PlugInMatty

Alex P. Keaton (Michael J. Fox) from Family Ties. Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli) from The Sopranos. Eric (Jason Segel) from Undeclared. Tony Stonem (Nicholas Hoult) from Skins. Kevin Walker (Matthew Rhys) from Brothers and Sisters. and my all-time favourite... George Oscar (GOB) Bluth from Arrested Development.

I thought you meant this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJv5qLsLYoo

played basketball right through til the end of high school, played football (Aussie Rules) through til the end of college, still play cricket (opening batsman) during summer, and find time to play social games of tennis in between. oh, and I coach my own basketball team. that's pretty cool. I think it appeals to my God complex.

I'm partial to a bit of Grady Sizemore.

oh trust me, Graeme, it's every bit as painful as it looks. managed to ditch the crutches today, but it'll be six weeks before I can even think about running again. gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Matt's ankle vs under-16 basketball team: You can guess who won.

3, damn you.

dead babies jokes are like any other jokes really - if it's ok to make fun of one thing, it's ok to make fun of anything.

do you want the sweater back? if you do, just ask him if your sweater is part of a wider pattern of cross-dressing. you'll have that sweater back in no time.

I took it in the dark for a number of reasons: 1. it was Earth Hour. 2. I've lost about four kilos in the past fortnight and I look like shit. 3. I look like shit. 4. did I mention I look like shit? I want my fat back. you know me, I aim to please

@Bugeye: Charming? Doesn't sound like me haha. But thank you nonetheless @Drewbie: Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg are probably the two most-tolerable View panelists (except Barbara Walters (my hero!), when she's on). As for why I watch it? Well, I think I've always had a fascination with the opinions being thrust upon middle-America, and shows like The View represent these attitudes and beliefs better than any other show on television. Even if those opinions aren't exceptionally valid (again, I'm looking at you, Elisabeth Hasselbeck), they're still among the most far-reaching opinions in all of middle-America. @Kevin: Yes, blogging requires far too much of my energy haha. It actually took three attempts (over six days) to write this blog, so I don't like your chances of getting a follow-up any time soon @Cia: You're not safe from The View. Nobody is safe from The View. Thank you for your compassion, though @James: Yeah, that's what I'm worried about, the situation rapidly getting out of hand. They're really good kids - certainly better than most of the kids I grew up with - but it's definitely worth keeping an eye on. and in case you're all wondering, I didn't wake up with some magical cure this morning. balls.

