E K Stokes

Interesting setting and interesting characters. It is very dialogue based, that's not a criticism, but an observation. I'm curious to see how you develop the story.

The expunging of a real event which took place almost fifty years ago. What you get, very succinctly are the bare bones of what happened. There is nothing more than the testimony, a damning statement, with the epilogue that some of the guilty got their just deserts. It is way too short to be anything more than the briefest of glimpses into Mississippi in the seventies, but it is very obviously a history the author needed to put out there for the world to know. As such it's a powerful indictment and one cannot be too critical of the writing, because it is not a story which is about the prose, but more a reclamation and cry for justice for long gone past events, which to a more or less extent encompasses attitudes, law, and a society which has disappeared over time. I hope it has!

I read him as coquettish, even seductive; naive, not quite that innocent.

“I saw this guy sitting in between the lions,” Cristina recalls. “He caught my attention because he was good looking – long hair, kind of a hippyish look.” He was leaning on the plinth between the bronze lions, reading a book. As Cristina got closer, she saw it was a copy of William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” The guy was also listening to a walkman. As Cristina approached, he took off his headphones, looked up and smiled. A chance encounter in London between an American student and an Italian girl. A love story that began in the eighties... https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/she-arranged-date-guy-she-150308158.html?guccounter=1 It's hetero, but hey! Love is love...

Is it possible this could be wildly inaccurate in some cases. I started reading a newly posted story, Luminosity book two, it was posted today. Then I went to book one to read the first story of the saga, link here: https://gayauthors.org/story/paren01/luminosity/ The first chapter got a massive 11000 plus page views and chapter four some 6000, for a story of 8 chapters with a last chapter page view number of 600. This just doesn't seem right? It gives the story over 26000 views and if this figure is completely inaccurate then it might be for other stories and the rankings that get produced for most read by genre?

I suppose the title gave a clue, but you don't realise until the end of the chapter. A lot of people, evil men and loose girls wander through this little town which appears to be covered in a gay halo that everyone is aware of but no one talks about... Well not until tragedy almost strikes!

"None of that was gay in the traditional meaning of the word. It was simply lust and admiration combined with the right opportunity." Really!

You just need the words explained and here is that perfect interpretation... https://sound-au.com/matilda.htm 😂

Well, What Do You Want To Know? I want to know if it's fiction, fantasies you imagined, or it ought to be in non-fiction because that's what it reads like, a recollection of real events?

@LJCC @Ron @ReaderPaul @Bill W Thank you, you all make valid points. I don't think I could leave the word pédé in the story without explanation. The reason being not that readers might not be bothered to look it up, they might assume the meaning, and even If they looked it up, misinterpret it. I'll explain: the origin of the the word (in French) derives from pédéraste meaning an adult who is attracted to a young boy, usually an adolescent. The derivation has come to be applied as an insult to male homosexuals, best translated as queer, but you would be hard pressed to find that explanation even if you searched in French. Exactly the same as you would not understand if I said, "He scrawled PD in large black letters on the college wall." PD meaning Pédé meaning queer. French lesson over, but I hope that explains the need to explain or translate the word. Its inclusion (with explanation, translation) I think adds to the setting and foreign flavour of the story and you might remember it and have a little insight into another culture. So if you watch a football (UK, Europe) or soccer (USA) match and the rival team is French and the supporters chant, Pédé! Pédé! you will know it's a terrible insult because they are chanting, Queer boy! Just for good measure (purely culturally educative) if they also chant enculés! (Phonetically: on q lay) they are chanting arse fucker! All this is a by the way and we are working to stop homophobic insults in sport so that you never here these slurs. I got a bit off topic, but thanks again for all your thoughts.

