Danners

Thank goodness for that! It’s their depth of character and the fluid nature of their circumstances that draw us in and keeps us on the edge of our seats. The rest is cake. And, considering the response this story has received, I’d say you have us lined up like we’re at a goddamn all-you-can-eat buffet.

Hank does need a smack upside the head, but who will deliver it? And will it be hard enough? The scene in the park was a mere tweak of the nose compared to what’s needed to clear his head. My soap opera brain has me betting on bad luck and random chance. See, in a drama, it usually takes an accident or injury to snap someone like Hank out of his delusions. In this case, it would also push his “Chase needs you” button — you know, the one he’s tried to ignore. With Chase’s renewed interest in bike riding around a busy city like Toronto, he’s practically begging Madam Chance to nudge him in front of a moving car. Or Dawson, for that matter, in a twisted reflection his mom’s hospital stay. (What can I say? I’m sadistic.) Not that I wish anything bad on Chase. He’s on the upswing and, besides, he’s been through enough. And it’s a trope, which is something you artfully avoid falling prey to, Gary. But wouldn’t it be fun? (Tee hee.)

Hank deluding himself into thinking that this is what Chase wanted is troubling because it means he ignored all the times Chase begged for forgiveness or asked about getting back together. It also means someone reaffirmed that belief. Someone like Kevin. (Gimme a pitchfork; I need a villain!) I hope today’s raw emotion uncorks Hank’s true desires and allows him to question why he’s acting this way. Maybe then he’ll be able to consider everything Chase told him or, better yet, make him want to know the whole story.

See, I was under the impression that Hank proposed over dinner and Chase went to get drunk from there. It didn’t make sense for Hank to be waiting for Chase to call him from the same location. That’s what text messages are for. I agree with Ben about Hank dawdling. When my ex up and left after a misunderstanding, I gave chase — no pun intended. Hank may have been shocked and upset about his proposal being rejected, but to twiddle his thumbs long enough for Chase to get tanked, dance, flirt, and park it in a stall . . . well, that takes patience to a whole ‘nother level. Given Hank’s history with adultery and how he blames his mother’s affair for his father’s death*, I understand his initial reaction to Chase’s mistake. Chase betrayed his trust at the worst possible time. By holding on to anger and resentment for over two weeks, by allowing that one mistake obliterate an otherwise great relationship, he showed us he has a few more issues than we’ve been led to believe. * You let that slip, Gary! The affair was alluded to and his mother leaving, but not the death of Hank’s dad.

Aww, I thought “gay man up” was a clever play on words, considering the effeminate stereotype. I’m sorry to hear about what happened between you and your friend. It’s hard when you bare yourself to anyone, let alone a good friend, and have them reject you for something that nowadays is a non-issue. The 80s and 90s, man. Woof. We joke about “gay panic” but it was really, truly a thing when I was growing up and when you were in college. Played a big part in why I isolated myself in my teens. Potentially opening a can of worms, I have to ask how good a friend can be if they don’t know the real you. I’d rather risk saying “I’m gay and I like you, but it’s cool if you don’t feel the same way” because it clears the air. If the friendship survives, hopefully it’s stronger because nothing gets left unsaid. (We can more this to private message if necessary.) Like with Hank and Chase, having unresolved issues can break any relationship. If they’d discussed engagement, Chase’s guilt and Hank’s unworthiness would’ve most likely come up. There — tied it in to the discussion! Woohoo!

