Danners

You’d think the boys were the hormonal ones. Geeze. Hopefully the kittens behave better or Bratty’s gonna have her paws full. This chapter reminded us that both Aidan and Rick are flawed humans who’ve come to care about one another. After all, would Aidan’s suspicions or Rick’s reaction be so strong if they weren’t already emotionally invested? It’ll be difficult to put aside their own baggage but maybe they can start by meeting somewhere in the middle and agree that, moving forward, they respectfully address any possible issues as they arise. I hope Rick had a heart to heart with Jenny later that day, even if he didn’t come clean about his work with Aidan. She had to have noticed his mood, considering the compassionate portrait he painted of her. Speaking of Rick working for Aidan, am I wrong in thinking the artist needs a dedicated bookkeeper or office assistant? What a perfect fit that’d be. Rick could even work remotely so he doesn’t raise any suspicions at home. You're laying some groundwork here. Can’t wait to see how the story gets built.

Okay, I read the entire chapter wearing a dopey grin. Watching the two men circling in a slowly tightening ellipse and reaching a sort of domestic equilibrium — well, it gave me the warm fuzzies. (The sexual tension tickled me elsewhere.) Troy’s own paradigm shifted this chapter, progressing from the victim he was and paradoxically regressing to the Troy we glimpsed in the journal. Case in point: when he went to help Mr. Burgess, he agreed as a friend wanting to help fix a problem, not a contractor seeking a job. He finally accepted that someone wanted to help him with no personal gain and with no ulterior motive. I was especially proud of the liberties he took with the toenail clipper, knowing Grant wouldn’t mind, and being okay with that. Even picking up groceries to restock Grant’s fridge felt like it came from a better place, though the “I’m no one’s charity case” comment a bit of a backslide. However, since he was keeping a running tab of errors on the job and all, maybe that’s just how his mind works. Two steps forward, one step back, as the saying goes. More importantly — most importantly, I’d say — not once did he feel sorry for himself! That’s a huge change! Massive! Grant, it seems, is discovering new facets of himself, given how strong his feelings for Troy have gotten so quickly. The lasting boner was telling too. Troy fits into a slot in Grant’s life he didn’t realize was vacant or even present. If he’d thrown a bone at any other time, I’d worry it was him getting off on caring for someone. So it’s good they were dueling erections! Gavin sounds like a brother, college roommate, or more likely, best friend since childhood. Can’t wait to find out how you twist that particular knife. (Am I nervous? . . . . . maybe.) Thank you for such a heartwarming chapter, Wayne, and thank your editor for proofing so quickly! Keep up the good work!

If it makes you feel better, Chase’s dad and Hank’s mom both fall under the “Do Not Like You!” list and we haven’t even met them.

Hank’s lack of sympathy is indicative of how wounded he is — deeply wounded, as was mentioned in a previous chapter’s comment. He’s having to re-examine himself and his relationship with Chase in a way he never expected to and is unprepared for. In my opinion, he was also unprepared for what he found: unresolved issues stemming from his mother’s affair. The illness and death of Chase’s mom and Chase’s survivor’s guilt, his depression, are insidious and ongoing. Chase thought he was over them, then wham! — the proposal set him off. In the same way, what Hank’s mom did to his family, but more importantly Hank himself, left the same type of lasting damage. Damage I feel he never got a chance to fully deal with. Hank had to be strong for his family, then for Chase’s family, and then for Chase. At no point was Hank able to resolve feeling abandoned and betrayed (and yes, depressed and angry) until wham! — the proposal set Chase off. Don’t be too hard on Hank. I disliked him too until I realized something important: Chase hit rock bottom. Hank is on his way down.

Ooooh, excellent observations! You may be right about renting an apartment across the park from Hank. Depends on the size of the park, I guess. Central Park size — sure, good luck bumping into each other. Neighborhood park with a jungle gym and a swing set — that’s a big, emphatic no. Chase may frame it as less jarring for Rex but I wonder if he subconsciously (and maybe selfishly) doesn’t want to stray that far from Hank. Forget bumping into him; it keeps him within reach and affords Chase the opportunity to keep tabs on the guy he dearly loves. Beyond that, it allows Chase to show Hank how well he’s doing on his own, maybe reminding him of what he gave up? At any rate, Chase firmly placed the ball in Hank’s court by removing ALL of his belongings and then leaving his keys behind. By relinquishing control of that situation, he’s given himself more control over his own well-being. Now he can truly focus on the ongoing war with depression and gluing the scattered pieces of his family back together. Poor Rex. You were right about that too. He’s collateral damage in all this. All he knows is his pack is splitting up again. He’s a rescue, remember — going from having two pack mates to having two packs may very well leave the poor pup feeling abandoned by one or the other. We can only hope Chase doubles up on his adoration and praise.

