PlugInMatty

Ahhh, another day in paradise. So it's Sunday night, 9pm. I should be sleeping because there's a Grand Prix at 3.45am, but I can't be bothered. That's right, I'd get up at 3.45am for motor racing. A man's gotta have priorities. But there's gonna be one nasty side-effect... 7.30am start at the office tomorrow. 7.30am start every day of the week, in fact. Why do I torture myself like this, seriously? 7.30am starts are the devil. I've never been a morning person and I never will be a morning person. I can totally imagine myself as one of those 40-year-olds who cannot function in the morning without their first tablet, coffee and cigarette... Seriously, the only way I can get to work on time in the morning is to get out of bed, plug in my iPod and blast myself with loud music until all of my faculties make themselves available. Trust me, you haven't experienced ironing until you've done it to the tune of Murder on the Dancefloor. Anyway, what's the latest? Well, I bought vegemite scrolls on the way to work on Friday. f**K they were good. I swear, Vegemite is my crack. Brown, pungent, spreadable... no, not that crack. Get your mind out of the gutter. I guess that's a good segue to the real point of this blog... I'm over work. I used to pride myself on the randomness of my life, the unpredictability of it all. But since I took a full-time job, I have to be in the same place at the same time doing the same thing five days a week. And what a place it is... I work at a desk. It's a vast, spacious, white desk. Completely non-descript. There's a computer, with a nice, shiny, new flat-screen monitor to go with it. It's a nice enough computer, but it's hard to appreciate its beauty when its sole purpose is to pixelate the daily agony of working life in Rosny Park. I also have a mouse, a keyboard, a calulator on my desk. Even a desk calendar. Just behind the calendar is my side of the cubicle wall. It's also non-descript, with two pieces of cartridge paper the only adornments in an otherwise drab sea of grey material. With suitable lack of fanfare, they carry all the rostering information I deem necessary to get through the working week. Look to your left. There's Andrea, my team leader. Nice lady, Andrea. Got pissed at a family bbq and broke two ribs last week. Funny girl. Reminds me of my mum, actually. But I'm not sure she believes that I'm gay. How many times can you say The Golden Girls in a 'What are you up to tonight?' answer before somebody gets wind of your sexuality? Actually, I was talking to Andrea yesterday when I spotted a visitor to the office. Visualize him, a sweaty man in a too tight high-visibility shirt who had come to check the smoke alarms. How on earth can a man be so sweaty when it's 16 degrees celsius outside? Jesus. We don't care about him and his lazy left eye though, the only thing we care about is what he's holding... Smoke, IN A CAN. That's right... SMOKE IN A CAN. Can you say more fun than a pants full of ferrets? Imagine the havoc you could wreak. Every time work gets too shit to bear, you just take out the can, spray a liberal amount of the stuff near a smoke detector and scream 'OH MY GOD FIRE!!!'. Or, for the more subtle among us, 'Can you smell smoke?', followed by 'OH MY f**kING GOD THERE'S A FIRE!!!'. Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, 'OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!'. Then, all you have to do is slip the can back into your manbag and file calmly to the nearest fire exit before taking the rest of the afternoon off. Sounds like a plan... Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad after all.

"Goodbye, my love," he whispered, tearfully.

Legend has it Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a complete story in six words, he wrote: For sale: Baby shoes, never worn. I'm yet to determine if that is the most brilliant or the most f**ked up thing I've ever read. Anyway, six words. Go!

Spider-Baby!

smells like a career move... perhaps he's recording a disco album?

I dare you not to love this!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pAoUV9WKSs...feature=related Happyland - Don't You Know Who I Am? other favourites of mine include... The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist: (I can't describe it, I can't explain it, you simply have to watch it!) Muse - Stockholm Syndrome: (Thermal imagery looks so cool, not to mention the ace song) The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The Impression That I Get: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8q0xe8oqDE (Come on, they have a DANCER) Don Henley - The Boys of Summer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSeB-023VqU (haunting) U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE3X79WbtEE (just for fun, really)

correction: just put myself through a punishing workout the irony is, I'm about to leave to grab Chinese takeout and watch Boston Legal at a friend's house! I swear I'm my own worst enemy.

haha, thanks for the support guys you'll be glad to know that we abandoned the team diet at work and pigged out on morning tea this morning. you'll also be glad to know I won $4 on the scratchies that were sitting on my desk. I later spent that $4 on the biggest, dirtiest mud cake I could find at the local cheesecake shop. a happy birthday indeed!

