sandrewn

September 9th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Charles Lowder (Church of England) Ciarán of Clonmacnoise Constance, Nun, and her Companions (Episcopal Church) Our Lady of Arantzazu (Oñati) Peter Claver Synaxis of Ss. Joachim and Anna, an Afterfeast. (Eastern Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Churches) September 9 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Armored Forces Day (Ukraine) California Admission Day (California, United States) Children's Day (Costa Rica) Chrysanthemum Day or Kiku no Sekku (Japan) Day of the Victims of Holocaust and of Racial Violence (Slovakia) Emergency Services Day (United Kingdom) Independence Day or Republic Day, celebrates the proclamation of Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) in 1948. Independence Day (Tajikistan), celebrates the independence of Tajikistan from USSR in 1991. Martyrs' Day (Afghanistan) (date may fall on September 8, follows a non-Gregorian calendar, see List of observances set by the Solar Hijri calendar) Remembrance for Herman the Cheruscan (The Troth) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) International Sudoku Day Care Bears Share Your Care Day Carl Garner Federal Lands Cleanup Day Drive Your Studebaker Day Farmers' Consumer Awareness Day Free Dentistry Day German Language Day International Box Wine Day International Day to Protect Education from Attack International Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Awareness Day National When Pigs Fly Day National Wiener Schnitzel Day Steak Au Poivre Day Wonderful Weirdos Day Michelle Williams’s Birthday William Papa’s Birthday Hugh Grant’s Birthday Fai Khadra’s Birthday Eboni K. Williams’s Birthday Colonel Sanders’s Birthday Adam Sandler’s Birthday Lauren Daigle Birthday Fun Observances Teddy Bear Day September 9 is Teddy Bear Day, a day to bring out all your teddy bears and thank them for their company, the fun times you have had with them, and for all the days and nights they comforted you. Also, don't forget to give your teddy a big hug and apologize for all the rough housing your poor teddy bear may have had to go through in your childhood. Teddy Roosevelt Thought to have been created in the early 20th century, this iconic toy owes its name to American President Theodore Roosevelt, who was lovingly called Teddy by his family and friends. The story of why the toy came to be named after him dates back to a hunting trip in 1902 when Roosevelt refused to shoot an injured bear. Rumor has it that in response, Morris Michtom, a candy store owner in New York displayed two stuffed bears made by his wife in his display window and called them Teddy's bear. Children's Books Heros Today teddy bears are a popular toy for children of all ages. The stuffed toy has also become a part of children's literature and movies and popular culture. Some famous teddy bears include Paddington Bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, Corduroy, the Berenstain Bear family and Fozzie Bear. How to Celebrate? If you have toys from your childhood stored away in the attic or the garage, today is the day to take out all your teddy bears and show them some love. If you are looking to make space, why not take them to a local charity shop where they can be cleaned and given to children who need them? If you have children in your life, surprise them with their own teddy bear to cuddle with. Watch TV shows and movies that feature a teddy bear. Learn about the habitat and life of bears. Did You Know… …that the collective noun for bears is sleuth? A group of bears is called a sleuth or a sloth. In the same way that the word “long” becomes “length” or the word “moon” becomes month, the old-fashioned –th added to an adjective form a noun. Sloth or sleuth originates from the adjective slow, and although bears are not particularly known for being the slowest animals, it could have originated from their habit of hibernation or from their habit of appearing like they are constantly in search of something – hence the word sleuth, which also means detective. A group of bear cubs is called a litter. *** Feeling sick, my sister grabbed the thermometer from the medicine cabinet and popped it into her mouth. “Uh, Julie, that’s the dog’s thermometer,” said my mother. Julie spit it out. “Ewww, was that in Fitzie’s mouth?!” Mum hesitated before replying, “Not exactly.” *** I was really pleased with my purchase of a new pair of shoes from a major retailer. About a week later, on a rainy day, I was in a rush and quickly grabbed my shoes from the rack and made my way into town. To my horror, I felt a wet sensation inside my right shoe – it was leaking. I returned to the shop to complain about the leaking right shoe. At customer service, the assistant looked at both shoes and said, “Yes, sir, you’re correct – the right shoe leaks, but unfortunately only the left shoe was bought from this store.” My apology was as swift as my departure. *** A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on the door of an old lady’s house. The lady takes one look at him and says, “You are wasting your time, I have no money,” and tries to close the door. Quick as a flash the salesman jams his foot in the door. He then tips a big pile of horse manure on her carpet and says “If I don’t clean all this up, I’ll eat the rest.” The old lady says “Fine. But my power was cut off this morning, so let me get you a fork.” *** While at a convention, Bill, Jim and Scott shared a hotel suite on the 75th floor. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to find that the hotel elevators were broken and that they’d have to take the stairs all the way up to their room. “I have a way to break the monotony,” said Bill. “I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.” As they started climbing, Bill told his first joke. At the 26th floor, Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, it was Scott’s turn. “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “Once there was a man who left the room key in the car.” *** Hear about the statistician 
who drowned crossing a river? It 
was three feet deep on average. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

The original blurb on this one was a long one, I lost it(whoops) and still trying to find it again. As to your statement, ....or it might just be a cheap dye job gone wrong and a needed, long overdue trip to the barber shop for an extensive(massive) trim. The latter would probably shave years off his looks.

Adult Male Phidippus putnami Jumping Spider My daily wanderings paid off a couple days ago as I was making my way along a trail (following a large robber fly). A little form on the railing of a wooden bridge caught my eye from about 20 feet away, and as I took a couple steps closer - it spun around to greet me and I immediately recognized the face as an adult male Phidippus putnami.