Oh dear. Another compelling and heartbreaking chapter I’ll need to review a couple of times before everything really sinks in. So many ideas about Hank and even more about Chase. For now, I’ll say I’m behind Chase’s decision to stop playing games and give Hank what he apparently wanted. Guess time will tell if Hank’s bluff was indeed called or if it was a bluff in the first place. I still think it was — as evidenced by Hank’s clipped manner, he obviously was having a hard time facing Chase’s departure. Something about the way he reacted to Chase’s willingness to collect the rest of his things . . . it was like he was angry Chase didn’t put up more of a fight. The passive-aggressive penguin lashed out over the phone in the most resigned way possible. Hank most definitely is not handling this. He’s coming undone; he doesn’t know what to do. Worse, he doesn’t know what he wants. He can’t let go of Chase but he can’t forgive him either — can’t even give him the chance to explain himself. Can’t face him for fear that he’ll realize they’re still in love and be tempted to let go of some of the anger. When he gets home and finds Chase’s keys, what he’ll do has me worried. The man may completely shut down. A vision comes to mind of Chase and Dawson talking over coffee and a disheveled Hank stalking to the table to lay into him for moving on so quickly and easily. I can see him spitting bitterness and loathing and making a scene, then rushing off to break down and sob out of sight. It’s a sad, sad future for Hank if he doesn’t decide whether admitting he overreacted is more important to him than salvaging their relationship. Chase will move on from this if he has to. I’m not sure Hank can. Oh, and Chase has every right to feel angry at Hank’s behavior. He’s bent over backwards to accommodate the man and all he gets in return is derision. Yes, Hank is hurt and Chase was in the wrong — he admitted that over and over — but at least try to be civil. Chase may be at fault but he’s behaving like the better man at this point. At least he’s trying. Hopefully Chase’s dad can offer some insight if and when he comes home. An email is great but the kind of closeness that family needs has to be in person. Besides, he had to be close to Hank and may be in a position to get him to listen.

Thank you for a different perspective. You raise some good points about the journal as a tool rather than a crutch, along with how and when it is returned. They’re Grant-centric and I appreciate that. We, myself especially, often get mired down in the possibilities instead of grounding ourselves in the known truth. In fact, I’m so drawn to subtext that I sometimes ignore what’s actually written on the page. Grant is a wonderful, caring, generous guy and I don’t doubt for a minute he has anything but the best of intentions. Legal ownership notwithstanding, he admits to a moral obligation to at least address having found the journal. My main concern lies with Troy. His life was ruined when John died and he’s barely been able to keep himself afloat. Having closed himself off to any one in a position to help him for any number of reasons (pride, self-preservation, shame, etc.), the trust he so recently placed in Grant is fragile and easily broken. If — and that’s a big if — he views Grant’s use of the journal as a betrayal instead of immediately understanding the guy’s altruism, he could regress beyond the point of repair. It’s in his character to do so because of the degradation of his life up to this point. I agree with you that Grant shouldn’t destroy the journal and should respectfully return it when he knows Troy is in a better state of mind. The reason I’d like to see that happen sooner rather than later is this: the foundation of their budding friendship is built mostly on what Grant learned from the journal. Troy deserves to know that before he becomes more involved with Grant. it’s . . . not easier for John to explain how he found it, why he read what he did, and that his reasons for applying that insight toward helping Troy are innocent ones, but his explanation is likely to be more well-received in the short term. At no point has someone thanked a stranger for reading their diary, not right away anyway. The longer he waits to at least bring up the journal, the more he risks alienating Troy, not to mention the risk to Troy’s mental health. Like I said, I focus on possible outcomes more than current events, but let me sum up the above blathering in the framework of risk assessment: We KNOW Troy’s feelings will be hurt regardless of Grant’s intentions. So it’s up to Grant to decide when to broach the subject and how to best minimize the damage.

