August 11, 2002
Somewhere over Lake Michigan
Matt
I was looking at Stef, dissecting him with my eyes to see if he was pissed off at me for choosing to live in Boston, instead of the amazing apartment he was creating for me in Chicago. Instead, I got a gentle smile from him.
“That’s fine,” Will joked. “Dude, if you don’t want to live there, I’ll move there.”
“You would be pretty far from Zach,” Brad pointed out.
I've been reading Esera Tuaolo's book (Alone in the Trenches) about being a gay football player. It's an interesting read, especially when he describes the macho environment of the locker room. It's a more intense situation than I've been in, but from what I've seen, it's a really rough and tumble world, where locker room talk often evolves into a discussion of sexual exploits. Here's a clip:
That's a good point. I think that Granger feels like he has his back covered at home, since he was sent on this mission precisely because he is so well-connected. But that's the plan, and plans don't always work out.
I don't think Wade's problem is a lack of maturity, I think his problem is confusion. He thought he'd found his soul mate with Matt, and then Matt crushed him after 9-11. Wade likes his world to be ordered, and the was a tumultuous change. Then he starts to work his way back to Matt, with a lot of caution based on what he's been through, and he meets Alex, who seems perfect for him. Only he's not. So does Wade stick with Alex, stick with Matt, or just focus on being a single guy? I think I'd have a tough time with that.
I think that for Wade to react the way he did, there must be something else bothering him. Next chapter, it should be clearer.
Cam should be just fine. I don't think the team will be upset that Matt's not playing. Shit happens. Matt paid his fees, so he'll probably let them keep them, and that will make them happy enough.
Cam is probably thinking that it was a smart idea to keep his emotional distance from Matt, but he didn't come out to badly in the deal. Hell, he got a whole semester paid for! :-)
It is your right as a reader to be annoyed with whichever (or all) of them. Feel free.
The realizations that you want, and the actions you seek, take time. We're seeing them work things out. I think that they've been in these places already, because that's who they are. Will doesn't have as many answers as he thinks, but he's smarter than he used to be. Zach...I'm not sure how he's supposed to grow a spine. That one confused me. Matt is working on who he is, and this chapter brought a bit of an epiphany for him. And Wade is probably doing the same thing, although to be fair to Wade, he's probably entitled to jerk Matt around a bit after the post 9-11 crap Matt pulled on him.
Matt is a romantic, so dropping everything and moving to Boston may not be logical (although I think that it probably is), but it is what one would expect from Matt.
JP is a scholar, to be sure, but he also understands the need to balance your personal life with your academic goals. And just because Matt isn't going to school in Chicago doesn't mean he won't ultimately go to school in Boston.
I think Cam has been unlucky in love, and has hardened his heart a bit. He's probably cynical too, so he's under no illusions that Matt is still in love with Wade. I think that makes this a little easier for him.
I think you're absolutely right on this.
I think Matt's been going through changes (evolutionary) but that he arrived at his destination...inasmuch as anyone does.
I liked that realization too. It's easy to give Wade all the credit for maturing quickly and dealing with Riley, but I wonder if Matt would have reacted the same way if Riley was his biological son? On the other hand, I think that no matter whose son Riley was, Wade would have stepped up to the plate for him.
You raise a key point here: We all know what Matt wants, but we don't know what Wade wants. So Matt is taking a leap, saying they he'll go to Boston, and as you noted, he can do that. Whether he does it with Wade or not remains to be seen.
On a side note, I think it was pretty unfair of Wade to give Matt crap for playing hockey. Hockey wasn't the reason Matt was an ass in college; immaturity was the reason.
It's funny, because if we went back in time 18 months, it would have been NOT what we'd expect Matt to do. He probably would have set up some deal where he and Wade were still 'together' but were basically free. This Matt seems to get it.
But did he? Matt says he's moving to Boston, which he's always been able to do, but that doesn't mean Wade's willing to recommit to him. Wade's not exactly happy these days.
I think what we witnessed in this chapter was a complete reordering of Matt's priorities. I think that makes a lot of sense, considering what he's been through over the past year.
In 9-11, Will was ripping into Gathan about Zach, and asked Gathan how he would have reacted if one of his heroes had died. I think that Robbie was both father and hero to Matt, and that probably shook him to the core. Now, he's gotten his head back on straight. Finally.
August 8, 2002
Chicago, IL
Matt
I groaned and rolled over, facing away from the window, and the sunlight that was glaring in. I’d gotten into Chicago and just come up to the condo and crashed. It hadn’t been all that late, but I was tired, the kind of tired you get when you’re fatigued. The kind of tired that comes from having a really shitty day. Usually when that happens, I can’t sleep, and things are just worse the next day, but last night, all alone in the cond