September 8th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian Feast Day: Adrian and Natalia of Nicomedia (Roman Catholic Church) Corbinian Disibod Nativity of Mary (Roman Catholic Church), (Anglo-Catholicism) Monti Fest (Mangalorean Catholic) Our Lady of Charity Our Lady of Covadonga (national holiday in Asturias) Our Lady of Good Health of Vailankanni Pope Sergius I[43] September 8 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Feast Day of Our Lady of Meritxell (national holiday in Andorra) Accession Day (United Kingdom and the Commonwealth realms) (during the reign of Charles III) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Macedonia from Yugoslavia in 1991. International Literacy Day (International) Martyrs' Day (Afghanistan) (date may fall on September 9, follows a non-Gregorian calendar) National Day (Andorra), also the feast of Our Lady of Meritxell National Day (Asturias), also the feast of Our Lady of Covadonga National Day (Extremadura), also the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe Victory Day (Pakistan) Victory Day, also the feast of Our Lady of Victories or il-Vittorja (Malta) World Physical Therapy Day Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Actors' Day National 401(k) Day National Ampersand Day National David Day National Dog Walker Appreciation Day National Iguana Awareness Day National Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day Stand Up To Cancer Day Star Trek Day World Literacy Day Ruby Bridges’s Birthday Wiz Khalifa’s Birthday Pink’s Birthday Quinton Griggs’s Birthday Moe Assad’s Birthday Patsy Cline’s Birthday Martin Freeman’s Birthday Jonathan Taylor Thomas’s Birthday Jonah Michael Scott’s Birthday Fe4RLess’s Birthday Avicii’s Birthday Bernie Sanders Birthday David Arquette Birthday Chumlee Birthday Fun Observances Pardon Day September 8 is Pardon Day, a day to seek and give forgiveness. On Pardon Day put aside all your grudges, be kind to everyone and forgive those who may have hurt you. It is thought that the day owes its existence to the pardon granted by United States President Gerald Ford to former President Nixon for his involvement in the Watergate Scandal on September 8, 1974. Giving Pardon While the word pardon can be commonly used as a synonym of forgiveness, the word has a very specific legal implication. It is used to refer to an official or legal act that releases an individual or a group from the punishment for a crime. In its legal form a pardon is usually given by the head of a government, state or a religious authority. In many countries the rules of a pardon are coded in law or in the constitution. Forgive and Be Happy Forgiveness is the deliberate act of giving up on feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person, group, or institution that may have wronged you. Most religions and cultures hold forgiveness as one of the key elements of living a good, honest and pure life. Scientific studies have shown that practicing forgiveness can improve the physical and mental health of the forgiver. People who forgive those who have hurt them tend to live happier and healthier lives. This unofficial holiday is also known as International Pardon Day or National Pardon Day in the U.S. How to Celebrate? There is nothing wrong in saying sorry, so if you have someone you think you have hurt, tell them that you are sorry. Write a nice note or meet them for coffee. If someone comes to you to apologize for something they have done, be gracious and forgive them. Did You Know... ...that the word pardon comes from the Latin perdonare meaning to grant freely? *** An airline introduced a half-price fare for women accompanying their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote to all of the wives who’d used the special rate, asking them if they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?” *** A man sat on a train, chewing gum and staring vacantly across the aisle. Eventually, an old woman sitting opposite him leaned across the gap separating them. “It’s no good you speaking to me, young man,” she bellowed. “I went deaf years ago!” *** When the coffeemaker went on the fritz, I joked that maybe it was the fault of the cockroaches. Our office manager was not amused. “We don’t have cockroaches,” she said, putting me straight. “What about all the roach traps?” I asked, pointing to one. “A lot you know – those aren’t roach traps,” she sniffed. “They’re mousetraps.” *** We took our two teenage sons to a restaurant that was packed with fans watching a sporting event on TV. The harassed waitress took our order, but 30 minutes later there was no sign of our food. I was trying to keep my boys occupied when suddenly shouts of victory erupted from the bar. “You hear that?” said my 13-year-old. “Someone just got their food.” *** BYOP My mother was standing on 
the bus when she noticed that a 
man holding on to the same pole 
was staring at her. Finally, he said, “Excuse me. This is my stop.” “Well,” she said, “go ahead.” “This is my pole,” he said. My mother was confused until he added, “I just bought it at a store to hold up my shower curtain.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

I don't know about that. Shock & Awe( extreme fright causing a heart attack) could be viewed as lethal!

I have heard the expression, "Eyes in the back of her head" but not .......?

September 7th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Air Force Day (Pakistan) Christian feast day: Anastasius the Fuller Clodoald Gratus of Aosta Stephen Pongracz Marko Krizin Regina September 7 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Constitution Day (Fiji) Independence Day (Brazil), celebrates the independence of Brazil from Portugal in 1822. Military Intelligence Day (Ukraine) National Threatened Species Day (Australia) Victory Day (Mozambique) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) National Beer Lovers Day Buy a Book Day Fluidra International Pool Pro Day Google Commemoration Day Grandma Moses Day Indigenous Literacy Day International Day of Clean Air - 1 International Day of Clean Air for Blue Skies - 2 National Acorn Squash Day National Feel the Love Day National First Day of Peel Season National Grateful Patient Day National Neither Snow Nor Rain Day National New Hampshire Day National Regina Day National Tatiana Day Superhuman Day Texas Energy Savings Day World Duchenne Awareness Day Rosie McClelland’s Birthday Ruth Righi’s Birthday Hulk the Dog’s Birthday Ivan Cervantes’s Birthday Evan Rachel Wood’s Birthday Elizabeth I of England’s Birthday Eazy-E’s Birthday Cartman’s Birthday Buddy Holly’s Birthday Fun Observances Salami Day September 7 is Salami Day, a annual holiday that honors the delicious and spicy cured Italian sausage that is a perfect wine and cheese accompaniment. Typically made out of fermented and air dried meat, the salami is plural of the Italian word salame and originates from the Italian word for salt. Salami is traditionally made from beef or pork which is mixed with spices like pepper, garlic and wine, though many regional variations exist. Popular Sausage The more popular kinds of salami include pepperoni, chorizo and soppressata. The first Salami Day was held in 2006 in Henrico, Virginia, and was organized by the Salami Appreciation Society. Salami Day is also called National Salami Day in the United States How to Celebrate? Eat salami as it is, or pair with some crackers, cheese and wine. Learn how to make your own salami. Did You Know... ...that the salami is cased in animal intestines, usually the same animal from which the meat comes from. *** A police officer stopped at a farm and told the old farmer, “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.” The farmer said, “OK – as long as you don’t go in that field over there.” The policeman sneered nastily. “I think you’ll find, sir, that I have the authority of the police force behind me.” He pulled out his badge. “See this? It means I’m allowed to go wherever I want. No questions asked, no answers given. I’m in charge. Understand, old man?” The farmer nodded politely and went about his chores. A short time later, he heard loud screams. He looked up to see the policeman running for his life, pursued by the farmer’s massive bull. With every step, the beast was gaining ground. The policeman looked terrified. The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted at the top of his lungs, “Your badge – show him your badge!” *** I recently took my wife on holidays to the north of England, and since our son was to join us for a few days, I texted him to bring fuel for the fire as it had turned decidedly chilly. A few days into our stay, we received news that an elderly relative had died, so I texted our son with the funeral arrangements. Although the two messages were sent days apart, patchy phone reception in that remote part of the country meant they reached him almost simultaneously – and in reverse order. They read: “Uncle’s funeral at crematorium 11:30 on Saturday… Bring logs for the fire.” *** God said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Of course I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about if for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how a woman feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.” God replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?” *** Pop Vs. Pup While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Mini-Me??