Holy shit. Hank doesn’t think he’s good enough for Chase and feared Chase would stray like his mom did or leave like his mom did. That (among other reasons like love and devotion) was why Hank stayed strong for him all these years and why he rushed the proposal when it seemed like Chase had overcome his depression. He needed Chase to need him. He needed Chase to want to stick around as much as he wanted Chase to need to stick around. Hank’s reaction and everything after makes so much sense now. He was practically waiting for Chase to leave. When the proposal failed and Hank caught Chase smooching Handsy McDuck Lips, that was like telling him he was right. Then, when Chase wasn’t at the bar when he went back and didn’t return home for hours, it confirmed his suspension again. So he kicked him out. Hank’s stiffness over the phone after Chase got most of his stuff and called about picking up the rest was because he was hurt by Chase’s apparent willingness to move out. Just like his jealousy in the park stemmed from how quickly and easily Chase appeared to have moved on — and with Handsy to boot! The defensiveness and embarrassment around Kevin and not wanting to see Chase were to avoid looking weak or needy. That’s in addition to being wounded, I mean. Yep, Hank came face to face with his worst fear but what’s worse is he’s living it: Chase left. He’s so harried by that thought that he won’t — can’t — listen to reason because a) it means he did this to himself and b) it opens him up to being rejected yet again.

Damn, drawn in again by the five hour window mentioned in the chapter and revisited in the comments. Hank sniped at Chase for disappearing for five hours (or so) after being caught in a bathroom stall with Lips McHandsy and before returning home to face the music. At least Chase had an explanation and a plausible one at that. Coffee to sober up and time alone to figure himself out seem reasonable to me. Chase was alone at his dad’s condo for three days before Hank bothered to check in on him and then only to tell him to move out. Feeding him and popping aspirin for the fever were done by rote, I think, because somewhere in his mind Hank knew Chase could’ve died by then. As betrayed as he felt, he still couldn’t stand for Chase to suffer. How that degenerated so quickly into the jealousy and wrath in the park, I don’t quite know. (Other than, as I said before, Hank is still desperately in love with Chase.) Kevin may have had a hand in it since he’s apparently the only one of their friends Hank has regularly kept in touch with. Hank, in his grief, maybe turned to the wrong person and is now being influenced by the bitterness of someone else’s failed relationship in addition to his own demons. The signs are there. We may never know for sure but I hope it comes out soon.

Bad timing is right. As much as I want to crucify Hank for being such an asshole, the guy is nursing a broken heart. Plus, from what we know, he was always the rational one who kept his emotions at bay — y’know, to be strong for Chase. It makes me think their group of friends — maybe even Hank himself — haven’t seen him truly react from the heart, and one way people react to being hurt is with anger. It’s also how some people cope: by coating their pain in a thick coat of irrational rage. That’s what I see Hank doing. Does he still love Chase? Yes, without a doubt. Does he believe Chase about what happened? Not right then because he was too wrapped up in his own assumptions to listen to anything Chase said after finding him with Dawson. He heard the words but he didn’t listen to them; he’d already shielded himself with bitter anger. But, after the fact, when he’s had time to cool off and reflect, I think Hank’s theories may begin to unravel. Chase was so very earnest. The real problem, as I see it, is the damage Hank is doing during his downward spiral. By the time he realizes he needs — and wants! — to talk to Chase about that night and address his behavior afterwards, he’ll have worried a wrinkle in their relationship into a full-on tear. At this rate Hank will be responsible for Chase relapsing if and when it happens. Speaking of Chase and Dawson in the park: I’m glad the paid intern didn’t end up being the guy from the stall. I had it called, but this is one time I’m pleased I was wrong. He seems like a nice guy and someone Chase easily clicks with. He’ll be a good friend. The one question I have is: How the hell does a paid intern afford the top two floors of a townhouse? He didn’t mention roommates. (If he’s rich and tries to convince Chase to vacation with him, I’ma pitch a fit.) Poor Chase. Every time Hank bumps into him — and it has been Hank bumping into Chase, not the other way around — it tears him up inside. He was getting conflicting messages too. Between the moral of Dawson’s tale (“don’t hesitate to tell someone your feelings about them”) and everyone telling him to hold off on contacting Hank, and what happened these two times when they did talk, he’s got to be hopelessly confused. I hope the good doctor has emergency appointments available, ‘cause Chase will need a professional for this one. Last but not least, yeah, I know that wasn’t necessarily the moral of Dawson’s story. One could argue it follows the running theme of “you can’t make someone choose you” but that came as the result of Brent and Dawson not owning up to their feelings soon enough. That last part is what I choose to apply here: cut the bullshit and gay man up. Given a little time, and when they’re smart enough to back burner the pettier issues, Chase and Hank can get to the bottom of what actually caused their blow up. Working through the core problem first, they’ll see how so many of their other problems stemmed from that. In fact, that’s exactly what couples therapy would help them do. Yet another reason they should go together, even if they don’t reconcile. Okay, enough from me for now. I’ll write a character study on these guys if I’m not careful, which goes to show you how well they’re penned. On the plus side of all the drama: Hank never fucked Kevin! One more clue he’s still carrying a torch for Chase, and not to burn him at the stake either. Okay, I’m stopping. For real.

