peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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The Covering Letter
peter rietbergen commented on Kevin Snell's story chapter in The Covering Letter
It seems O's unhappiness, not ti say his inability to find much that is positive in his life stretches back to long before his marriage with D. The sense of emptiness is forcefully conveyed. Well done. -
Employee of the Month, Part Three of Three
peter rietbergen commented on Boy Mercury X's story chapter in Employee of the Month, Part Three of Three
I haven't had as much fun with a GA story as with this one in years.... -
Relieved and disappointed. The mix is - well, let's say understandable. But the relief means, probably, obviously: Lewis was there, all the time....
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Employee of the Month, Part Two of Three
peter rietbergen commented on Boy Mercury X's story chapter in Employee of the Month, Part Two of Three
Oh, well - for the sake of this story we're simply going with the assumption that Alex is as stupid as they get....🙂 -
Employee of the Month, Part One of Three
peter rietbergen commented on Boy Mercury X's story chapter in Employee of the Month, Part One of Three
Looking forward to it! -
Employee of the Month, Part One of Three
peter rietbergen commented on Boy Mercury X's story chapter in Employee of the Month, Part One of Three
Great fun indeed -
Ah. You'll miss her, certainly.
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If opportunity ever arises I think I might like to have tea with your mother...🙂
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Interesting, regarding reader psychology. I must admit I (almost...) never feel the need to "ream up", choose sides. It is a story. The characters are fiction. If the author is competent - and yes, CA is - his tale takes the turns he plans. But he must be honest. Red herrings, in the form of smiling, winking barmen are allowed - they add spice. Other things? I must admit I thought Connor - from his and his morher's behaviour - was a boy, not a twenty-year adult. Does it matter? Well, yes - a bit. For it is part of the relationship he has with James, and of what James tells his friends about him - e.g. about C being gay. But in the end, the final turn must be not whether Lewis likes/lusts after H, or the other way round, but what James turns out to be. I admit: if he is gay, I'll feel cheated. Of course straight men flirt. It may be what he does. But if the author doesn't even let him move a facial muscle when Nathan asks about H's special person in E., and J yet cones out as gay, I'd feel I have been led around by the nose.
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Chapter Thirty-Three
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Thirty-Three
I can only say: Bravo, and: Thank You.- 24 comments
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Chapter Thirty-Two
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Thirty-Two
I'm not normally given to moist eyes, but was after reading this. And no, I do not - do not at all - agree with those who blame the three family members. Eric was more than wonderful. He doesn't condemn. He sees. He accepts. Were the parents coldhearted? No they weren't. The father - what did we expect, what could w expect, the more so since we also know he will definitely try. And the mother? She was as wonderful as she could be, given her character, her marriage, her pre-determined roles in life and society.- 40 comments
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A hugely enjoyable chapter! If Neil gets more Roses, he'll thrive.
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Funny? Yes. But otherwise! In real life, who is going to teach a boy like Max some manners, if not the likes of Gabriel, or the teacher, or the headmaster, or his mother. In the end he will remain insufferable.
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Chapter Thirty-One
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Thirty-One
A masterfully contrived scene. Not Margot's Perfect Plan, but the chaos that reflects the emotions everyone present is somehow experiencing. Bravo.- 31 comments
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Well, it is your privilege as an author to introduce as many twists and turns as you like. It is our privilege to like them - or not....😔
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Harry dieys need therapy - and/but I am not sure Lewis is going to heal him. The way you sketch James he could not become Harry's golden retriever - that would be cheating on your readers....
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Chapter 1: WARREN AND ME
peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 1: WARREN AND ME
And now for something completely different in the Topherverse...Admittedly not my kind of story, BUT: very well done. -
And, by the way: is Max going to be a younger version of Ben in one of your earlier stories?
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At my school, the headmaster wouldn't have tolerated bullying, or, for that matter, everything this boy does. But then in my country parents cannot decide what a school will tolerate or not....
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All nicely wrapped-up and shipshape....
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And I forget one important point: of course AI gets more creative when it is fed with more detailed, creative prompts. I've experimented with it, not in GA- like stories but in historical romance. It can, e.g., create quite convincing, personalised dialogues...
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Actually, I disagree with many of you, in the sense that a considerable number of stories on GA are grammatically and otherwise stylistically quite a bit less competent than this one is. Moreover, all of it is of course simply distilled from - let's be honest - text databases as are, precisely, GA and such. As to the sex scenes: Of all the stories I follow on GA, very few succeed in surprising or excite me. Most are boringky formulaic. With Accolla I agree: The best ones are those that describe the least....
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Chapter Twenty-Nine
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Nine
However much this is not what your readers want, it is, given the way you've created Owen, entirely convincing. Strangely, of course O's decision not to enter the Admissions' Building mirrors R's decision not to start on a course - no pun intended - to alter his own life at least a bit...- 23 comments
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Neil, Evan & naked bums
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Neil, Evan & naked bums
Let Neil visit the Art Nouveau furniture in the Musee d'Orsay. Far easier than Nancy.... -
So the non-consummation offers the protagonists , or rather the author and his story an escape route....