September 6th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast days: Begga Chagnoald Faustus, Abibus and Dionysius of Alexandria Gondulphus of Metz Magnus of Füssen Onesiphorus Zechariah (Hebrew prophet) (Catholic church) September 6 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) The earliest date on which the Abbots Bromley Horn Dance is performed Armed Forces Day (São Tomé and Príncipe) Defence Day or Army Day (Pakistan) Flag Day (Bonaire) Independence Day (Swaziland), celebrates the independence of Eswatini from the United Kingdom in 1968 Unification Day (Bulgaria) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Global Talent Acquisition Day Great Egg Toss Day Janmashtami National Coffee Ice Cream Day National Sabrina Day National Color Blind Awareness Day Terrence Clarke’s Birthday Katy Hearn’s Birthday Roger Waters’s Birthday Jane Addams’s Birthday Idris Elba’s Birthday Gabriela Gonzalez’s Birthday Bertie Carvel’s Birthday Asher Angel’s Birthday Fun Observances (2) Fight Procrastination Day September 6 is Fight Procrastination Day. It is an unofficial holiday that encourages people to take charge of their procrastination problem and to find ways to combat the never-ending urge to put off important tasks for another day. Every once in a while we come across a task we rather not do. It could be something as simple as cleaning up our desk or ordering a birthday present or as complex as writing a paper for class or finish cleaning out the garage. When it comes to daunting, boring or important tasks we have all procrastinated by doing something else. Perfectionists Procrastination does not always have disastrous consequences. Most people who procrastinate tend to finish the task at hand at the last moment. Some psychologists believe that sometimes procrastination can be a sign of a perfectionist personality. Sometimes however procrastination can become a problem. Studies have shown that habitual procrastination increases stress and anxiety, reduces productivity and can have a negative impact on a person's job performance. How to Celebrate? If you find yourself to be a habitual procrastinator, here are some ways you can fight the impulse to put things off on Fight Procrastination Day: Get to your to-do list now and start crossing off tasks. Learn ways to fight your procrastinating tendencies. Perhaps ask a friend to monitor your progress? Reward yourself for tasks completed on time. Did You Know... ...that procrastibaking is the act of using baking as a procrastination device? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Read a Book Day On September 6, pour yourself a cup of tea, find a cozy spot and curl up with a good book because it is Read A Book Day! Possibly created by a bibliophile, the unofficial holiday encourages people to pick up a book and immerse themselves in it. Lowers Stress Research has shown that reading can have several health and social benefits. Frequent readers tend to have lower stress levels than non-readers. In addition, reading can stimulate brain activity and improve memory. Socially, reading can reap a lot of benefits - well-read people tend to be more empathetic and aware of societal ills and differences. Reading can also improve critical thinking and comprehension skills and can make people better writers. How to Celebrate? Wether you are a fan of fiction, non-fiction, science fiction, history, medical literature, short stories or any of the hundreds of genre of literature out there, here are some ways you can celebrate Read a Book Day: Read that book you have always been meaning to pick up and read. Revisit your favorite book and read it again. Join a local book club so that you have more motivation to read. If you are already a part of a book club, what about organizing a book party for them? Invite all the book club members and discuss a book while enjoying dishes inspired by your favorite books. Learn more about the life and work of your favorite author. Visit your local library, and if you are not already a member, become one. Support your local library or any reading initiatives that exist in your neighborhood by volunteering your time, money or expertise. Did You Know... ...that the Japanese word tsundoku refers to the act of piling up books without reading them? We have all been guilty one time or the other of buying multiple books and letting them pile without ever getting around to reading them. *** Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose half a kilo right now, press “one” 18,000 times. *** After a check-up, a doctor asked his patient, “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” “Well,” said the patient, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.” “That’s a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?” “Yes, we took a vote … and they’re in favour of it 15 to 2.” *** A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name. “M-U-M,” he said proudly. Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said excitedly, “That’s how you spell my mum’s name too!” *** My husband was a tour guide for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife, Scotland. One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise was very loud and prompted one of the party to comment that he couldn’t understand why the castle had been built so near an airfield! *** Father’s Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one. When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. “Tyler, what are you doing?” I asked. “Haven’t you found a nice card for Daddy yet?” “No,” he replied. “I’m looking for one with money in it.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Like lynx spiders, jumping spiders don't build a web, instead they go out and hunt their dinner. Lynx spiders have adequate but not spectacular eyesight, but jumping spiders have excellent vision, allowing them to walk around their environment and actively stalk their prey, rather than waiting in ambush for something to come by. It's apparently a very successful strategy, since jumping spiders comprise the largest family of spiders, about 5000 in total, making up about 13% of the estimated 40000 spider species. They're also some of the most beautiful of spiders with attractive, often metallic colors, like this tiny female guarding her eggs. They have great personalities, too - the two large main eyes which are a distinguishing feature of the family make these spiders look more engaging, and unlike almost all other spiders they'll actually turn and look at you. If they decide you're a threat then they will often move to the underside of the leaf they're on, otherwise they'll continue about their business, stopping from time to time to check that you're not doing anything nefarious.

