FanLit

I loved this chapter because of your ability to craft a compelling scene, yet sadness was a constant companion in the reading. Adrian did what he did to himself, to Nick and to Bobby….one would argue that Adrian is paying a personal physical price one often escapes when they regularly, deliberately, destroy; it is like his malicious, malignant force turned inward in his hubris & (like most bullies) could not take what he dished out and faltered in his literal existence. I'm not sure how I feel about Nick and Bobby as a couple….they both stayed tethered to Adrian by choice, in spite of who he is (well, was); both deserve the calm after the storm of hurricane Adrian but can they really make a go of it as a couple long term? Is there love and guilt for their husband/father in this garden of Eden they exist in in the aftermath of Adrian’s stroke? Will those emotions slither in like a serpent and coax them to eat from the fruit of knowledge? Nick showed Bobby love didn’t have to be tumultuous and violent; Bobby opened a part of Nick’s heart that Adrian didn’t touch because he didn’t want it, the only part of Nick’s heart left untouched by Adrian. Something separates them for 5 years & their reunion at Nick’s book signing is bittersweet….is the distance enough time to start anew or will they always be poignant havens of the past? Adrian will always be in Nick’s and Bobby’s DNA, individually and collectively, it will be interesting to see what “ever after” looks like for these three men.

This chapter showed the healing of the breach with important women in Troy and Grant’s lives. (Ms. Sandra and Beth) They are important connections to their past that they now can happily include in their present and future. 👏 🎁 “Relaxing, Troy breathed quietly behind Grant. Neither of them moved as they enjoyed the flood of hormones that always accompanies an orgasm with a trusted and loved partner.” And from chapter 23: “Troy sat right beside Grant and as they ate, the lanky man leaned into him, shoulder to shoulder. Grant knew that it was unconscious, and he smiled as their bodies touched in that comfortable, reassuring closeness. At that moment, Grant was happy in a simple, pure and sublime way. His skin tingled with the release of oxytocin - the feel-good drug the body secretes when safe, secure, and loved.” & “Finishing his last bite, Grant wiped his mouth and leaned his head over on Troy's shoulder. Troy put his arm around Grant, smelling his hair. Grant closed his eyes and smiled. After a relaxing, quiet moment, Grant heard a noise and looked up. His mother stood in the doorway of the kitchen.” I don’t know if it’s Grant being a physician’s assistant that flavors the story with these biological revelations but I (along with Ms. Sandra, I suspect) glory in these nuggets. 🙂 Grant’s release of serotonin and oxytocin are a direct result of his interaction with Troy (and I dare say also shared with him), in a loving exchange of shared energy….These are responses the body produce when it feels safe, it will not do so otherwise. Fight or flight is also a biological reaction, one produced when it feels unsafe, for whatever reason; both of these men (to different extents) were more in that zone for a while, it’s nice to see them exhale into this beautiful phase of their lives.

“Brian looked over at him. "Sorry. We don't play games, man. Best to get it all out in the open, right off the bat." His tone was to the point, but not harsh.” I. LIKE. Brian!!!!

“Grant cared. He knew circumstances beyond Troy's control had destroyed his life. Somehow, he had made it this far for over a year, all on his own. Grant had the support of his family, friends, and a whole system that buoyed and pushed him toward success. It didn't appear that Troy had any of that. "It's your turn," Grant whispered as he looked at Troy. "I'll make sure you get your turn." I’m not on this site as much as I used to be; notification of a reaction to a comment I made to one of your other stories had me rereading it (“Bluegrass Symphony”)….’twas a reminder of your deftly engrossing way with a story. 🙂 “Guarded” was going to be next but my direction led to this instead, suffice it say the synopsis hit home for me. Circumstances have led me to the most challenging life experience…. Troy’s journey and mine parallel each other’s a lot-while I still have people in my life who love me and I have been shown great grace, it doesn’t erase the desolation of the inability to sufficiently provide for yourself on a permanent basis; this story is an inspiration, both in Troy’s dignity in the face of his situation, as well as his “turn” (which is going to be so much more of a turn that he anticipates). ❤️‍🩹 It gives me hope for the same and I really appreciate that. Thank you. 🙏 🎁

While Michael majorly fuc*ed up, he seems remorseful and I’m not going to begrudge him a second chance, as long as he wants to do better. When we get to a certain point in life, whose house isn’t made of glass? That redemption doesn’t extend to his parents, though….there’s messing up and then there’s evil….you cross the street when you see evil coming; as long as he avoids interacting with his egg and sperm donor, he’ll have a chance to do better.

