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Camy

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Blog Entries posted by Camy

  1. Camy

    Advice, please!

    By Camy,

    I haven't blogged in an age and a half - at least here. That's one of the problems with blogs. They're almost too easy to set up.
     
    I'm trying to decide quite how 'out' I want to be. What I mean is that 'Camy' is obviously a pen name/pseudonym - and one I'm very happy with, and proud of.
     
    I picked it on the spur of the moment when I signed up at GA, just over a year ago. I'm known as Camy everywhere I go within the confines of 'gay writing'. However Camy is not me. Camy is the me that came out and started writing, the me that likes to think he can't be traced back to the 'real me' ... which, as I've had pointed out, is not hard.
     
    However I'm also a musician, and that's where my quandary lies. I'd like to have all my artistic 'things' under one name. I'd like to be able to say "hey, listen to this song the bands just recorded." But at the moment I can't - unless I creep out some more. and that could be painful.
     
    So I'd like some advice, if you'd be so kind.
    Is the fact that I'm Gay Author writing gay fiction a death knell to me performing music in a band? Should I keep the two totally separate, and start worrying about late onset schizophrenia? Or what?
     
    Thanks,
     
    Camy
  2. Camy

    Bah Humbug

    By Camy,

    This Christmas malarkey is getting on my tits.
     
    Perpetual adverts cozening us to buy 'must have' crap we can't really afford, offset by the occasional program telling us that personal debt in the UK is out of control, and that 'The Samaritans' are overwhelmed.
     
    Now don't get me wrong, I like having a good time with the best of them. I'm all up for going wild and crazy, and apart from being possibly (but not probably) wiser, 'cause I'm longer in the teeth than some, I'm still a big kid. But please ... give me a break from the jingley bellied old farts that get employed to hassle you outside supermarkets. Just one commercial break without adverts persuading me I need to borrow more, just one more fir tree with roots would be sweet and peachy.
     
    Ah well, New years comes soon, and then the 2007 January sales! Whoop Dee Doo!
     
    I think I'm beginning to turn into Side-Show Bob. James Savik was right all those months ago (doffs hat and bows). Perhaps I should be a lamb (to the slaughter) or join the Goats... Dunno.
     
    So, blog, blog, blog. Right. I have neighbours who have spent the last three years doing up their house. They both work hard, and have spent every penny DIYing. She, so it turns out, was unhappy that he was spending so much time on the house and not giving her any (nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more) that she had an affair during the summer. He (ya gotta laugh) caught her at it in a field. Now they are getting divorced. The moral of the story? DIY sucks (but not anymore). Aha aha. That's prolly enough neighbourhood gossip.
     
    What else ... Well, Seraph (me writer, Seraph story) is going well, and 'Spuke' my Anthology entry is in. Ummm, and I wrote a poem for the Christmas festival at www.codeysworld.com. Oh and my NaNoWriMo Novel is undergoing surgery, though the doctor (me doctor, you patient) says it's going to be fine.
     
    erm ... well that's about it for now. Drivel is fun. More fun than dribbling, which is undoubtedly the next stop.
     
    For those of you who have read this far, there are beds available in the local hospital; provided you have insurance. Or if you'd like I'll operate for a reduced fee. Bargain!
     
    If I don't blog again before Christmas, then have a good one, and may your God be with you.
     
    All the best!
     
    Camy
    PS A belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to two of my favourite people: Kitty - Friend and Editor extrordinaire, and Rob - Friend and newly wed! May the year ahead be good to you both. Also A Happy Birthday to Jan. Three in a day deserves a little dance ... there, I hope you liked it.
  3. Camy

    NaNoWriMo 'n' things.

    By Camy,

    I haven't blogged in ages, which is probably just as well. Much too much I don't want to talk about. However the update to the GA software deserves a mention, even if it's only to thank all those who work behind the scenes.
     
    I'm taking part in this years NaNoWriMo, which for those of you who don't know, is writing a 50,000 word 'novel' in a month. I was going to do it in secret, but if I do that I'll probably never finish it. So I'm 'outing' myself and thus have to finish it... see the logic?
     