September 5th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Bertin Charbel (martyr) Genebald Gregorio Aglipay (Episcopal Church) Mother Teresa Ursicinus of Ravenna Zechariah and Elisabeth (Anglican and Eastern Orthodox Church) September 5 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest date on which Jeûne genevois can fall, while September 11 is the latest; celebrated on Thursday after the first Sunday of September. (Canton of Geneva) International Day of Charity Teacher's Day (India) The flag-flying day for Denmark's deployed personnel (Denmark) First day of school in Vietnam Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Telephone Tuesday Another Look Unlimited Day National Actdumb. Day National Cellulite Day National Child Protection Week National Shrink Day World Samosa Day Raquel Welch’s Birthday Rose McGowan’s Birthday Kio Cyr’s Birthday Louis XIV’s Birthday KellyP’s Birthday Freddie Mercury’s Birthday Claudette Colvin’s Birthday Bob Newhart’s Birthday Adam Calhoun’s Birthday Fun Observances (2) Be Late for Something Day We would normally not encourage you to do this on any other day, but Be Late For Something Day on September 5 is the perfect excuse for you to be late. It is believed that Be Late For Something Day was created by the Procrastinators' Club of America, an organization as a way to allow people to take a break from their busy daily schedules. Don't Rush In today's world, most people spend their lives rushing and hurrying, always fighting against the clock. This unofficial holiday asks people to slow down; take a breath and savor the world around them; and enjoy the small pleasures of life. Stop and smell the roses, if you will. Be Late For Something Day is also known as National Be Late For Something Day in the United States. How to Celebrate? Be late to something on purpose. But be considerate to the people who are waiting for you - call them ahead and let them know you are running late. Did You Know… …that the use of the term, late, to refer to a deceased person, dates back to the late 15th century? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cheese Pizza Day September 5 is Cheese Pizza Day, a day to indulge in a slice (or two) of the classic and simple cheese pizza. While the origins of this fun food holiday are unknown, we can all safely assume that it encourages people to pay homage to the humble but delicious pizza pie covered with only tomato sauce, seasonings and cheese. Hearty Italian Dish Italian in origin, a pizza is a hearty dish made of rolled out dough topped with tomato, cheese, vegetables or meats, which is baked in an oven before being served. It is believed that the pizza as we know it today originated in Naples, Italy. A Traditional Speciality Guaranteed product in Europe, the Neapolitan pizza is made with tomatoes and Mozzarella cheese. This means that only pizzas made in Naples can be called Neapolitan pizza in the European Union and the rest of Europe. Fit for a Queen Legend has it that a variant of Neapolitan pizza, the Margherita, was created by pizza maker Raffaele Esposito in 1889 to honour the Queen consort of Italy, Margherita of Savoy. The pizza represented the national colors of the flag of Italy with the use of tomato, mozzarella and basil. How to Celebrate? Celebrating Cheese Pizza Day, which is also sometimes known as National Cheese Pizza Day in the United States, is easy. Here are some ways to celebrate this delicious holiday: Make your own cheese pizza at home from scratch. Experiment with different types of cheese. Perhaps you could try replacing the mozzarella with blue cheese, brie or some creamy goat cheese? Have cheese pizza for all your meals. Start with a breakfast pizza, with feta cheese, bacon and eggs. Have a classic cheese pizza for lunch, and a gourmet cheese pizza with your favorite meat and vegetable toppings for dinner. End the day with a dessert pizza - pizza with cream cheese, chocolate and berries. Visit your favorite pizza place and treat yourself to a slice or two of their cheese pizza. Did You Know… ...that tomato wasn’t a staple addition to the pizza until the 1700s? Tomatoes only became popular with pizza lovers in Italy in the 1900s. Before that, they were thought to be poisonous and unfit for consumption. *** A university football coach called out the new member saying, “Look, I’m not supposed to have you on this team because you failed your maths exams but we really do need you to play for us. What I’ll do is ask you one simple maths question and if you answer it correctly I’ll sign a slip to say that you’ve passed maths, OK?’ The player nodded. “Right” said the coach: “What’s four plus four?” The player wrinkled his forehead and thought for a while, then replied, “Eight!” Immediately all the other team members shouted,” Aw, come on coach. Give him another chance!” *** William came home from the doctor looking very worried. “What is it? asked his wife. “What’s the problem?” “Well, the doctor told me I have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of my life,” explained William. “So what?” his wife replied. “Lots of people have to do that.” “I know. But he only gave me four pills.” *** A woman is feeling unwell, so she goes to her GP. He immediately spots the problem and says to her, “Take this red pill after breakfast with a glass of water.” “OK.” “Take this blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water.” “Ok.” “And take this yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water.” “Good heavens,” says the woman, “whatever is the matter with me?” “You don’t drink enough water.” *** Right to Ignore Being president is like 
running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening. *** *** How's life these days? Me: - Funny *** *** *** Sharks are so being misunderstood *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Spitting Spider The Spitting Spider - REAL LIFE WEB SLINGER! - YouTube

September 4th 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Candida the Elder Blessed Catherine of Racconigi Blessed Dina Bélanger Hermione of Ephesus Ida of Herzfeld Irmgardis (of Süchteln) Moses and Aaron (Lutheran Church and Eastern Orthodox Church) Paul Jones (Episcopal Church) Rosalia Rose of Viterbo Rufinus, Silvanus, and Vitalicus Thamel and companions Ultan of Ardbraccan September 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Immigrant's Day (Argentina) Newspaper Carrier Day (United States) Toothfish Day (South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Labor Day National Wildlife Day Mouthguard Day National Macadamia Nut Day Umhlanga reed dance Day West Indian Day Parade Xavier Woods’s Birthday Mark Tuan’s Birthday Sheri Nicole’s Birthday Light Skin Keisha’s Birthday Josh Zerker’s Birthday Jasmine Sandlas’s Birthday Devyn Winkler’s Birthday Beyoncé’s Birthday Fun Observances Eat an Extra Dessert Day September 4 is Eat an Extra Dessert Day, a day that encourages people to treat their sweet tooth with a second (or well, even a third) helping of dessert. It is unclear who created this awesome but unofficial holiday, but we think that whoever it was, deserves a big slice of cake after a huge bowl of ice cream! Ends the Meal Desserts are usually a sweet course served after the end of a meal. While in the past typically this meal took place at the end of the day, in modern times desserts can accompany a mid-day meal as well. Desserts are also known as sweets in many parts of the world. This sweet holiday is also called National Eat an Extra Dessert Day in the in the United States. How to Celebrate? Guiltlessly indulge yourself in a little extra dessert on this day and inform everyone you know about this happy holiday. We are convinced that it will soon become everyone's favorite made-up holiday! Spend some time in the kitchen whipping up some delicious desserts to share with your friends, family and co-workers. Have a dessert party! Ask guests to bring their favorite dessert to share and spend the evening enjoying the desserts. Make sure you are all equipped with healthy food for the sugar crash afterwards! Did You Know… …that the word dessert comes from the French word desservir, which means to clear the table? *** The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “what’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be $10,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.” The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.” The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!” The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.” To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.” *** Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens. “That’s so clever,” the woman gasps. “How did you do it?” “Easy,” replies the man. “These are khakis”. *** An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my garden one afternoon. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he was well looked after. I gave him a few pats on the head and he followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “I’d like to find out who the owner of this wonderful dog is, and ask if you’re aware that almost every afternoon he comes to my house for a nap.” The next day he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar. “He lives in a home with six children,” it read. “Two are under the age of three and he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?” *** An Elevator Romance I was alone in an elevator when a girl stepped in with a phone pressed to her ear. “I have to go,” she told the person on the other end. “There’s 
a cute guy standing here.” Before 
I could react, she turned to me and said, “Sorry for lying. I just wanted to end that conversation.” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** sandrewn

Sheepy Jumping Spider (Oviballus vidae) Mount Coke State Forest, South Africa.

