It's not nuts to feel that way, Albert.
It's what's known as survivor guilt (or survivor syndrome).
To be honest, what I still feel this day is sometimes an intense anger when I remember the reactions of the media, the governments, and many so-called christians to the outbreak of the disease. So many innocent people could have been saved had there been a different attitude.
I'd better shut up now, before someone tells me that I'm breaking GA rules by discussing politics in this forum.