No spoilers, please! It’s been a true test of will to avoid sneaking a peek at the earlier edition. I get you, Ben. If they’re this intense all the time, it’s easy to see why you’d tell them to back off. Being protective, supportive, and enthusiastic is great when it’s needed, otherwise it can come across as overbearing. For now I’ll revise my original statement: Brian and Natalie are fun . . . but possibly only in small doses. My opinion may or may not change come Thanksgiving.

“Toned down” may have been a poor choice on my part. While Kiorl’s hunt was more calculatingly violent, it was quick and to the point. A gunshot instead of 10,000 cuts, so to speak. I swear he toyed with them in the previous version. I dig this Kiorl. He’s a true hunter — less tomcat and more panther if that makes sense. A tomcat toys with his prey while a panther stalks and kills. Beyond that, the little flashes of empathy for his friends/housemates was great. Ki was already a complex character before this. I can’t wait to marvel at the new depths you’ll allow us to discover.

Not a lot to say for once! The wind up to Thanksgiving finds their orbit of one another tightening and it left me feeling warm inside. Grant is helping bring out the best in Troy and Troy is doing the same for Grant. What happened to Troy at the garage proves there’s something to be said about positive thinking, while Grant’s good deed proves that kindness is at its best when it’s shared with someone who needs it. I’m hoping the Thanksgiving celebration itself brings them even closer together or at least the mulled wine will. Even though it’d be a pity if their first kiss was a drunken one, neither is the type to sweep it under the rug if it happens. The closer to Christmas we find them, the more I suspect Grant may gift wrap the journal and put it under the tree we know they’ll have. Well, look at that. Guess there was a lot to say.

You toned down the violence a bit in this rewrite. Did you embellish Ki and Nas’s tender moment in his chambers a little bit and punch up the kitchen dialogue, or am I mistaken? Either way, I’m digging the first of these vignettes even more this time around. Can’t wait to see what changes you make to the Ki, Nas, and king triangle, if any.

Now that Jett has had that perfect A, let’s hope he continues to B as attentive and affectionate with April. I don’t want to C anything come between them, especially when it comes giving and getting that humongous D. Speaking of D, I wonder how dear ole Dan will react to the loss of April’s virginity. Judging by his past behavior, he’ll either be shattered or blind with rage/jealousy, neither of which bodes well for him if Zane decides to take advantage of his vulnerability. Here’s hoping that doesn’t happen or Jett’s going to have to deal with April despising Zane and comforting Dan (which will only lead to trouble).

Okay, Brian and Natalie are fun. They very much filled the roles of protective older siblings despite not being blood relations. Hope they stick around and continue to cut through some of Grant’s well-intended bullshit. As much as he keeps from Troy, he kind of needs that. Poor Troy. It’s hard to let someone go even after they’re gone. If only he saw his attraction to Grant as a gift from John — yet another reminder that Troy deserves another chance at happiness. Of course, with everything going on and all these conflicting emotions inside, it’s no wonder he’s hesitant. And it’s almost as if Grant’s wet dream came from Troy. His subconscious mind is definitely whacking him upside the head. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.) It’s a good thing too. Grant went right by denial and proceeded straight to obliviousness. He can’t be that naive . . . can he?