I hope so. I'm working on a story set in a college in the South of France and I never really considered whether anyone would be put off or attracted to any particular location or country, but would be drawn to the theme and story plot, with an insight to somewhere different or unknown being a bonus! One point I did come up against was language even given the story is in English it seems to me there are some foreign words that have their place and ought to be included. For example, in the opening chapter there is a confrontation over respect and using derogatory language which is caused by name calling. A student calls another student out on his appearance, colourful clothes, and coloured hair: "Another fricking pédé!" that same guy announced to his groupies, but a little too loud. Pédé is French for queer and whilst I can see not too many readers would know this insult I still thought it appropriate and intended to put a brief explanation (translation) into the chapter notes. What do you think about including the odd foreign word in a story? Is it enlightening or annoying, enriching or a distraction?

It's a good plot, I'm just flabbergasted that having died, waited in line to pass through the pearly gates, revived into someone else's body and he's worried his cock is smaller. I guess his new beginning has its plus and minuses 🤣

It's a weird poll because promiscuous has connotations of Christian (and other religious) moral values, as if more than a one on one sexual relationship is taboo (or any relationship outside marriage - thank God we're saved by same sex marriage laws in the civilised world, or is that Sodom and Gomorrah?). A poll on how many orgasms someone has (can have) is an interesting topic for another thread, like multiple orgasms are maybe de facto and a sign of virility. Personally I have one orgasm and (as you say) I'm finished for the day. In fact, the longer the gap between orgasms often makes them more powerful, again for me it's all about attraction, discovery, and foreplay so I think I might enjoy an orgy!

Often stories have inadequate resolution, messy, not really understandable conclusions. Okay, sometimes there is a need for an opening that allows for season two, a continuation, but as said here, if something important is in the narrative it needs to get resolved. You can't write about Johnny being allergic to seafood and once getting really sick and taken to hospital, if it doesn't have some relevance to the plot. Otherwise it becomes unsatisfying and meaningless description, when what you want to achieve is the reader making the realisation - oh yeah, Johnny is allergic to seafood! Which is the reason behind something that happens. Join up the pieces and don't leave too many loose ends. The ones you do leave at the end should be, this or that maybe happened, to be resolved in season two, the next book!

When you join the (UK) Post Office, a government owned and run organisation back in the eighties and through the nineties (with unique powers and its own investigation branch, police, like for the railways) you have to sign the Official Secrets Act. The 1989 revision of the Act introduced provisions surrounding illegal disclosure of sensitive information – otherwise known as leaking. The maximum sentence for espionage under the Official Secrets Act 1911 is 14 years, but longer terms can be imposed for a series of offences. The problems with Horizon were known from day one, but who is going to risk their: bonus, job, or even prison? Who thought it would get so out of hand? Errors in the system were corrected remotely overnight, with the best intentions, but one change can generate knock on effects. The Post Office Investigation branch (police force) were there to arrest "imagined" criminals and were the people who dealt with mail theft etc. with absolutely no knowledge about complex computer systems. It's not too difficult to imagine how a series of events led one to another and finally a catastrophe that destroyed people's lives and even killed some. A good analogy would be a series of aircraft crashes which are found to have been caused by a design fault, the only difference is the scale and the cover up!

Insist is a strong word, I don't think anyone insists on marriage, same sex or hetero. Some gay people insist on a one to one relationship which is perfectly understandable for many reasons. If you have an open relationship that means you or your partner want to sleep around, it kind of begs the question about relationship. You live your life like you want, if what you want is a one to one long term partnership you need to give up being totally selfish and only doing what you want, you need to consider what your other half wants. I don't believe in gay and straight, those are labels which were invented, sexuality is fluid, so for myself (and others, I hazard) there is no gay sexuality model to fit into.

I have to confess I skipped through the start, then something grabbed me in the story and I went back, started over and read it properly. I think it was immediately obvious that Ryan would fall for Brian, you put in clues at the beginning: "Not so sure what the fourth one, Brian Beck would do. ... Brian didn't seem to have his heart in it... The return of Ryan's dad in ghostly form at the point where Ryan was at his lowest and the partial playing out of two future scenarios was a clever way to end the first chapter, because now we want to discover how Ryan saves Brian and the rest.