Jump to content

peter rietbergen

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    771

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Everything posted by peter rietbergen

  1. peter rietbergen
    I think I have read your story on another site. But it is as delightful as then.
  2. peter rietbergen
    This is definitely good. But it would've been even better without the glimpses into the future, the previews of things, emotions and problems to come. With a few tweaks in the narrative, in the descriptions of the present, we would already have felt without telling what tensions lurk beneath the golden surface.
  3. peter rietbergen

    Two Worlds

    peter rietbergen commented on Tony S.'s story chapter in Two Worlds

    The story continues to be well-written. The emotions are deep. Even so... Everybody seems to continue in some sort of stasis that, I feel, narratively speaking is not realistic. Of course it wouldn't be right for all concerned (except poor Matteo, for what will be his fate?) to just rush into each others' arms and say I love you. But yet...
  4. peter rietbergen
    The essence of this story is obvious. It is valuable. The emotions are deeply-felt, and beautifully worded. But it is becoming repetitive. And, in the time-line that a good story should adhere to - yes, the "less is more" rule, it now increasingly fails to grasp me. That is, I feel, a real pity.
  5. peter rietbergen
    Impressive
  6. peter rietbergen
    This is a beautiful chapter. Though it could, or perhaps should have come sooner, with some slight pruning of the previous chapters, it gives us, readers, what this story has to offer.
  7. peter rietbergen
    The story's cleverly moving forward. A pity the end is in sight.
  8. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 6

    peter rietbergen commented on Mikiesboy's story chapter in Chapter 6

    This is indeed a deeply felt and, what's more, convincingly and movingly told story. One would wish all people who lose a loved one might heal this way.
  9. peter rietbergen
    The edges of new lives... So the author is promising us slow change. Slow is a quality of this very good story. Yet, it would be even better if it were just a little bit more compact.
  10. peter rietbergen
    Definitely a promising beginning, also style- and dialogue-wise!
  11. peter rietbergen
    So not really a happy reunion.
  12. peter rietbergen
    Complicated, but definitely well-written!
  13. peter rietbergen
    This is an increasingly complex emotional triangle. Many of us have been there. Solutions are never easy and assumedly, will not be in this tale, either.
  14. peter rietbergen
    Interesting. Disconcerting, too. It takes some believing to "follow" R's emotions and, if applicable, reasoning, and then accept the actions he takes. By the way: too much repetition of: face only known through the pc-frame.
  15. peter rietbergen
    Obviously, and whatever the ways we propose, the author will make M find K. But while this misery lasts, we are emotionally involved.
  16. peter rietbergen
    Interesting. But really: does Dean think that one "date" will convince J of a fact that years of friendship haven't been able to tell him, yet?
  17. peter rietbergen
    Are the repetitions intentional?
  18. peter rietbergen
    Glad we have ten more chapters to look forward to.
  19. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 13

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 13

    So, "incest" as a solution. Quite a daring one, though I know that the biological arguments against it are not conclusive. Less important: if he wasn't wearing (his?) spectacles it doesn't matter whether they're clear or not...
  20. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 7

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 7

    The kissing doesn't matter. The hands and the words do. PS is there a mix-up between the Fraser house and the coach house?
  21. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 6

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 6

    Labels - Order - Peace. Ah, if only...
  22. peter rietbergen

    Into the Night

    peter rietbergen commented on Tony S.'s story chapter in Into the Night

    As the others write: this is indeed brutal. When love doesn't equal acceptance, terrible things can happen to people, as this tale shows. We know it's going to be alright for K and M. For many it isn't. They end in crime, drugs, prostitution. My heart weeps.
  23. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 4

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 4

    Well, to use this enchanting story to make a (perhaps too) serious point: how much data-gathering - via whatever means - do we find acceptable if, in the end, it invades our privacy? The courtship of the two on YouTube...?
  24. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 9

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 9

    An epic film, "for sure"....
  25. peter rietbergen

    Chapter 4

    peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 4

    This is absolutely ridiculously funny. Nevertheless I sincerely doubt the existence in any known world (even of bugs...) of a Finn-character. No one can live with an Orel-person....
×
×
  • Create New...