September 3rd 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Mansuetus of Toul Marinus Pope Gregory I Remaclus Prudence Crandall (Episcopal Church (USA)) September 3 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) China's victory over Japan commemoration related observances: Armed Forces Day (Republic of China) V-J Day (People's Republic of China) Feast of San Marino and the Republic, celebrates the foundation of the Republic of San Marino in 301. Flag Day (Australia) Independence Day, celebrates the second independence of Qatar from the United Kingdom in 1971. Levy Mwanawasa Day (Zambia) Merchant Navy Remembrance Day (Canada) Merchant Navy Day (United Kingdom) National Welsh Rarebit Day (United States) Tokehega Day (Tokelau, New Zealand) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) National Pet Rock Day National Stephen Day US Bowling League Day Yamashita Surrender Day Shaun White’s Birthday RonaldOMG’s Birthday Sharleen Joynt’s Birthday Park Soo-young’s Birthday Riley Hubatka’s Birthday Kaia Gerber’s Birthday Jack Dylan Grazer’s Birthday DJ Envy’s Birthday Charlie Sheen’s Birthday August Alsina’s Birthday Fun Observances Skyscraper Day Skyscraper Day is held annually on September 3. Celebrate this unofficial holiday by climbing or taking the elevator/lift up a skyscraper and by acknowledging the architectural and engineering feats that make such buildings possible. The holiday, which has unknown origins, encourages people to learn more about the science and art of building skyscrapers. 40 Floors Skyscrapers are very tall buildings that define a city's skyline. The term originates in the United States in the late 1880s during the building boom in Chicago and New York. At this time, buildings that had more floors than the surrounding buildings were called skyscrapers. These days, buildings that have have at least 40 or more floors are designated as skyscrapers. Three Height Criteria The Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat, an international organization of civil engineers and architects based in Chicago, U.S. is an authority on the official heights of tall buildings and determines which building receives the title of the Tallest Building in the World. The Council ranks the heights of buildings based on three criteria: the height of building from the lowest level to the architectural top, excluding antennae and flagpoles; the highest occupied floor; and from the lowest level to the highest level, including antennae and flagpoles. How to Celebrate? Go up a skyscraper and take in the views from the top floor. Many skyscrapers have restaurants or cafes at their top floors - why not have a meal there while enjoying your city’s landscape? Learn more about the science and engineering behind these architectural marvels. Make your own skyscraper city using toy blocks or other materials. Did You Know... ...that in Hong Kong tall buildings do not have a floor numbered 13 or any floors that have a 4 in its number. This is because the numbers 13 and 4 are culturally seen as unlucky numbers. *** James and Stephen go into a sweet shop. James stealthily pockets three bars of chocolate and slips out. Gloating, he challenges Stephen to do something even bigger. “No problem,” replies Stephen. “I’ll show you the real art of thieving.” Re-entering the shop, Stephen approaches a member of staff and asks, “Would you like to see a magic trick?” The staff member nods, so Stephen takes three chocolate bars off the shelf and eats them all. “So where’s the magic?” asks the staff member. “Just check my friend’s pocket,” Stephen replies, pointing to James. “You’ll find all three bars intact.” *** At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly. *** Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them deep into the wilderness to look for deer. After bagging six large bucks, they were loading the plane to return when the pilot said, “Hold on. This aircraft is only rated to carry four deer.” The two men objected strongly. “Last year we got six and the pilot let us take them all – and he had the exact same plane.” Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six deer were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down in the forest. Somehow the two men survived, and after climbing from the wreckage the first hunter asked: “Any idea where we are?” “Sure,” his friend replied. “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.” *** Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court “How many times have you committed suicide?” “Were you alone or by yourself?” “Was it you or your brother who was killed?” “Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next.” “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?” “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** When my kid told me a laptop was essential for taking notes. *** *** sandrewn

The first employment I had out of high school was with a company called, 'Adams Engraving & Embossing' (1969). Inventory Control Assistant (read gopher), I learned a heck of a lot about paper quantities, not to mention just how heavy a shipment of it could be(bundles & bales). My gross weekly pay was about $27. The only perk I got was that I was allowed to make (on my own time) my own embossed business card. Back to your comment, 480 sheets was(still is) called a 'short' ream. Today 500 sheets(what you buy in stores) is also known as a 'long' ream. Flash back to me. I lasted 6 months there, then I joined the military and the rest as they say is history. Units of paper quantity - Wikipedia

??? Genus Scytodes in action ???

September 02nd 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Acepsimas of Hnaita and companions (Syriac Orthodox Church) Agricola of Avignon Antoninus of Pamiers Brocard Castor of Apt Diomedes Eleazar Hieu Ingrid of Sweden Justus of Lyon Margaret of Louvain Maxima of Rome Nonnosus William of Roskilde September 2 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Democracy Day (Tibet) Independence Day (Transnistria, unrecognized) Independence Day (Artsakh, unrecognized) National Blueberry Popsicle Day (United States) National Day, celebrates the independence of Vietnam from Japan and France in 1945 Victory over Japan Day (United States) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) Calendar Adjustment Day Ceuta Day Franchise Appreciation Day International Bacon Day National Hummingbird Day National Live Fearless Day National Tailgating Day Pierce Your Ears Day Spalding Baseball Day Turkey Vulture Day World Beard Day World Coconut Day Salma Hayek’s Birthday Mark Harmon’s Birthday Patrick Cloud’s Birthday Kian Lawley’s Birthday Leah Ashe’s Birthday Katt Williams’s Birthday Keanu Reeves’s Birthday Hayley LeBlanc’s Birthday Faye Chrisley’s Birthday Eugenio Derbez’s Birthday Charles Trippy’s Birthday Camille Grammer’s Birthday Fun Observances Bison Ten Yell Day On September 2 celebrate the 200th anniversary of any imaginary character of your choosing because it is Bison-Ten-Yell Day. Don't get it? It has nothing to do with bisons except for the name. Read Bison-Ten-Yell Day out fast and it sounds like bicentennial day. The origins of this unofficial day are unknown. How to Celebrate? If you need an excuse for a celebration, today is it. Make up a character or happy event and celebrate its bicentennial on this day. You could even make up a story around the character and have a contest among your guests - whoever comes up with the best and the most historically correct story will win! Since the day has bison in its name, what about spending some time to learn about bisons and their environment? Did You Know… …that despite their size, bisons can run very fast? They can gain speeds up to 65 km/h (40 mph). *** My wife was checking her emails and told me her password was “mickeyminniebatmanrobintomjerryLondon”. I asked her why it needed to be so long. “Because,” she replied, “I was told it had to have at least six characters and one capital.” *** I often wonder about people who live in tropical destinations. What do their screen savers look like? *** A guy in a van pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, “Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled?” The Rolls owner nods. “So is mine. Got Wi-Fi?” The Rolls owner nods again. “Me too. What about a double bed?” “No. Do you?” asks the Rolls guy. “Yep.” The light changes and the van takes off. Jealous, the Rolls guy heads to a Pimp My Rolls customising shop and gets a double bed installed, then drives around until he finds the van parked on the side of the road. He raps on the window. “Guess what? I got a double bed put in my car too.” The van owner peers out. “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!” *** My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers. *** *** *** *** *** Sighing...., my dad never took me trick or treating😥 *** *** *** *** Just for your interest. These are some their notable descendants: Hillary Clinton Angelina Jolie Madonna Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion (Hall of Fame ice hockey player) *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Just one more reason I don't take the subway (anymore) *** I rest my case (never more). Now where the hell is my anti-bat spray, anyone got some garlic I can borrow? *** *** *** *** sandrewn

So sorry for your loss, her pain and suffering are over, take comfort in that. Do what you have to, know that we are here. Take care, sandrewn.

