Mattyboy

Hehe, they're almost having "that conversation" but not quite there. The sparrows are hilarious and it seems like they can see a lot.

I love the contrasting and different characters you keep introducing! Your story includes plenty of jerks and assholes, but also people like Robert Fenton and John Renkin certainly have flaws, but who want to be good, and want to try for better for both themselves and the people around them. There's thriller-grade action in the story line, which is certainly attractive as well, but the different ways people try to be good is wonderful.

I think around here, quite a few people who are labelled or who label themselves beta readers are doing both alpha and beta jobs by your definition, and in particular making comments on structure and narrative arc (especially in longer ongoing serials). I was unaware of the term "alpha reader" before your post, but I followed your example and looked it up and, yes, some people make that distinction. I think beta reader as it's commonly used around here is more analogous with a beta test (the last testing and modifications before it goes out to the public) rather than alpha-is-first-stage and beta-is-second-stage.

Whoever it is that Riz has been calling, who doesn't think he's capable of fixing this, isn't necessarily going to go after the rescued boys. Way too public and too hot for one, even before Sam publishes anything. And I think Riz said at one point that no one else wanted his "books" anyhow. This may be a line of business that the old artefacts are happy enough to wash their hands of. In the past Roger was able to defend them in court because they had enough layers of cut-out to maintain plausible deniability. I'd guess that Riz is in a lot more danger than Micah.

I'm impressed again with how you wrote this. And incredible amount of high-drama happened in about 10 minutes at the end of chapter 12, and only we as readers saw it all. So that was excellent that Janick and the others had to spend some time on cleanup, and just finding out what happened in the other places as it was all going down. Good for Qian Chang recognizing that he needed to talk to a professional, that kinda brought home the real side effects of all that thrilling action in chapter 12. That was wryly funny from Roger admitting that he only knew 3/4 of the people that he'd brought into a hot crime scene. This will be fun when Melissa figures who Juan's mom is. I hope Janick thinks to assign a guard to the Mack household as well.

I'd be happy to comment too, but Wildone can probably cover this

Ah, Ok, glad I haven't missed anything. That story about being hot enough to melt snow at MORRTIMER camp, and having a brother named Bomb, there seem to be some puzzle pieces on the table that Emmett or even Jake could maybe put together.

Did I miss Fin coming out to Emmett as a dragon? Did Tony know from his wards? (but if he has done, then reciprocity seems to be only fair)

"simply be gracious and ignore the hurt" was invented for situations like this. If Jackie was capable of feeling bad about this, none of it would have happened. And even if it "wins" a confrontation, what's the payoff? It does not look like Ludo is going to be interacting with Jackie much in the future, and she has no power in this dissolving relationship. Yeah, it'll take some neck to pull it off, but it's the way to go for Ludo.

I think that passage is Roger's POV as he's watching Don leave with the files. I thought this too on first read, but Roger answers the phone later in the passage.

Wow. Yay for the rescues and yuck for the bloodbath, but wow. Just realized we still don't know for sure what the circumstances were that whoever Riz phoned earlier had been getting other calls about Riz. Maybe another CPD informer, but I wonder if Roger lodged a complaint with someone who owed him a favor. One positive is that Janick's likely call for backup and resources really can no longer get deflected by "why are you working on this small-potatoes case?"

Maybe IA has gotten something from Gallo, but Ramos and Jaskin haven't quite caught up with understanding Riz. So I'm guessing this is linked to "Rizzo.. your name has come up several times in the last few hours" and "I'm cleaning up what I can" Riz may well be swimming into the astonishingly productive net, to the (mild) surprise of whoever's tailing him.

“That’s a weird name” No, Cottontail, no it's not, You're weird for thinking it's weird. I'm still in Camp it's-not-John, but that was weird.

yes, Joe is a character who won't be missed. This story feels like it has everything, but yeah, probably could use +1 (or more) therapist. Hank Monroe might be hard to convince, but he's gonna need one too. And the evidence-team.

Yes, the structure is impressive, and we're still meeting new characters. On-stage stuff foreshadows events for off-stage characters. The interrogation room scene rightly got a lot of attention, but just noticed that Roger mused that "He didn’t know how to find his new target clientele." Well, Samantha James sure would know how.

There might be some bickering about using it against Charlie in court, but Charlie explaining the business probably didn't do all that much that couldn't have been figured out from the records in the studio. I'm not sure they'd need it. They can use it against Sal, for sure. It will be enormously useful for Hank Monroe explaining why he killed a cop in a police station and for Ramos and Janick to defend themselves to their bosses who are going to be asking what the hell is going on. And it might be very useful in another way; Charlie Miler started that meeting thinking that loyalty would pay off in the long term, and that Riz was going to spring him/help him, and he can't think that any more. Neither can Sal. And now Schultz and Janick have Sal and Charlie to play off against each other. Neither deserves a plea deal, of course, but that situation just shifted and shifted big. And the story that Samantha James is already covering suddenly went from story-of-the-week to story-of-the-year.

oh wow, I remember driveway and garage "parties" and people sitting in marked circles and grids and all that stuff. That was a very specific period of a few months that you've captured perfectly here. Poor Cole, he didn't get any Cal-minutes on the phone.

Especially if they flat-out have to choose between Riz and Roger, and burn a useful bridge. Riz seemed to have finally caught up to the fact that after Thomas' trial Roger legally can't represent Charlie (or at least has a very clear conflict-of-interest). Beyond that legal angle, the old "artifacts" might well also respect that Roger demanded respect and said no to this case.

well, it's a good thing, then, that Roger is heading over to Brendon's right now. My guess is Riz is still unaware of how far ahead of him Roger is and Riz' stooge-duo will be late arriving at Charlie Miller's cell, maybe even while Agent Janick is physically removing him.

Oh, yeah... don't bother with the science-y stuff like who's been in the "studio"

Oh wow. That early story-arc of Thomas' legal case looked like it was coming to an end, and all of a sudden there's a great big new story developing!

I like the Juan Ramos backstory, and looks like this case will make him. And good for Melissa, but that one looks tricky as far as next steps. They've been too busy to think about it, but Roger should look into whether Thomas owns a house; it feels like he probably does. (Although if Charlie is Elijah's executor, that could be a little complex).

Ooh there was so much going on with Finley, I sorta lost track of Emmett still getting over the awful Dex situation. Glad Emmett and Finley are back in the same location at least.

DA Mike Schultz is one of several characters I hope we hear from again. This feels almost like a pilot of what might be an ongoing serial with legs. I didn't click "world-building" in my rec, but I see Empath has been tagging these as part of a Land of Lincoln series, and there's a pretty solid base established.

I am also thankful for whoever bumped this out of moderation limbo. Looking forward to this (is this a series?) continuing! The starting narrative arc has reached an end, but so many open doors and interesting characters. And we never even met Brendon!