shadowgod

It is weird to revisit stories written. Kind of like wondering down the street you used to live on as a kid. There are a lot of memories bound up in the words. The gloss of nostalgia is tempered with the clarity of experience. Its hard to say what my aim was with the stories I wrote. I do know that if i were to write them today they wouldn't be the same. Who knows maybe there is yet still another draft or two living inside of Living in surreality. Decimate it to the basics of the story, and build it back up stronger and better than what it is. I spent too much time trying to emulate domluka, trying to mimic CJames. the truth is I can't. I get lost in Dom's interrelationship intricacies. I utterly lack Cj's flair for plot building and tension. So I have to wonder what am I left with? a characters personal struggles, seems the most obvious. Perhaps that is what I should focus on. Jacob and Matt both want to ditch there past. Poor Valerie is just along for the ride. She needs to fight harder against the change that rushes at her. Can she accept that change in the end and remain a friend? That seems a more compelling story than just a willing cheerleader. But everyone needs a cheerleader, especially Matt who seems so left without. And then there is Cody, suck waiting to find who is outside that door. Trouble with Cody is that everyone wants him, when he truly wants no one. I need to cut out all the chasing boys and focus on Cody. The big problem is I just don't know where to start. from the beginning. Thats always the best place.

lol it isn't Cody I want to recreate, its the world around him. it needs to be better, and more believable. =)

Ive heard its best to pick up where one leaves off. It makes sense, but it was never a philosophy given to writing. Especially when there is a prolonged gap. You just can't get back to it. The rhythm changes, any cadence established gets lost. You can try, Im sure, but the fracture of time will stand like the grand canyon in the story. Plus I know I write better now then I did two or three years ago. I am however not sure any of the characters are as good as some I have left here sitting on a shelf waiting to be read again. So what's next? the rewrite. I tried to emulate DomLuka in a little way with DnCW Multiple characters and story threads. Spur interaction with readers as they tried to guess who was going to end up with whom. I failed. I built a story that became top heavy. A story that was sitting on a single central character. The story became unstable, and began to lack a defined direction. It needs to be rewritten. From chapter 1 onwards. somethings may stay. Others may go away. Im not sure, but I know it has to be done, because as the story is now, I can't write anymore of it. It's hopelessly broken.

I think its bound to happen Lugh. We always make mental comparisons He has his deceased wife to make this comparison to. Having this mental connection will keep him a rounded character.

dick =p

A poem which, in ways, is very personal. After going back and forth about posting it, I decided I would.

My Frailty: My frailty was you, perfectly damaged you. What was at first forever, slowly faded, into something more like maybe never. Yet I remained steadfast for you, shunning all else who came. For simply complicated you. Even when you said when we have nothing left to lose, I still remained true. I still do. I still do. My frailty

chapter 28: : edited by viv : Something had ended in the last seven weeks Jacob had spent in the hospital, and try as he might, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Innocence? Freedom? They were possibilities for sure, and undeniably linked to the absence of the midnight blue Mustang he knew he would encounter when he arrived home. "You alright?" Matt asked, stealing a glance at Jacob from the driver's seat of Joanne's Explorer. Jacob averted his gaze from the

chapter 27: : edited by viv : The laundry list of injuries sustained had been substantial; broken femur, broken wrist, broken ulna, fractured radius, three broken ribs, and what the doctors went on to describe as near-catastrophic internal injuries. Including the internal bleeding that was collapsing Jacob's lungs, the bulk of the injuries were all on Jacob's left side, apparently the side that had taken the initial impact, or so the doctors surmised. Matt knew the number

chapter 26: : edited by viv : Independence Day in Oak Meadow typified everything small-town America stood for; homemade floats parading down main street in a blur of patriotic colors, a barbecue picnic in the park put on by the local firehouse, all leading to an evening capped with fireworks at the local high school. All of these festivities, and the sense of community they gave Matt, made this his favorite of any holiday. He had grown up attending them as a matter of duty in h

chapter 25: : edited by viv : "Do it again," Joanne shouted with glee, the shutter on her camera having acted too quickly to catch the moment where Valerie and Matt had leaned in to give Jacob a quick kiss on either side of his face. "I didn't get it," she continued, re-aiming the lens of the camera for a reenactment of the spontaneous kiss. Valerie readily agreed, pursing her lips with a slight chuckle, she grasped Jacob by the chin and planted her lips on his right chee

chapter 24: : edited by viv : "USC?" Valerie questioned with a pout while adjusting the gold and white scarf that hung over her shoulders and down to her mid back. Matt had heard the same simple question many times in recent weeks, ever since he decided on USC over the art school he had previously planned on attending in San Francisco. "USC," Matt confirmed, grinning at Valerie's encroaching sense of loss. "You've been dreaming of attending The Institute for the Art

chapter 23: : edited by viv : Stifling an inward grimace, Jacob threw his shoulders back, striding with naked purpose towards Carlos. "Well?" Carlos asked, his cocky grin not faltering as Jacob stood before him. "Well, what?" Jacob asked, placing his hands on his hips. Carlos took a moment to study Jacob, biting back the chuckle he felt growing as Jacob stood there trying too hard at being proud. "So, Cupcake, who locked the keys in the car, you or la novia?" Ca