Garden cross spider - Araneus diadematus Taken at the Wetland centre Llanelli. Spiderweb Facts, Home is where you weave it Spiders produce silken thread using several paired spinneret glands located at the tip of their abdomen. Each gland produces a thread for a special purpose – for example a trailed safety line, sticky silk for trapping prey or fine silk for wrapping it. Spiders use different gland types to produce different silks, and some spiders are capable of producing up to 8 different silks during their lifetime. Most spiders have three pairs of spinnerets, each having its own function – there are also spiders with just one pair and others with as many as four pairs. Webs allow a spider to catch prey without having to expend energy by running it down. Thus it is an efficient method of gathering food. However, constructing the web is in itself an energetically costly process due to the large amount of protein required, in the form of silk. In addition, after a time the silk will lose its stickiness and thus become inefficient at capturing prey. It is not uncommon for spiders to eat their own web daily to recoup some of the energy used in spinning. The silk proteins are thus recycled. The tensile strength of spider silk is greater than the same weight of steel and has much greater elasticity. . Taken in eastern Oregon long ago. Rising early in the morning which is usually the best time to find webs unbroken and decorated in dew and sunlight.

@raven1@drpaladin I thought of her other series also. However Myr (clever fellow that he is) provided the answer with the film clip he included. Top right hand corner, faint, but visible for all to see - Keeping Up Appearances. Score: Myr - 1 Drpalidin, raven1, sandrewn - 0

September 1st 2023 - Holidays and Observances (click on the day for details) Christian feast day: Constantius (Costanzo) of Aquino David Pendleton Oakerhater (Anglican Communion) Giles Loup (Lupus) of Sens Nivard (Nivo) Sixtus of Reims Terentian (Terrence) Verena Vibiana The beginning of the new liturgical year (Eastern Orthodox Church and the Eastern Catholic Church) September 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Knowledge Day (Former Soviet Union) Anniversary of Al Fateh Revolution (Gaddafists in Libya) Wattle Day (Australia) Observances (click on the day, BD, or week for details) American Chess Day Bring Your Manners To Work Day Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day Cherry Popover Day Chicken Boy Day College Colors Day Ginger Cat Appreciation Day National Tofu Day National Acne Positivity Day National Chianti Day National Child Identity Theft Awareness Day National Food Bank Day National Lazy Mom’s Day Pink Cadillac Day National Little Black Dress Day National Monterey County Fair Day Slovakia Constitution Day Uzbekistan Independence Day World Letter Writing Day Rapunzel ASMR’s Birthday Zendaya’s Birthday Gloria Estefan’s Birthday Jungkook’s Birthday Dr. Phil’s Birthday Chanel West Coast’s Birthday Barry Gibb’s Birthday Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr.’s Birthday Aleksandr Vitaly’s Birthday Observances (click on the month for details) National Guide Dog Month Whole Grains Month International Square Dancing Month Leukemia and Lymphoma Awareness Month National Suicide Prevention Month Read A New Book Month National Piano Month Sepsis Awareness Month Sourdough September Friendship Month National Honey Month National Chicken Month National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month National Mushroom Month Chiari Awareness Month National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month National Sewing Month Happy Cat Month National Preparedness Month National Library Card Sign-up Month Pulmonary Fibrosis Awareness Month Shake Month Hunger Action Month Fun Observances (2) Emma Nutt Day Emma Nutt Day on September 1 celebrates the world’s first female telephone operator, Emma M Nutt. Like almost all professions, telephone services began as a man's world. The first telephone operators were all men, though very soon managers and customers realized that they were often impatient and rude with their customers. To avoid more unhappy customers, the Edwin Holmes Telephone Dispatch Company in Boston, Massachusetts decided to hire women. So on September 1, 1878 Alexander Graham Bell himself appointed Emma as the world's first female telephone operator. Her trailblazing career lasted for almost 35 years. Pioneering Women Emma's appointment was pathbreaking in many ways. She spearheaded a drastic change in the face and the tone of the telecommunications industry in the United States - by the mid 1900s, a majority of telephone operators in the country were women. Additionally, her employment strengthened the slowly pervading notion that women could work outside their homes and also contribute to the society and economy. Other annual holidays that celebrate pioneering women around the world include Helen Keller Day, The Duchess Who Wasn’t Day, Frankenstein Day, Ada Lovelace Day, and Jane Addams Day. How to Celebrate? Like Emma, there are many other women who paved the path for future generations of girls to opt for careers and professions generally only reserved for men. Learn about their lives and their contribution to the society. Read more about the telephone industry and the science behind telecommunications. Pick up the phone and call the women who inspire you, and let them know that they are your role models. Did You Know… …that Emma Nutt and her sister Stella were the world's first sister duo to work as telephone operators? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No Rhyme or Reason Day September 1 is No Rhyme or Reason Day. The unofficial holiday is dedicated to the English language idiom, no rhyme or reason, which means something that occurs without any purpose or explanation. The idiom is thought to have first found its way in the English language through the 1460 book The Boke of Nurture by John Russell, though it is most famous for its appearance in the 1590 Shakespearean play Comedy of Errors. It once again showed up in Shakespeare's 1600 play, As You Like It. The holiday is also known in the United States as National No Rhyme or Reason Day or National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day. How to Celebrate? Do you need a rhyme or a reason to celebrate this fun holiday? Here are some ways you can honor this expression: What about celebrating this holiday by tapping into your creative side? Spend the day writing free verse - poetry without any rhyme. Have a no rhyming contest with a friend or a co-worker. Find words that do not rhyme with anything else. Whoever finds the most words wins a copy of a thesaurus or a dictionary! Do something nice for someone for no rhyme or reason. Sometimes the most generous gestures are the ones that are undertaken without any cause or purpose. Did You Know... ...that in literature and poetry, words that are spelled similarly but pronounced differently are called eye rhymes? *** A man vacations on a tropical 
island, and the first thing he hears 
is drums. He goes to the beach 
and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums. Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs. “No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.” “Why?” “When the drums stop, the bass solo begins.” *** My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later—same ticket, same cop. “So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?” “Yes, I have,” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.” *** After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks out. When he 
gets home, filthy and exhausted, 
his wife says, “Where have 
you been? You escaped eight hours ago!” *** One spring day I was taking the roll in my secretarial class at our local technical college. One of the sun worshipers was absent. "Cindy won't be here this afternoon?" I asked. "She went home to lay in the sun," a young woman in the front row answered. Trying to correct her grammar without embarrassing her before the class, I whispered, "Lie." "Okay," she replied in astonishment. "Cindy got sick and went home." *** In case you needed any more arguments in favor of buying a car and taking it alone everywhere you go for the rest of your life. *** I don't know about you, but I'm pinning all my hopes on 2038!! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ( Reposted by Popular Demand! ) sandrewn

Just in case any of you were wondering? I think she is ' Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet, if you please) ' from the British sitcom, Keeping Up Appearances. As a tie in, her husband, Richard, would have been a great example for the Wednesday(23rd) - Word of the Day - henpeck(ed). Toodeloo,

