Yettie One

I cracked up when the "subject" elected to wave enthusiastically at the Sergeant Major. I could just picture his face! Interesting creation you've brought to life here Sasha. Love your ability to breath life into your text and create a flavour for the reader to enjoy. I have to say, first impressions are of a fluffy milk chocolate shake, all fun and kinda sweet right now. I wonder if that is how it will stay, or as I suck the following chapters up through the straw I'll get some lemony twist or some other surprise. Knowing you, anything is possible. Great opening chapter dude.

Really great descriptive work in this chapter. You lay out the house and set the scene for your reader very nicely. Attention to detail in these little things makes for a clear sense of space for the reader which is always nice. Sometimes I think there is too little detail regarding a characters surroundings to allow a reader much time to create the mental picture of the environment of the story. Still finding the whole issue surrounding this kid really mysterious. You drop little inferences or allude to something that leaves you kind of uneasy that maybe something more than meets the eye is going on under the surface. Is this really the wholesome house, or are these characters protecting secrets that wouldn't just wreck a business venture, but whole lifestyles? interesting...

Yanked out of a fairly idyllic world, made to live with a virtual stranger and his rather aggressive bodyguard, and locked in his room......... Is it just me or does anyone else think that is just a little bit OTT.... You can't keep a kid in lock down and not expect him to rebel. I'm sorry, I kind of agree with Gene here, something stinks to high heaven.

Ah, family complexity and sibling rivalries, complicated by lineage. This will make for an interesting if not volatile relationship me finks. I was a little perplexed at a building magnet worrying about loosing customers over some family issue, or maybe I misunderstood that bit. Interesting start. I like the name Devyn. Such an unusual spelling. First time I've seen it come to think of it.

Sweet and sensitive, that was a lovely chapter. I think I'd agree with you, Nik probably understands his feelings for Sasha better than Sasha does, although his hesitation might end up causing even more confusion long term for poor Sasha. I do love how clueless Sasha is at times. I think it is perfectly summarised by Nik in this chapter when he says, "you are sweet and childlike and full of surprises!" Indeed Sasha constantly amuses me. His innocence is so well crafted and his character is developed in such a way that you cannot help but forgive his naivety. He is cute. I really like Nik though. He's sensitive and strong and capable and seemingly a good friend for Sasha.

Ok, so maybe a cat theme going on in your prompts me finks??? Hehe. A ginger pussy is always cute. Um, the descriptive value of your writing is sensational. I mean that was short and to the point, yet filled with expression and visual prompts, action, dialogue..... It was all going on, and most importantly is had a completely natural flow to it. Well done.

Haha really cute use of the prompt. I giggled at your description of the fall into the rose garden. It had great visual dynamics and humour through the flow. Love how a skunk became a kitty. Awwwww, kids and their adventures ey! Great feel good story.

Thoroughly superb. That was such an awesome ending, I certainly did not expect that at all I must be honest. Just goes to show how quickly we jump to a conclusion. I mean even I'd kind of written Gene off as a jerk, yet as Aaron said, he was probably just amped up by nerves and trying hard not to show it. Very true to life too. In such a short space, you broached the topic of insecurities, and how vulnerable we all are to those simple little moments of self doubt when we question ourselves and second guess ourselves. I thought you handled it really well, with a wonderfully positive and upbeat outcome, and left the reader on a high at the end which I salute you for Percy. That was really cool.

Oh dear. Sensitivities and issues around a perceived threat maybe? Poor Seth has gotten his nose bent out of shape, and with good reason it would seem to be fair. Funny how a simple comment meant for another reason entirely can come back to haunt you when you least expect it. LOL Superb detail in your writing Percy. It flows and keeps a steady pace, while keeping the reader glued wanting to know what is coming next.

