FanLit

While Michael majorly fuc*ed up, he seems remorseful and I’m not going to begrudge him a second chance, as long as he wants to do better. When we get to a certain point in life, whose house isn’t made of glass? That redemption doesn’t extend to his parents, though….there’s messing up and then there’s evil….you cross the street when you see evil coming; as long as he avoids interacting with his egg and sperm donor, he’ll have a chance to do better.

I love that Max and Tara have their own special bond, (one forseen by Sam, btw). Max is the person Tara’s been needing to rely on ever since she lost her beloved Nate & it can only be a good thing for Max to have someone he can truly let his guard down with, more so than he did with Sam, even. I do disagree about Tara’s assessment on whether Sam would’ve been the right partner for Max….Max’s diversion away from the romantic feelings he and Sam shared made Sam less confident about confronting him the way he would or could have; because of the multi faceted relationship M & S share, Sam chose to not call Max out on feelings he was so clearly avoiding for fear that it would alter everything else they had. Sam was also terrified of the slim chance of rejection, he wouldn’t have been able to come back from that and that would’ve forever altered everything else between them. Though it didn’t work out, the love these two men share/shared for each other is/was real and they would have been great partners together if they were both honest with each other.

Samuel was an abused white knight who viewed anything less than the absolute security of those under his care as failure; it led him to be a fearless leader in his career, which led to his ascension to the elite echelons of the military....his personal circle remained small with a great reluctance to let anyone else in (a memo Tara and especially Reverend Ben did not receive ☺️). Sam needed his family to heal his wounds, just as they needed him to heal theirs; he wasn't aware his family grew without his knowledge but Ben and Tara proved integral to his recovery as well. Max....there is so much obvious genuine love and affection between he and Sam; I liked him in spite of the fucked up way he treated Sam's heart; that it came from an insecurity in himself about not being good enough showed the battle he was waging within....methinks the Colonel has a lot to atone for with his only bio child, a sit down and hash out is way overdue, I hope it happens in the story you have for Max and Roman, I look forward to Ramon showing our charmin' Ragin' Cajun that he is more than enough as he is. Healing from trauma is a lifetime process and there will be backtracks on the journey....that Sam and his family (immediate and extended) have committed to wellness is the first step....every journey begins with one, right? I thank you for sharing your storytelling gift especially in the midst of challenging situations. 🙏 🎁

You've crafted an engaging and intriguing tale that talks to the struggle to heal from battles, both without and especially within. Samuel and Connor gave off Cain and Abel vibes, with Sam's total commitment to being his brother's keeper; his enlistment led him into another level of hell that he would have otherwise avoided on his own and with the loving attention of the Melone's. Connor was a victim who ultimately victimized, life was never a comfortable fit for him-did his father's abuse give him an excuse? Did he hate himself for repeating history with Sofia and Adelyn? The military didn't give Connor peace; (was he really looking for it?) Instead it gave the self hating homophobe an unexpected connection in Devlin, perhaps the only true love he'd known (he loved Sam but woefully not enough). As destructive as he was, Connor possessed a preternatural ability to secure absolute devotion-first in Samuel, then Sofia & Adelyn (I don't count Emma because she was too young to know her dad) and lastly Devlin, who chose to die with him rather than live without him. Connor fought the world and himself, it is hoped he has now found the peace he definitely didn't have earth side.

As a society, we try to make excuses for horrific behavior, perhaps a “treat someone the way you want to be treated” type of thing….the older I get, the more I believe some people are just born bad, broken and bad, beyond help unless they want it….some people don’t want it….some people’s pleasure is inflicting pain on others. 🤷‍♀️

Michael is an utter disappointment, truly a spawn from his mother’s wretched womb, I thought he’d be honorable to Sarah when he realized where his sexuality lay but to deceive her as he has is beyond forgiving…. I want to say he’s ashamed of being gay but he has such a robust sex life on that side that the lines between his two worlds are blurring more and more. What will he do with exposure? Sarah looked like she knew what was up but I think she’s deluding herself because she wants this life so bad, which is a departure from the astute woman she was first portrayed as.