Hank is lucky a lot of us aren’t Chase. My grandma taught me how to be the best (worst?) kind of passive-aggressive bitch I can be. Couple that with Minnesota nice and poor Hank would’ve cut out his own tongue to avoid saying anything at all, lest he be verbally crucified. Hank in that garage reminded me of a wounded animal snapping at their mate. His angry indignation was reflexive. Chase’s pointed responses cut through that though and, I think, genuinely surprised Hank, which is why he called after him. That and the guilt over being “caught” bringing Kevin to Hank’s (and formerly Chase’s) apartment, however innocent the visit may have been.

Nuh-uh! The biggest positive is that this was a rather long chapter. We like ‘em long. And thick. Long and thick and full of plot.

Y’know, even if Hank and Kevin didn’t do anything untoward, the situation does put the shoe on the other foot, doesn’t it. When I suggested a role reversal last chapter, this wasn’t what I had in mind. But! I’m optimistic. Chase needed to understand how Hank felt when he opened that stall door, including what lurid acts his imagination conjured. Now that he’s had a taste of the jealousy, the heartache, the anger, he’s in the position to either punish Hank like Hank did to him or to forgive him like he so desperately wanted to be forgiven. Likewise, Hank only saw his side of Chase’s mistake and refused to hear him out. In fact, he left. No, not physically, but he ended their relationship and avoided all attempts at reconciliation. Now that he got caught in a “compromising” situation and Chase left wounded without giving Hank a chance to explain himself, maybe he can reflect on how Chase must’ve felt before the tables were turned. He has an opportunity to try and understand the depths of his own feelings . . . and Chase’s. This accidental confrontation may be a blessing in disguise if it gets the guys to meet halfway. Will Hank have the courage to offer an olive branch? Will Chase have the strength to accept? I sure as hell hope so.

Awww, romantic Jett is great! He’s even more of a force to be reckoned with. When he and April share those soft, tender moments and Jett’s big heart swells, it’s . . . a dream come true. All I could think of during Jett’s speech was: If I’d been in April’s shoes at that moment, there’d be no shoes, no pants, no shirts. No condoms. Woof.

I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Another chapter packed to overflowing with emotion and an entire week to ruminate. You’re killin’ me, Gary. It’s terrible how a split causes friends to choose sides and how suddenly excluded that can make someone feel. I’m glad that Susie Stacy is there to bridge the gap and that Don, Trey, and others aren’t falling prey to that all too human prejudice. More importantly, I’m glad they’re reminding Chase that what he did wasn’t world ending, it was a mistake — an honest mistake — and one that perhaps was blown out of proportion by Hank’s own baggage. He needed to hear that. He learned something of value from his dad too: sometimes what isn’t said is more important. Even so, it’s nice to see the two of them communicating, and the policy of being open and honest is great too. They’re already being there for each other with his dad asking Chase to stay at the condo (and be there when he comes home) and Chase returning Christine’s presence to the place. Even Cindy — ole nudge-nudge-nudge, elbow-to-your-side Cindy — in her own way. With every day that passes, Chase grows a little more. He’s definitely more self-assured than he was a week ago, and he hasn’t allowed himself to spiral after something negative happens to him. I’m not sure how I feel about Hank right now. I can’t blame him but I want to. He clearly needed a friend to talk to, but the laughter with Kevin doesn’t line up with the despondent hermit Stacy reported on. Something tells me he turned to Kevin for comfort and one thing led to another. It could just be the first part or maybe he’s trying to find a way to forgive Chase, but his and Kevin’s guilt spoke of something else. You’re only guilty if you have something to hide. (I wonder if it wasn’t Kevin who suggested Hank not be there when Chase came to get his stuff.) I can’t help but question if there wasn’t an indiscretion on Hank’s part prior to that — not sex, mind you, but even just a kiss would weigh heavily on his mind. After Kevin’s relationship ended, he needed consoling and Hank provided that. Kevin wouldn’t be the first person in that position to confuse tenderness for something more and kiss Hank (or vice versa), never to speak of it again. At any rate, Hank’s mixed reactions to Chase showing up unannounced was revealing at least and the subsequent confrontation may have been what the doctor ordered. They haven’t talked; they need to. Maybe this and whatever was going on with Kevin will be the kick in the ass Hank needs and he’ll call. Ugh! You’re given them and us so much to think about, Gary. If your shoulder is holding up, give yourself a pat on the back. P.S.: Since my imagination plays out like a soap opera, Dawson is in the mix somewhere. I really, really want to peg him as the guy who flirted with and kissed Chase. (*insert maniacal laugh*)

