Will Hawkins

That's OK, after reading many stories on GA I am quite at ease with the British, so the only thing that you as the author might want to look out for is homophones.

Once again my comment about needing a good editor. In my opinion, the author's job is to be creative and the editor is to smooth out any bumps in the narrative and to make sure that the pronouns used are the correct tense and number. A good spell checker like Grammarly can help. but it will not replace a good sharp eye for detecting such errors as homophones. A super story -- keep up the good work! Mister Will

However, the seaman would have been informed that the passengers consisted of a Lt. Commander and a civilian and should have followed correct military procedure. Interesting side note on military protocol: My father was an officer in the USAF and frequently my mother and I would drive onto the base to pick him up after doing some shopping at the base exchange. When we drove in the guard at the entrance always saluted and my mother would smile and nod back. When I asked my father why the guard would salute a woman (this was before there were any women officers in the service) dad explained that the guard was saluting the official sticker on the windshield, not my mother. She was just being gracious in smiling and nodding back. He was acknowledging our right to enter the base. Later, after I got my driver's license, I would smile and nod as well. Not that I was posing as an officer, but just returning a courtesy just as my mother had. When I asked dad why he did not return the guard's salute he said that the driver of a car is supposed to keep both hands on the wheel at all times for safety's sake.

Fascinating storyline, but dude, you seriously need an editor. The chapter is rife with grammatical errors. Of course, I will continue to follow the story.

An invasion, eh! Well, that will throw a spanner into the works...to use a British expression. Very interesting development.

“Err, are you sure that it is the DSC, that is a very high award?” This is a difficult sentence to punctuate, but my punctuation guides say “Err, are you sure that it is the DSC? that is a very high award.” works in this case. "on a lighter note thou, I learnt today,", are you sure you don't mean, "on a lighter note though, I learnt today." Thou, is an archaic use of a personal pronoun, you. Though my American spell checker calls for "learned", learnt is perfectly acceptable in British. I'm still reading though, and the accommodations on Christmas Island sound really cool! Misterwill

I must be a glutton for punishment. I am willing to struggle through another Australian story just because this first chapter has caught my interest. Fortunately, I have my dictionary of Aussie slang in my 'favorites' list, ready to look up the words I do not understand. There are two languages that have similar problems, English and Portuguese. Both as a result of the explorations and settlements of the Nineteenth Century. It certainly makes my reading interesting, and I am not speaking exclusively of British spelling -- I have long ago become accustomed to the extra letters the Brits throw into words, but slang expressions, and I am not restricting my comments to Cockney Rhyming Slang, I have even gotten comfortable with using 'lounge' instead of 'living room' and 'broom cupboard' in place of 'broom closet'. So I guess it is much like learning to drive on the other side of the road (notice, I did not say the 'wrong' side of the road as I have discovered that fully one-third of the drivers in the world are subject to those standards.) I am looking forward to my reading, however. The relationship between a fifteen-year-old and an injured vet guarantees an interesting relationship. Misterwill

Things seem to be progressing well for Robbie, but I am sure, as an author, something will come up. I know you are using examples of juvenile speech in your story and I have no problem with that, but just as a suggestion, doing good usually means acting in a charitable manner, the more appropriate expression would be "doing well", but that is NOT kid speak. I am running out of expletives to express my approval of your writing skills. Check some of the earliest chapters and you can see for yourself how you have improved. Will

I was having trouble with such word pairs as 'loaned' and 'lent', 'kneeled' and 'knelt', and so forth. So I did some research on the matter of past tense and past participle. I found, after wading through much confusion, that the difference is essentially between British and American English. Okay, I can live with that and will fold my Troll tent and steal quietly away. I still see Nicola's antagonism as a result of the threat that Robbie is making to her position as the family Alpha. However, her inclination to defend him in school situations indicates that she very likely will begin to walk in his moccasins at some time in the future. She could become his staunchest advocate, though it might be quite some time before that happens. Grossly superior writing, Dodger, and grammar improving all the time. You will always be British, but we may make an expert writer out of you yet. The future holds great promise. Will H.

Coming out to Nathan's family, while stressful was so much easier than Robbie coming out to his own family. He is going to feel shy about it, assuming they will not want to adopt a gay son and Nicole will be a great problem. I feel she could be an advocate for Robbie if she could overcome her, is it fear? about losing her place as the Alpha in her family. She is scared by the thought that Robbie is a male and therefore much more important in the family hierarchy than is she. She has to act the part of a bitch to keep her rank as Alpha. End of amateur psychoanalysis. As always, you leave me waiting with bated breath for the next chapter. I am so fortunate that it only takes a few seconds to bring it up, if I were waiting for a week, I would be banging my head against the wall. Will H.

My partner and I had a brief discussion about different ways of delivering milk. Here in Brazil, it is available in the markets in cardboard boxes, In the US at one time they tried boxes, but customers refused to buy it that way. Now I understand it is available in large (gallon sized, square plastic containers) but it seems these are not popular either as they are awkward and heavy for children to manage. Dairies love them, however as much greater quantities of product can be fitted into a given space for refrigeration or transport. It is a puzzlement. With glass bottles, breakage is a problem but at least glass is recycled, can be cleaned and unlike cardboard does not call for the destruction of forests. Perhaps we should run refrigerated pipes from the dairies to every kitchen, or provide a cow for every house. Will H.