Light and delicate word formation that paint a picture so eloquently Percy. Never done ice or snow climbing, although watched a few programs about Everest, but having said that, you feel in safe hands reading the passage of action during this chapter. Love your character build up. I really like the sound of Seth. He seems fun and sexy. Aaron seems to be a solid man's man if that's an alright way of putting it, and as for Gene, well that's not a name you come across very often. He seems a bit of a plonker to be fair. I hope his one upmanship does not upset the barrel cart during the climb! Great opening chapter Percy, looking forward to seeing where the climb takes us.

For all his faults the poor boy beats himself up so. You can't help but get caught up in this kids plight. The way you've woven it all together carries you through a whirlwind of emotion, fear, uncertainty, self loathing, doubt....... The confusion just goes on going on, is it any wonder that Sasha can't deal with it, cannot process it, fails to make head or tails of what he should or should not do. He has so much to learn, part of me fears he won't open up enough to allow this to happen though. I find myself hurting for Sasha, yearning for him to allow himself a chance, and to feel the love he deserves to feel. I really think Nik will be good for him, and I am hoping and praying that in embracing Nik's friendship they can both find love and acceptance and Sasha can feel some of the good the world can offer. Is it wrong to want to see him happy? Surely he deserves at least that. You have your readers routing for this boy. You cannot help but become immersed in this story Nephy, it is simple contagious. I love it, and can't wait to see what you have waiting in store for us next!

Awwwww best chapter of the lot! Was really nice to see James warm up to his brother. Me finks that Sasha's got the hots for Nik too! I'm glad the boy survived, although I guess in some ways he's got another mountain to climb now, but in some ways he'll have some form of closure to the Ryland chapter of his life. Still not too sure that he's going to be "safe" just yet. There is another mug out there, and I am pretty sure that some of his ex "clients" are not going to be too happy that he's still alive. I wonder if they got anything from the house Ryland was in when he despatched him to the dark side? Lovely chapter Nephy. Was nice to find some semblance of calm after that hurricane of drama.

Chew lead and sink you muppet!!!!!! God that felt good, but OMG that was sooooooo not the rescue that I was expecting Nephy! WOW Sasha is quite the little mastermind, and oh my god how much has he saved his brother from time and time again since getting into this fucked up mess! He's a hero. Simple as. God I hope to hell James finds that phone and an ambo gets to him on time. It has to or there is no story! Superb tension hun. That was just wow, I was like "no way in hell am I going to the toilet for the pee I need so desperately, can you see what's going on here???" You sure this isn't some Hollywood blockbuster script or something? Love it, and I'm sooooo friggen glad that psycho got his comeuppance.

The pure savagery in this chapter is supreme and the violence is visual. When a writer can paint a picture for the reader, it is awesome, but when the subject matter is that vivid and intense, you find yourself recoiling in horror. I physically feel ill right now, and while it is not pleasant and reading that chapter was really difficult, I can only say that it was written superbly. The reader is taken to hell and back here, and for a moment we can see the devil incarnate in Ryland. The man is synonymous with pure evil, there is no redemption possible or available for someone as sick as that. You have created the perfect sadistic villain for the story Nephy, after reading this, you cannot help but despise this maniac. I feel sorry for James actually. He's had a very rude awakening to what life can be like poor boy. For what it is worth, I didn't like the way he was acting, but I'd never have wished anything like that on him. He's just a teen being a bratty teen. Get yer feckin finger out yer bum Frank, these two need you NOW!!!!!!!!!

Yah! Chuffing hell I knew London was going to be a bad idea. Oh brother. And James is involved now and all, although he did attempt to stand up to one of the hood's, even if it was more out of pure surprise than intention. Well, I guess James will actually get to see what his brother has had to endure for himself now. Nothing like the cold light of day to open the eyes. In some ways, I can't say that I am sorry this has happened. I mean, Sasha hasn't got the will power to speak up his concern about Ryland, the family don't have the gumption to take an attempt on his life once seriously enough to take extra precautions....... I mean, it had to happen right? So, London is a network of camera's and cctv and the met are pretty bloody good at their job. So how long before Frank's on the job? Well, he's got two of em to find this time.