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Comicality

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  1. Comicality
    Thursday - The frustration ensues. Just as I think things might be looking up and getting better overall, I start to look at what it really means. And that just causes....sighhh....'complications'. You see, AJ finally called me back. I mean...he called me FIRST! Without me badgering him to do it, or apologizing to him for not talking to him for so long. And that means that he's thinking about me! His sweetheart. His 'tasty boy'. He wants me to be back in his life again. Right? Otherwise he
  2. Comicality
    Tuesday -Whoah.... You know what? I barely remember doing it last night, but before I went to bed, I read over what I wrote again, and I kinda...um...wrote Brandon's name in this book. Well...I've been writing his name in this book since the very beginning....but this time I kinda...doodled it in there all pretty, and hardly meant for it to be intentional. I did everything but draw a little heart over it. Is that, like, a really girly thing to do? I hope that doesn't mean that I'm obsessin
  3. Comicality
    Sunday - Call AJ? Today? Nope. Didn't happen. I don't know what it was exactly, but my mom was in the strangest damn mood today. Not a BAD mood, mind you...just strange. I guess she was really planning to pull the old 'quality time' card this morning, and I was kinda shackled along for the ride. I didn't mind spending time with my mom...it was actually a good time, and I'm glad that I did it. But I can easily tell when I've been subliminally 'kidnapped'. Maybe it was just one of those d
  4. Comicality
    Saturday - Damn...I actually had a REALLY good time tonight! Who saw THAT coming??? Corey's party was awesome, and it seems like not even fate's best laid plans could bring me down today. It's a cool feeling, to feel things work out nicely for a change. I didn't tell my mom until the very last minute, which she doesn't usually like. I mean, I gave her a few hours notice, but most of the time she wants to work out where I'm going, when I'll be home, how I'm getting there and back, what kind
  5. Comicality
    Friday - Ok...as much as I hate to fess up to it...I am EXTREMELY horny right now! Today has been nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get through! I've been touching and adjusting myself damn near every twenty minutes, and it just keeps getting stiff on me. All through school, with or without a book to hide it, hands in or out of my pockets. Sighhh...I really miss AJ. He's the reason why this is so bad. Ok, well...'MISS' is a strong word, I think. I mean...maybe I do, and maybe I don't. But whichever one it
  6. Comicality
    Wednesday - I'm not really going to get into it, but right now...I just want to state that it has now been FOUR days, and AJ still doesn't seem to care that I'm not talking to him. Don't worry, I'm not going to rant and rave about it again. I just..........whatever. Anyway, I kinda remembered what Jimmy said to me on the phone last night. You know, about Stacy liking me. Now, I'm definitely NOT looking for a girlfriend! I'm really no. But...it's weird...I hear that somebody likes me or thi
  7. Comicality
    Monday - There's a certain piece of all of us that I think is constantly crying out for attention, and when we don't get it, it can really sting pretty deep. I guess that's what I'm feeling right now concerning AJ. It's been two days now, and I doubt he'd call me this late. So tomorrow will make THREE days, and he can't even bother to call me. Not to explain what happened with Scott, not to invite me over, not even to say hello. But you know what's worse? I actually feel hurt about all of thi
  8. Comicality
    Saturday - Ok, you know something...I'm NOT an idiot! I have never BEEN an idiot! And I refuse to be one now. Not for ANYBODY! Especially somebody who's obviously trying his fucking BEST to really hurt me! I don't understand this at ALL! I don't get why he would want to cut my heart out like this....but as angry as I am, I can't stop it from hurting. It hurts so BAD! I called AJ this morning, and I was totally going to go over there and apologize for everything today! I was actually going
  9. Comicality
    Wednesday - Do you know what my Dad gave me when he stopped by the house this afternoon? An address, a phone number, and a house key. Let me just write that out again, because it just doesn't seem real to me. An address.....a phone number....and a house key. Like...to another apartment that wasn't our house. Evidently he's subletting this one bedroom place somewhere just outside of the neighborhood, and now that he's a bit 'settled', he wanted me to know the details. Why would I want to know
  10. Comicality
    Sunday - You know something...having Jimmy come home from the hospital today seems to be exacly what I needed to smile this weekend. I mean, I know that I was worried about it before, but just seeing him in his own room again, grinning from ear to ear over being able to have access to his stuff again...it truly lifted my heart. You know? Seriously. I went over there earlier today, and he already had these little small french bread pizzas made up for me as a snack. I only saw his mom for a
  11. Comicality
    Friday - Whoah....you are not gonna believe this! I mean, you are totally NOT gonna believe this! Guess who was sitting right HERE where I'm laying my head right now as I write this??? BRANDON!!! NO BULLSHIT!!! Can you believe it??? It was a complete surprise to me when he asked to come over, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna say NO! I saw him at school, and we were talking, and I told him about that video game that I was playing, "Oddworld", and I told him I'd let him borrow it if he wanted to
  12. Comicality
    Wednesday - It seems that sneaking out in the middle of the night to have a steady hour of homo-sex with your super cute boyfriend is not without a few consequences. I swear, the sun never shines so bright as it does when you're really not in the mood to be out of bed. Tired, blurry, cranky, groggy...all that and more. I accidentally fell asleep in two of my classes today. And I'm talking light snoring, drool, and the whole nine yards. Today was just NOT the day to sit through a lecture on 'L
  13. Comicality
    Here you will find the very private diary of Billy Chase. Occasionally updated as he lives his life as a closeted teenage boy. This is his life, feel free to peek in from time to time.
