Phantom

*cough* look at the awards in the lounge *cough*

Congrats to everyone who was nominated and also who won! Edit to Add - It seems that the WST has followed in the footsteps of our beloved goat. They left out the King/Queen of cliffhangers... It is my sad duty to decry a cliffhangers with the awards....

Hmmm.... like I haven't heard that before.... oh and *ahem* everyone Lets get some more pics up in here!

Restless nights... bleh... My favorite chore is cooking... I LOVE cooking... especially when I BBQ hehe Least favorite... laundry... GACK!

HEY! Nothin wrong with joisy... cept the fact that Robbie lives here....

happy birthday you crazy Belgian! Eric

You can't trust either... just my oppinion

I don't know what it is lately, but many people have been annoying the heck outta me. Most recent thing, my manager forgot to tell me until I was two hours late to work that she switched my schedule THIS week, not next week. Normally I would've been like eh, but not this time. Cus I missed 2.5 hours today, so I have to make it up this thursday and work a 12.5 hour shift. Now, onto my next annoyance which is *drumroll please* people. Yes people. They've been annoying the heck out of me. There a woman who's popping out kids who thinks it's cool to look like Angelina Jolie and that its fine to have 12 kids even though she's on welfare, living at home and unemployed. Seriously it's just greedy to do that when you can't afford it. For christmas sakes, she doesn't even have a husband, let alone a boyfriend to help her take care of the kids. It's gonna be up to her and her poor parents to raise the 12 kids. Did she ever stop to think about anyone else cides herself? Or did she think that people were gonna pitty her and give her things? Another person who annoys me is the person who buys you a drink at a bar, and kills the good time your having. Some girl bought me a tequila drink at a bar the other night while there was a battle of the bands going on and, if you don't know this about me Tequila makes me crazy. So she buys me a drink and the bartender gives it to me and doesn't tell me what's in it. I look at it and it seems to look like a gingerale or sprite and BAM I gulp it down (beer makes me thirsty and thats what I was drinking before that) and I get hammered and crazy. The more I think about it, the more I think that it was a double or tripple shot. That killed my night and I ended up having to call my boyfriend cus I was to hammered and out of it cus of the damn tequila to go home on the train. God knows where I would've ended up! Yet another person who annoys me lately is the one who doesn't know when to quit. Seriously. If you come up to me and ask me to dance, and I tell you know that I have a boyfriend, F*** Off! Do you really think that it's gonna change two or three songs later? GAH! Another thing that annoys me is myself. I've put on weight that I never had and honestly, the scale has become my enemy. While I know that people are gonna tell me 'Oh NO! You look fine' look at it from my point of view. Never in my life have I weighed over 175 and when I weighed myself recently, I was 180! So yes I do need to loose weight, but don't annoy me and tell me oh no you look fine, cus it's just gonna piss me off! The final thing that has annoyed me is the people who just don't know when to shut up about things. Seriously, learn to take a hint and stuff it. Don't wait for someone to tell you when you cross a line... take a hint and shove it! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well... I was watching an old school movie... Dr. Stangelove then it hit me CJames loves nukes. Eric loves tequila... and what do you think the combo of the two would be? So I did the math A Tequilad Eric + Nukes = Eric

Asleep - The Smiths Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep Im tired and i I want to go to bed Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Dont try to wake me in the morning cause I will be gone Dont feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I dont want to wake up On my own anymore Sing to me Sing to me I dont want to wake up On my own anymore Dont feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go There is another world There is a better world Well, there must be Well, there must be Well, there must be Well, there must be Well ... Bye bye Bye bye Bye ...

