DarkShadow

I would like to hear your criticisms, opinions, etc here please. Also... please give your well wishes to my editor. He's ill, and with any luck will recover completely soon. So... on that note... any bad typo's, horrid grammar, and insane sentence structure are completely mine. Hope to hear from you soon. Shannon https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=177

Well... I just posted some (suggestions more than criticism) in your forum about the Bad Seed. Great story... I can't wait to read more!

Thank you all very much for your kind words! I have Chapter 2 submitted to my editor. It may be another day or two until I get it back. He was in the Hospital! He's recovering, so I hope for his better health in the near future. It was a funny chapter for me. It took me 4 days to write 2 pages, and then in one night I wrote another 10. I had a lot of fun with it and I hope you enjoy it when it comes out. With any luck and the better health of my editor, I will have it out soon. It's been mentioned that the prologue is a short regurgitation of chapter 1. Though, I think they said it much much kinder and eloquently. I seriously considered merging the two from the start, but I just thought too much was going on to put it into the same chapter. For me, the first few pages and the first chapter of a book are what makes or breaks a following to a story. If I can't make it through the first chapter of someone's writing, then chances are, I won't bother to remember to go back to it. Then again, I'm senile, and I may refind the story and read it again. I wanted this one to grip people, give them a little intrigue, but without giving them reader's whiplash with too much information too fast. Yesterday, I read ALL of comicalities story 'Savage Moon'. If you haven't read it yet, please do. I haven't commented on it yet, and I will probably start a thread about it when I finally motivate myself enough to go to work. I've been doing a lot of reading lately, and it seems you all have mastered the 'sucking in of a body' for your stories. So, finally, thank you all for your kind words, and your wonderful stories. You give me something to aspire to. Take care!

Here is an excerpt of one particular email that I received: This is one of of several paragraphs that basically shreaded a short story I had recently written. I took a few days, reread my story, and then reread the criticism. While it definately bruised my ego, There were many truths in what they wrote. So I replied thanking them, and said I'd do my best to fix the problems listed. Anytime I get a criticism that has some sense to it and is more than a simple 'you suck' I generally give it a couple of days time to consider, and then reply. I like to consider myself thick-skinned, and so I try to not take it personally. The 'I loved your story' comments are always a boost, and honestly, without them, I probably would be so viligent in my writing. It is the, 'this needs work' comments and questions regarding topics I hadn't covered in the context of the story, that I live for. A very kind gentleman names Pearsall was one of my original readers that has always given me the best criticisms. He didn't just tell me what he thought was a problem, but even wrote his replies to me as an example of what he was trying to explain. Pearsall has over the last few months also given me links to grammar sites and many other helpful critiques that I honestly believe have helped beyond measure. My current editors have taught me volumes, that I sometimes find I ignore/forget, when I submit a chapter for review. When my chapters come back looking like an autopsy, it helps me to remember to slow down and not be so anxious in spitting out the next chapter of whatever trilogy I happen to be working on. I have an email box full of "attaboy's". It's the criticisms that I need. I'm just glad I get a mix so that I'm not so completely beaten down and bruised. By the way, the person that wrote that criticism above, is one of my editors, and I love him for it. Take care!

Very nice Nick! I liked this a lot. It pulls you through a miriad of emotion before leaving you with a smile. Thanks for the pleasure. Take care

I can't believe you left us hanging there with the way her reacted to the news. That is just WRONG! Hmm... I'm getting to know a bit more of the torment I put my readers through. It's not as much fun on this end of the cliffhanger. You definately got me hooked! I read this a few days, and though I had posted a comment, but either I'm insane, or just somehow forgot, because I sure don't see one. I like this story, and I want to read more.

You are definately going to be another one of my 'must read's. I just finished all five chapters. I love the way you write and evoke their emotion so vividly, with action instead of a 'I was sad.' I know others may want more character development, but honestly, I like the pace at which I'm getting to know the characters. Too much information too fast usually just blurs the mind. (well mine anyway) Now, again, I'm stuck with not having another chapter to read! I'm sure it will be worth the wait. I'm patient... SO HURRY UP! j/k I do think this is a great story and can't wait to see where it goes. The only questions I had at the end of any of these chapters, was 1. What's his younger brother up to, and 2. Was it a pan she blasted him upside the head with or something more fun! Say for instance... the car. (of course I know it's not the second... but I REALLY hated the father at the end.) Did jaime perhaps get burned from whatever was in the pan? Thanks for the fabulous read! Take care!

