SilentandBroken

Ok the bedroom scene.. bravo. This whole chapter is the best written one yet. bravo to Andy for tearing down another barrier. Bravo to Zander for knowing instinctively what to do. The tracing and kissing of scars and the reaffirmation he gave Andy is precisely what he needed. I know I would’ve lost it and balled my eyes out if I were Andy, curled into a fetal position. Excellent chapter.

Ok the bedroom scene.. bravo. This whole chapter is the best written one yet. bravo to Andy for tearing down another barrier. Bravo to Zander for knowing instinctively what to do. The tracing and kissing of scars and the reaffirmation he gave Andy is precisely what he needed. I know I would’ve lost it and balled my eyes out if I were Andy, curled into a fetal position. Excellent chapter.

Ok commenting now after the rape admission with the Doc..because…whew this is hard still..because the way you’ve written that part is so accurate. I’m waiting for him to be put through EMDR therapy like I had ..well he’s kinda had the discussion part but not the wiping of the emotions from the events. But another thing that is key here is that Andy recognizes his safe place. His true safe place in Zander and THAT tells me he’s going to be fine.. I’ve been where he is. Raped repeatedly. Beat and verbally manipulated. The exhaustion post session is no lie. It takes days to process everything you talked about, usually all week. I had migraines from hell after a session. Back to reading..

The conversation with Monica in the kitchen was very productive for Andy. Eventually expect the boys to basically end up rooming together period and that will help Andy bridge his trauma .

My overall point is however although he would prefer to stay, he still seriously thinks running is still an option and abandoning Zander. That is not very healthy thinking bc running isn’t really an option, just all knows

I suspect there’s another reason why Andy wasn’t initially told in advance of those initial appointments and Monica was very skillful in skirting around it without Andy picking up on it. I think she was worried about him running like he did in Andersonville

The reveal was perfect. The horror on Zander’s face as he realized the truth of Andy’s diary..Zander did what I expected him to do and be Andy’s voice to his parents. Now he’ll be his protector and angel his school and public. This was a great chapter.

I think Andy realizes that. I think he realizes he needs Zander’s support.

OMG!! YES. Ok breathe dammit….sigh . First off, the night terror..ugh I knew they were getting worse the more stressed he was getting.. I swear they feed of emotions.. -anyway… in a pure moment of accepted weakness Andy gives in to his recognition that he no longer has to run. He can’t fight his feelings anymore for Zander and he finally gives himself what he has been needing to do from the beginning, permission. Permission to grieve. Permission to accept that it’s ok to be gay and ok to crush on such a hot guy and doesn’t have to fear his reaction to that news. All big big steps. With Zander’s support, and given how they reacted to Zander’s coming out I doubt you’ll see any difficulty with his parents either which together will help Andy face his past .

So, wait, is that same barn the same one he hid in the first day? Zander’s family? I’m so confused

Now the only real option he has is to stay and come clean to at least his friends who hopefully can get him help and support. That’s gonna be hard for him to do and I think the person to get him to allow himself to do so is Zander

Don’t be sorry. I’ve MOSTLY healed. . I’ve learn to accept what I had by a way of a support system (if you could call it that) as a young teen wasn’t what it should’ve been. I don’t blame my parents. They were..are ignorant in a lot of ways. The trouble is, it isn’t like most ppl where you can educate them now. The damage was done and if I tried to tell them now what it was like then, they’d try to make up for it and only make it worse. My mother is what I can an accidental narcissist. She means well but doesn’t realize how she sounds, what her actions do, or actually listens to you when you tell her to leave you alone. I love my mom. I do..but I can only take so much. So we speak only typically every few weeks even though we only live 2 mi from each other. It hurts because I KNOW my deliberate distancing causes her pain and she doesn’t understand why, I know no amount of me trying to explain it to her will ever sink in. It’s all I can do to protect myself and even then sometimes, especially around the holidays, it’s not enough. It’s kind of hard to explain

This small clique of friends is exactly what Andy needs. It’s exactly where he can stop running and hiding and putting his masks and walls up…he just doesn’t realize it yet. I think he feels ..something but is unable to identify it for what it is. From everything that has been shown so far, this small town is an everything blue collar and wholesome. Where parents don’t hate their children and love them as they’re supposed to. Unconditionally.

