Will Hawkins

One of the most intense descriptions of oral penetration I have ever had the satisfaction to read.Masterful expression.

My vision of the meeting between our two prime characters is two male dogs circling one another showing their teeth and growling an absolute ridge of hir raised along the backbone, but neither quite really ready to take the first snap. I can smell the testosterone from here! Superior characterization for so early in a tale.

A fascinating story my friend with great characters -- just the thing to cheer up a grey day

I am especially enjoying some of the comments on this story and have done a little research on Barnstable MA. Cape Cod is also the family home of the Kennedy family, truly an interesting place. It is interesting how some of their personal stories leak through the comments made on your chapters by the commenters. Life does have a way of affecting us all. Keep up the great characterizations, you are a master at that.

Organized chaos is a good descriptive term for the relationship between Blu and his family, but Kyle is going to need help with his parents. I think Nan is just the person he needs to break up that dual iceberg. I can see a lot of broadening going on from Blu to Kyle, but I worry a little about the reverse -- Kyle to Blu. At ay rate it is going to be an education at college, both in and out of the classroom. Very creative writing, I continue to look forward to additional growth on both boy's parts -- no pun intended.

Two principal characters each one written bt a different author -- an interesting means of character development. Of course Nan is the type of character that is the most fun to write but I feel the most interesting writing challenge is going to be the development of the relationship between the boys. The two authors are either going to love or despise one another by several weeks into the tale!! It is going to be interesting -- in the Chinese Philosophy sense!

Hey relax, Buddy. This is just the first chapter and it is not nearly so bad grammatically as many author's first efforts. Yes there are a few pot holes in the road and your commenters have and will continue to direct your attention to them, but I have seen 'firsties' by experienced authors that are much worse. Just keep up the characterization and the creativity, that is the author's job -- the grammar will improve with experience and relaxation. I am famous, read infamous, for being snarky about grammar, and even I was able to read through this chapter without barfing. That must mean there is hope for you! The concept of identical twins where one is gay and the other straight is a storyline that I have not seen many times before, so even its freshness makes for interesting reading. I get tired of the teen-aged angst that you see so much of in first stories on GA. Not every male child of fifteen suffers the woes of the world in 'coming out', it's nice to see someone who accepts himself. Hey, I am what I am, live with it! Okay, now back to the story!

Impossible feet - an impossible feat peaking Kyle’s curiosity - piquing is the word you are looking for here. a loud raucous, - a loud racket And the Old Troll settles back into his chair and his pipe.but wait. I don't smoke a pipe!

Ex-Lax in the cookies, not quite the same level as fish and hot peppers on the pizza, but close. I have heard of bananas on pizza. that too seemed inappropriate, but maybe not as bad as some things I have heard! Nan is a delight, I am sure if she let herself go she could fill the entire oopsie jar all by herself. Excellent characterization, guys, keep up the good work.

“my legs have are going to sleep. - have gone or are going either one works here, but not a combination. The Old Troll in my personality admits to being a little frustrated. The Editor\Reader staff you are using is, in general, doing such a good job that I can find very little to carp about, keep up the good work, Guys. it makes reading a real pleasure.

I can imagine the reactions of the new members of the family -- meeting all those different people at the same time and in a restaurant -- read, public place, I would be overwhelmed! And those people certainly are different.

The system really failed in this case: single parent goes to jail and the house gets boarded up. Where is the support for the children? I realize CPS has a bad reputation, too many families are in it just for the money and the adults who care and try to do right get drowned in the paperwork. But is this really true or just a frequent author's crutch? Doesn't anyone ever investigate the circumstances or are there just too many cases?

What breed is Kahn? I know he is a big dog but because I have not read the first part, he is one of the details I missed. "Khan sat and procured food as a taste tester for the family". I know what is meant by a dog being a taste tester for the family, but to me the word 'procured' doesn't make sense.

Snark Attack. There is no such word as anyways. Just leave the 's' off. Anyway is an adverb. Adverbs have no plural form, grabbed his plated rinsing it off -- plate I feel like I got into my seat during the second Act. Oh, wait! I did. Okay, I will just sit back and enjoy my popcorn until all the characters begin to make sense. Back to the reading.

Somehow I have the feeling my ticket placed me in a Coach seat, not the Club Car I expected. but I will wait and see what happens.

to keep the night due off us - to keep the night dew off us Leaving us a little bit up in the air, Mate. But we now have a landing strip to fly into after our Vet gets his license. A flying Vet might make an interesting storyline! But takeoff from a gravel strip might be a little iffy. I remember one-time flying in a light plane into a graveled strip in Alaska when there happened to be a 90-degree cross-wind. My pilot watched the lead plane slip toward the runway then kick the tail over just at the last minute. He said "Well, if he can do it, I guess I can too." and we tried the same thing. It is a little scary when one is sitting in the right-hand-seat and the ground is coming up directly at your window at over 100 miles an hour. But we slipped in and it ended up a perfectly comfortable landing. The pilot's last comment was, "Oh boy, I have never landed is such a strong cross-wind before! I responded, "I am glad you waited until after we were on the ground before you made that comment."

Slight correction to quotation: "Thar's gold in them thar hills." Every once in a while an Ozzie needs help with American Southwestern English. LOL

it took a lot less pressure off me and Jacob to keep an eye on them - it put a lot less pressure on me and Jacob to keep an eye on them roped and thrown to the grown. do you mean ground? This is my favorite sort of nit-pick! These two words are homophones, words that sound the same but have different meanings, and unfortunately, Grammarly does not pick them up. According to one list I have seen, there are 441 pairs of words such as this in the English language and by the time an author has typed, punctuated and spell-checked a chapter 999 times, he is so sick of it, his eye slips right over them. As I read each chapter with a fresh eye, I spot them easily, so this is not a 'put-down' of your work, it is just my attempt at being helpful. Punctuation is another quagmire for an author, especially the use of the comma, but that one I will not touch with a barge pole. I have a tendency to put in too many commas in my own work. Perhaps Okiegrad's objection to the police interference with teenage exploration in the Rec Center might be a bit of an overreaction in itself. Maybe the policeman was objecting to the public nature of the act rather than to the act itself.

Yeppers, that's exactly my problem too. But keep up the great work in regular stories on GA. I am getting my Ozzie education from your writing.

I too enjoy the learning part of your stories, Q, as well as the Oz speech patterns and vocabulary. Excellent beginning, and of course, your famous little cliff hanger at the end.

I realize that some rodeo events are dangerous but I have never considered bareback riding to be so, can you elucidate for this city boy?

Well, Old Grumpy Puss is reading again! There are some, not many, but a few typing errors in this Chapter, but as the story is so new, I will not be noting them as rigorously as I am wont to do. The Captain seems to be a nice person as is the Bos'n. But my nuts have not peeked out from their hibernation as yet. I will wager that the fountain in central Oslo was frozen at this time of year.

My nuts have already begun to shrink up and hide! The North Sea in December is not my idea of a cruise, especially in a windjammer -- with no heat! fear the decks and shrouds will already be coated with ice! And our hero is prone to mal de mer as well. I can only hope that tendency has been overcome by his maturity. Else he may spend the entire time curled in his hammock filling up a pail. I usually read your stories, Quokka, because I love Australia, the land and the people as well. My one trip there, as a roadie for the Seattle Men's Chorus many years ago, was confined to the East coast. Your tales, centered on Western Oz are like a trip to our Western States except we don't have as many interesting animals.

different than this dredge in front of him - different than this drudge in front of him dredge means to make a water channel deeper, The word you are looking for is drudge, a person made to do hard menial or dull work.