Sure, it’ll be easy enough to destroy the journal by tossing it in the aforementioned Shred-It bin, but Grant has a conscience — a guilty conscience — and I don’t see it as something he’s capable of ignoring. Even with it gone, the truth would come out somehow — an offhand comment about a subject he shouldn’t know about, for instance. The difficult but more worthwhile option is to present the journal to Troy and give him the choice of what to do with it. It’s another opportunity to afford him some closure while reminding him of happier times. Troy may react badly in the moment as past pain is dredged up, especially when he finds out John read some (not all!) of the entries, but this is part of the foundation upon which that wall of his was built on. If it were me, I’d present the old journal along with a new one to chronicle his rise from the ashes. But, of course, Grant is your character, not mine — and not me. Half the fun is watching him stumble. To quote Critical Role’s Matt Mercer: “Is it Thursday yet?!”

At this point I liken the journal to a drug: it started out as a curiosity but now is something of a crutch Grant can’t let go of. It’s becoming an addiction and one that’s likely to hurt him, as well as Troy, in the end. All it’ll take is one invitation to use his laptop — to check email, to debug the website, to shop for sheets or a furnace online. I’m more worried about when, not if, Grant’s possession of the journal is revealed. The moment Troy broke down and Grant comforted him, they were already in too deep for it not to do major damage. For Grant, he loses a friend, but Troy stands to lose so much more now that he’s opening up. The sooner Grant comes clean, the better. He could plant the journal somewhere in the garage for Troy to find and claim to have tossed it there after finding it in the fireplace without having read it. But I don’t see him lying; his feelings are already too entangled with Troy’s. Which reminds me: if Grant were doing these little things to make a woman happy, surely he’d recognize the crush he has on her. Makes me wonder when he’ll come to that realization and what it will mean for the heretofore heterosexual guy. Hopefully nothing bad. It’s nice to see the wall come down — Troy had too much pain trapped behind it and wouldn’t have been able to truly move on without letting some of it out — but it worries me too. He’s even more vulnerable now, more emotionally (and physically) raw. Being in that house and having Grant playing the role of John, the threat of transference is real and heartbreak inevitable. I’m sorely tempted to find the upcoming chapters on another website, but I can’t bring myself to spoil their journey. So, pat yourself on the back, Wayne. You’ve got at least one reader in the palm of your hand!

April acquiescing to Jett’s demands and then running away seems to be a pattern and not just because Jett rarely backs down. Actually, it’s more like Jett doesn’t listen and uses their mutual attraction against April. So, yeah, I see why he chooses his battles. It’s too bad Jett pays so little attention to his side of a casual conversation; reminding April that it’s Jett’s house and Jett’s say so was just about the worst thing he could do. Jett basically told April that his opinion doesn’t matter. Again. This party is a bad idea. Forget that the people Jett associates with are unaware that his employers don’t know about April being in the house. My soap opera brain sees Dan sneaking away from the crowd and keeping a lonely and quietly fuming April company until Zane and/or Jett finds them in a compromising position. Or, if this is the same party Raj mentioned, April will have more company and may find the party unavoidable as more friends join him upstairs. Oh, and April’s rig is in the basement. A running computer with complicated software is not something you want drunk people playing with, and that’s before factoring in Jett’s employers and their plans. What if word gets back to them that not only is April living there, but Jett has him working for his benefit. That’s the kind of misinformation that gets people shot. Oh, Laura, what a tangled web you weave. I love it. It drives me crazy but I love it.

Eh, I don’t know about that. I’m a gamer geek. Granted, at April’s age I was still a shy gayby, but further along in my twenties I partied and partied hard. Maybe there’s a distinction between computer nerd and gamer geek I’m missing or I’m the exception to the rule. And here I thought you were commenting on Dan’s size — and Zane seems like a guy who appreciates unwrapping a big gift.

You know, I think the painting — paintings at this point? — will do as much for Rick as for Aidan. Not only will it boost his self-esteem to be positively seen through another’s eye, it’s a piece of art that HE inspired as a person. A reminder in the present that his self-worth isn’t the product of his tragic past. I hope Rick can find a way out of his current living situation before it becomes a repeat of his life in misery (Missouri). Him finding a job and learning self-sufficiency take on more importance after what we’ve learned about him, both as a means of self-improvement and survival. Now, if Bratty is pregnant, does that mean she’s a Celt? (Get it? She’ll have brittens[Britons]! *cough*)

Huzzah! Kiorl is a personal favorite. He deserves some love — and certainly better treatment than he got from the king.