    There are some really great writers taking part like Dio Beckstead, and EleCivil. If you've ever needed a deadline to write to, it's still not too late to join up. You're only three days behind, and that's a doddle!
     
    Cheers all,
     
    Camy
  4. Camy

    Life

    By Camy,

    Real life is being a miserable bitch at the moment. Details are somewhat unimportant, and I'm thinking that's just the way the universe works: but hey, give me a break already.
     
    There are two places I get respite. One is here, and the other is when I'm with Mick. When I'm with him the world can happily go to hell - the power of love is amazing!
     
    I'm good at compartmentalising (that's a word and a half) and GA is one place I can escape to ... lucky I can't 'jack in' a la Matrix. I'd be quite happy to be a battery for a while. I could self power a laptop and write, which would be coolness.
     
    I've finished chapter one of a new story called 'Seraph' which is up in e-fiction - HERE.
     
    Having taken some rather sensible advice I'm compiling a story 'bible' as I go, so hopefully I won't have any glaring continuity errors a hundred and eighty chapters in ... just kidding, and no, I have no idea how long it'll be.
     
    See? I'm feeling more cheerful already. Perhaps this getting younger malarkey is helping.
     
    Camy
  5. Camy
    I was Driving along in my old heap with Mick next to me, and there's a cute guy walking along the pavement, and I'm about to look - then realise it could be a bad move - so I don't, BUT he's caught me.
     
    Beetroot isn't adequate. There isn't a definition for the colour I went.
     
    It suddenly struck me that complete fidelity in a relationship is hugely important. I knew it, but not until that very second did I equate it with my own relationship.
     
    We've had a lot of conversations since that first day, and the plot is that if I still feel the same in three months then we'll be official. He told me that he's always felt that way about me but ever since we drifted apart a few years back he's buried the feelings. He told me that he doesn't entirely believe that I really love him, but that I'm doing it to help his self esteem ... Foolish, wonderful man. It's like being a chocoholic with the world's best ever Easter egg, and not being able to eat it. I can touch it, smell it, drool over it but I have to damn well wait to ... you get the idea.
     
    ---
     
    We played a gig on Sunday. Because there are only two of us some of the backing comes off computer. We thought we'd be clever and put it on CD. Less chance of damage, and no timing problems. What we didn't think of was people dancing and the CD jumping ... MP3 player next time. It's great being paid for what you love doing
     
    ---
     
    Having read a lot of advice on the boards about getting more readers I finally sent 'JJ and The Boys' to Nifty where it was accepted, and I've had fan mail! Colour me shocked! I will be sending all my stuff there now.
     
    Over and out
     
    Camy
  6. Camy

    HP - a cyanic rant

    By Camy,

    I've got a printer. It's an SRA3 four colour HP inkjet, and the replacement cartridges - you need 4 - are hellish expensive. So when the local cheapo German supermarket - they might be sixty years late but they're finally beginning to win - start selling 'do it yourself' refill packs I thought 'Ah Ha!'
     
    Bad move. HP printers have a chip that denies you this privilege. So I hunt on Google for a way around it. No problem ... thin strip of plastic to kill the printer's battery also renders the chip kaput ... except you have to have the hands of a teency weency baby to get near the battery. Finally with the aid of a ruler, duct tape and a pair of tweezers I manage it.
     
    So ... I have the requisite inks, an instruction book in German and Slovakian, a thick pin with a plastic handle and I'm facing four ink containers. Naturally, I'm not that stupid, the instruction manual mentions HP but oddly doesn't have a picture of my specific model, or of it's cartridges ... perhaps I am that stupid.
     
    After coffee I get the electric drill out. Gotta be they way you'd think ... but alas no. HP are far too clever for that. Crafty old HP.
     
    Inside the outer casing is an inner lining made of material that could withstand bullets and probably nuclear weapons ... but I don't know this at the time I squirt a whole bottle of cyan (light blue) ink into the newly drilled hole. The ink, as liquids do, went straight down between the casing and the lining and out of the bottom; pouring onto the desk, the carpet, the telephone and all over my hands - I'd really like to add the cats are blue, but they're sensible and had fled at my first shriek.
     