Hmmm... after seeing all the picture of the snow and such.. I wish I got some of what it looked like around here There's nothing more interesting to look at then a beach covered in snow and the ocean pounding away at the sand. It's quite... interesting Eric

Honestly if there was a way I could send it to everyone I would, this movie means that much to me. Funny thing when I talked to my mom about this (she can be a she-devil at times) she was horrified that I would compare her to the mom in the movie, but when I brought up instances of times where she said the same things that Mary said, and how she said them to me, it shut her up. I don't think she realized how cruel she was being. Lately, she seems to be avoiding the whole gay topic and, while she's not being supportive, she does ask how things are going between me and Matt. It's not a lot, but it's progress. I really think that this movie can be an ice breaker between gay youth and their parents, a way to say "Hey. I don't want you to turn out like her and I don't want to turn out like him." It's a bit dramatic if it comes to it, but it's a way to open up a hard to talk about topic.

Great... yet another author to start stalking... err reading Eric PS - Congrats btw

Hey everyone Today before work I took some pictures of the town I love, Red Bank NJ. It's a nice town filled with lots of open space, neat little shops, a Starbucks and the like. While I was taking pictures, I was listening to a song that I've come to fall in love with "Asleep - The Smiths" and I personally think it goes well with the photos I took. So if you want, take a look at the photos and listen to the song while doing so. If you wanna leave some comments, feel free to here or on the actual photo. Link to the pictures: Around Red Bank Safe Journeys everyone! Eric

Gah there you go... taking the words right out of my mouth Kevin! Beautifully put

Yea I know... I've been wearing glasses since I was 5... and *looks around* Matt wears glasses too, when he doesn't have his contacts in. He says he looks like a dork, but I think he looks cute. (oops... I spilled a secret about matt glad he doesn't go on here... and I can blame it on lack of sleep ) PS - Thanks for the complements with my pic

Well... heres a recent one of me and matt... took it with my new camera

Since the last post was a real downer... this one I promise isn't going to be... as much Me and mom are back to talking after the fight we had. We're gonna be going into counseling together and try to work out the issues that bother us about each other. Till then, we promised each other to steer clear of topics that could lead to another blowout. Secondly... I miscounted... I've been with matt (as of yesterday) for 4 months not 5... so sue me Third, i've been getting the feeling that lately I feel broken inside, namely after the blowout with my mom I reread my journal entires (thank God I keep one cus well... it gives me an insight as to what is going on with my mind of late) and I found somethings that are bothing me and I'm gonna work on them and try to fix myself. Fourth work is getting annoying. The gates are seriously possesed by Satan (I had to do an exorcisim last night of one... made it out alive, but the old priest and the young priest... well they wern't so lucky ). My boss, while I think the world of her, she can be an idiot at times, 'nuff said. Fifth, I know I keep saying this, but I'm getting back into writing now. I have a few distractions, but it's been helping me get out some frustrations, and seeing as how i'm a perfectionist of late, I'm gonna be posting things when I think they're ready. So if you like what I write... keep an eye out Lastly, support GA and help keep it open. Sign up for the premium content for $7.50 and trust me it'll go along way to helping not only the site, but you'll feel good about doing a good deed Eric

I met the man of my dreams and we're still together

*Cue Soap Opera Music* Well... it happened. World War 3 between me and my mom. We went at it yesterday over the most random of things and it ended up being about me and my sexuality and how it hurts her. How it wound from me saving money to me being gay and such, I have no idea. She ended up telling me how I was irresponsible, how I should have matt start paying my medical bills, and some really hurtful comments. I ended up telling her exactly how I felt (and a few weeks of bottled up feelings towards her) made themselves clear. After calling her a bigot, a hateful and spiteful person, and someone who makes everything about her, she stormed over to me and opened the door and said theres the door. I looked at her, ran up to my room packed my work uniform, an extra set of clothes, my medicine, my laptop and went down stairs, looked at her and she said what do you think your doing? I looked right at her and said "Being the gay drama queen that you always accuse me of being." She looked right at me and said "Well your acting like one." I looked back at her and called her a bigot again, opened the door, and left. I walked up to the train station by my house where I spent most of the walk on the phone with my dad where he was trying to calm me down and promising to play peacemaker between me and bitch (errr mom). I eneded up calling matt and he rescued me at the train station and I spent the night at his house where he did everything he could to get my mind off things. We went out to eat, we walked through the mall near his house where he bought me a game (Wrath of the Litch King Expansion pack for wow) and we went back to his house where we ended up watching a movie and going to bed. Thank God I have matt cus I don't know what I would've done without him. When I got up this morning we went to breakfast at my favorite diner where he treated me and I went to work. I also called my dad who wanted to make sure that I was ok and that I was gonna come home and I told him I would. Now, that all said and done, I'm going to go back home and if I get shit from my mom tomorrow... i'm right back out the door and heading to my friends house or something because I'm gonna make it clear to mom... if she can't be nice about things or at least keep her bitch mouth shut, I won't stick around to be the brunt of her frustrations. *sigh* On a good note, Feburary 1st is me and matt's 5 month anniversary