Nate the avenging angel is here to mete out justice. There is no pity whatsoever for Mr. & Mrs. Evans or Ryan….Michael had some initially when it came out how his mother literally browbeat his sexuality into repressed dreams but the subsequent choices he made to lead a bacchanal double life (the other half of which he apparently can’t stand anymore- “I can’t keep fucking her… it disgusts me.” 😳) leaves me with zero f*cks to give about him, too. I don’t know how Nate will open that can of whoop ass but I’m here for ALL of it; I will especially enjoy Mrs. Evans & Michael’s take down.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend”.

In this den of thieving liars where profit is the most important thing, there are probably clauses to protect them in the contract Ethan signed. Now that he’s in love, I think Ethan’s going to regret not thoroughly reading the contract before he signed.

I ultimately chose to ❤️ this chapter because even with all the emotional tumult (or maybe because of it), you still managed to convey hope for a better way, a better time. “Sometimes things needed to be broken to heal right after all.” Thank you for that.

It was unusual but overdue. River’s emotional dam (that kept everyone at bay) finally broke.

I didn’t know how to rate this chapter. While it’s sad that Kenji was abused by his homophobic father, (whom he can never seem to please - “Dedicating my entire life to being whatever he wanted is apparently not enough.”) their declaration of love for each other was blisteringly moving. That these two people damaged by their childhoods should be this vulnerable with each other seems right and I love that. An absentee father and an extreme mother laid the foundation for River to never open up, “keep calm and carry on”, behavior wise; his rebellion manifested in tattoos, piercings and pink hair. He found a kindred spirit his freshman year of high school….he and Alec were their own island of misfit toys, learning how to open up and function together. At that time even more than Finn, Alec needed River; being needed was a new feeling, one he liked, (as River is clearly a nurturer); the lean times they went through in college cemented their bond and their relationship pattern-though both were fucked up, Alec needed River more, which enabled him to continue caring for Alec and making his needs secondary, a pattern that carried over in all his future friendships. River’s friends have always cared for him, he just doesn’t process that well. This can be a time for River and Kenji to redefine their relationship with each other and everyone else in their lives.

My heart hurts for what you witnessed…. I appreciate the joyful noise you make. 🎁

Excellent juxtaposition of this timeline with the same in “I Hate This Town”, giving us what happened from River and Kenji’s side….River/Kenji fluff was most welcome. 😊 “He had a strong personality. So did I, but his was different. I’d never met anyone like him, and it was nice. He tempered my anxious energy. It was like a soothing calm.” These two strong wills with their different displays and defenses begs the age old debate: do opposites attract or does like attract like? Either way, River and Kenji are a good combination. Kenji’s previous heartbreak added a layer to his emotional fortress that River managed to scale….upon that realization, Kenji adjusted and acted upon it, freeing River to do the same. “Ji?” “Yes River?”…. “I think I’ll keep you.” I mumbled into his shoulder. Yet it is River who needs to be kept and Kenji who needs to keep; key meet lock 🔐.

LOVING trauma twins & mega boyfriending!!!! “Trauma Twin powers activate!!” LOL.

“I wrapped my arms around my waist, holding myself, “That a weird way of saying you caught feelings?” “River, I’ve not kissed anyone since my early twenties. I’m 34.” (Damn!!) Yes River, that’s Kenji’s way of saying he caught feelings, lol. “Crime family adjacent”….”business business”….is that like porn having no real definition but “you know it when you see it?” Huzzah for Kenji initiating a kiss for the first time Less huzzah for him being a little creepy Huzzah for Kenji showing River it’s okay to be vulnerable, kissing and creepy behavior included…. I think honesty dictates that matters of the heart opens one up to creepy behavior upon occasion….better to ask forgiveness than permission, indeed.

Morning sex = best 👍

“Today had been an amazing blend of impulsivity and wonderful discovery, what with the swimming in the lake and Megan simply including me into her thoughts and fears.” As a writer, there’s a part of Adam that is insatiably curious and adaptable, those traits will stand him in good stead while adjusting to a faster, more unpredictable pace of life, one he didn’t realize he wanted. CHAPTER 21 - Adam (WARNING - INTIMATE ACT) I found this so cute-you’d never warned about bow chicka wow wow before and this was just personal pleasure….wonder what prelude we’ll get when the real deal happens, lol. If Kai had heard Adam call out his name & came upon him (pun unintended) that scene would have gone from hot to nuclear. 🔥☢️

Physician heal thyself, lol.