    Miffed, but not cowed - onto Magenta.
     
    Camy
  7. Camy

    Yay! Finally

    By Camy,

    Jenson Button has won the F1 Hungarian Grand Prix
     
    Formula One is the only sport I follow with any interest. Football (soccer) - Na. Boring. Kicking an inflated pigs bladder around a pitch for ninety minutes is not my bag. Cricket likewise. Tennis is great to play, but on TV nope. etc, etc. BUT ... F1 Rocks! deja vu - apologies if I've said this before, but honestly I can't be arsed to check, and anyway this is my blog, and 'streams of drivel' are permissible.
     
    So today Jenson Button, an English driver, won his first race!
     
    ---
     
    Car boot sale today. Sold? Not a lot ... but I was with Mick , so all was sweet as roses on a day when roses are as sweet as they have ever been ... ever ... get the drift?
    Oh yeah! Love is a wondrous thing.
     
    ---
    The Cats are annoying. They want brushing, then they don't, then they do. In and out of the back door like I'm some sort of cat employed door opening device ... must get a cat flap.
     
    Camy
  8. Camy
    I have so much I want to say and don't really know where to begin. I'm tired, though that's understandable as it's nearly 3 am. It normally is, I just can't seem to get to bed any earlier. Hmm. I'm still on the high that started when I bared my soul to M, and that's good too, even though real life has a nasty habit of getting in the way it hasn't yet... Except his damn flat mate has returned.
     
    Bills are my bug bear at present, and not the avian variety. Like most people I'm inordinately good at spending money I don't have, which brings the whole issue of 'making ends meet' rather frightening. Most of my peers are happily married with steady jobs, wives, 2.4 children (how you can have 2.4 children eludes me) and houses. Most I'm sure have at least two cars, and yet here I am sweating over music and my sexuality. Pah I say, and phooey. The real world can go and shove itself as far up it's own arse as it likes, 'cause I'm out of here off live in a log cabin in the mountains.
     
    If only there were mountains in southern England, and if I had enough petrol (
  9. Camy
    I can only hope this euphoria is going to last, and last and last and last, though realistically I know it won't and like any couple (ooh ... I like that word - Couple ) we'll have our ups and downs.
     
    I should explain that he and I had a 'fling' a while ago when I was too young (early 20's) to truly understand what love was. I thought it was another word for sex, and the profound deeper emotional levels escaped me. Back then when he said 'I love you' I thought 'great', replied "I love you too" and we had fun for a while, until I couldn't handle it. Back then it was all about me.
     
    I've just dropped him home. We spent almost the whole day together and he explained a few things ... like the reasons it's taking so long for him to get his head around this 'love' thing:
    Primarily it's because he thought I'd never really be interested, and he built a wall and shut the thoughts out. Friendship no problem - anything else didn't exist.
    Apparently when I first told him he thought I was doing it out of pity, to bolster his ego ... silly man! :wacko:
     
    Anyway this post is really to thank all those who have helped me through, getting me to the happy place I am ... all those comments about 'growing a pair' and the threat of cast bronze statuary lobbed in my direction actually worked and got me off my rather reticent arse.
     
    I'd also like to thank his damn flat mate for taking a holiday - perhaps he could join the cast of 'Lost' permanently, though God forbid he should ever read this <shudder>. I have worked out why I dislike him so much. I think it
  12. Camy

    The seduction - pt1

    By Camy,

    His arsehole flatmate's gone away for a week! and the coast is finally clear...
     
    So today we went and 'did' a car boot sale. I don't know if 'car boot sales' are particularly English, but basically you pack all the rubbish you should really throw away, into the car, drive to a large field with other 'car booters' and sell it to some really nice idiots.
     
    It was blazingly hot, so I took off my T-shirt and tarted around I think it worked... He would have to be blind and stupid not to have sussed what I was doing, and he's neither.
     
    He bought me a small silver box!
     
