Will Hawkins

"well, it’s not hard to see where Adam got his laid-back attitude from!" The fact that this sentence ends in a preposition is a tiny error -- contemporary grammaticists would not even note it, the only reason I mention it is because it is not necessary. To say 'where Adam got his laid-back attitude!' is perfectly satisfactory. “Look, the teams more of a “for fun” thing than it is competitive. "the team's more of a "for fun" thing..." That is a contraction of 'team is' and needs an apostrophe. (God, I hate punctuation!)

Your ability to skate around a relationship is fab. I truly enjoy your writing style, yes even your cliff-hangers, like what is truly Adam's relationship to Artie? Very cool.

You really know how to jerk us around, I just come to an acceptance about Artie being sired by Adam and you pull a 'trans-man' idea out of a hat which would make him Artie's mother! Okay, I'm just going to sit back and fold my hands.

Hey, DQ, I used to live in the Western Addition, only I think it was called the Sunset District back then. It was composed of typical SFO houses -- two or three floors with a garage and entry on the ground floor, a stair up to the living room, dining room, kitchen, and utility, then another stair up to the bedrooms, all squeezed into a 25' lot. Just out of curiosity I looked at a listing for a house like the one I lived in and it is being offered for over $250,000 now!!!! The 'painted ladies' which have now acquired 'landmark' status are priced at over $3 million. I think I will stay in Brazil!!! And this is the Alamo Square area in which Art is presently living.

a peak into my Uncle’s personal life... s\b a peek the walk way extended out over the side of the bridge... s\b walkway The troll took it easy on you this time

I will be discussing several aspects of this story as it progresses, Ace. Do you want me to cuss you out here in public or go to a PM? My comments are infamous among the authors of GA, but I never criticize the author's portion of the story. He, in my mind, is responsible for the creativity and the characterizations of the tale. My comments will be directed to the editor and beta reader if there are any. So I will leave it up to you, Ace, shall I embarrass you in public or in private, relying on you to pass on my snarky comments to your staff?

This must be a serious illness as there is such a lengthy recuperation period. Please be sure that you have my support and take your time getting back into good shape.

I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think D is being pressured very strongly. Well, time will tell!

I believe there is more here than D is expressing. Let's see how it gets worked out before jumping to conclusions.

The process of removing a person's head from his ass might be a 'cranial-ass-ectomy', but it is still a wonderful word no matter how you spell it! I will reserve comment on the chapter until this interaction plays out a little more because I am chicken s==t.

Okay, it took me until the middle of this chapter to figure out what was going on (`I thought) then near the end I lost it again. That is probably my unfamiliarity with "vampire" type stories. So I feel my understanding will improve as I get further into the tale. Mechanically the writing appears to be nearly perfect and I will "screw my courage to the sticking point," and continue reading. Thank you, Adi, for your hard work in writing it.

I wonder what he will do with the 2nd Amendment. That seems to be the biggest problem in the nation right now. Possibly rewrite it with a better definition of 'militia' would solve the problem.

This is the space in which I should comment on the mechanics of the author in writing this chapter to his tale. I have seen writing error after error, small ones, but there nevertheless, creep into his writing and I have not attempted to bring them to his attention. But there is one thing I feel I should do, not all of us out here in "readerland" accept responsibility for the... No, I must stop. This is not the place for such comments as I am feeling. So, the only thing I will do is to appologize to the world, just as has Dylan's father for my errors of omission and comission.

Well, let's talk about the law. Dylan is thirteen but in a superior position as the son of the president. That means the two boys are close enough in age so there is no charge of rape involved. So I guess the upshot of the last half hour is 'go for it guys'.❤️

Of course, the events of the last couple of chapters are momentous but they reflect the ideology of the people of this country, my congratulations to the author of this series whom I know only as a pseudonym. He has expressed the will of a people of strength, resurgent in a moment of disaster.

I'm letting this chapter go to print without comment. Everybody can breathe a sigh of relief!