GIANT SPIDERS – MONSTROUS MYTH, OR TERRIFYING TRUTH? Model of Shelob from Tolkien's classic trilogy of fantasy novels The Lord of the Rings (© Dr Karl Shuker) Monstrous spiders of gargantuan size are perennially popular subjects in science fiction 'B' movies as well as in classic fantasy novels such as J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit, but could such beasts exist in reality? The current record-holder for the title of world's largest spider is Rosi - a 12-year-old captive female specimen of South America's goliath bird-eating spider Theraphosa blondi (click here for a separate ShukerNature blog article revealing the outcome when T. blondi was formally challenged recently for its title as world's largest spider species by a near-legendary competitor). Rosi boasted a leg-span of 11.25 in (big enough to cover a dinner plate), a body weighing 6.17 oz (which is as heavy as six house sparrows Passer domesticus) and as big as a tennis ball, plus a total body length of 4.75 in. An adult female Theraphosa blondi (public domain) Although these are impressive statistics, they are far from monstrous. In contrast, as I reveal in this present ShukerNature blog article, there are some remarkable yet currently-unresolved modern-day reports on file hinting that certain truly astonishing arachnids whose size very dramatically surpasses this latter species' stature lurk in shadowy zoological anonymity within various regions of our world. A PUPPY-SIZED SPIDER IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA The Kokoda Track (or Trail) is a predominantly straight, single-file foot thoroughfare running 60 miles through inhospitable terrain across the Owen Stanley mountain range of Papua New Guinea, and from July 1942 to January 1943 it was the site of a series of World War II battles between Australian and Japanese forces known as the Kokoda Track Campaign. In 2001, Australian cryptozoologists Peter and Debbie Hynes revealed that it was also here, while serving as a soldier in the Australian Army, that the father of one of Debbie's friends had a brief but unforgettable encounter with a mystery mega-spider: "One day he had to take himself off into the scrub in answer to a call of nature. While thus engaged he noticed he was crouched down next to a very large cobweb - not the classic "fishing-net" sort but the fine, snow-white cottony stuff that spread all over the ground and tree trunk etc. His eye followed it one way and then the other - seems it was very extensive, like 10 to 15 ft either way. Then he noticed the spider itself, only a foot or so away from his face. It was a real horror - the body, i.e. thorax+abdomen, he described as the "size of a small dog or puppy", it was coloured jet black, the legs were thick and hairy but not as long as the classic "dinner plate tarantula" type spider that owes its size to the spread of its legs. This thing had more body bulk than spread. Needless to say he backed out of there very slowly and carefully." In spiders, the 'body' is actually just the abdomen (opisthosoma), not the thorax plus abdomen (although it can look like that to laymen unfamiliar with spider anatomy), because the thorax section is combined with the head, yielding the prosoma or cephalothorax. So, judging from the above description, the Papuan 'puppy spider' must have been at least the size of an adult chihuahua! With a model of a giant spider (© Dr Karl Shuker) This is not the only report of a giant mystery spider encountered in New Guinea during World War II. During an interview with cryptozoologist Rob Morphy of AmericanMonsters.com on the U.S. radio show 'Coast To Coast AM' a couple of years ago, a telephone caller named Craig recounted how his grandfather, while serving in New Guinea during WW2, encountered a monstrous spider in a web that scared him so much he hacked it to death with his machete. According to Craig's grandfather, the spider measured an immense 3 ft from tip to tip, and, unexpectedly, was not hairy like many big spiders are. Instead, it was shiny, and was emerald green in colour. This nightmarish arachnid was encountered near Port Moresby, the capital of Papua New Guinea. J'BA FOFI – 'GREAT SPIDER' OF THE CONGO Yet even this monster pales into insignificance alongside the horrifying j'ba fofi ('great spider') claimed by the Baka pygmy tribe and also the local Bantu hunters to exist amid the central African jungles of Cameroon and also the Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly the Belgian Congo). This eight-legged terror was first brought to attention in 2001, when cryptozoological explorer Bill Gibbons told me of a very frightening close encounter that had occurred one day back in 1938. This was when explorers Reginald and Margurite Lloyd were driving along a jungle path in the Belgian Congo's interior. Suddenly, a figure stepped out onto the path just ahead of them, resembling a monkey or a small, stooped human. Reginald Lloyd stopped the car to let the figure pass, and was astonished to see that it was a huge brown tarantula-like spider, with a leg-span of 3-4-ft! As he turned to grab his camera, however, the giant spider scuttled into the undergrowth and disappeared. Reginald and Margurite Lloyd, Congolese giant spider observers (public domain) In November 2003, during an expedition to Cameroon seeking a mysterious long-necked water beast called the mokele-mbembe, Gibbons mentioned to the Baka pygmies the Lloyds' sighting (originally recounted to him by their daughter, Margaret). They were familiar with such creatures and provided him with additional information. The Baka claimed that these colossal spiders were once quite common in this area but are rarer now (due to modern deforestation here?), although one was reputedly sighted by them as recently as June 2003. They used to construct hut-like lairs from leaves near to the pygmies' villages, and by spinning mighty webs between adjacent trees, with trip lines running across game trails, they ensnared and devoured victims as sizeable as duiker (small antelopes). Moreover, they were said by the Baka to be powerful and venomous enough to kill humans too, but are themselves killed by the pygmies if encountered by them. The j'ba fofi supposedly lays white peanut-sized eggs, from which yellow spiderlings with purple opisthosomas emerge, turning brown as they mature. SOUTH AMERICAN MEGA-SPIDERS Reports of comparably massive spiders have also been recorded from the rainforests of Venezuela in South America. In 2008, the American television series 'MonsterQuest' sent tarantula expert Rick C. West to investigate such stories in the field via a short, filmed expedition to some Venezuelan jungle villages near to the Orinoco River and the border with Colombia. During his three-day foray, he was accompanied by a team of local helpers and an experienced Amazon guide, Juan Carlos Ramirez, who has worked here for over 20 years. West began his quest by visiting the village of San Rafael de Manuare. Here, one villager attested that as a child he had seen a giant tarantula-like spider capture a small dog from the village and drag it off into the jungle. Its opisthosoma was as big as a basketball, and when it reared up it was the size of a human. If such a gigantic spider existed, and its fangs (chelicerae) were in proportion to the rest of its body, they would probably measure 6-9 in long. Although such claims would incite considerable scientific scepticism, Ramirez was convinced of the villagers' veracity, stating that they know the local fauna very well, and would not mistake something familiar, such as a monkey or a sloth on the ground, for a giant spider. Don't look now, but… (© Dr Karl Shuker) West and his team also visited Pandari, a village deeper in the mountains. Here, two inhabitants, Antonio and his son Simoni, spoke of a small child who had disappeared, never to return – which had been blamed upon giant spiders. In addition, so real is the Pandari villagers' fear of such creatures that they even engineer their huts specifically to keep them out, building thatched roofs that extend all the way down to the ground, thus yielding dense tightly-interwoven barricades. On the third day of West's expedition, they headed back into the jungle and found an extremely large spider lair in the ground, inside which they placed a videoscope. This revealed the presence there of a very big tarantula, which they captured alive. Although nothing like as sizeable