I tend to do that James A lot of the older guys and gals I would talk to at the gay bars were so nice and fun to talk to and offered such a broad range of experiences that I have nothing but respect for them. When some idiot makes a crack about them, more times then not, I put them in their place and tell them that if it wasn't for them and their generation, we would have it MUCH worse then we do. I think that maybe we should get ahead of the curve and maybe start sending letters of thanks to lifetime for airing a story like this. It was a very big step and risky for them to do it and they deserve all the congrats that they can get. Now if Logo would do something like this more often, we'd be set.

I agree... I give props to the older LGBT people for starting the fight and quite honestly, I know its up to my generation to continue the fight and make you guys proud of us. I talked with my boyfriend after seeing Milk and we agreed that we needed to do something to help further the cause of gay rights. Then last night, after seeing Bobby, I figured that the best way to help the cause is to help GLBTQ youth and help empower them, cus I know working with kids is my strength and it's something I want to do. Also Bobby hit close to home (check my blog) for me and its something that I also want to prevent future youth, gay or straight, of doing.

I loved the movie... plain and simple... it had an amazing message to it and well... it kinda hit close to home... I still can't get the last scene where Bobby's mom hugged the kid thinking it was her son out of my head...

Well... I just did a blog entry about this movie and I'm glad someone started a thread about it Thanks hh5! On another note, tonight in Live Chat, I will be in live chat hosting a web version of a Prayers for Bobby Viewing Party. It will start at 8:30pm EST and go until we finish talking about the movie. Everyone is invited to join in on the discussion and I implore everyone to be on their best behavior and respectful. In case of any questions, you can pm me and I'll get back to you asap. I will also be using the resouces that can be found at the Trevor Project for the viewing party. So, if you wanna watch the video, check your local listings for the times it will be. For us eastern standard time guys and gals, it's gonna be at 9pm est on Lifetime. I hope that everyone will come and join in on the discussion tonight! Thanks! Eric

Dear Bobby, I am so sorry for what you went through and the way that you ended your life. I know what it feels like because I was there at one point in my life. I wanted to die and not live anymore because of the way I saw things. It took a strong person and a failed attempt to realize what I had and what I would've lost. I look back on it today and see how much my life has changed since then. While I still deal with some of the things that caused me to go deep into my depression, I look upon them with a greater conviction and strength. I know that my goal in life is to help people avoid what I almost did and to help them through those feelings. The most important thing that life has taught me is that suicide is a permamant solution to a temporary problem and while it may seem like there is no hope, there always is a small shining light to help guide you through it. To borrow a line from the trevor project and one that I can say with pride and conviction: "I'm glad I failed at suicide because my life is so amazing right now." Bobby, I know what I say now doesn't help, but I do hope that this letter will help someone figure out what took me forever to do. The three most important things 1. There's always hope no matter how bleak the forcast 2. Suicide is a permamant solution to a temporary problem 3. There is always someone out there that cares for you, even if you feel alone With love and hope, Eric ----- I decided to write this letter and post it here because of a movie that is going to play tonight on lifetime called prayers for bobby. The movie hits close to home for me, and it brings up some very important issues that face the GLBTQ community, especially the GLBTQ youth. For more information check out these sites: http://www.prayersforbobby.com - Movie website http://www.thetrevorproject.org/prayersforbobby.aspx - Trevor Project's take on the movie