been a while, thought I'd say hello

so, I think one of my basketball players is gay. it's irrelevant, it's stupid, and I feel like a complete and utter retard for actually writing this, but I think one of my basketball players is gay. it's not like ooh, I hope he's gay, too! no, no, that'd be creepy. it's more like damn kiddo, you're gay as a bag full of butterflies. consider the evidence: he talks with a lisp; he's really, really, really excitable; he's always jumping on the gymnastics equipment when we're at training; and, this is the best part, he grabbed my whiteboard on Thursday night and drew me a rainbow. that's right, a rainbow. that's not even the best part though; he drew the entire thing with black texta. lol. anyway, it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. I mean, we're talking about teenage boys here. he's a really nice kid and all of his team-mates seem to like him, but the boys are at the age where they might feel threatened by someone different. or maybe I'm underestimating them. maybe I'm old and crusty and stuck in the 1990s haha. still, he's the exact kinda kid who used to get picked on when I was their age (13 going on 14), so it's probably something I should keep an eye on. see what happens, I guess. in other news, I'm sick. like, really sick. I've been on bed rest three of the last five weeks and I'm still nowhere near 100%. the doctor's been playing around with my tablets a bit, and I've at least started getting my appetite back, but most of the other symptoms still persist: headaches, sore throat, fever, joint aches, swollen glands, nausea, zero appetite, light-sensitivity... oh, and then I got a chest infection on top of that. and did I mention constant fatigue? ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes, how could I forget the constant fatigue? (f**k you, fatigue). most mornings I actually wake up feeling more fatigued than when I went to sleep the night before. how the hell is that supposed to work? and then there's the everyday tasks that just leave me feeling absolutely wrecked. I actually had to lay down after having a shower today, because the effort of standing under a stream of hot water was apparently beyond my fragile little body. f**k sake. I'm 23 years old. pretty sure I'm not supposed to feel like I'm on my deathbed. anyway, I'm supposed to go back to work on Monday, so we'll see how that goes. at this stage, there's absolutely no chance I'm going to survive a full day at the office. it's not like I'm going to lose my job or anything (sick pay and annual leave have covered my three weeks of absence so far, and I'm a long-term, full-time employee), but I don't particularly like the idea of spending another week in medical limbo. see what happens, anyway. if I wake up sick on Monday morning, I'm supposed to go back to the doctor anyway, so I'll get a result one way or the other. enough about that, anyway. what else can I talk about? oh, writing. yeah, things are still quiet on the writing front. the words are there, the ideas are there, and there's at least five projects (four chapters, one short story) that are currently in a state of near-completion, but nothing's going to get done while I'm laying here trying to summon the energy to get up and go to the toilet. did I mention this whole sick thing is f**ked? ugh. honestly, I just don't have the energy to write. I know, it's just sitting at a laptop, right? well, wrong. it's concentration. it's decision-making. it's... stuff. I dunno, it's beyond me at the moment. I can't even play video games for half an hour without needing a nap. speaking of video games, the new NBA Jam looks friggin' insane. INSANE. can't wait to go out and buy it. and speaking of things that are completely insane... daytime tv. what the hell happened to it? it used to be soap operas and cooking shows, but now it's 'opinionated women' telling their sofa-bound brethren exactly what opinions an 'opinionated woman' should have. f**king idiots. seriously, I've been laying around the house, watching The View, and all I can think is this: does Elisabeth Hasselbeck knowing anything? no, seriously. anything? no wonder she's called the most dangerous conversative in America. f**king douche. and can somebody tell me what the hell a Justin Bieber is? whatever it is, it needs to be shot. seriously. f**king teenyboppers. anyway, I'm tired. if I die in the meantime, I'll be sure to let you know. Peace.

seems the idea might be catching on. lol.

winner!

Update: blood tests negative. I suppose, in a way, it's comforting to know that I don't have it. But then, when you consider that it's been six days and I still can't walk to the kitchen and back without needing a nap, it really isn't that comforting at all. Gay.

you do have sex with men, Chase.

you're all so mean haha blood tests come back today, so I'll be sure to let you all my caring readers know

so, been a bit quiet on the writing front lately. the doctor tells me this might be why. stay tuned.

so, I came out to my friends last night. I picked up pizza, drove over to my friend Kate's house, and I came out to my friends. it went something like this: Me: "um Kate, I have something to tell you." Kate: "yes, Matt?" Me: "I just turned down a booty call." Kate: "YOU WHAT?!?" Me: "I, ummmm, I just turned down a booty call." Kate: "what? why?!?" Me: "ummmm, because..." Kate: "yeah..." Me: "I, ummmm... how do I explain this..." Kate: "go on..." Me: "I think I prefer sex with strings attached." Kate: *stares blankly* Kate: "who are you, and what have you done with Matt?" Me: *flushes with embarrassment* Me: "I don't know. I just don't know who I am anymore." so that's it, that's my coming out story. it's also the story of how I turned down no-strings-attached sex and spent my Saturday night eating pizza and watching Back to the Future. f**k my life.

what do you call a Muslim flying an aeroplane? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * a pilot, you racist.

When I saw '9', I thought you were reviewing the Nicole Kidman movie. Thank f**king christ you weren't.

watched this live to air the other night: # stared at the tv for a full 60 seconds, then couldn't stop laughing.

you really should have known better.

might I just add, I spent the afternoon referring to this exercise as 'The Cleansing'. dunno how that's gonna go down haha