Okay, I have been quiet long enough about pronouns. When a pronoun is used as the object of a sentence as " The bus picked up Jerry and me." the proper case of the pronoun is objective. It acts as the object of the verb 'picked up'. If Jerry and I are going to town, use the subjective case as the pronoun is a part of the subject of the sentence. If you find it difficult to decide between subjective and objective, just say the sentence without the other person: The bus picked up me. It never sounds right to say the bus picked up I. The reverse is true for the objective case. In addition, the reflexive pronoun is always placed after the noun. Never The bus picked up me and Jerry.

This was the most important chapter to date. Especially from the effect of the killing on two youngsters. Great writing.

Firstly, an objection to a trend in the story. I feel I must defend the US against blasphemy! We, in this country, consume less than 2.5% of the fossil fuels of the world and an interruption of transport from the Near East would be unlikely to prompt the President to declare war against the British with whom we have had a "special arrangement" ever since the conclusion of the War of 1812. Certainly, the panic about a shortage of gasoline is overblown. Gasoline rationing was instituted during WWII primarily because of the loss of supplies from Asia because of Japanese action. However, the US is no longer dependant on Asiatic fuels for domestic use. I will accept that as a part of the storyline however. Officer's quarters and food have been of better quality ever since the nobles of Rome were given horses to ride into battle against the Greeks. However, enemy sharpshooters whether with crossbows or rifles quickly learn to recognize insignia of rank and aim first at officers in battle. This has historically prompted many officers to remove or hide insignia of rank as a form of life insurance. Errors in English in this Chapter are of minor importance and I, therefore, have not highlighted them.

"name original", word order s\b original name. other dirty dished, s\b other dirty dishes There are other and numerous small grammatical errors in the chapter, but nothing important enough to upset the reader, so I have not brought them o your attention.

Pastor Jacobs ended his tired... tirade is probably the word meant here; tirade: a long, angry speech of criticism or accusation: a tirade of abuse.

Wrong tense, s\b past tense -- used: yo͞ost | [in past, with infinitive] (used to) describing an action or state of affairs that was done repeatedly or existed for a period in the past. Bush used the potential for Iran to possess and use Weapons of Mass Destruction, (WMDs) against our allies in the Mid East as an excuse for starting a war against that country. This assumption was later proven to be based on faulty intelligence.

I too was impressed with the opening, but I am well known among the membership of GA as an iconoclast, a destroyer of images, or in this case, as the old troll who hides under the bridge that an author must walk across on the way to getting his work published. But when I nip at the bare toes of an author I am not attempting to harm him, I am attempting to encourage him to improve. Not his story-line, no, the characterizations and plot of a story are the private possessions of the author. My attempt is to assist him in reducing the errors in English that interrupt the flow of his genius to the reader -- the mistakes that should have been caught and corrected by his editor. So I will attempt to make my comments in a PM that the author can redirect to his editor if he so chooses. The author's reward is to be the fact that I am still reading his story and am interested enough to want that tale to reach his audience in its best possible form. I do not intend to make the attempt to correct his punctuation. English punctuation is a quagmire of opinion that no one in his right mind would enter into. No, my corrections will be restricted to 'homophones'. A homophone is a perfectly good English word, spelled properly, etc that just so happens to be a word that sounds like the correct word when spoken but has a meaning different from the intention of the author -- the substitution of 'there' for 'their' for example. These errors cannot be picked up by a grammar checker like Grammarly, as they are perfectly good words, just the wrong word for the author's intent, and they are my special bitch. All that being said, we proceed merrily on to the first chapter:

which was my queue to take a hike queue: chiefly British a line or sequence of people or vehicles awaiting their turn to be attended to or to proceed. I believe the word you are looking for is cue: a thing said or done that serves as a signal to an actor or another performer to begin their speech or performance. This error is what is called a homophone, a word that sounds like another word of different meaning. It is a common error in writing as a spell checker like Grammarly will no spot it, both words being acceptable English and correctly spelled.

As foretold the mechanics of the writing are great. They make it a real pleasure to read.