I love that Max and Tara have their own special bond, (one forseen by Sam, btw). Max is the person Tara’s been needing to rely on ever since she lost her beloved Nate & it can only be a good thing for Max to have someone he can truly let his guard down with, more so than he did with Sam, even. I do disagree about Tara’s assessment on whether Sam would’ve been the right partner for Max….Max’s diversion away from the romantic feelings he and Sam shared made Sam less confident about confronting him the way he would or could have; because of the multi faceted relationship M & S share, Sam chose to not call Max out on feelings he was so clearly avoiding for fear that it would alter everything else they had. Sam was also terrified of the slim chance of rejection, he wouldn’t have been able to come back from that and that would’ve forever altered everything else between them. Though it didn’t work out, the love these two men share/shared for each other is/was real and they would have been great partners together if they were both honest with each other.

Samuel was an abused white knight who viewed anything less than the absolute security of those under his care as failure; it led him to be a fearless leader in his career, which led to his ascension to the elite echelons of the military....his personal circle remained small with a great reluctance to let anyone else in (a memo Tara and especially Reverend Ben did not receive ☺️). Sam needed his family to heal his wounds, just as they needed him to heal theirs; he wasn't aware his family grew without his knowledge but Ben and Tara proved integral to his recovery as well. Max....there is so much obvious genuine love and affection between he and Sam; I liked him in spite of the fucked up way he treated Sam's heart; that it came from an insecurity in himself about not being good enough showed the battle he was waging within....methinks the Colonel has a lot to atone for with his only bio child, a sit down and hash out is way overdue, I hope it happens in the story you have for Max and Roman, I look forward to Ramon showing our charmin' Ragin' Cajun that he is more than enough as he is. Healing from trauma is a lifetime process and there will be backtracks on the journey....that Sam and his family (immediate and extended) have committed to wellness is the first step....every journey begins with one, right? I thank you for sharing your storytelling gift especially in the midst of challenging situations. 🙏 🎁

You've crafted an engaging and intriguing tale that talks to the struggle to heal from battles, both without and especially within. Samuel and Connor gave off Cain and Abel vibes, with Sam's total commitment to being his brother's keeper; his enlistment led him into another level of hell that he would have otherwise avoided on his own and with the loving attention of the Melone's. Connor was a victim who ultimately victimized, life was never a comfortable fit for him-did his father's abuse give him an excuse? Did he hate himself for repeating history with Sofia and Adelyn? The military didn't give Connor peace; (was he really looking for it?) Instead it gave the self hating homophobe an unexpected connection in Devlin, perhaps the only true love he'd known (he loved Sam but woefully not enough). As destructive as he was, Connor possessed a preternatural ability to secure absolute devotion-first in Samuel, then Sofia & Adelyn (I don't count Emma because she was too young to know her dad) and lastly Devlin, who chose to die with him rather than live without him. Connor fought the world and himself, it is hoped he has now found the peace he definitely didn't have earth side.

As a society, we try to make excuses for horrific behavior, perhaps a “treat someone the way you want to be treated” type of thing….the older I get, the more I believe some people are just born bad, broken and bad, beyond help unless they want it….some people don’t want it….some people’s pleasure is inflicting pain on others. 🤷‍♀️

Michael is an utter disappointment, truly a spawn from his mother’s wretched womb, I thought he’d be honorable to Sarah when he realized where his sexuality lay but to deceive her as he has is beyond forgiving…. I want to say he’s ashamed of being gay but he has such a robust sex life on that side that the lines between his two worlds are blurring more and more. What will he do with exposure? Sarah looked like she knew what was up but I think she’s deluding herself because she wants this life so bad, which is a departure from the astute woman she was first portrayed as.

Nate the avenging angel is here to mete out justice. There is no pity whatsoever for Mr. & Mrs. Evans or Ryan….Michael had some initially when it came out how his mother literally browbeat his sexuality into repressed dreams but the subsequent choices he made to lead a bacchanal double life (the other half of which he apparently can’t stand anymore- “I can’t keep fucking her… it disgusts me.” 😳) leaves me with zero f*cks to give about him, too. I don’t know how Nate will open that can of whoop ass but I’m here for ALL of it; I will especially enjoy Mrs. Evans & Michael’s take down.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend”.