Julie’s evolution is a beautiful thing, both for herself and for River 💝. It’s a real shame Mae couldn’t….maybe in another life?

I very much concur with this statement & to paraphrase @Gary L the learning curve Adam is on, not just with being shaken out of his “staid in his ways as a single man” but learning to interact (and clearly eventually be part) with a large, rambunctious family…. I think I was more offended than Adam to find out Callum and Megan sexed in his bed, lol. The engaging supporting characters has evolved this tale into a great family story, though I still hold the connection between Adam and Kai most dear.

Henry had the spine of a wet paper towel when Alec was growing up; granted he experienced his own kind of abuse from Mae which neutered any authority he may have had in their family.

I F’ing love bomb this chapter SOOOO much (but in a healthy way, lol) “R: It’s nothing you did. I’m just afraid that this relationship is one sided. If it’s not, I’m terrified you’re going to see inside and hate what’s there. I left and am back in my hometown with a friend. I just need some time to think about everything. It’s making me feel crazy. Someone making me feel at all is horrifying honestly.]” Isn’t this how most of us recovering from a traumatic childhood feel when meeting someone we like who dares to like us back? (without the hometown part. 🙂). Isn’t this how most people feel when they meet someone they like who dares to like them back? (Okay, some not most). I liked how you started connecting this story into “I Hate This Town” in the previous chapter, curious to see how certain exchanges looked from the other side….this convo showed me I wasn’t going to be disappointed: “I grinned, “You’d think that as the years would’ve passed, you’d have grown as a person. You’d have become more than the above average cheerleader who peaked in high school. Pining after a man who hasn’t wanted you since and bullying someone you don't know anymore. But you’re still here and you’re still her. Doll, it’s honestly sad, borderline pathetic. Surely you can do better.” Funky ass bitch got cursed out without the use of one four letter word….I’m a big fan of that, my own profanity in this comment notwithstanding, lol. “K: Is this because I mentioned moving away from the contract? Or possibly because I told you I cared about you? Regardless of your answer, I don’t apologize for either.]” This was another “other side” exchange that excited me-Kenji has feelings!! and he admitted them to River!! (in writing, no less) It seems Kenji’s persona maybe as much of a wall as River’s, though made of different material….it also seems Kenji’s willing to be more vulnerable than River, especially as those of us who’ve read “IHTT” knows what follows. River is a lot stronger than he gives himself credit for….the sheer weight of balancing his own sanity plus Alec’s for so long will take an expected toll, he needs help and now he has two sources-Kenji and his mother (Alec too, if he confided in him more) he deserves it….he could’ve always had it with his whole friend group had he opened up but these three are the closest to him. “This wasn’t his fault. Well, it kind of was. He did have the gall to be the only romantic partner I’d built a bond with. Then he added on the audacity of being attractive and having a personality that balanced mine.” They really are perfect for each other. 😊 You’ve mentioned in previous comments that you battle your own challenges, whether you’re like River or Alec, the way you share is very insightful and moving…. I wish you the best on your road to wellness everyday and a Finn or Kenji in your life. 🎁

“I’m sure at this point I was leaving plenty behind when I left the hotels. Sprinkling my fractured trauma in my wake for the unsuspecting housekeeper.” What a profound statement. How many unsuspecting things do housekeepers clean up in hotels, everyday, indeed. “ I leaned forward, resting my head against my knees and ignoring the liquid frustration that slid from my eyes.” River makes my eyes liquid with his self flagellating battle to be strong. He’s done an amazing job on his own but it’s an almost impossible task overcoming trauma alone. “River, this is an unusual relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Quite the opposite. This has been a very different dynamic for me.” “I don’t think this was covered in the contract.” I mumbled. “Then don’t bring it up. Uncharted territory it is.” Kenji makes even letting his guard down guarded, lol. I think he may now be discovering contracted agreements in matters of the heart are pretty useless, lol. Yet I wonder, is this the first time he’s been emotionally affected in his sexual relationships?