Ugh! I was all happy and set to blurt out “Called it” from my comment prediction in the last chapter on Andy’s schedule change and then I hit the section where Zander came out to his folks. OMG that hit home. Not in the way you might think. I can’t relate. Well, I only could’ve in my dreams but my life is much different now and I’m waaay past high school. Helluva chapter.

New math new classmate. Or new physics new partner. Lunch boy

Andy is playing Russian roulette here.

Another good chapter. It’s good to see Eustace trust Eric a bit to do things totally unsupervised while he went into town. That said, it’s better Eric delivered. I wonder if delivering those bags of garden pickings to old T where another artful way of Eustace probing his own subtle investigation. I think had Eric recognized the name as kin and especially since that’s the house Eric thinks Eustace thinks he lives, Eric‘S reaction to Eustace would’ve been different and Eustace I think knows it. I think he’s setting Eric up to have to explain things and either he’ll able to cover with another lie only to have it discovered or they’ll cut right to it and something is gonna come out that won’t be able to be answered and covered in a lie. Eustice gives me the impression he knows or at least highly suspects more much more than he’s telling. Eric flinching at the dinner table and Eustice catching it I think confirmed a big suspicion to Eustice and it means it’s only a matter of time now. You can only lie your way so much. My only fears now are that Eric is going to get caught stealing food and or caught in the barn loft squatting.

Ok first off, I don’t blame Eric for trying to fit in. In fact I applaud him. Just the fact that he encouraged himself in the bathroom for one night, just have one night, was a big step. Then, after Carrot-Top showed up and showed his ass..sigh well alcohol and testosterone are poor partners. You’d think society would learn by now🤣 anyway, I am not blaming Toby either. The power of the all mighty pussy will win out every single time with a straight guy. It’s unfortunate but whatever. I wish Eustace would’ve pressed more on Eric. The kid trusts him enough he might just start to crack if for no other reason but desperation right now. What happens if winter hits he’s still not under a HOUSE roof? He better start thinking longer term than just tomorrow and soon.

You could say he was hot for more than one reason 😝

Glad you are. I’m back to 101.5 temp bleh

Oooh Eric you got yourself into a pickle now. You’re lucky Toby didn’t try to make you remove that shirt so you didn’t overheat.

Your warm thoughts and encouragement help thank you. Sigh. A lot of my trauma started around a boy who was a narcissist abuser, using that “power” to control me and manipulate me and rape a few times. That started at 13. I was a freshman, he a sophomore. Things got bad quietly when i finally grew a spine and tried to end it. He called me over to his house before school one morning, and from 15 feet away i watched him out a snubbed nosed 22 revolver to his temple and pull the trigger. I blamed myself for decades. I’m mostly passed it now. Therapy has done tons. But triggers still happen. My brother is one. I love him bc well..he’s my brother ya know? But he’s got his own demons and poor coping skills to go along with even more shitty decisions. I just can’t anymore. I can’t be around him and his drama. I don’t want to cauterize the relationship but I’m afraid I need to. It saddens me and the fact that he viewed suicide as his only option to fix his life. Fix? Hmph. More like quit. He refused to listen to anyone’s advice, only asking once he’s made up his mind to see if anyone could convince him to change his mind. He’ll do it again if the docs cut him loose soon. Now he’s really fucked his life over. This hole he’s dug suddenly got very deep. I won’t lie, I’m very very worried for him.

Eustace reminds me somewhat of my grandfather. Strong, quiet, hard working. Observant

He’s got you figured out boy. You just don’t know it yet.