as the reputed chicken-killing, dog-devouring, child-abducting specimens feared by the villagers, it was roughly the same size as the biggest tarantulas on record and was 2 oz when weighed inside a plastic specimen bag. Sadly, West's expedition ended without finding conclusive evidence for Venezuela's fabled giant spiders. However, he was sufficiently impressed by the size of their captured spider to consider it possible that bigger ones did exist in the jungle, and stated that he planned on returning to continue the search for one. Bird-eating spider, illustrated by Louis Prang in 1885 In 2011, British cinematographer Richard Terry sought horse-killing, child-abducting giant spiders in Colombia's rainforest, for the television series 'Man v Monster'. He didn't find any either, but villagers claimed that these dreaded beasts inhabited subterranean lairs opening onto the forest floor via huge holes. MONSTER SPIDERS IN VIETNAM On 8 April 2013, American cryptozoologist Craig Woolheater posted on the Cryptomundo website a fascinating communication that he'd lately received from an American correspondent publicly identified only by their Cryptomundo user name, mrmaxima. This person stated that their father-in-law claims that while serving in the jungles of Vietnam during the Vietnam War as part of a five-man unit conducting scout work there, he encountered spiders with bodies the size of dinner plates, and, with their legs, yielding a total span of 20-30 in. These terrifying arachnids were always spied near to creeks or other water sources, and were so tough that even after being shot by him and the other men with their M16s and unloaded full magazines, they were still moving around. Weird Tales magazine cover, June 1925 issue GIANT SPIDERS IN SUBURBIA One of the most startling giant spider reports comes from Leesville in Louisiana, USA. According to William Slaydon, it was here, while walking northwards along Highway 171 to church one cool night in 1948, that he, his wife, and their three young grandsons had spied a gigantic spider - hairy, black, and memorably described as "the size of a washtub". It emerged from a ditch just ahead of them and crossed the road before disappearing into some brush on the other side. Not surprisingly, the family never again walked along that particular route to church at night! A very erudite arachnid of the extra-large variety? (© Dr Karl Shuker) Nor is that the only report of a giant spider in suburbia. On 11 February 2013, Adam Bird from Nottingham, England, shared the following remarkable, never-before-publicised account on Facebook. It was related to him by a local librarian, Sheila, who had encountered the spider in question about 12 years earlier. One evening, Sheila was driving along Nottingham's Stone Bridge Road, on one side of which was a farm (still there today) and on the other side a disused factory (now demolished). As she approached the factory, her car's headlights lit up what she thought at first was a hedgehog, crawling towards the factory site. As she drove nearer, however, she realised to her horror that it was a huge, hairy, tarantula-like spider. Sheila estimated that its body alone was the size of a large dinner plate, and when the length of its legs were added, she deemed its total width to be about 2 ft. She continued to watch as it scuttled across the road and through the fence into the factory, then she quickly drove away, but, not surprisingly, the memory of this spine-chilling encounter has remained with her ever since. PHYSIOLOGICAL SIZE LIMITATIONS So, could immense spiders truly exist? Other than Leesville and Nottingham, the areas where they have been reported are all sufficiently impenetrable, inhospitable, and little-explored to be potentially capable of hiding some notable zoological surprises. However, the fundamental problem when considering giant spiders is not one of zoogeography but rather one of physiology. Their tracheal respiratory system (consisting of a network of minute tubes carrying oxygen to every cell in the body) prevents insects from attaining huge sizes in the modern world, because the tracheae could not transport oxygen efficiently enough inside insects of giant stature. During the late Carboniferous and early Permian Periods, 300 million years ago, huge dragonflies existed, but back in those primeval ages the atmosphere's oxygen level was far greater than it is today, thereby compensating for the tracheal system's inefficiency. Moreover, until quite recently prehistory offered a truly spectacular, fully-confirmed super-spider too - the aptly dubbed Megarachne servinei, formally described in 1980 from a 300-million-year old Upper Carboniferous fossil specimen discovered by Argentine palaeontologist Mario Hünicken in the Bajo de Veliz Formation at San Luis, Argentina. Its body measured roughly 16 in long, and is estimated to have possessed a leg span of some 20 in. In 2005, conversely, the identity of Megarachne as a mega-spider was challenged in a Biology Letters of the Royal Society paper by Manchester University zoologist Dr Paul Selden and Hünicken, who proposed that it had actually been a very different chelicerate creature – not a spider but rather a sea scorpion or eurypterid. This identity has since been confirmed – exit Megarachne as a giant spider! Megarachne model constructed when Megarachne was thought to have been a giant spider (© Markus Bühler) Some of the modern world's largest known spiders utilise a tracheal respiratory system, whereas smaller spiders employ flattened organs of passive respiration called book lungs. Yet neither system is sufficiently competent to enable spiders to attain enormous sizes, based upon current knowledge at least. So if a giant spider does thrive in some secluded, far-off realm, it must have evolved a radically different, much more advanced respiratory system, not just a greatly enlarged body. GIANT CRABS, NOT GIANT SPIDERS? Interestingly, there is a notable precedent for the development of a novel respiratory organ among large land-dwelling arthropods. The largest of all such species living today is the coconut crab Birgus latro, which sports a body length of up to 16 in, a weight of up to 9 lb, and a leg span of more than 3 ft. Indigenous to various islands in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, despite being a crab it is exclusively terrestrial (it cannot swim and will drown if immersed in water for over an hour), and has evolved a unique respiratory organ known as a branchiostegal lung that enables it to exist entirely on land, and which developmentally can be seen as midway between gills and true lungs. So who knows: if crustaceans (which are predominantly aquatic arthropods) can achieve this during evolution, maybe spiders (which are predominantly terrestrial anyway) have also achieved something comparable. Moreover, it has suggested that perhaps some reports of so-called giant spiders are actually sightings of giant land crabs, but crabs are very different in appearance from spiders, due in no small way to their instantly visible chelae (pincers), and no such crabs are known to exist in any of the regions from which the giant spiders documented here have been reported. Coconut crab, depicted in Dictionnaire d'Histoire Naturelle (1849) In any case, all of this is sheer speculation, and is likely to remain so – unless, for instance, in the not-too-distant future a Baka pygmy should happen not only to kill a j'ba fofi but also to preserve its body afterwards, and duly alert scientific attention to it. Then at last we might have the long-awaited solution to this fascinating mystery – although arachnophobes might be more than happy for it to remain unsolved indefinitely! This ShukerNature blog article is excerpted from an entire and exceedingly extensive chapter on giant mystery spiders – indeed, the most comprehensive coverage of such cryptids ever compiled and published – in my book Mirabilis: A Carnival of Cryptozoology and Unnatural History (Anomalist Books: New York, 2013), which contains several additional examples. So be sure to check it out (unless of course you're seriously arachnophobic, in which case it may not be a good idea to do so!). Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped… "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse. "That's *amazing!!"* says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!" The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"