Part One – Eat a Dick, Texas
Before I get anywhere, I would like to make this point understood: Texas can eat a dick. In fact, Texas can eat a big fucking bag of dicks. It was only 9 AM, but it was hot as balls already and mine were currently stuck to my leg. Kinda awkward to give my mom goodbye hugs and kisses while trying to discreetly unglue my family jewels from my thigh.
But, hug and kiss I did, rubber-cemented nutsack notwithstanding, and said my goodbyes to Dad before I climbed into