And thus the new Jahke’s adventures truly began. Loved this revision, Sasha.

Okay, Andrew texted 15 people about his contract renewal in chapter 4 or 5 after a barbecue with Ben, Liz, and his parents. Katelynn — more like Hatelynn, amirite? — found the inside source and her contacts would almost have to be part of the LGBT community and related to the beauty or entertainment industries due to her own background. Kat is out for revenge for her little brother, Alfie, for whatever someone put him through. Andrew was my gut reaction (used him and tossed him away) but, considering her affair with Tom and that she basically masterminded both smear articles, I think she has it out for Aubrey. We don’t know who Aubrey dated before Tom or the terms of any breakup or if any previously published articles aired anyone’s dirty laundry (cheating, theft, etc.) Plus, at no time has Aubrey inquired about Alfie, almost as if he doesn’t know Kat has a brother. They were supposed to be good friends, right? Now, Joel is Tom’s ex-boyfriend. He’s aware of Tom’s nature, even going so far as to warn Andrew about him, and is no fan of Aubrey’s. So, it’s doubtful he’d talk to Kat. Drew, on the other hand, is in the perfect position to get info from Joel and feed it to Kat. My only doubt there is: as much as he loathes Andrew, he loves Joel enough to have married him and wouldn’t jeopardize that for a little extra dough. Long shots: Alfie himself, who we don’t have much information on but could be one of the ex-boyfriends Andrew remained in touch with; brown-haired guy from chapter one, who could’ve dug up the info while Andrew slept after their threesome. Told you I’d be looking back through the stories! (Okay, I got bored watching Blue Bloods.) We need those 15 contacts!

Yep, that clinches a theory for me: Not sure if he lost one or both parents but whomever was responsible for him throughout his life acted like and/or flat out told him he was a burden. He’s been in that wheelchair long enough and from an early enough age that if he has a father, the guy was into sports and wrote off Rick because he couldn’t participate. (Yes, he could but not to the father’s level of expectation and not to his sports of choice.) Rick’s instantaneous appearance car side was my first clue. Of course, he could’ve just been excited or nervous, but more likely is it’s been drilled into him to be ready and waiting. Second, his shy politeness and acquiescence to Aidan dominating their conversation during the car ride. He’s accustomed to being seen but not heard, and I don’t think it’s because he’s an only child like I am. Finally, his opinions on Aidan and his dad. It’s the first we’ve seen him open up and there’s clearly some personal experiences there. At any rate, what we’ve seen of Rick’s personality rounds out what we’ve seen of Aidan’s, and he obviously inspires the artist. Speaking of, I’m glad Aidan isn’t a braggart. He has and comes from money, but he doesn’t try to flaunt it. While he goes on and on about his cars, he was just excited about the subject. And when he brought up being able to afford a driver, it was casual and not ego driven. Plus, Bratty likes him. A cat ain’t gonna put up with someone else being the king (or queen in this case) of the castle. They’d sooner shred a canvas and scamper painted paw prints all over the house. I’m liking this so far, Sid!

"God. Here I am, about to eat the leftovers of a guy I don't know." He clenched his jaw. "What the fuck has happened to me?" Finally! A shift, albeit a slight one, from Troy’s usual train of thought. I see it as a step towards accepting that the tragedy of John’s death and the subsequent pitfalls were out of his control, events he shouldn’t blame himself for in the least. As he gives up ownership of the past, he can begin paying claim to future plans and really break this vicious cycle he’s been going through. I know Troy sees it as a low point in his life but I see it as part of the upswing. Grant coming to realize Troy’s return to his former home is painful and he was being a tad bit selfish in sort of forcing the issue, that’s also a step in the right direction. He only knew part of the story from the journal — the past — but now that he’s aware of Troy’s present situation, he can create a care plan to help him. Not that Troy is a patient, he’s a potential friend — it’s just how I think Grant might think. Does that make sense? Whatever comes of this project, they’ve made acquaintances and that’s as good a start as any!