I have solved one of my problems -- I put a link to the Oxford Dictionary of British Slang in my 'favorites' area. This enables me to get a translation of the 'Britishisms' in your story and zip right back to where I was reading. Very cool. I also looked at your life history. It looks like you have crossed the Atlantic Ocean more frequently than the Queen Mary (the ship, not the royal.). George Bernard Shaw or sometimes Oscar Wilde is credited with the expression "Two countries separated by a common language" in reference to American and British speech. I would like to add Australian to the mess as well, not even to mention Scots, Welsh, East Indian, etc. How is it one language can get so muddled in less than 250 years? According to my partner, who is Portuguese, the same thing happened to the Portuguese language during their age of colonization. He does better with my Americanisms than he does with the Portuguese here in Brazil. As far as the story goes -- I wish Robbie would pull his head out of its dark place. He is hurting too many people. But I have nothing but good to say about your writing ability, especially the expression of internal angst you get into conversations. You done good, Bud. Will H.

I think Robbie is finally on the right track as far as boyfriends are concerned, but watch out, Robbie, Hell hath no fury... I feel for Nicola, yes she is being a bitch, but she is worried about being replaced as the Alpha of the youngster's pack, so she is fighting for her place in the only way she knows. I am wondering if she ever turns around to become a Robbie supporter

Dodger, you deserve a big red rose: "From now on, I was no longer on my own. We were a couple and he was my other half, without whom I would no longer be complete." This sentence and the similar one in the same paragraph, but above) show an increased awareness of English grammar. Congratulations and keep up the good work (I had to sneak in that fatherly comment just to keep you alert.) Will H.

Troll Alert: “Don’t worry dude, if you keep pressing the right buttons, then pretty soon, I’m going to be on you like a leach and you’ll probably wish you never met me.” I really hate to do this because this was one of the sweetest chapters I have ever read, but the troll instinct is too strong. I think you mean 'leech'. An annelid that sucks blood through the skin. By the way, the application of a leech, as icky as it sounds, is an excellent cure for a black eye, if applied quickly it will prevent all the darkening, leaving only a small ring of reddened skin. In spite of my ick factor, absolutely the best chapter you have ever written. Will H.

Oh Robbie, be careful, Dude. I hope you are not moving too fast. I know you want to leap over the moon, but there is a chance that you might scare Nathan off. Just be as sweet to him as he is to you. There is another problem which can rear its head (no pun intended) remember your commitment to pose nude for Fran. She may not be as infatuated with you as she once was, but I still feel she will want the sitting to take place. Do you suppose that could be a situation? the ability you have to get into the mind of a teenager and express in writing the angst there is there. I'm afraid it has been too many years for me, but you do it so well. Will H.

Troll alert: “Well you’re gonna have to start towing the line and obeying the rules like everyone else." I think you mean 'toeing the line'. That means to place your foot on a mark to start the race. Towing the line is what a tugboat does. The two errors I have found in this chapter are called 'homophones'. That is a very common and easily made error principally because a spell check does not find it as the wrong words are perfectly good words, just not used in their proper meaning. Please accept my remarks as an attempt at helping, not as a put-down. I am fascinated by your writing and really enjoying the story. Will H.

I, too, am concerned about going to Fran's house, especially with no one but her brother there. Too much opportunity for blackmail and Fran is just the one who would be willing to do it as revenge. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I don't see Fran becoming physical, but certainly attempting to destroy Robbie's reputation. Outing him would not be nearly as effective as accusing him of molestation or rape. Will H.

I just checked back on the reference through Google to 'cornhole game.' Had to go through several screens to get to the one with the correct picture. I hope you found the right one. It has been a number of years since I was awakened by a lick - Oh, I forgot Brownun. She would probably wake me up that way if she were not busy nursing nine wigglers right now, and with only eight faucets too. That calls for some synchronicity. Fortunately, they are all learning to share early.

By the way, check out the website for the 'Cornhole' game. There is a picture of two college kids playing the game and the man of the group is HOT, HOT, HOT. Well, that is the opinion of an old man! How come nobody like that ever went to my college? Oh shit, he is with a GIRL. Okay, but he is still hot, just not available. Ah well, eye candy counts for something.

Speaking of slow replies, I think I take the cake in that area, but then I am reading this series much later than its first publication. I am pleased and honored to have a character named after me. Just wait, however, until I get into my full Troll mood. I think you will be sorry for bestowing that honor then, though I do try to keep my Trollisms under control, or at least polite. I do love following the story. Did I miss a reference to a character named Will or is he in a different (later) chapter, or in a different series? Will H.

In my era, DQ stood for Dairy Queen, but then my era was 75-80 years ago!!! The first results of a Leukemia test are frequently false positives -- so we can continue to hope here as well. Congratulations on your style of writing; A1 in my book, Keep up the good work. Will H.

"In the morning me and the dads are going to the store to get everything. Troll alert!!! It should be 'the dads and I are going to the store..." Two things wrong: the personal pronoun should be in the inferior position in the sentence and in the nominative case. Now I know this is dialog and a youthful speaker would probably say it that way so it is not necessary that it be changed. Just a 'heads up' for future writing. Séamus (Irish pronunciation: [ˈʃeːməs]), In the United States, the word "Shamus" is a derogatory American slang misspelling of Séamus. Note, the pronunciation of the (:) is a brief stop. That implies the word id pronounce somewhat like 'See-uh-mus' I think.

Alright, now there is absolutely nothing wrong with the word 'woken', as in "We were woken up when we heard talking outside of my door." But I happen to have a personal problem with it. It just seems to me to break the flow of dialog. I personally prefer 'awoken' as "We were awoken when we heard talking ..." Now you are the author of this tale and can use whatever English words you damn well please, but I just felt I had to get my opinion in. Will H.

This is difficult for me to comment on. I agree that Fran is flopping around in the bottom of the boat and needs to be tossed over the side, but Robbie is no doing much better. Sure he came out to Nathan but in a manner and time that would not convince N. that he was finally being honest. He is not. Neither with himself nor with Nathan. I foresee a rocky road for that relationship until Robbie mans up and starts to admit his relationship with Fran is not doing it. He NEEDS Nathan. Will