    Camy
  13. Camy
    I'm presently putting together a small 'parochial' magazine for a total bunch of idiots. I sooo want to tell them what I think, and I can't 'cause I'd get fired. Talk about frustrating. Keeping my trap shut has always been hard, though I generally don't find myself in a position where it's a problem. Except for these W***ers. Grr.
     
    My car is on the way out. I always drive clapped out wrecks, much though I'd like a Porche or a..... Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway I paid
  14. Camy

    girded loins

    By Camy,

    This coming week will result in either one overjoyed guy, or someone who can move on with his life. I know which result I want, but I'm actually prepared for both eventualities ... so I'm a damn liar, but pragmatic.
     
    I was wondering how to start, then I read this in
  15. Camy

    Taking for granted

    By Camy,

    I was working on the computer this afternoon when the power goes out. Annoying. But what's more annoying and downright worrying is the fact that everything I do, be it work or play, requires power... minds out of gutter please.
     
    I have a deadline for artwork - can't complete it no computer.
    I could hand write a story, but since computers my handwriting is shot.
    No TV, no kettle - so no coffee, etc, etc. BAD NEWS!
     
    Finally I went for a walk in the woods. It was just fantastic. Gotta get out more.
     
    Luckily I had saved my work a couple of minutes before the outage, and it's back on now - obviously, so back to work I go. Sigh.
     
    Camy
  16. Camy

    Happy 4th of July!

    By Camy,

    Congratulations to the USA, you've been independent now for 230 years... How's it going?
     
    Apparently I have ancestors who founded the state of Maryland ... which is nice.
    One day we'll be coming back to reclaim our 'lost estates', and run the place they way it should be run.
    Tea at 4pm will be mandatory, along with pith helmets, harris tweed and cricket.
     
    Until then have fun!
     
    Camy
     
    Wikipedia says...
  17. Camy

    Love life of a wuss

    By Camy,

    ok so there isn't any just yet...
     
    However!... On the 21st, Mick's flatmate (who I loath, though for no particular reason except he's his flatmate - though he is really, REALLY irritating) is going away to France for a week, leaving him on his own. So I'm going to use the time to find out one way or another. Done deal.
    As people* have said so eloquently, I have to GROW A SET AND TELL HIM OR YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IT! and on the morning of the 22nd they will be fully grown
    ---
    It's really hot over here, and the heatwave is due to continue until the end of the week. I know our hot isn't the same as hot in the middle of the desert, but it's hot for us... I wouldn't mind so much if only there was a breeze. I'm off to the sea for a swim.
    ---
    In other news:- Percy has a job.
     

     
    Camy
    *Thank you, your advice has helped a awful lot.
  18. Camy

    Anthology & things

    By Camy,

    I've finally sent my anthology entry in, and I feel like I've just finished a marathon. I don't know who said writing is supposed to be relaxing, but whoever they are, they're mad. Or perhaps the writing is relaxing and the deadline is what gets my heart pounding at 300bps. Dunno, and honestly I don't care now, 'cause it's in and all is well with the world...
     
    Except that England have been knocked out of the world cup by Portugal. This is a pain. Probably some sort of global karmic retribution for when we ran the world badly back when...
     
    On another note I still, still, still haven't had the balls to tell Mick that I love him. I see him everyday, and there's this frisson everytime we touch, and yet I just can't come out and say it... I guess I don't want to hear no. Not that I really think that's the response I'd get, it's just... what if I did.
     
    Hey ho, and life rolls on.
  19. Camy

    Mid Summer Blues

    By Camy,

    I get really depressed for a couple of days each side of mid summer. Don't get me wrong, I love summer, the long seemingly endless days ... it's just now the days are getting shorter, and we're heading slowly downhill into winter... and I loath winter: especially in the UK. Snow I like a lot, but cold drizzle, cutting winds and bugger all daylight - at least when I get up. You can keep winter. Oh, and it's true: The grass is always greener elsewhere.
     
    I'm working on an entry for the 'Summer Anthology'. Ten thousand words just isn't enough, and now I have three stories, all need finishing ... sometime, and still no entry.
     