“Bad idea,” he murmured in his sleepy state, but Andrew didn’t agree. Sure, the timing wasn’t perfect, but it would never be. Why waste one more moment when they could enjoy each other right here and right now? One paragraph that both sums up Andrew’s whole being while demonstrating just how much he’s grown since the beginning of the story. I adore thoughtful Andrew and the relative peace he seems to bring Aubrey now that the guy has let his guard down. Just that little glimpse of domestic bliss on the couch and how easily they settled into it further proves how great they are for one another. Let’s hope Andrew can provide Aubrey support and not do something rash when douche face Tom — it’s cannon now, no take backs! — comes calling. This was basically me all chapter:

I was a latch key kid on the edge of Uptown in Minneapolis, with most of the family being Lutheran. So many potlucks. Goulash, bars and the never-ending debate about what separates a hot dish from a casserole. Oddly enough, my grandpa was from Brainerd! Small world.

Toss in ground beef and you have goulash, the Minnesota staple that’s graced many a church luncheon and my mom’s favorite comfort food. Hash brown casserole, though, is where it’s at, Gary! BigBen made excellent points on the different levels of mental illness. The distinctions are definitely valuable to understand. Caffeine is a big no no when it comes to my anxiety, so I try to limit my coffee intake. Being medicated and learning coping mechanisms through regular therapy sessions definitely make a difference. (Although I could do without the zaps!)

It just occurred to me how clear a window into Hank’s damage you’ve given us. We don’t know if he’s an only child but something tells me he was the one who took it upon himself to hold the tattered remains of his family together after his mother’s affair tore it apart. If he has siblings, he tried to shield them much in the same way he propped up Chase. And, just like with Chase, the core issue stems from the loss of a mother So, of course he fell into the role of Chase’s stalwart guardian. Like with Chase’s self sabotage, Hank’s subconscious mind worked as much for as against him. Best laid plans and some such. Now he’s faced with failure — Chase’s and, more importantly, his own — and he’s very much to blame. Not completely, of course, but enough to rattle him to the core. This keeps getting better and better!

Finally, a window into why Hank has been so unyielding. An implied affair by Mommy Dearest that tore his family apart would certainly leave him especially sensitive to Chase’s mistake. Knowing that, I still wish Hank would at least take the time to hear Chase out. I mean, if he’s claiming to still want friendship, he shouldn’t be running away like Chase’s dad did. (Emotionally or otherwise.) I do understand where he’s coming from though. The one person he needs to talk to is also the one person he least wants to talk to. Using mutual friends as intermediaries is as much a cop out as a convenient method of making himself feel better. Chase’s newfound conviction is a positive sign and so is his honesty — with himself, with his friends, and with his therapist. He has a difficult road ahead of him and he’s going to need all the strength he can muster. Cindy is growing on me, I have to say. You can tell by her wisdom and insight how much she learned from undergoing therapy herself. Chase is lucky to have her on his side, and that’s before taking their mom’s macaroni and cheese into consideration! I hope he takes her words about open communication to heart, especially once Hank thaws enough to want to talk. With the tools at his disposal and some friends and family to lean on, he may just make it after all. Speaking of which, I’m surprised Dr. Chorney hasn’t suggested Chase write Hank a letter. It allows Chase to say what he wants to say without pressuring Hank to listen before he’s ready, and I strongly believe it would benefit them both. Keep this up, Gary. As heavy as the story is, you can’t beat this kind of character development. The raw emotion, the confusion, the ongoing struggle with depression — it’s all so damn relatable.

So many thoughts. This was a heavy one. I’m gonna have to read it a few more times and really reflect on the many revelations hitting Chase — and us — but for now I’ll simply say your writing amazes me, Gary. And mac n’ cheese truly is food for the soul. (Even a soul as lactose sensitive as mine!)

A very moving and tragic reminder to live every day as if it’s your last and to never hesitate to remind your loved ones how much they mean to you. As painful a reminder as returning home must be for Troy, maybe finishing a task he never completed for and with John will give him a small measure of closure. Knowing the house is in good hands with Grant — and an open invitation to visit? — could ease his burden just a little. From Grant’s tone over the phone, it sounds like this will be more than a simple job. He’s definitely an empathetic guy, what with his job and his reaction to the journal’s melancholy end. Troy needs a hand up from where he’s fallen and Grant seems willing to extend it. You've got me on pins and needles over here!

What can you do when inspiration strikes? Good for Aidan for not letting Rick slip through his fingers. By their interaction so far, it seems like Rick will prove to be an effective, if reluctant, muse. Looking forward to what the next chapter brings!