Oh Wayne. That damn journal really is like a prescription drug for Grant. Convinced he needs it in order to continue helping Troy, he keeps going back to it. Taking more risks and more liberties with Troy’s life. He knows he should get rid of it, that getting rid of it is necessary, but his own mixed up feelings allow him to justify crossing line after line. If he saw a patient with these symptoms, he’d be obliged to report drug abuse. I know he means well but, like the saying goes, the path to hell was paved with good intentions. Troy needs a friend, someone he can trust, not an advocate. He needs to be his own advocate and, given time to recover his withered self-esteem, he will, but all that work may be undone if Grant continues forcing the issue. Case in point: Brian’s review. Troy didn’t contact him for many presumed reasons, some of which would become non-issues after a couple months of stability. Letting Brian know Grant was okay is nice but telling him where to find Troy before Troy is ready is — well, more than mean, it’s irresponsible. All he had to do was bring Brian’s comment to Troy’s attention. Troy obviously hasn’t been on his own website in a while or he’d have noticed the links were busted. Ah well Grant means well, but he’s flawed just like the rest of us. His burgeoning attraction to Troy and his desire to please Troy are all mixed up with wanting to help him. But if he did the right thing all the time, this would be a very different and somewhat boring story. Troy, on the other hand, truly seems to be flourishing. The pride that comes with a job well done, the security of a roof over his head and money in the bank, and a touch of closure are doing wonders for him. “T” is very much returning and I couldn’t be prouder. I’m hoping he chose the bed’s position in the guest room his room simply because, to have the foot of your bed directly facing the door, it means you’re ready to face the day when you get up in the morning. That speaks volumes. What’s a guy gotta do to get these chapters churned out faster? I’m on the edge of my seat here.

Well, whoever can get through to a withdrawn and angry Hank would do well to draw a parallel between where he is emotionally now and where Chase was after his mom died and his dad abandoned ship. Hurt, angry, overwhelmed, mourning the loss of both a loved one and a relationship. Sure, it isn’t an exact match and it’ll be received as well as a case of the clap, but it’ll plant the thought where it’s needed — there for Hank to mull over when he’s not treading well water. In fact, let’s hope it’s the same person who reminds Chase of that comparison. He needed time and someone to lean on and so does Hank. Even if it isn’t him. I’m looking at you, Cindy, or Susie or Doctor! Rest well, Gary!

I’ll keep this short and sweet:

If Hank can swallow his pride — and that’s a huge if — a role reversal with Chase might actually do him some good while beginning to repair their friendship, if not their relationship. Time for Chase to be the shoulder Hank leans on. I mean, if anyone understands depression and feeling betrayed/abandoned, it’s Chase . . . or Cindy, I suppose, but I’m playing favorites damnit!

Makes perfect sense. With his current situation, it’s the material costs that have an almost physical hold over him. Money being the foremost concern. But it’s the situation, not Troy himself. Once you take money out of the equation, you’re left with a kind, generous, decent man. He doesn’t track what amounts to human nature because it never occurred to him that being a friend was beyond the norm. Just goes to show you how wonderful T was and Troy is.