More more more more more!!!!! I really liked this. The characters are all so very different, and you seemed to move between scenes effortlessly. It was like watching a artful psycophrenic! You changed character and I didn't get even a single sence of bleed over from one to the other. They each had their own very distinct personalities. mallow - mellow, though I'm sure someone has already pointed that out. (any other typos or stuff like that I never ever notice... I have the worst grammar and spelling some days.) I just wanted to let you know how great I think this is. I really hope to read more soon. I really want to douche Brad's father with DRANO! So damnit!!! Where's chapter 2! I don't know why I torture myself like this, I know better than to read all of a chapter!

Well, I thought about wiring it for 220. Then at least I could regrout the bathroom and give the thing some real purpose. I have often said, "I'm a very patient person, I just hate to wait!" I've left a link to this forum, in my most recent nifty submissions, for those that are emailing me from nifty. I let them know, that a revised copy of Earth Reborn is here, and now (I hope) a much better read than it's predecessors. The story has definately come a long way since I originally wrote it, thanks to the wonderful help of a very good editor. I know it's difficult to find the time to write, read, and work. I try to do all three, and each one seems to push the other away. Between, pre-editing submissions to my editor, re-editing them after they come back, posting them here, and then trying to get a couple of pages squeezed out each day, it seems I run out of time. I try to read a new story every couple of days. It seems to me, the more I read, the better I write. The problem with that, of course, is when I get sucked in by someone else's writing, and don't want to stop. Then, before you know it, the entire night has passed, and I haven't accomplished a thing. The funny part is, I have been writing every night since July 23, 2006. I had finished reading one of Com's stories, and decided... hmmm I think I'm going to try to write. I thought about the story I would like to read but wasn't there yet, sat my ass in front of the computer, and pounded out about ten or twelves pages. I fired them off to nifty. I recieved a few replies, and they fueled me to write even more. Two weeks and eight chapters later I decided to rewrite the whole damn thing, and resubmitted them as four chapters. Almost two months later, I had slung nineteen chapters, 172 pages, and 78,000 words of my first story. It is by no means finished, as I'm rewriting the whole thing yet again, but with the very skilled help of my wonderful new found editor. It seems, since that first day a little over two months ago, I've found myself a new obsession. I'm learning, albeit slowly, and hope to improve with time. Who knows, some day I may even begin to watch television again. (NOT!) I have to be at work in less than four hours. I suppose I should do some laundry, shower my scraggly self, and make some attempt at being presentable to the public. Heheh, then I might have a couple of free hours to write before I go to work. If it is a typical Monday, I doubt I'll be able to get much writing done. They actually expect me to 'work' at my job, and it's hard for them to repair things without the parts I'm supposed to order. 'selfish bastards' I hope everyone had a great weekend, and I hope your Monday turns out to be quick and painless. Take care all!

LOL! I'll just chalk it up to a prozac moment and hope it goes by the wayside. As for my lackluster dramatic flair.... that's okay. I think I'll pass at the moment. I had my little tantrum, and I think I'll leave that be for a while. Man period... hmmm I bet we could market a pill!

I just thought I would drop by and say... You owe me about 20 to 30 hours of sleep! I love this story so much so, that I wasn't able to pull myself away from the computer. It is one of those that I devour word for word and then resent you when I meet the end of the last chapter. I always want more! You, Comicality, and Laurell Hamilton. and many more have created a love hate in me. I have to stop reading before I get to the last paragraph so that I know there will always be more incase I can't control myself LOL I let the story sit there, with the last page unfinished in my mind, until I have the comfort of another chapter to read. So... thank you for your great stories, my lack of sleep, and often times, blood shot eyes. You're great!

First, thank you all for your kind words and help. Especially CJames. He received the brunt of my frustration and it truly wasn't fair. The man must have the patience of a saint. I know better than to post when I'm bitchy, and I know that at the end of every month that is exactly how I am. Still... I let my fingers fly. (Can a guy have PMS?). Please accept my apologies. As I said to CJames in a very recent PM, let me take the pacifier from my mouth, the stick from my butt (and no... not the fun kind) and get back to work. I've been making my announcements in Gaycafe, and E-Discussion, when I should have been placing them in a different thread. I need to slow down... 'read' and be more patient. I've wasted your time and mine with my little tirade, and for that I'm sorry as well. On that note... let me run and get my toothbrush, and try to get this 'sneaker-breath' taken care of. I hope what is left of your weekend is a good one!