  14. Comicality
    Tuesday - Omigod! I JUST snuck back into the house like five minutes ago! It's like...2 am! I can't BELIEVE that I just fucking did that! It feels SO amazing! I'm writing by flashlight, so I hope I can read this later. I can't risk turning my light on right now, just in case my mom or dad figure out that I'm still awake. But this just couldn't wait! I HAD to write this down tonight! Ok...let me calm down a bit and see if I can describe what happened. AJ called me almost as soon as I got
  15. Comicality
    Saturday - I think I woke up with some weird sense of habit today more than anything else. I got so used to waking up on Saturdays to run out to the mall or to AJ's house...that it kinda came automatically to me. I attempted to make myself some pancakes and eggs for breakfast today. Not to self...your cooking sucks, Billy. I ended up eating around the 'bad' parts and scraping the rest in the trash. Then washed it all down with a sugary bowl of cereal. Breakfast of champions. Honestly? Not
  16. Comicality
    Wednesday - You wanna know the absolutely worst part about being dumped by a boy? Besides the obvious heartbreak and a self pity rush from the depths of hell itself. It's the 'waiting'. Those long LONG hours of waiting! When you really just wanna give up hope and start the emotionally draining healing process...but you CAN'T! You can't because there's no real proof that it's over. So you hold on until you get the hint. See...boys don't just come out and tell you it's over. That's what girls d
  17. Comicality
    Sunday - I just finished trying to call AJ for the THIRD time today, and he still won't pick up the goddamn phone! What's his fucking PROBLEM, anyway? Why won't he call me back? He could at least call me and let me know how he is or tell me how he's doing. Is that too much to ask from my so-called boyfriend? Arrrgh! Maybe....maybe he's just not home right now. Or maybe he's out. Who knows. Sighhh....I wish he would call, or write me an email, or SOMETHING! Just so I can figure out whether or
  18. Comicality
    Thursday - Oh man...I feel SO bad right now! Shit! Jimmy called me tonight from the hospital. I guess he's been awarded some phone privaleges or something. However that works. Anyway, he called my house and my mom gave me the phone. He sounded so sad. Not on purpose, really....but you could tell he was feeling kinda down. The second I had heard his voice on the phone, I remembered how long it had been since I had gone to visit him. It had been weeks. Ouch! I didn't mean to be a jerk. It seeme
  19. Comicality
    Monday - That feeling of an impending bout of hysteria still hasn't left me. I want it gone. I want to find whatever 'switch' I have inside me that's making me shake so badly inside...and turn it off. But I can't stop thinking about it long enough to make that fear go away. What am I going to do about my parents? What if they get divorced? What happens then? Am I going to have to choose which parent I live with? Do I HAVE to? Omigod, who do I choose?!?! I'm going to be losing one of my parent
  20. Comicality
    Friday - I went out to the movies with Sam, Joanna, and Lee tonight. Ted didn't want to come with for some odd reason. Who knows why? He's been acting kinda weird lately. Not that he was a super talkative person before...but now he's so quiet that we literally have to keep checking to make sure he's even in the same room with us. We shared some laughs over milkshakes and chilidogs over at the burger joint nearby, and even had a fun time just waiting around in the parking lot for the next show
  21. Comicality
    Wednesday - I'm a bit exhausted, but I figured I'd add an entry into tonight's book anyway. It's funny how you can form an addicting habit, and support it no matter what. But i'd like to think of this book as more than just a 'hobby' now. I'll be honest, when I started this, I half expected to get bored with writing down my every thought on paper. But this book has really become my best friend in a way. The one thing on this Earth that'll listen to me whine and complain without ever telling m
  22. Comicality
    Saturday - Well, it's official now. I'm GOOD at having sex! Hehehe, yep! Everybody is kinda new at everything that first time, so I think anything would feel good. But me and AJ did it at his house again today, and it was, like, MUCH better! I didn't just lay there all weirded out and goofy about what was going on. And, it helped that his MOM wasn't in the other room too! So we kinda....sighhhh....just took our time today. It's so different, you know? When you go to see somebody, and you K
  23. Comicality
    Tuesday - I don't know why I should feel bad, or why I should feel anything at all for that matter, but I saw Simon at school today and it kinda hurt. I don't get it. I mean, HE'S the fucking JERK who decided to say some wicked shit to me about not being friends anymore! Why the hell do *I* feel like shit? He's the one who should be feeling hurt. I talked to him, I invited over to my house, I was his friend when nobody else would pay him any attention at all. And suddenly all of this gets 'fo
  24. Comicality
    Monday - You know, it didn't seem like it at first, but I think that maybe seeing Jimmy at the hospital DID help to make me feel a little bit better than before. As I said before, it didn't really solve anything, but somewhere in the back of my mind it cleared up a bit of the mystery as to what happened to him. Not much, but enough to let me sleep at night again. I wonder if he regrets doing it. Or...maybe if he regrets not being successful with it. I wasn't sure. He didn't seem any happier t
  25. Comicality
    May 26th -Well, the GOOD news is that I'm actually off the hook! Thank GOD! If Simon thought anything 'funny' about my behavior on Friday, he didn't say anything to anybody about it. At least I don't think he did. The BAD news, however, is that I sorta spoke to him in the halls today, and he acted kinda weird towards me. Not rude, or dissmissive, or even a decent cold shoulder. Just not his usual self. Of course, his sniffles and all were just now getting better, so maybe he's just getting ov
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