I always wanted to be a lawyer... I don't know how to justify that.

about as close as I get to clean-shaven...

thanks for all the compliments, guys. New Zealand was amazing (and definitely worth the effort) don't forget Federation Square, Graeme upon seeing it, my friend had the wisdom to ask, 'so when is it completed?'

Greatest of all time? Yep, last photo, on the right

I think as long as the character is interesting, people will overlook, even embrace their flaws. Well, they'd better, or else I'm screwed haha

Some photos from my recent New Zealand adventure... and finally... me on the right, being a tool.

one of my friends had the pleasure of sitting with Matt's boyfriend at the recent Olympic trials, actually. she wanted me to go along with her on the day (I believe the sales pitch was "they're all gay!"), but I ended up piking on her. I swear I'm my own worst enemy at times haha on a side note, our host broadcaster in Australia has made zero reference to Matt's sexuality during their coverage of the Olympics. while I'm somewhat appreciative they haven't let Matthew's sexuality overshadow his incredible results in the pool, Channel Seven should be acknowledging the love and support of Matt's boyfriend the same way they acknowledge the partners of our other successful Olympians. I guess it's a bit of a catch-22, isn't it? if they talk about his sexuality too much, they risk overshadowing Matt's incredible achievements and leave themselves open to accusations of 'discrimination' from sections of the gay community (you know who you are). but on the other hand, Matt has the potential to be a culturally-significant member of our Olympic team - if he so wishes. the topic of gays in sport has received a lot of coverage in Australia over the past couple of weeks (particularly gays in football), so it's definitely an issue of cultural significance in Australia at the moment. if only one athlete came out of the closet, the media believes it would be a significant step forward for the gay community and the sporting community at large. that said, nobody actually believes a footballer is going to come out of the closet any time soon. as a result, every inch of column space has been dealing in hypotheticals... until now. now, we have an openly homosexual athlete who has reached the pinnacle of his chosen field. he's young, attractive, bright, friendly, has a million-dollar smile and a gold medal hanging around his neck. if he was straight, he'd be a marketer's dream. alas, he's not. so what are we going to do about it?

and to think, it's summer in England

finished reading Bleeding Hearts by Josh Aterovis just before I went on holidays. does anybody else feel kinda cheated when the murderer is introduced AFTER the murder has actually taken place?

haha, yes, that's a big cat. he knows exactly how to get what he wants, and what he usually wants is food. trust me, he is the axis of evil.

two of my favourite things in the world... my cat and myself. (and not in that order)

ABBA - The Winner Takes It All I dont wanna talk About the things weve gone through Though its hurting me Now its history Ive played all my cards And thats what youve done too Nothing more to say No more ace to play The winner takes it all The loser standing small Beside the victory Thats her destiny I was in your arms Thinking I belonged there I figured it made sense Building me a fence Building me a home Thinking Id be strong there But I was a fool Playing by the rules The gods may throw a dice Their minds as cold as ice And someone way down here Loses someone dear The winner takes it all The loser has to fall Its simple and its plain Why should I complain. But tell me does she kiss Like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same When she calls your name? Somewhere deep inside You must know I miss you But what can I say Rules must be obeyed The judges will decide The likes of me abide Spectators of the show Always staying low The game is on again A lover or a friend A big thing or a small The winner takes it all I dont wanna talk If it makes you feel sad And I understand Youve come to shake my hand I apologize If it makes you feel bad Seeing me so tense No self-confidence But you see The winner takes it all The winner takes it all...

ah, what the hell... as you can see, my basketball team was losing

in relation to major plot lines, I don't think I'd ever change a story to suit a section of the audience. that said, I have had instances where I've liked somebody else's idea more than I liked my own idea, and I've changed it in relation to some of your stories, Commie (congratulations on your new nickname btw, I'm sure Reagan is turning in his grave right now), I'd never change a plot so that person A breaks up with person B to be with person C. that's going too far IMO.

My screen name is stolen directly from the Muse song 'Plug-In Baby'. Great song, great band, great poster

oh my god there's PIRATES!!! I'm guessing they're the entry from Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmenia

Robin Sparkles - Let's Go To The Mall