole was a barrister and I learnt a lot about the English legal system from reading the Rumpole books. They are also great stories.

Thank you. Those texts were a lawyer’s dream come true, Simon's dad just waves a huge flag showing what a bad father he is. I took all that from my Evangelical Christian days. I'd see people pushing their faith before their humanity and behaving in really horrible ways and yet congratulating themselves on being good Christians and goo people. Simon's dad doesn't have the backbone to actually harm his son, just bore him and alienate him. This chapter might seem like it ties everything up neatly but I wanted to show how someone who has professional knowledge can step in sort something out because they have the knowledge and experience to do so. Simon's mum has worried herself stupid about all this because she doesn't have any legal knowledge, she won't with her job and background. Kate, her sister, is a solicitor and can access the right information and her professionalism solves the problem. Simon's father was never going to win a custody case with his behaviour.

Thank you. I'm glad you like it. I wanted to set the speeds for this chapter throughout the story so that I didn't suddenly pull this good news out of nowhere.

Thank you. Isn't it great when justice is done and so cheaply? When I did a bit of research into Child Custody, here in the UK, I quickly found that Family Court Judges didn't look favourably on the behaviour of Simon's father and Simon's age and wishes would be very important in their decision. It quickly turned into a no-brainer. It was satisfying to write though, the bully doesn't win.

Simon sat back on the sofa trying to watch the evening news playing on the television in front of him. But he couldn’t concentrate on it. His mind kept returning back to the fact that his mum and Niki were now forty-five minutes late home. He was worried that, if they were this late, it could only mean bad news. On the bus on the way home from college that afternoon, he and Freddie had been talking about their plans for Hades that night. Well, Freddie had been bubbling over with excitement a

Thanks, you really got what I wanted to write here and that's so reassuring. I called this story "Days Like This" because I wanted to write about one, short period in Simon's life when everything changes. Originally it was going to just cover seven days, but the story just expanded, though I wanted to keep it less than a month in length. I still wanted it to be the period in his life when everything changes and for the better. I didn't want Simon making any big statements or gestures about being gay, just get to the point in his life where he doesn't deny being gay and can call out bigotry. Maybe not be able to stand up to the macho homophobia, but he has to start somewhere. As for Simon and Jeff, but they're just good friends, well in Simon's eyes they are.

Thank you for the feedback, it does me good to hear that what I wanted to write about is getting across. We hardly talk about how hard it is having depression, we talk even less about how hard it is to care for someone with depression. But that said, I didn't want to make Archie the bastard who leaves his depressed boyfriend, just someone under a lot of stress.

Tony, That's what I wanted Simon to do but when Nadine calls him "you gays" he doesn't react at all, except to challenge her bigotry. He doesn't deny it or feel threatened by it, he's gay so why should he? Which is a long way from where he was when this story started. As for Simon and Jeff, as the great Professor River Song said, "Spoilers sweaty, spoilers." Simon and Jeff are just really good friends, in Simon's eyes and this story is seen through them.

I grew up in an Evangelical Anglian background. When I started to realise about my sexuality, in my teens, I was told that I couldn't be gay, I had to change or burn in hell (Great thing to be told as a gay, scared, virginal teen). In terror I turned to the Ex-gay movement. To cut a long story short, they failed. To cut a really long story short, it screwed me up for nearly all my twenties. This was my first attempt to write about what happened to me, to use fiction to try and explain what happened to me. This isn't autobiographical, but I used some of the emotions that I'd lived though.

Rosie has been hurt by her marriage and her husband's behaviour, though being older she doesn't blame herself. It has made her a terrible control freak and she's afraid of upsetting Matthew, and fearing he'll cause trouble for her and Niki. If she could just cut all ties with Matthew then maybe she could relax into Niki's love and care. She's not a bad mother, but not a great one.

His dad has probably got the payment on a Standing Order (Automatic Payment) and has forgotten it is there. His dad is focusing on other things. He can't talk to his mum about it because she's made it plain she can't afford to pay for it (But I can't remember were that is discussed). To Simon his phone is very important, to his dad it's only £30 a month. A sum he could easily miss, but it is life or death to Simon.