peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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Chapter Thirty-One
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Thirty-One
A masterfully contrived scene. Not Margot's Perfect Plan, but the chaos that reflects the emotions everyone present is somehow experiencing. Bravo.- 31 comments
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Chapter 1: WARREN AND ME
peter rietbergen commented on Topher Lydon's story chapter in Chapter 1: WARREN AND ME
And now for something completely different in the Topherverse...Admittedly not my kind of story, BUT: very well done. -
And, by the way: is Max going to be a younger version of Ben in one of your earlier stories?
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At my school, the headmaster wouldn't have tolerated bullying, or, for that matter, everything this boy does. But then in my country parents cannot decide what a school will tolerate or not....
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All nicely wrapped-up and shipshape....
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And I forget one important point: of course AI gets more creative when it is fed with more detailed, creative prompts. I've experimented with it, not in GA- like stories but in historical romance. It can, e.g., create quite convincing, personalised dialogues...
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Actually, I disagree with many of you, in the sense that a considerable number of stories on GA are grammatically and otherwise stylistically quite a bit less competent than this one is. Moreover, all of it is of course simply distilled from - let's be honest - text databases as are, precisely, GA and such. As to the sex scenes: Of all the stories I follow on GA, very few succeed in surprising or excite me. Most are boringky formulaic. With Accolla I agree: The best ones are those that describe the least....
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Chapter Twenty-Nine
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Nine
However much this is not what your readers want, it is, given the way you've created Owen, entirely convincing. Strangely, of course O's decision not to enter the Admissions' Building mirrors R's decision not to start on a course - no pun intended - to alter his own life at least a bit...- 23 comments
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- 11
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Neil, Evan & naked bums
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Neil, Evan & naked bums
Let Neil visit the Art Nouveau furniture in the Musee d'Orsay. Far easier than Nancy.... -
So the non-consummation offers the protagonists , or rather the author and his story an escape route....
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I admit that I didn't understand the sequence from chapter 16 to 17. Is Giles the same as Gautier? And Atr did win from him in the second round? And s third round followed, with Richard. Why is GG down in the mud in the beginning of chapter 17? And why is young Lothar bleeding?
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Chapter Twenty-Seven
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Seven
A milestone reached and passed. Now the next one..- 17 comments
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Chapter Twenty-Six
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Six
Dear Author: this chapter has all your readers holding their breath.- 25 comments
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A paper cone? Why not popcorn in a vellum satchet....
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Chapter Twenty-Five
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Five
A future...closer every day...? Only if Owen succeeds in severing all the ties that have keot him where he has been for 18 years, till this very moment. And after the taco's he returns to those ties -
Rewritten or not, it is a blatantly, endearingly sentimental piece....
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Well, exiting, again. But: boys, teenagers? In the Middle Ages you were adolescent at 14. Allowed to legally marry. As to age: Lothar is sometimes 15, sometimes 16... Maybe it depends on whether he takes the front or the back part....
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Maybe we should conclude that needing someone to say the "love word" really is complicating things too much. For what does it mean - beyond the "care" Brian says he always felt for T. And the question remains: hasn't T denied himself being loved, or cared for BY someone, or, indeed, loving, caring FOR someone, by waiting for twenty years to hear someone say so who, precisely after 20 years - he could not have loved anymore if, that is, he really had grown up himself...?
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Chapter Twenty-Three
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-Three
This really is a take of two persons, situations mirroring each other. Margot is not only selfish. She is, also, honest in her way: she wants to protect both herself and Owen. At what cost, she doesn't really know. For as much as Owen is selfish in not wanting/daring to give up what he does have - a measure of safety - and thus avoiding being who he thinks he wants to be, so is she. The only thing is that, as far as we know, Jules isn't pressing her as strongly as Ryder is pressing Ower.- 29 comments
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- 12
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Aha - but WE didn't know that....
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Aha - but WE did not know all that...
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Maybe this is too complicated for me. Why can the King of England argue that his daughter, a princess, marries the bastard of the Vexin, but that the daughter of the king of France cannot do so? Otherwise a fascinating chapter again.
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Chapter Twenty-One
peter rietbergen commented on mastershakeme's story chapter in Chapter Twenty-One
Moving indeed. A real narrative, emotional fea(s)t. Thanks.- 23 comments
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- 17
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Though I do not think the peasants are admonished to combat "feudalism" - it is a much debated and later construction - this is, on many levels, an exciting chapter, showing developments that, if possible, are going to complicate the story even more delightfully.
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The only thing I grant Ryder is his concern about O's studies. But that is precisely what O already has worked out for himself!