chapter 22: : edited by viv : "So you reconsidered the generous offer?" Raul asked, trying to clarify Cody's ambiguous actions for himself, hoping he didn't have to resort to using what he had in the envelope. "It was pretty generous," Cody agreed, flashing his best cheeky smile at Raul. "It was, unfortunately," Raul paused for effect, having played this game before. He knew the kid was thinking he could squeeze more money out of the situation by appearing reticent; R

chapter 21: : edited by viv : Jacob held his breath, waiting for Cody's response. It had been, what, two years since he'd last seen Cody? "Yeah," the voice on the other end of the phone answered, and continued after a prolonged silence, "Long time no talk, huh?" Jacob nodded numbly, figuring that was answer enough, not taking into account that Cody wasn't standing in front of him as he looked at his mother. Joanne had set her fork calmly down on her plate when Jacob u

chapter 20: : edited by viv : Viola raised her head, the façade of disgrace over actions in what she considered a previous life, resolving into a look of steely determination. She pushed her self up in the bed she lay in, propping herself up on a pile of supporting pillows while she reached for the remote, switching the television she had been watching off. "Matthew," she said, relieved that her voice delivered her son's name in a calm tone. The proverbial yang to the yin o

chapter 19: : edited by viv : Grey, perpetually dreary, but the dismal state of the skies is what gave the emerald color to the surrounding hills covered in pine. Raul Montega had never appreciated Oregon; too far removed from bright skies and desert sands, he figured it a back-water, filled with people too scared, or too slow, to live in more metropolitan areas. Still, this is where he found himself, driving in circles looking for Bixby Lane. He had been in Sacramento yest

chapter 18: : edited by viv : The ride home the following morning was quiet, lost in their own thoughts, occasionally stealing hushed smiles at each other as they roared along the empty streets. Enjoying the comfortable silence that wove around them, like reeds in a wicker basket, and the refreshing feeling of the moist morning air flowing over the windshield of the Mustang, Valerie tried as best she could to make the perfection last forever by driving just below the speed limit,

chapter 17: : edited by viv : Jacob appraised himself in the mirror, his hands smoothing over the red tie he had opted for, over the black tie Matt would be wearing with a similar suit. The last two months had been a blur, and a fantastic one at that, Jacob reminisced, sparing a smile at his reflection. School had be going surprisingly well, Jay had still been up to his normal snide remarks every week, but Brendon had laid off on the constant harassment of getting Jacob to

chapter 16: : edited by viv : The river; that was the most common answer heard around the table when an informal poll was taken on where people would be spending their spring break. The river, it sounded like a nice, fun, relaxing, and exciting way to spend a week off of school. Then there was the 'at work' answer that both Matt and Valerie issued. The results of that lunch conversation two weeks ago found Jacob lounging by his pool alone, going stir crazy. Jacob had quickl

chapter 15: : edited by viv : Matt smiled, his body ached in places he never thought it was possible to ache when he first started and still, he smiled, smelling of stale cooking oil and dead Thousand Island dressing. It was a small smile at first; growing broader as he re-read the simple note he found waiting on his pillow. There, in the still of his room and the quiet that had descended upon the rest of the house, Matt felt like yelling. He felt as if he were about to crest a l

chapter 14: : edited by viv : Just as Matt and Valerie had mentioned, the rumors concerning them had died down. The only real questions Jacob had received as he sat down at the lunch table were about how it felt to beat down Jay Henderson. He was in the middle of describing just that, when Brendon Murphy walked up to the table and sat down, Jacob could have claimed that sauntered was more the word for it, if he was being derogatory. Nathan, John, and Deacon quickly excused

chapter 13: : edited by viv : Matt and Valerie were greeted at Jacob's front door with a canary yellow post-it note. They had noticed the small piece of paper attached to the siding of the house, just above the doorbell, reading 'Come in' in black marker. "I thought you said he went out of town with his mom," Valerie's suspicious gaze switched from the simple hand-written note to Matt, his earlier revelation not far from her thoughts. "He told me that he and his mom w

chapter 12: : edited by viv : Jacob's eyes drifted open to the soft chirp of his telephone ringing amidst the bed sheets, sparing a moment to stretch and rub the slumber from the corners of his eyes before reaching for the phone. "Mmmrphh..." Jacob growled into the receiver. "Hello?" Joanne answered, having picked up another extension. "Jacob?" Matt asked, humor threatening to break free in his voice, realizing that Jacob wasn't a morning person. "Good mor

You can't please everyone, and sometimes, you just have to settle for pleasing yourself. Matt is forced to accept this when he has to defend the life he realized he doesn't want to live without. The life that has been so carefully laid out for him for the last 17 years is changing, and Matt decides that it must be changing for the better if it includes Jacob, even if along with Jacob comes some hard decisions and some fights he didn't know he was quite ready to fight.