    Anyway. I came to the conclusion that a short story requires considerably more planning than a serial, and now I have notes. Yup: Perhaps they'll help; perhaps I'll have four stories that need finishing and no entry. Who knows.
     
    At least mid summer is over and done with.
     
    Camy
  20. Camy

    Checking in

    By Camy,

    Since this is a community of which I am a member I thought I ought to just check in to say hi. Kinda like punching the clock at work, or whatever it is you do to let people know you're still alive.
     
    I should be writing my entry for the summer anthology, but it's far easier to spout off here. I don't have to think of things like... plot, or dialogue - would character A really have said what he said to character B, or are they just as insane as I am.
     
    Hey ho... Taps fingers nervously.
     
    Damn hot today though wasn't it?
     
    Later all.
     
    Camy
  21. Camy

    The Traveller

    By Camy,

    I'm reading 'The Traveller' by John Twelve Hawks. Fantastically frighteningly plausible.
     
    The concept is similar to 'The Matrix' in that he world is having the wool pulled over its eyes, this time by 'the Brethren' who are in control. Our world is one of many planes of existence, and only travellers can move between them. They are initially trained by 'Pathfinders' and protected by 'Harlequins'.
     
    The methods of control cited by Twelve Hawks are all real as I write, except that some are slightly more advanced.
     
    Cell phones let the authorities know exactly where you are, credit cards tell them where you are, what you spend, what you buy and supermarket loyalty cards that give you free gifts for points do the same. Passports carry all our pertinent data.
     
    CCTV linked to computers follow you where ever you go, and facial recognition software can pick you out of a crowd.
     
    Add to 'The Traveller' the recent advances in DNA, which can provide mind numbingly frightening data before
  22. Camy

    The Cats who rule

    By Camy,

    Katy and Cody who's off on a mission.

     
    Percy and Katy sun worshipers extrordinaire.

     
    Katy in her most favourite spot.

     
    Put a box down anywhere and Percy will sit in it. A lot.

  23. Camy
    I've often thought that therapy would be wonderful. To be able to sit down and spout about all the angsty bollocks I'm going through to a total stranger ... then I'd guess you're told you need to go back, and back, and then it becomes addictive, and you need your therapy hit.
     
    Anyhow, I've never been (except to a child psychologist, and "they're different dear"). Can't afford it for one, and I have here. My GA blog. The bestest thing since sliced bread.
     
    So. On to relationships, and more pertinently the guy I'm in love with who thinks he isn't good looking, but thinks I am. which is sweet, except that I think he's good looking and I'm not.
     
    We both seem to suffer from an inordinate lack of self esteem. Both of us know it, and yet ... why do we still go through all this? Ultimately if we grow old together we're both going to end up looking awful and wrinkly and all the other things that happen with old age ... but doesn't love conquer all? Isn't that what it's all about?
     
    Camy
  24. Camy

    shellshocked

    By Camy,

    Two days ago the guy I love said to me
    "When I first saw you I fell in love with you, but now we're such good friends I don't really fancy you anymore."
    We've had a relationship that has passed through seduction (he's 2 years older than I am and I was naieve), love, living together, living apart, and throughout it all we've had a solid friendship that just got better and better until yesterday.
    My heart is in so many pieces it feels unrepairable.
    I just don't know what to do.
    During rehearsals today he kept asking me what was wrong, if I was ok. He obviously doesn't realise what he said. Do I tell him he's broken my heart, or do I pretend everything is fine, or do I quietly let him go?
     
    This is my story and I want a happy ending. please.
     
    C
  25. Camy

    Cats and pets

    By Camy,

    Cubby, one of Luc's kittens has died. Now I'm not going to start a diatribe on the cruelty of nature, and I'm sorry about Cubby, but are we, and by we I mean 'pet owners', out to lunch?
     
    I live with four cats I love much too much. They are wonderful distinct personalities, they bring me joy beyond any rational explanation, and I spend a fortune on feeding them ... when there are sentient human beings starving to death, being tortured by inhumane dictators, being bombed by arrogant western leaders less than fifteen hundred miles from where I sit dolling out cat milk ... What
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