I've changed my sig.... I hope that it is enough. I know we all have lives, but when I see a new story appear and get reviews, when mine has sat their for two days prior, I have to seriously wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I've all but spammed my work across the forum in my feable attempt at gleaning some feedback and I've recieved nothing. If it sucks... say it sucks... if it is great... say it's great, but god damn! At least say something!

What the hell am I doing wrong here? In three weeks, two stories, one anthology submission, and six chapters, I have received more feed back on my avatar than I have my writing. I came here after several people pointed me to this site. CJames gave me a wonderful welcome and I thought

You can find Chapter 5 of Earth Reborn at: https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=162

I went through a similar procedure some years ago a signmoidoscopy. I think my comment at the time was... I usually at least get dinner first.

I have begun another story, and hope to read your opinions soon. You can PM me here or email me at gaywriter72@yahoo.com Here is the link. https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=177 Hope you like it!

I have begun another story, and hope to read your opinions soon. You can PM me here or email me at gaywriter72@yahoo.com Here is the link. https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=177 Hope you like it!

Chapter 4 is edited and online! https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=162

My characters are usually a combination of people I have known, or would like to know. I take pieces from many people, and then mold them into a single character. It seems to me that bringing in the flaws of a person is what makes a character feel realistic.

SPOILER..... don't read if you haven't read the story yet! I love a good dark story. (My fall anthology submission will give credence to that effect) The beginning for me was a touch rough, but damn I LOVED it. From the start I figured either he was leaving 'the area' or 'this world'. I just couldn't tell for sure which until he grabbed the shotgun. Then I had no doubt. The really interesting thing for me, was... It seems pretty obvious to me that he chose not to do it. Did anyone else come to this conclusion? Why would anyone worry about explaining a burnt up basket, if they didn't plan on sticking around. Great story! Thank you for sharing it with us. I don't regret a single second it took to suck in every sentence. Thank you! Shannon

Found a great editor. Though I am sure you all are wonderful editors. Chapters 1 and 2 have been rewritten (yes... lol again) and reposted. With any luck chapter 3 will be edited soon, and revised. Then...if all goes well, I can post the other 16 chapters! Take care!

I don't know... maybe Jalaki was partially annoyed... I can't really say! The person below me has at least once marveled at the kaleidoscope designs made from spitting toothpaste down the drain.

I usually start with about three sentences that describe the entire story. One that explains the beginning, one that explains the end, and then a couple for a very very general feel of the story and plot. After that... it's a free for all of imagination. It's the part I love and sometimes despise about writing. I generally write between three and five pages an evening after work. (usually only 3) From seven pm until about midnight I am planted before my computer. One day a week, usually on the weekend, I don't write at all. I rent some movies... get messed up in the head and veg. As for editing, I could (and have) gone back to the same single page and rewritten it up to fifteen times even if it was only changing one word or sentence. I could edit for an eternity and never find the things fresh eyes will. Each new evening I reread everything that leads up to where I left off (within the chapter) and then begin. If it is the beginning of a new chapter, I read the previous one to get back into the feel of the story. For me to write a good chapter, I figure it takes about five days. I have had some go much quicker, and some move at a snail's pace. Generally, five days for one 'decent' chapter that can be sent off to the editor. If I haven't spent at least that much time, I will be getting back a revision that most resembles an autopsy of changes. I would like to think I don't give my editor that much work for a single chapter. It makes things move faster for me and them. I've found going through and changing simple grammar and punctuation takes less time than approving changes made by my editor. To do anything less in my opinion is laziness. If we don't even try to improve the structure of our writing and leave it all to someone else, then what is the point? Anyone can tell a shitty story.

I should have probably worded that better. We all have choices. I could choose to be unhappy, miserable, and waste my life and someone elses, by not following my nature and marry a woman. I am attracted to men. It isn't that I choose to be attracted to them. What I do choose, however, is to pursue that attraction. I believe we should all choose to pursue what makes us most happy, so long as we do no harm. Now on that note, If I were to find a woman (by some inceivable means) that I were attracted to sexually and spiritually, then I would be with them (if possible), even if I found other men HOT! Hope that makes a bit more sense. Take care!