In this den of thieving liars where profit is the most important thing, there are probably clauses to protect them in the contract Ethan signed. Now that he’s in love, I think Ethan’s going to regret not thoroughly reading the contract before he signed.

I ultimately chose to ❤️ this chapter because even with all the emotional tumult (or maybe because of it), you still managed to convey hope for a better way, a better time. “Sometimes things needed to be broken to heal right after all.” Thank you for that.

It was unusual but overdue. River’s emotional dam (that kept everyone at bay) finally broke.

I didn’t know how to rate this chapter. While it’s sad that Kenji was abused by his homophobic father, (whom he can never seem to please - “Dedicating my entire life to being whatever he wanted is apparently not enough.”) their declaration of love for each other was blisteringly moving. That these two people damaged by their childhoods should be this vulnerable with each other seems right and I love that. An absentee father and an extreme mother laid the foundation for River to never open up, “keep calm and carry on”, behavior wise; his rebellion manifested in tattoos, piercings and pink hair. He found a kindred spirit his freshman year of high school….he and Alec were their own island of misfit toys, learning how to open up and function together. At that time even more than Finn, Alec needed River; being needed was a new feeling, one he liked, (as River is clearly a nurturer); the lean times they went through in college cemented their bond and their relationship pattern-though both were fucked up, Alec needed River more, which enabled him to continue caring for Alec and making his needs secondary, a pattern that carried over in all his future friendships. River’s friends have always cared for him, he just doesn’t process that well. This can be a time for River and Kenji to redefine their relationship with each other and everyone else in their lives.

My heart hurts for what you witnessed…. I appreciate the joyful noise you make. 🎁

Excellent juxtaposition of this timeline with the same in “I Hate This Town”, giving us what happened from River and Kenji’s side….River/Kenji fluff was most welcome. 😊 “He had a strong personality. So did I, but his was different. I’d never met anyone like him, and it was nice. He tempered my anxious energy. It was like a soothing calm.” These two strong wills with their different displays and defenses begs the age old debate: do opposites attract or does like attract like? Either way, River and Kenji are a good combination. Kenji’s previous heartbreak added a layer to his emotional fortress that River managed to scale….upon that realization, Kenji adjusted and acted upon it, freeing River to do the same. “Ji?” “Yes River?”…. “I think I’ll keep you.” I mumbled into his shoulder. Yet it is River who needs to be kept and Kenji who needs to keep; key meet lock 🔐.

LOVING trauma twins & mega boyfriending!!!! “Trauma Twin powers activate!!” LOL.

“I wrapped my arms around my waist, holding myself, “That a weird way of saying you caught feelings?” “River, I’ve not kissed anyone since my early twenties. I’m 34.” (Damn!!) Yes River, that’s Kenji’s way of saying he caught feelings, lol. “Crime family adjacent”….”business business”….is that like porn having no real definition but “you know it when you see it?” Huzzah for Kenji initiating a kiss for the first time Less huzzah for him being a little creepy Huzzah for Kenji showing River it’s okay to be vulnerable, kissing and creepy behavior included…. I think honesty dictates that matters of the heart opens one up to creepy behavior upon occasion….better to ask forgiveness than permission, indeed.

Morning sex = best 👍

“Today had been an amazing blend of impulsivity and wonderful discovery, what with the swimming in the lake and Megan simply including me into her thoughts and fears.” As a writer, there’s a part of Adam that is insatiably curious and adaptable, those traits will stand him in good stead while adjusting to a faster, more unpredictable pace of life, one he didn’t realize he wanted. CHAPTER 21 - Adam (WARNING - INTIMATE ACT) I found this so cute-you’d never warned about bow chicka wow wow before and this was just personal pleasure….wonder what prelude we’ll get when the real deal happens, lol. If Kai had heard Adam call out his name & came upon him (pun unintended) that scene would have gone from hot to nuclear. 🔥☢️

Physician heal thyself, lol.

Julie’s evolution is a beautiful thing, both for herself and for River 💝. It’s a real shame Mae couldn’t….maybe in another life?